Indelible

  I couldn’t believe I’d been so carried away that I’d forgotten where we were.

  It had been so long since a man touched me that I lost control. It was almost like my body had caught fire and melted my mind.

  I backed away, missing the hardness of him immediately, my body still throbbing. Every inch of me wanted to catapult into his arms, but I breathed deeply and centered myself.

  Judd looked like he was trying to gain his composure as well. He ran his hands through his much shorter hair and down his face before smiling at me and holding out his hand.

  “How about an iced coffee?”

  I laughed as I took it.

  We went inside and ordered our drinks. When they called our names to pick up our orders, I asked Judd if he wanted to take them outside since it was so nice.

  “Sounds good,” he replied, taking my hand again.

  I was surprised at the ease in which he kept doing that. He didn’t strike me as the hand holding type, and I said as much to him.

  Judd looked down for a moment, as if surprised to find that he was indeed holding my hand.

  “I guess, in all honesty, I didn’t even realize I was holding your hand. I like touching you,” he said with a shrug.

  My body tingled at his words, starting at our joined hands and traveling through my limbs.

  I suddenly felt terrible about not being totally honest with him. He kept making mention of honesty and how he liked the fact that we were straight with each other. I had to tell him about Karrie.

  I squeezed his hand and stopped, looking up at him as I chewed on my bottom lip nervously. “I haven’t been completely honest with you, Judd.”

  “You mean the vagueness about your number and where you live?” Judd asked. “I’m not worried about it. I’ll talk you into telling me that stuff eventually. You won’t be able to resist my charms.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

  He was so freakin’ cute.

  “Do you have time to go for a walk before class?” I asked, my nerves suddenly taking over. “I’d like to show you where I live.”

  Judd looked pleased.

  “Let’s go,” he replied.

  I kept my hand in his, reveling in the comfort it provided as I worried that he would no longer want to touch me after he found out about Karrie.

  We were quiet as we walked, so I noticed a slight change in Judd’s gait as we neared housing.

  Judd paused and turned to me. “You live in the burbs?”

  I nodded and saw the anger cross his features.

  “You’re married?” he said tightly.

  “I’m not, I swear.” I replied.

  I tugged on his hand to get him to follow me, walking him up the sidewalk to my meager home and opening the door. I held it open to allow him to enter the house before me.

  He dropped my hand and went inside.

  I immediately felt the chill on my hand from the loss.

  Judd walked around silently, and I viewed the house as it would look through his eyes.

  A child obviously lived there.

  A small Dora chair sat in the corner next to the sofa, and there were toys in a large pink plastic bucket against the wall.

  Judd looked at the toys, then back at me. His expression remained stoic as he continued to look around.

  Artwork adorned the walls, both mine and Karrie’s. Judd walked around, studying my drawings and paintings, then stopped to look at a finger-painting Karrie had done.

  I tried not to be embarrassed by our third-hand furniture, but I couldn’t stop the emotion as he looked around our small home.

  After studying it for a few moments, he walked back toward the kitchen and eventually looked into both bedrooms in the back of the house. I couldn’t blame him for not believing that I wasn’t married, but I had been lying to him. Just not about that.

  After he finished looking around, he walked back into the living room and sat down on the sofa, putting his head in his hands.

  I wasn’t sure if he would want me to sit next to him or not, so I stayed where I was and waited for him to say something. Anything.

  After a few minutes, he looked up at me and asked, “You have a daughter?”

  I felt like I’d been sideswiped. Sam had a kid, and she’d never so much as hinted at that fact. I knew she’d been hesitant to tell me much about herself, but I’d figured she’d been screwed over by some guy.

  I guess she had been. Literally.

  I was trying to remain calm and not let the betrayal I felt turn to anger. But it was a struggle.

  I looked up at her, waiting for her response, and my anger dulled a bit at how anxious she looked. Her hair was pulled back into a braid, so her face was uncovered and allowed me to see how pale she looked. She was twisting her hands nervously, looking like she would be sick at any moment.

