On Every Side

  “No!” Heidi had screamed at the man, clinging to Jordan, sob-bing, much as she'd done at her mother's funeral. “I won't leave him!”

  Faith remembered Jordan's pale face, how he'd looked decades older than his thirteen years. He seemed too terrified to cry, too shocked to do anything more than respond as an adult, the way he'd been responding ever since his mother had gotten sick. “Heidi, it's okay” He put his face close to hers and forced her to look at him.” It's just for a few days. They'll bring you to me as soon as they find a place for both of us.”

  Her screaming subsided, and she studied his face, her eyes wide with fear, her fingers clutching tightly to the sleeves of his sweater. “I d-d-don't want to go, Jordan. I need you.”

  Jordan had pulled her close, running his hand along her back. “Shh, Heidi, it's okay. Pray to Jesus…ask Him to work it out so we'll be back together soon.”

  The sound of Heidi's sobbing changed then and even at that age Faith could tell the fear was gone. In its place was a sadness that could simply not be measured. “I'm going to m-m-miss you, Jordan. I love you so much…”

  The memories were devastating, and Faith fell silent, not even wiping away the tears coursing down her cheeks.

  “Faith, are you all right?”

  She met Joshua's concerned gaze and nodded, grateful for his care. “I'm fine. It was just a terrible time. Even the social workers were crying before it was over. Jordan kissed Heidi on the top of her head and on both her cheeks and promised, no matter what, that they would be together again. In the end, he had to walk her to the worker's car and hold her hand through the open window, clinging to her fingers until the car began to pull away and their hands came apart.”

  Faith closed her eyes and she could see them as clearly now as she had back then. Jordan, sobs jerking his shoulders as he reached out to his sister; Heidi, her arm still sticking out, reaching back to her brother, tearstained face pressed against the back window as the car drove out of sight.

  “It was one of the most awful things I've ever seen.” Faith opened her eyes and stared sadly at Joshua.” Something I'll remember as long as I live.”

  “What happened to Jordan?”

  “After Heidi was gone, he fell against me, and I almost believed he might die from the grief. He kept asking me, over and over, if I believed they'd let Heidi and him be back together.”

  “What did you say?”

  Faith shrugged. “The only thing I could say. I told him to pray that God would bring Heidi back to him. He just had to trust and pray”

  She gazed at Joshua through another wave of tears. “You know what, though?”

  Joshua bit his lip, and Faith saw that his eyes were wet too. “No one ever brought her back?”

  Faith shook her head and glanced out the window once more. “He never saw her again, not once.” Her eyes found Joshua's. “That boy prayed for his mother to live—I mean he prayed, like I've never seen before or since, Joshua. He prayed, and she died anyway” She swallowed hard. “He prayed that way for Heidi, too… that'd he'd see her again, grow up with her, and look after her the way he'd promised his mother. But to this day he has no idea where she is or if she's even still alive.”

  She clenched her fists. “Maybe that'll help you understand Jordan Riley a little better.”

  Joshua seemed to consider his next words carefully. “You've seen him, haven't you?”

  The memory of their kiss flashed across the surface of Faith's heart. “Yes.”

  “He must have been very special to you back when he was a boy…”

  Faith angled her face in Joshua's direction. “Honestly, I think I loved him. We were just kids, I know, and our feelings for each other were innocent enough. But they ran deep all the same.”

  Joshua let that sink in, and Faith's gaze fell to her hands. “When he came to town that first time, back in the fall, he told me he'd changed, but I didn't know what he meant until I saw him in court. He's so angry at God… he doesn't know who he is anymore.”

  “Does he…” Joshua squirmed in his chair, as though he weren't sure he should continue.

  “It's okay, ask. I'll tell you what I know.”

  “Does Jordan still have feelings for you, Faith?”

  Sadness settled over Faith's shoulders like a lead blanket.

  “That first night I think we realized we both still have feelings for each other. But now…” She lifted her shoulders, wishing she could ease the tension that seemed to grip her neck. “It's like we're on opposite sides of the ocean.”

