Little Spirit

  Trevor nodded. ‘This’ll kick their arses. Thirty watts of Vox wins every time – particularly in tonal character.’

  Trevor peered into the back. ‘Lovely – blue Celestion speakers, fantastic cabinet. Whatever’s wrong can be fixed I’m sure.’

  ‘Not too expensively I hope,’ Uncle Nick said.

  Trevor ignored him. ‘Fuses look fine. Let’s give it a go.’ Removing the meter he picked up a Stratocaster he’d been working on.

  Hitting a chord Raphael flinched and watched Uncle Nick’s smile fade as the poor old amp managed less than a croak.

  Trevor appeared unconcerned. ‘Classic valve failure. Valves don’t last forever you know.’ Unplugging the power he removed the first tube. ‘Yup, that’s history.’

  Within minutes he’d rifled through shelves of boxes and fitted replacements. ‘We’ll give ‘em a sec to warm up.’

  ‘So,’ Danny said, ‘The Beatles used this kind of amp?’

  ‘Loads of guitarists still do. That U2 guitarist swears by his.’

  ‘You’re kidding me – The Edge uses AC30?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ Trevor assured him. ‘Let’s try again shall we?’

  ‘Uncle Nick I think you’ve found exactly the right amp,’ Danny said slapping his back and willing the amp to be okay; better than ok as Trevor arranged the knobs on the top. Striking a chord the amp returned it and sounded perfect. Uncle Nick’s face lit up.

  Danny gratefully accepted his uncle’s determination to pay the modest bill before wishing the lads well and setting back home.

  Out of Trevor’s office and back on the shop floor Calvin said, ‘You’ve been saving ages for an amp and you’ve just landed the one you didn’t even know you wanted, for free.’

  Danny concurred.

  ‘Plug it in,’ Raphael said. ‘Let’s have fun. I’ll get some pedals.’

  Trevor, who’d joined them for a coffee break, shouted after Raphael, ‘Hold up there.’ To Danny he said, ‘The amp’s only any good if it delivers what you want. Let’s crank it up and see if we can get this thing singing, just the way you want before you start looking at pedals.’

  Having wired up his Tokai, Danny admitted the sound, though good missed something.

  Trevor soon revealed the amp’s capabilities. Danny played whilst Trevor turned knobs, sometimes counter intuitively.

  ‘We’re getting somewhere now,’ Danny said as the tone became reborn.

  ‘Draw the sound out with your fingers,’ Trevor said demonstrating how and where to hold the plectrum for best effect.

  ‘There you are,’ Trevor soon said on his way back to his room with coffee and cigarette. ‘You can fetch him some pedals now Raphael.’

  Soon Danny’s guitar chords passed through any number of little boxes with footswitches on their way to the AC30. A myriad of sounds ranging from cool through psychedelic to insane blossomed.

  Two hours later Danny eventually, to Calvin’s relief, settled on three pedals including a Memory Man Echo to make him sound even more like The Edge. Raphael’s boss Derek gave him a reasonable discount.

  ‘Just need to get this lot back to Chingford,’ Calvin said.

  ‘I could see if my mum’s Renault is available,’ Raphael said. ‘We’re rehearsing tomorrow anyway yes?’

  * * *

  Slipping from the caffeine high that had carried her through the exam Amy withdrew to her bedroom where with door and curtains closed she flopped onto her bed. She tried getting comfy but a queasy worry churned her stomach and pressured her mind. She re-ran exam questions. God I think I’ve failed, she thought as the previous night’s missing sleep approached.

  She woke around tea time. Despite her exam concerns Amy felt ready to celebrate her official start to summer. After a light meal and shower she returned to her room gearing up to party whilst the lads, back from Hemel with Raphael, hung out in the lounge working on harmony parts to their songs.

  Naked save knickers Amy stood before the mirror blow drying her hair when she heard a knock at the door.

  ‘Hang on,’ she said. Dropping the hairdryer she wrapped herself in a towel, ‘Come in.’

  ‘Excuse me,’ Raphael said. ‘I wanted to ask, how was zee exam?’

  ‘Not great, pretty rubbish actually.’

  ‘Oh,’ he said closing the door. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Fine, I can only wait for the results now,’ she said with resignation. Raising an eyebrow she wondered what he might be after.

  Raphael explained that as a member of the band she’d be seeing more of him. She understood and after expressing fondness for each other they agreed to continue as friends.