  Sam nodded and answered, “Yes, I have a daughter. Karrie.”

  “But you aren’t married?” I asked again, wanting to be absolutely sure that this was the truth.

  “No, I’ve never been married,” she said softly as she hung her head. I could tell that she was embarrassed, and I really wanted to take her in my arms, but I wasn’t ready to let her off the hook yet.

  “I need to know all of it,” I said.

  “Okay,” Sam said softly. She looked uncertainly at the couch seat next to me, and I gestured that she should come and sit down. I didn’t know why she was suddenly so afraid of me. It’s not like I’d ever given her any reason to be.

  “Um…well, when I first came to school, I liked to go out and party as much as most of the other freshman did.” She shifted uncomfortably, as if I would judge her for partying. I wasn’t that much of a hypocrite. “Sophomore year I buckled down and paid more attention to my schoolwork. I stopped partying and hooking up all of the time, but one night I went to a frat party with friends and one thing led to another.”

  Sam was looking down at her hands and I couldn’t take it anymore. I scooted closer to her on the couch and lifted her chin with my finger, so she was looking me in the eye.

  “We all do that shit, Sam. It’s nothing for you to feel bad about. I’m the last person who’ll judge you for hanging out and having a good time. Go ahead,” I encouraged, dropping my hand and laying it on her leg.

  “It was just a one-night stand for both of us. I didn’t see him again until I found out I was pregnant. I went to tell him, thought he deserved to know. I didn’t expect anything from him, but it never occurred to me that he would want nothing to do with the baby. He asked me not to put him on the birth certificate, and swore that he would never have anything to do with the baby, and he never has. My parents were a big help, they still are, and I have friends who watch her while I’m in class.” Sam stopped and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she waited for me to say something.

  My first thought was what kind of fucktard knew he had a baby and wasn’t man enough to be a father to that child, to not even claim it as his own?

  I squeezed her leg softly and asked, “How old is she now?”

  “Two,” Sam replied, giving me a smile for the first time since we’d arrived at her house.

  “And you’ve been going to school full time, working, and raising her by yourself?”

  “Well, like I said, I have help,” she responded softly.

  I lifted my hand to her cheek and rubbed my thumb along the bone there. “I’m not happy that you lied, but I get why you did. If I’m being honest, which I always will be with you, if you’d told me the night we’d met at the bar that you were a single mom, I wouldn’t have wanted to pursue anything more than sex.”

  Sam closed her eyes, as if my words hurt her. I was sorry if they did, but I wanted to be real with her.

  “Hey,” I rubbed my thumb over her bottom lip and her eyes flew open. “I still would have wanted you. My attraction to you was immediate, but being a guy who doesn’t really date, let alone pursue relationships, I never would have taken the chance to get to know y
ou. I’m glad I did.”

  “I never tell guys about her, never bring them here, or let them meet her,” Sam said throatily. “I didn’t want to let anyone get close enough to hurt us.”

  I prayed that I wouldn’t be the one to hurt her, but I also knew I didn’t want to let her go. Mother or not, Sam was under my skin, and I wanted to keep her there.

  “Have you dated a lot of guys since you had her?” I asked, my other hand sliding up her arm of its own volition as my thumb moved from her lip to her jawline.

  Sam’s eyes closed briefly and she shook her head. “I’ve gone out with a couple guys,” she said, opening her eyes and looking deeply into mine. “But I haven’t been with anyone since the night I got pregnant.”

  My stomach clenched and my dick began to throb as I looked down at her now parted lips and listen to her tiny gasps of breath.

  I was pretty sure that the timing was completely inappropriate, and that we had more that needed to be said, but all I could think about was taking her right there on the living room floor. I wanted to watch Sam come alive for me, and I wanted to feel her body writhing under mine.