  She eased herself from the chair, stood, and stretched. “You need to get home.”

  “You'll be expected to speak at the next hearing, you know.” Faith nodded. “I'm organizing a prayer rally at the park the morning the wall goes up. Let's meet in your office after that.” Joshua agreed and walked her to the door. “I'm sorry about your job, Faith.”

  “God has a plan, right, Joshua? Isn't that what my father always said?” She leaned up and kissed the older man's cheek. “Even in this.”

  Seventeen

  Something was wrong.

  Heidi knew it as surely as she knew the personality of the baby inside her. The pains were coming every five min-utes now, and she was certain this was not another false alarm. They'd been to the hospital twice in the past three days and each time doctors had checked her and sent her home. But this was different. Something deep inside, where intuition mingled with holy whisperings, told Heidi there was trouble. She hadn't felt the baby move in nearly ten hours.

  With shaking hands she picked up the phone and dialed Charles's number at the clinic.

  “Heidi, honey, what is it? My nurse said you were crying.”

  “I'm scared—” Heidi's voice broke— “I can't feel the baby.”

  Charles had always been a rock, but in that moment he was silent. When he finally spoke, he had just one piece of advice. “Pray, Heidi. I'll get there as soon as I can. But until then, pray”

  Heidi wrapped her hands around her abdomen and rocked as another pain seized her midsection. Minutes passed and she lay huddled on the couch. Hurry, Charles… Then she remembered what he told her. God, You know I love You…hear me, now. Save my baby, Father. Please don't let her die.

  There was the sound of tires screeching around the corner, tearing into their driveway. Heidi struggled to her feet, stooped halfway over, and met her husband at the door.

  “Honey, what happened? When did it get like this?” He swept her into his arms and hurried her out to the car. “We all agreed it could be two more days.”

  A string of sobs lodged in her throat as another pain sliced through her. “I n-n-need to go…”

  Heidi's bag was already in the car, and in ten minutes they were at the hospital, where she was whisked by stretcher up an elevator to an operating room, Charles close by her side. Heidi clutched her husband's hand, and suddenly she could see Jordan's image. She'd lost her brother and now she was about to lose her firstborn. “No, God… please… let her live…”

  Heidi's voice was barely a whisper but Charles heard it and lowered his head close to hers. “God, we beg You… be with our baby.”

  A technician worked furiously, taking Heidi's blood pressure and inserting an intravenous line into her wrist as a doctor hooked up a fetal monitor. Everyone seemed to be working faster than usual, and their serious faces only made Heidi more afraid. She craned her head up from the pillow and searched out the doctor's face. If only Charles were her doctor… “Is her heartbeat okay?”

  Charles squeezed her hand and looked at the doctor in charge. “Heidi told me in the car that she hasn't felt the baby move in ten hours.”

  The doctor worked the sensors expertly around Heidi's belly. “I can't find anything yet.” He met Heidi's eyes first and then Charles's. “That doesn't mean there's a problem, but I'm con-cerned enough to get her into surgery. I think the best course of action is to do a caesarean section and get that baby out.”

  “Dear God, no…
” Heidi began to ciy again, one hand firmly tucked in Charles's, the other gripped around her protruding stomach. “She can't die…”

  The doctor was talking to Charles about anesthetic and epidurals and the process of a C-section delivery when Heidi began seeing black spots. They grew larger and larger until they took up most of the scope of her vision. The effect left her feeling as though she were floating above the gurney. The pain faded considerably… but an alarm sounded in Heidi's soul.

  Something isn't right… get their attention…

  The strange, silent warning demanded her response, and she used all that remained of her strength to find her voice.

  “Help…me…”

  Her cry was so faint the others in the room almost missed it.

