The Problem with Forever

  He smiled, wide and bright, but I didn’t care.

  I punched him on the arm. “It’s not something to smile about.” I cocked my arm back and went to punch his arm again, when he caught my hand.

  “Mouse!” Rider laughed deeply. “Did you just hit me?”

  I ignored the question. “I don’t need you...standing up for me. I need...” I trailed off, because he’d drawn my closed hand to his chest. I could feel his heart beating strongly under my hand.

  His eyes took on a hooded quality. “You need what, Mallory?”

  Talking was hard for a whole different reason. “I need...I need to handle things by myself.”

  Rider’s brows knitted as he stared at me like I spoke an unfamiliar language. “Why?”

  “Why?” I sputtered. “Because I need to do that for myself. You can’t...step in every time you think something happens. You can’t always...protect me.”

  “But I want to,” he said, his voice low again. Smooth.

  My heart was jumping around in my chest. “You can’t.”

  One side of his lips curled up. He kept my hand against his chest. “It’s kind of an old habit to break.”

  Those lashes lifted again and his stare pierced me. “You...you need to try.”

  “Okay.” He lowered our hands to his knee. With his other hand, he brushed back a strand of my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “I can try.”

  I didn’t know what to say as we stared at each other and I had no idea what anyone must think if they were looking at us. I was still irked at him. Not that I didn’t appreciate his concern, but I wasn’t a damsel he needed to rush in and save.

  Or I was trying not to be.

  Because the Mallory I wanted to be wasn’t weak or pathetic. She wasn’t the kind of girl Paige’s boyfriend needed to stand up for.

  I drew in a shallow breath. “If I need your help, I...I’ll ask for it. Okay?”

  He tilted his head to the side, and good Lord, it lined up our...mouths almost perfectly. “Okay.”

  “Good,” I whispered.

  Rider slowly lowered his hand, but he still held mine in his other for a few seconds longer. His eyes didn’t leave mine even as he let go. “You’re different now, Mallory.”

  I straightened. “I am.”

  “Good,” he whispered.

  Chapter 15

  Paige prowled the hallway like it was her own personal runway. Confidence bled from every step. Envy surfaced. I’d never had that kind of self-assurance, didn’t even know what it felt like on my skin. Her hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail, and she was with a dark-skinned girl I hadn’t seen before.

  Gripping the strap of my bag, I walked forward, keeping my eye on her. Part of me wanted to dart to the left and edge close to the lockers, but so many of the doors were slamming shut. It would be too crowded.

  And it would make me a coward.

  I couldn’t do that, especially after I’d told Rider on Friday that I didn’t need him sticking up for me. Now it was Monday, and time to prove I meant what I said.

  My heart went from tap-dancing to doing leaps straight out of Riverdance as I walked past her. Paige didn’t say anything, but she lifted a pale, slender arm and extended a middle finger.

  Right in my direction.

  The girl with her laughed.

  And then from somewhere on my other side, I heard it—a word I loathed with every fiber of my being.

  “What a retard.”

  A burn splashed across my cheeks. I knew the girl wasn’t talking about Paige, but I didn’t blink an eye. I didn’t look in her direction, and I didn’t give anyone the satisfaction of my attention. I kept walking, my chin tipped up, and went to my locker.

  Blindly, I grabbed my books and hoped they were the right ones. The last thing I wanted to do was come between Paige and Rider, but if the middle finger was any indication, I already had. And whatever he’d said to her had not made her happy.

  But that wasn’t even what got to me.

  That word, that horrible word, had burned a fist-sized hole through me by the time I joined Keira at her lunch table. In the group home and in middle school, I’d heard that word a lot. So much that it felt like a label had been stapled on my forehead, and maybe a part of me started to believe in it. Maybe that was why I didn’t talk. Even then I knew that wasn’t the right or kind word to use. It had been the first thing I’d ever said to Dr. Taft. I’d asked him if it were true, while Carl sat in on the session with me.

  Later that night Carl and Rosa had sat me down and told me that it wasn’t true, but even if I had developmental challenges, it wouldn’t matter. I was still me. And they still loved me.

  It had been years since someone had called me that.

  Obviously, someone had been saying things. Why else would this random girl I barely recognized in the hall say that? I didn’t want to think that it was Paige, because she was tied so intricately with Rider, but who else could it be?

  Swallowing a sigh, I picked at the Salisbury steak as I watched Anna and Keira check out each other’s bracelets. Gold and silver bangles with charms.

  Maybe it was what I heard this morning. I had no idea, but I forced my tongue off the roof of my mouth. “They are so...pretty.”