  As the blood surged from my head to my lower half, all rational thought went with it and I crushed my mouth to hers. Her tongue came out to meet mine, and the moment went from hot to fevered. My brain fogged and my hands roamed as I feasted on her luscious lips.

  Sam met me stroke for stroke, her body straining toward mine, her hands finding their way up my shirt. I moved to allow her to take my shirt off, then trailed my lips along her jaw, nipping and licking as I made my way to the soft spot below her ear. She inhaled quickly, thrusting her breasts up as she did. I moved my hands under her shirt and teased the underside of her breasts with my thumbs.

  Sam’s head fell to the side, allowing me better access, so I obliged and kissed my way down her neck, pausing every few inches to suck her tasty skin.

  Her hands on my body were driving me insane. Her soft touch drifted over my chest and down my abs, and my body strained, hoping she would keep moving lower.

  “I want to see you,” Sam said breathlessly.

  I pulled away from her, every inch of me protesting as I did. “Tell me what you want.”

  Sam got up off the couch and put her hand out to me. I took it and followed her back toward the bedroom I had seen earlier. There was a double mattress on the floor, with cardboard drawers that I assumed held her clothes in the corner. It was a small room, but Sam had managed to make it look sweet.

  She stopped at the foot of the mattress and lifted her shirt over her head, revealing a basic black bra underneath. The bra didn’t interest me, but the milky skin protruding over the top of it sure as hell did.

  I closed the gap between us and lowered my mouth to kiss the tops of her breasts, my body hardening even more and leaving her breathy.“Yes,” Sam said, running her hands up and down my arms as I feasted on her flesh. “I love these.”

  It took me a moment to realize she meant the tattoos covering the arms that she was stroking.

  “So hot.”

  With every breath, moan, and word, she was making me hotter than I’d ever felt. I loved the way she was responding to my touch and the fact that she wasn’t embarrassed to be vocal.

  It was so fucking hot.

  I leaned her back until we both fell onto the mattress. I put my hands out to break my fall so that I wouldn’t hurt her, and let out a sigh when the length of my body was laid against hers. Her skin felt so silky that I wanted to lick my way across it until I was familiar with every inch of her.

  I unclasped her bra and tossed it to the side, brushing our naked chests together as I kissed her thoroughly. Sam ran her hands up my back and I thrust against her involuntarily. My needs were taking over.

  Sam groaned and brought her legs around me. We were still fully clothed on the lower half of our bodies, but the feel of her legs around me was almost enough to do me in.

  I pushed up on my arms and looked down into her flushed face, our bodies still locked at the waist.

  “We should stop before I no longer can,” I said, my voice filled with regret.

  Had he lost his fucking mind? Stop? What did he mean stop? My body hadn’t been touched by a man in almost three years… Stopping wasn’t an option.

  “I don’t want to stop,” I pleaded, looking up into his heavy lidded eyes. “You feel so good.”

  Judd closed his eyes, as if trying to hold on to his willpower, so I thrust my hips upwards, hoping to crush it.

  “Sam,” Judd said in a tight voice. “I don’t have anything with me. I thought we were just meeting for coffee.”

  I laughed softly, relieved that he wasn’t trying to stop because he wanted to, but because he didn’t have protection.

  “I have some,” I replied, putting my arms up around his neck. I tried to pull his head down to mine, but he resisted.

  “You do?”

  “Yeah,” I replied, applying a little more pressure to the back of his neck. “I bought them yesterday. I’m on the pill too; I’m not taking any chances.”

  At my words he relaxed, and I took that opportunity to flip him over so that I was on top.

  I’d had enough talking…

  I fisted my hands in the hair he had left. It was just long enough to tug lightly as I took his mouth with mine. I teased, licked, and bit his lips before moving my mouth lower. I trailed my hands down and over his shoulders, loving the feel of his taunt muscles. I kissed his collarbone and licked a trail down his chest until I reached a nipple.