  ‘So what happened the other night isn’t weird?’ Raphael asked.

  ‘Not so far as I’m concerned.’

  Relieved Raphael said, ‘That’s good news. I’ll leave you to change.’

  ‘Okay,’ Amy said but gestured for a hug.

  Raphael held her then turned for the door but spun back whisking the towel from her before vanishing.

  ‘Oi!’ Amy screamed at the closing door covering herself.

  ‘Sorry,’ Raphael said from the other side, ‘couldn’t resist.’

  * * *

  Later the lads joined Amy and her friends’ end-of-exam celebrations. Amongst the Hippodrome’s flashing lights and booming music Danny, having let his hair down, ran up to Raphael. With beer and the excitement of having his new amp he forgot about the peculiar side of Raphael’s character and said, ‘Isn’t this brilliant?’

  Intoxicated by the mood Raphael agreed and gathered Amy and Calvin.

  ‘Let’s have a group photo.’

  ‘Joanne,’ Amy said handing her camera to her friend, ‘take some snaps.’

  The three lads huddled around Amy on the dance floor as Joanne and Alison clicked the shutter and shouted instructions.

  ‘I feel so connected,’ Calvin said.

  ‘Me too,’ Raphael agreed. ‘We’re like one little spirit.’

  ‘One little spirit,’ Danny declared pointing skyward as The Clash rocked the Casbah.

  Immersed in his friends’ embrace Calvin’s euphoria soared as it had done being with Katherine. Though Raphael’s incredible arrival couldn’t displace her, he did feel her grip on his heart loosen.

  Saturday 25th June 1983

  ‘Who’s idea was it to rehearse at nine?’ Danny said dropping onto the lounge’s settee after the following morning’s rehearsal.

  ‘Night out was worth it,’ Amy said from where she sat at the dining table.

  ‘Easy for you to say. When d’you get up?’

  ‘About half twelve.’

  ‘At least you had a bed,’ Raphael said to Danny. ‘Try ze settee.’

  ‘You’re the youngest. You’d sleep on a washing line.’

  ‘Actually I’m older than Amy.’

  Calvin ignored him and thinking aloud said, ‘Strange how some nights out are better than others.’

  ‘It was great,’ Danny said. ‘Don’t think we should have too many though. We need to work hard now so we can be happy in the future.’

  ‘D’you know what that attitude will get you?’ Raphael asked.

  ‘A happy future?’ Danny said not wanting to hear more pointless philosophy.

  ‘Most likely an unhappy one. You speak like happiness is limited.’

  ‘Do I?’ Danny said flatly.

  ‘Choosing tomorrow’s happiness at today’s expense is a mind-set. Keep that up and tomorrow you’ll be sacrificing that day’s happiness for ze day after.’

  Calvin understood his point. ‘If you lived everyday like that you’d never be happy. I was reckoning true happiness would come once we became rock stars.’

  ‘Ze time to be happy is now; especially as we can’t know for certain rock stardom’s ze key to happiness.’ When nobody spoke he said, ‘We have memories of ze past and can imagine ze future but we’re only aware of now, so now’s the time to be happy. And, misery isn’t currency to buy happiness. It’s
limitless.’

  In the silence Danny found himself largely agreeing but said, ‘Sometimes you have to work hard now to get something later. Everything I have came from hard work.’

  ‘I didn’t say don’t work hard. I’ve worked hard to be this good at drums, as you have to be great at guitar. But I enjoyed it as I hope you did.’

  ‘Okay, you got me but what about the amp?’

  ‘The free amp?’ Calvin said.

  ‘And you’ve got pedals, so a better sound than you dreamed plus money left over,’ Amy said. She also wondered if Raphael had a point.

  ‘Well—’

  ‘Well nothing,’ Raphael said before Danny could begin. ‘Whether you’re saving or spending, there’s no reason to postpone happiness.’

  ‘Maybe, but it’s hard to believe coming from a single parent family. My mum slogged for everything. I slaved to get into poly and grafted saving for my guitar. I practiced sacrificing time with mates or girlfriends and still loads of guitarists are better than me.’

  ‘I didn’t know that but I appreciate it,’ Raphael said.

  ‘If we’re to enjoy the big lights of musical success we’ll all have to work harder.’

  ‘We’ve got the right team though,’ Calvin said nodding to include Amy.

  ‘Ze lights are green for this rocking machine.’