  Anna glanced at Jo quickly and then grinned at me, covering her surprise. “They’re Alex and Ani bracelets. I have a few at home,” she said. “They’re the best.”

  Jo extended her arm and shook her wrist. She had three on. “Vilma got us addicted.”

  I concentrated on cutting a piece of steak. “Vilma?”

  “She graduated last year,” Keira explained. “Used to be the captain of the squad. She’s actually cheering for WVU now.”

  Anna nodded as she picked a crinkle fry off my plate. “I swear, she would hand-sell those bracelets.”

  I inched my plate closer to her, and she snatched up a couple of the fries. The conversation quickly changed, and I started to think about speech class. I couldn’t remember what Keira was doing her informative speech on, but I wondered if she planned to practice.

  My lips parted and my tongue started to wrap itself around some vowels and syllables, but could I even practice my speech in front of her? It would take forever for me to work up the nerve. Would she think I was weird? Probably. I’d end up having to eat lunch in the library or something. I chickened out before I even got one word out.

  Sigh.

  I was almost done with what I was hoping wasn’t kangaroo meat, when I felt someone drop into the empty seat beside me. I recognized the earthy scent as I glanced up.

  Keira grinned. “Hey, Jayden.”

  “Yo,” he said, sitting sideways in the chair with his arm propped on the table. “You beautiful ladies looked lonely. Thought I’d come over and bless you with my presence.”

  Jo snorted. “Looks like you just woke up and got to school.”

  “Maybe I did.” Jayden went for my fries, ignoring Anna’s narrowed gaze. “Thanks, babe.”

  “You two know each other?” Jo gestured between Jayden and me with her fork.

  Before I could nod, he dropped an arm over my shoulders. “She’s my bae.”

  I grinned.

  “Bae?” Keira sighed. “I hate that word. Do you know what it really means?”

  “Poop,” I answered without thinking. “In Danish.”

  My eyes widened. Holy crap. I’d spoken without hesitation at lunch! Holy crap! No one recognized my internal freak-out over it, but I couldn’t believe it. I sat there and spoke with no problem.

  I needed to give myself a cookie.

  Anna giggled. “Oh, man. I know. I know. Still think it’s a cute word.”

  Across from her, Keira rolled her eyes. “It literally means shit.”

  “Mallory is the shit, though,” Jayden reasoned as he dropped his arm.

  I raised a brow.

  “Where’s your brother at?” Jo asked. “I’ll be his bae.”

  Jayden snorted. “Why? He’s a loser. Me?
I’m baby-faced fresh. He’s old, crusty news.”

  Laughing, I brushed my hair over my shoulder as Jo wrinkled her nose. “Crusty?” she said. “That’s not a word I normally associate with Hector.”

  “You should.”

  Jayden went back and forth with the girls for the rest of the lunch period, and he was... He was something else. Hilarious. Oddly charming. In a few years, I bet he was going to be as much a handful as I imagined Hector was. I smiled so much listening to him that I wondered if I’d have premature wrinkles from it.

  The smile didn’t go away when I ran into Rider in the stairwell as I was making my way to speech. It was the first time I’d seen him today. Wearing another faded shirt and worn jeans, his hair a little disheveled, he looked like he might’ve slept through his last class.

  A lazy grin pulled at his lips. “I was just coming for you.”

  My smile, unbelievably, kicked up a notch as I joined him on the landing. He wheeled around and walked beside me.

  “I was thinking about the whole speech-practice thing,” he said. “You still want me to help you with that, right?”

  A nervous flutter started deep in my belly. I wanted to practice with Rider, but after what happened this morning, that would not be wise. I took a deep breath. “You don’t have to do that. I mean, I’m sure...you have better things to do.”

  “But I want to help you.” He caught the swinging door and held it open as he frowned. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have offered.”

  I stepped through, forcing the words out. “I know, but...”

  “I want to help you practice,” he repeated without a moment of hesitation, and that flutter in my stomach spread to my chest as we started down the stairs. “Why wouldn’t you want to practice?” He paused. “With me?”

  Glancing up at him as we rounded the landing, I saw the confusion in his hazel gaze. I bit the inside of my lip. Dammit. “I just wanted to make sure...you didn’t feel like you had to.”

  He grinned. “I’m free Thursday.”

  Thursday? This week? My eyes widened. I’d drafted the speech over the weekend, so I could do it, but Thursday was not so far away.

  “At least you’ll have a practice run in before you have to give your speech to Mr. Santos next week.” He nudged my arm with his. “I can come over after school.”