  “Get a line in! Her blood pressure's dropping! Quick, start the infusion, get a fluid bag and—”

  “Heidi, hang on, baby. Jesusll save you, honey! Don't go to sleep until you—”

  “Get her into the operating room stat and let's get the—”

  The voices jumbled together, making no sense. The black spots joined up, and she couldn't decipher the faces of the people around her, couldn't feel the baby or the pain or anything but a few gentle prods here and there.

  The floating sensation grew stronger, and suddenly Heidi could see herself on the stretcher some three feet below. Charles was off to the side, his head buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking while a roomful of doctors and nurses worked on her.

  I'm here, can't you see me? What's wrong with everyone?

  The questions passed through her mind, but she couldn't seem to make them come from her mouth. In the place where she found herself, hovering above the room, the pain had stopped entirely and she could no longer hear the voices of the others.

  Beyond them, beyond anything earthly, was a glow that grew brighter with every breath she took. Or was she breathing? Maybe she wasn't breathing at all, but rather existing in some other dimension, separate from any of the trappings of the body on the gurney below. Heidi was drawn to the light and she prayed for direction. Lord… is that You?

  The voices in the hospital room grew barely loud enough to understand and again Heidi strained to make them out.

  “We're losing her! Grab the paddles!”

  “Lets get the baby now!”

  What about Charles? Heidi couldn't see him anymore…and there was something else, some reason why she was at the hospi-tal in the first place…

  An otherworldly peace came over her, and she realized why she was there. For the baby of course. A sweet little girl, their firstborn. But where was she, and why was Heidi looking down at herself when she should have been breathing and pushing and helping in the delivery?

  The light grew brighter.

  Help me, Lord… I want to see my baby…

  For I know the plans I have for you, daughter.

  Heidi's head began to swirl, and her vision grew blurred. The light faded. Father, help me…I'm afraid…I need Charles and my baby… my baby girl, Lord, let her live… please…

  The light grew brighter and brighter until it was all she could see. Then suddenly there was nothing but empty, quiet darkness.

  She woke slowly, her eyelids feeling as though they were taped shut, and for the first few seconds Heidi thought she was alone. There were no sounds of hurried doctors, no desperate demands for fluids or blood pressure readings or assistance.

  No babies crying.

  “Charles?”

  The voice that came from within her sounded like it belonged to someone else, like maybe she had cotton stuck to the inside of her mouth. Her hand rushed to her stomach and felt the flat-tened place where the baby had been just yesterday… or was it today?

  “Charles!” Where was he? Where was the baby; and why was she alone in this hospital room?

  “Honey, I'm here.” Charles was at her side in an instant, and she forced her eyes open.

  “Where were you?” Tears spilled onto her cheeks, and she searched his face, willing him to tell her the truth. “Where's the baby?”

  He leaned over her, holding her close, his tears mingling with her own. “Thank God… thank God, Heidi. I thought I'd lost you. You've been in a coma for two days.”

  A coma? For two days? An urgency began to build in her heart, and she pulled away so she could meet his gaze. “What happened to her, Charles? Where is she?”

  A smile filled his face, and his eyes glowed with a warmth she'd never seen before. “She's fine, sweetheart. She's down the hall in the nursery.”

  Heidi's tears came harder now, and she clung to him, giving way to the sobs that had been building in her heart.” I thought I'd lost her…”

  “No, honey, she's perfect. Wait'll you see her.” He nuzzled his face against hers and wove his fingers through her hair.

  Odd images filtered through Heidi's mind. “I had the strangest dream… just as the baby came, like I was watching the whole thing from above.”

  Charles sat up straighter, his mouth open as he searched her face. “You were bleeding, Heidi. They lost your pulse, your blood pressure, everything. Clinically, you were dead.” He searched for the right words. “It was God, Heidi. He brought you back, sweet-heart. It was a miracle.”

  Charles took her hands in his and bowed his head. “Thank You, Lord. I will never forget this. Never.” He kissed her tenderly and pulled back, his eyes dancing even under the glare of hospi-tal lights. “You see a lot of amazing things as a doctor, but I've never seen anything like this. It's a miracle that either of you lived.”