  ‘Agreed but let’s make sure the snare of good times doesn’t lead to the ruination of our dreams.’

  ‘We’ve not come up with a band name yet,’ Calvin said.

  ‘True, we’ll be gigging soon,’ Danny said. ‘You got any ideas Amy?’

  ‘None you haven’t already rejected.’

  ‘Danny you said something last night,’ Calvin said.

  ‘Me? What did I say?’

  ‘I can’t remember.’ Thinking back Calvin said, ‘We were all together. Hang on, Raphael said it. Danny you repeated it.’

  ‘Repeated what?’

  ‘I don’t know; something.’

  Thursday 30th June 1983

  The following Thursday after a week of practicing drum parts on the shop’s display kits and trying to remember what band name he could have shouted, Raphael drove to Chingford to find Calvin worrying about money and Danny pulling holes in his “Happiness-Now” theory.

  Testily Raphael countered, ‘If Calvin isn’t happy now because he has no job now he should get a job now.’

  ‘Fair enough,’ Danny said surprising Raphael by giving up so soon. ‘Amy’s in Chelmsford with her parents for the summer, so her bed’s yours when you need.’

  The band of course needed more rehearsals but Calvin had previously convinced Raphael of his and Danny’s own philosophy: the only way to be good enough to gig, is to gig.

  ‘You must listen,’ Raphael said reaching for Calvin’s cassette player. In anticipation of future gigs he’d used the shop’s synthesisers to produce intro music for them to walk on to.

  After hearing a weirdly concocted soundscape Calvin said, ‘It’s brilliant.’

  ‘Just think this already puts us ahead of all ze other bands who don’t have intro music,’ Raphael said.

  Getting down to a home rehearsal they chose five songs to master guessing their first gigs would be twenty minute spots supporting more experienced amateur bands.

  After two hours Danny said, ‘It’s coming together. To think, we never practiced this much with Brian – once a fortnight was his limit.’

  Raphael agreed. ‘Taboo practice but they don’t bond or share ideas like we do.’

  When they finished Calvin went for a shower leaving Danny and Raphael to chat.

  As long as they kept the subject to music Danny found they got on fine. Soon their conversation deepened and Danny felt annoyed when the phone interrupted them.

  ‘Are you getting that?’ Raphael asked.

  ‘I suppose.’

  On the landing Danny picked up the phone but struggled to understand the caller’s nervous voice. ‘Hang on,’ he said covering the receiver and shouting for Raphael.

  Raphael appeared. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘I can’t understand this lady, I think she’s French?’

  ‘Surely not my mum.’ Raphael took the receiver, ‘Hallo, parlant Raphael.’ Pause, ‘Oui, je parle Français. Qui parle, s’il vous plaît?’ Pause, ‘Je crois comprendre, un moment s’il vous plaît. Je vais régler cette question.’

  Raphael shook his head saying, ‘It’s a French operator. Someone called Katherine wants Calvin to accept a reverse charges call. Who is she?’

  ‘The so called super babe who broke his heart. How did she get this number?’

  Raphael shrugged. ‘What shall I do?’

  ‘I’ll get him,’ Danny said heading through the living room. ‘Accept the charges.’

  In seven steps Danny crossed the flat. He banged on the bathroom door, ‘Cal.’

  ‘Gizza second.’

  ‘No time, emergency.’

  Whumph, the door swung open. Calvin stood dripping in a towel looking serious.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Raphael’s accepting a reverse charges call from France.’ No response. ‘It’s Katherine.’

  ‘Blimey,’ he said looking away; then bounded through the flat in five steps.

  ‘Hey Cal,’ Danny called after him seeing Raphael hand over the receiver looking as confused as Calvin must have felt, ‘you’d better ring your mum afterwards and tell her to re-mortgage the house.’

  * * *

  Danny waited in the living room with Raphael and told him of Calvin’s French adventure.

  When Calvin joined them he sighed. ‘That came out the blue.’

  ‘You okay?’

  ‘Yeah.’ He sat down.

  ‘How’d she get this number?’

  ‘Well,’ Calvin said sounding reluctant, ‘it didn’t seem worth mentioning given her stubborn refusal to take any contact details. But, I played one last card.’

  ‘Go on,’ Raphael urged him.

  Calvin’s head shook with disbelief. ‘Thing is, whilst she was on deck cruising us back to the marina an idea trickled through my crazy mind. I always carry a pen to write lyrics should inspiration strike.’