  At his sharp intake of breath I knew I’d found a sensitive area, so I took my time pulling his nipple into my mouth and biting it softly. Judd’s hands came up off of the bed and started working on freeing my hair from its braid as I made my way over to the other side of his chest. As I straddled him, I rocked gently back and forth, stopping once it felt too good…

  I wanted to draw this glorious torture out as long as I possibly could.

  When my hair was free, Judd ran his hands through it before cupping the back of my head and bringing me up to him, kissing me desperately.

  I allowed it for a few minutes, enjoying the spicy taste of his mouth before I scooted down his body, running my naked breasts along him as I did. When I reached the button of his jeans, I looked up at him through the curtain of my hair, running my hands softly along his stomach.

  Judd was watching my every move, his hands now clasped behind his head. His face displayed the most erotically beautiful expression I’d ever seen, and I suddenly needed to taste him.

  I unclasped his button and unzipped his jeans before putting my hands in both sides and yanking them down over his hips. Judd lifted his hips to help and I pulled them down viciously. I ran into a road block when I saw his shoes were still on, but I quickly took them off, laughing as I did.

  In a matter of seconds his pants were off, my laughter was gone, and my hands were making their way slowly up his legs.

  Judd fell backwards onto the bed with a groan, the little shivers racking his body fueling the heat in mine as my hands skittered over his boxer briefs and found their way inside.

  I stroked him softly at first, the silky feel of him striking a fire in my panties, before pulling him out and replacing my hand with my mouth. I briefly saw his hands fist the bedding before I closed my eyes and began to move.

  I continued to move my hands along his body, reveling in the feel of his hot skin over his straining muscles.

  Judd moaned and started to sit, bringing a hand to my cheek and stroking it softly. “That’s enough, babe,” he said gruffly. “When I come I want to be inside of you, and if you don’t stop now I’m gonna come.”

  I gave him one last long lick as I released him, grinning wickedly.

  In one swift move I went from being on top to flat on my back. “Turnabout is fair play,” Judd said with a chuckle, taking me by the wrists and placing my hands above my head.

  I started to retort, but his lips assaulted mine and
I no longer had a coherent thought in my head. It was all touch, taste, and sound.

  His hands left my wrists and found their way to my breasts. He kneaded and stroked them as his mouth paid homage to my neck. I heard the soft little whimpers coming from my mouth and it took all of my willpower to leave my hands above my head.

  I wanted to touch him so badly.

  When he rubbed his face along my breasts I thought I’d go mad. Then he took one nipple in his mouth while he pinched the other between his fingertips, and I did go mad.

  I bucked wildly and brought my hands down to his head, unable to hold my position.

  Judd took his time savoring my breasts, before lowering his head and kissing his way down my stomach.

  He didn’t hesitate to pull my shorts roughly off of me. His movements sent my heart racing and the look in his eyes as they sought mine had me feeling like I was going to explode any second.

  Judd looked down at my string bikini panties and grinned wickedly. I felt insecurity begin to overtake me, then he lowered his head and began kissing me through my panties and I forgot my insecurities. My hips convulsed and rotated eager to get closer to the heat of his kiss. He began to suckle me through the silky material, and I felt the tension building.

  When he lifted his head and ripped the panties from my body, I yelled, “Wait!”

  Judd looked up at me, my tattered panties still hanging from his hand. “You okay?”

  “I need you inside me… Now,” I pleaded desperately. “I can’t it take anymore.”

  “Where are the condoms?”

  I pointed to the top drawer of my dresser, then fell back onto the bed and focused on breathing. I needed to calm down a bit, or I was going to come apart before he even made it inside me.

  He’d ripped my panties off for Christ’s sake!

  Judd was back before I had a chance to miss him, his mouth finding mine once again.

  While he kissed me, he pulled me up so I was sitting on the bed. He was sitting on his legs, and urged me to come forward and straddle him. I held on to his shoulders as I did so, kissing him everywhere I could reach.