  Thursday worked out perfectly, because Carl and Rosa were both at the hospital, and the likelihood of either of them stopping by the house was slim. Or I could just ask them if it were okay if Rider came over to help. I found myself nodding.

  Class kicked off with us breaking into small groups of fours for practice runs of the speech, and I felt like hurling all over the place. Luckily I was paired up with Hector and Rider. Unluckily, I was also paired with Paige. There wasn’t a lot of relief...

  Or a lot of practice.

  Neither boy had their speech ready. I had a rough draft that I really did not need to read out loud. Paige had a speech, I guess, but she also had her cell phone in one hand, hidden in her lap, and her hand was on Rider’s leg. Anytime she looked in my direction, she smiled, which was a vast difference from this morning.

  As Hector scribbled down something to practice, I watched Rider and Paige, but mostly Rider, because I...I kind of couldn’t help myself.

  He’d sucked his lower lip between his teeth as he...sketched. No speech-writing going on there. I leaned over. His brows were lowered in concentration. His wrist flicked in varying degrees of motions, creating short strokes with his pen. Within seconds he had an entire strand of flowers drawn, complete with the beginnings of what appeared to be baby’s breath.

  “You should be working on your speech instead of staring,” Rider said, never taking his eyes off his notebook.

  Paige’s dark eyes flew to me and then narrowed.

  Heat exploded across my cheeks.

  “And you should actually be working on, I don’t know, your speech?” Hector grinned as he gestured to his paper, which appeared to have actual words on it. “And please don’t stare at him, Mallory. Because of Paige, his ego is already big enough. He doesn’t need any help.”

  “Pendejo,” Rider murmured under his breath.

  Hector stretched an arm back and extended his middle finger. “You wish.”

  I had no idea what was said.

  Paige lifted her hand from Rider’s leg and jabbed her elbow onto the table. Her chin plopped into the palm of her hand. “So, Mallory, are you excited about giving your speech next week?”

  I stiffened. Assuming that the class had no idea that I didn’t have to give my speech like they did, I dreaded them figuring it out.

  “Who would be excited about that?” Hector asked.

  Paige lifted a slender shoulder as she watched me. “So, are you?”

  Beside her, Rider lifted his head. He opened his mouth, and I knew he was either going to say something to distract Paige or he was going to answer the question for me. I couldn’t allow that after the conversation we’d had.

  I forced my tongue to move. “I won’t...be giving my speech...in class.” Warmth seeped into my cheeks as I continued to force the words out. “I have to...give mine during lunch.”

  “What?” She laughed.

  Rider stared at me, surprise shining through his gaze.

  Tension straightened my shoulders. “I don’t...have to do it...like everyone else.”

  “Really?” Her eyes widened as she glanced between the guys. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

  My heart dropped.

  “Who cares if it is?” Hector responded, shrugging. “Doesn’t affect me.”

  Paige leaned back in her chair. “But it’s so not cool. The rest of us have to do it and she doesn’t? Why?”

  “The why doesn’t matter,” Rider said, his gaze still on me. “And Hector is right about this not affecting him or any of us.”

  I started to respond.

  Slowly, Paige turned her head to him. “And if it were, say, Laura or Leon who didn’t have to give their speech, would you think it was okay?”

  Rider broke eye contact with me. “Yeah. Because it wouldn’t affect me and I wouldn’t care.”

  “But you do care,” she shot back, and I wanted to slink under the desk, because there was no way anyone missed her tone.

  “Paige,” sighed Rider as he shook his head. “Let’s not do this.”

  She leaned to the side and stretched her neck out. “Let’s not do what, Rider?”

  “Oh, man,” Hector muttered under his breath.

  Mr. Santos was suddenly there, silencing us as he eyed Rider’s work. I tensed, expecting him to get upset since Rider wasn’t working on his speech.

  His absentminded smile didn’t fade as he leaned in, eyes squinting behind wire-rimmed glasses. “The detail and the shading are amazing. It’s like the strand of flowers is going to just come right off the page.”

  My jaw might’ve hit the floor.

  Pink spread across Rider’s cheeks as he lowered the pen he still held.

  “Not surprised, though.” Mr. Santos clamped a hand on Rider’s shoulder. “Your work has always been on point.”

  My brows rose. Santos had seen Rider’s work before? And why in the heck wasn’t he reprimanding him?

  Rider said nothing as Santos squeezed his shoulder. “But try working on your speech now and the sketch later? All right?”

  “Sure,” Rider muttered, dropping his pen onto his desk.