  ‘And inspiration had struck?’ Raphael grinned.

  ‘Yeah. Firstly, I thought I’d leave some contact details where she’d find them later. I couldn’t find any paper so used a ten Franc note. Secondly, I decided then and there to move back to London for the band so wrote this flat’s details.’

  ‘I wondered when you decided,’ Danny said. ‘So you didn’t give her the ten Francs?’

  ‘No she’d have ripped it up or, more likely kept it but scribbled out the details. Instead I discovered her luggage and zipped it in the pocket of a jacket I found.’

  ‘Hoping she’d have calmed down when she found it?’ Raphael said.

  ‘Yeah, but it seemed such a longshot I didn’t mention it to you guys.’

  ‘Okay, but now she has does she like you?’

  ‘Kinda looks that way.’

  ‘Why was she so nasty?’ Danny asked unconvinced.

  ‘For sleeping with someone so quickly.’

  ‘Wouldn’t have bothered Amy,’ Danny said before apologising to Raphael.

  ‘Didn’t bother me,’ Calvin said smiling. ‘But she was also afraid of pregnancy.’

  ‘Didn’t you rubber up?’

  ‘Big mistake I know. Things might have been different if I had.’

  ‘She’s pregnant?’ Raphael said sitting forwards.

  ‘Fortunately not, she’s confirmed that. But, she took a morning after pill.’

  ‘A what?’

  ‘It’s a new drug. Something you take after the event. Apparently the mighty dollop of hormones can screw with moods. Reckons she knew at the time she was being nasty but couldn’t help it.’

  ‘Did she apologise?’

  ‘Yes, most sincerely.’

  With a sparkle in his eye Raphael said, ‘She sounds alright to me.’

  ‘A
ssuming she’s not after something,’ Danny said.

  Calvin shook his head. ‘She says she’ll write. God I hope I’ve not cocked this up.’

  ‘Cocked up? How?’ Raphael asked.

  ‘I was concerned how much the call was costing so I politely wrapped up on her.’

  ‘That’s great.’ Raphael clapped his hands. ‘Left her wanting more. What did you speak about?’

  Calvin told him.

  Raphael said, ‘She’ll definitely write. You talked positively, didn’t mention your own money worries; then you ended the call.’

  Not feeling quite so optimistic Danny asked, ‘And how’s she doing?’

  ‘Enjoying the weather. But, like always she wouldn’t say much about herself.’

  ‘Has she told her friends about her situation?’

  ‘Afraid not.’

  ‘So the pretence lives on.’

  ‘Yacht to yacht in a harbour of lies,’ Calvin said.

  ‘Hang on, if she doesn’t have a fixed address, how you gonna reply?’

  ‘Aw damn.’ Calvin’s expression gloomed. ‘Hadn’t thought of that.’

  * * *

  After chasing Calvin away that terrible morning weeks earlier Katherine had stayed in bed avoiding everyone until evening. Eventually a concerned Loretta boarded John’s yacht and forced her to get up and eat. Despite knowing something significant had happened Loretta hadn’t asked where Katherine had been the previous day. Instead she dragged her to the cinema to see a French subtitled, ‘Risky Business’.

  Katherine sat resting against Loretta watching Tom Cruise on the screen but thinking of Calvin. At some indeterminable point her dark veil lifted. Realising its passing a choir of happiness sang through her. She leant into Loretta enjoying the rest of the film remembering her night with Calvin fondly.

  But, in the weeks following she came to miss Calvin. Beside happy memories lay an insolvable regret at having idiotically thrown him away.

  Later she joined Elaine’s parents’ wedding anniversary celebrations. Aboard the ketch, the scorching day cooled to night. Chilled, Katherine returned to deck with her white jacket and a coffee. Not two seconds later though John, a master of notable entrances, climbed aboard, lost his footing and crashed into her sending coffee over the jacket’s sleeve.

  They’d both laughed and the next morning John offered to pay for the cleaning. Knowing she could stretch to a laundry bill she refused.

  Crouching before a laundrette’s washing machine she checked the jacket’s zip pocket. Her fingers slipped in between fabric and touched something; a banknote. A welcome enough sight she whispered thanks to God and put it in her purse.

  Ever keen to hold on to money Katherine let days pass before, whilst buying a birthday card, the lady in the gift shop asked, ‘Qui est Calvin?’