  There was a sound at the door, and a nurse appeared pushing a small clear bassinet. As she drew closer, Heidi searched for her daughter's face—and what she saw made her eyes fill with fresh tears. The baby was more beautiful than any she'd ever seen. Charles moved to the small bed and carefully lifted the infant, shifting her straight to Heidi's waiting arms. The nurse smiled and left them alone to share the moment.

  “Oh, Charles, she's perfect.” A tear fell onto the baby's cheek, and Heidi laughed, wiping first her own face, then that of her tiny daughter. She took hold of Charles's hand with her free one and squeezed it. “She is a miracle. God is so good.”

  They admired the infant snuggled between them, trying not to imagine how different this day might have been if not for the grace of God and the second chance at life they'd been given. Charles broke the silence first. “So did we decide on a name?”

  “Remember that day? The name I had then?”

  Charles nodded, his eyes twinkling. “I wanted to make sure you hadn't changed your mind.”

  Heidi stared at her daughter again and smiled. “I haven't changed my mind. I've always known what I wanted to call her.” Her heart felt like it might burst from joy as her eyes stayed fixed on her little girl's delicate features.

  “Well, that settles it then.” Charles tickled the baby's chin. “Your name is Jordan Lee—after your uncle Jordan.”

  Heidi smiled and ran a finger over the baby's eyebrows. “Hi, little Jordan Lee.”

  “Jordan Lee…” Charles's arm was around Heidi then, holding her close and whispering the baby's name over and over in a way that told Heidi he absolutely understood.

  “It fits her, sweetheart.”

  She swallowed back a wave of sobs as she nodded. The moment was perfect except for one thing.

  Jordan Lee would never have the chance to know the one for whom she was named.

  Another two days passed and Jordan Lee was thriving beyond anyone's expectations. Heidi understood now what had hap-pened. A tear in her placenta had caused internal bleeding, which in turn nearly killed her and the baby. Throughout her hospital stay, doctors who'd had nothing to do with her delivery made their way in and introduced themselves, curious to see Dr. Benson's wife and baby a pair who'd literally come back from the dead. Heidi spent her time holding her daughter and reveling in the infant's sweetness and good health, and the intensity of her own feelings.

  Charles had been right, t
heir daughter's name fit her. She had Jordan's dark hair, his chiseled face. She was beautiful, and it grieved Heidi in a way she hadn't felt in years to know that this side of heaven Jordan would never see her.

  It was after noon and the television played in the background as Heidi and Charles cooed and marveled over their little girl. There was a chance they could go home later that afternoon and they hoped the doctor might stop by any moment with Heidi's discharge papers.

  She eased back onto a stack of pillows as her eyes fell on the TV screen. “Nothing but news…”

  A reporter's voice was saying, “In other news a shocking development in the case of the Jesus—-”

  “I can't wait to get home.” Charles smiled at her. “And know that both of you are right there with me where you belong.”

  Heidi smiled at him. “For a few days, anyway, until we pack up.”

  In the silence between them the newscaster continued. “…private citizen Faith Evans purchased the property from the city in what some people say is a conniving attempt at obstructing justice. The attorney for HOUR, Jor—”

  “You mean the move?” Heidi groaned as a grin worked its way across Charles's face. “Just think, three weeks from today we'll be moved in, unpacked, and ready to put down roots.”

  She chuckled. “That's my Charles. The eternal optimist.” She adjusted Jordan Lee so the tiny girl was nestled between the two of them. “Right now I can barely put my feet on the floor, honey. Putting down roots might take more than three weeks.”

  “True.” They both smiled and glanced back at the television.

  “Another hearing in less than a month to determine what type of wall would make the best permanent barrier. And in other news, the president told the public this morning—”

  “What wall?” Heidi lowered her eyebrows.

  Charles smoothed her bangs off her forehead. “I wasn't listening. It's a slow news day. Most of the stories are just filler.”