Leaving Paradise

Page 19

 

  Tennis was my saving grace, but even that didnt work. I deserved to be admired on the court, because I was worth something when I played. Not only was I part of the team, I was the one my teammates looked up to.

  The more that other dads showed up to matches, the harder I would play. It was as if I wanted those dads to regret I wasnt their kid. No matter if my dad loved me or not, there would be other dads that would do anything to have me be their daughter. Having other dads congratulate me was worth more to me than the varsity trophy I earned my sophomore year. I might not be worthy of my dads love, but I was worthy of that trophy.

  A pain in my leg shoots up into my spine, a mocking reminder that Ill never be a champion again.

  "Maggie?"

  I turn toward my mom, whos now officially freaked out.

  "I cant play tennis," I tell her.

  "Dr. Gerrard wants you to try. You will try, wont you?" But I wont be good, and then my dad wont have anything to be proud of me for. Hell never want me to be part of his new family. "Can we go home? I want to go home. "

  Mom sighs. I hate feeling like Im disappointing her. I know she tries so hard to support us emotionally, physically, and financially. Shes like the little cheerleader of our family.

  When we get in the car, I calm down. I look at my mom, driving the car with a sad look on her face. "Mom, what do you want out of life?"

  She gives a little laugh. "Right now, money. "

  "Besides money. "

  She cocks her head to the side, thinking. When we reach a red light, she turns to me. "I guess Id like a partner to share my life with. "

  "Do you miss Dad?"

  "Sometimes. I miss the companionship, I miss going out as a couple. I dont miss the fights. "

  The light turns green and we accelerate, our car passing a woman and man holding hands with their daughter. "Will he ever want me to visit him?"

  "One day," she says, but I can tell shes not so sure.

  "Do you want to date Mr. Reynolds?" I ask.

  Her eyes go wide. "Why would you ask such a thing?"

  "Because you were dancing with him at the Fall Festival. He doesnt have kids. I think he came to be with you. "

  Mom laughs, this big laugh that fills the car, and the people in the next car could probably hear her, too.

  "Auntie Maes Diner was a sponsor of the event, Maggie. Thats why Lou was there. "

  "Well," I say defensively, "you two were looking pretty chummy. "

  "He was just being nice. "

  I shake my head. "I dont think so. "

  "Hmm . . . "

  "What does that mean?"

  "Nothing. Just go back to being a kid, will ya?"

  We sit in silence the rest of the way home. When we walk inside the house, I ignore the lump in my throat as I say, "For the record . . . if you want to invite Mr. Reynolds over for dinner one night, I wouldnt mind," and head upstairs to my room.

  In my room, I want to take my words back. I only said them because I know how miserable Mom has been lately.

  But the truth is I miss my dad every day, too. More than anything. And I know he has another wife and another life. What if Mom and Mr. Reynolds start dating or, even worse, get married. Will they want to start a new life without me, too?

  I lock my door and open my closet. In the back, in the darkest shadows, is my racquet. I know its there although its hidden behind clothes. I feel its presence when Im in my room, kind of like kryptonite for Superman. Desperation washes over me.

  I reach out and grab the handle, the weight of the racquet foreign but, at the same time, familiar.

  "Maggie, open the door. " Panic. "Just a second. "

  I toss the racquet in the closet and unlock my door. Mom is staring at me strangely.

  I brush the hair from my face, hoping she cant see right through me and realize Ive always known where my lost racquet is. "Mom, whats up?"

  "I was thinking. About Lou, my boss. Were you serious when you said I should invite him for dinner?"

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  Caleb

  I asked Brian to meet me at the park for some one-on-one. Im practicing free throws when he drives up in his Yukon.

  "You look like a middle-aged man in that thing," I say. He gives a fake-insulted huff. "Its better than the car you drive. "

  "I dont drive one. "

  "Exactly. "

  We stand facing each other. I say what needs to be said. "Listen, about you and Kendra. How about we call a truce. "

  "Fair enough. "

  I pass him the ball. He dribbles the ball too far away from his body, so I knock it and grab it away from him.

  "B-balls still not your game, is it?" I say as I dribble down the court.

  Brians shuffling backwards, following my every move. When I stop, his hands are up and ready to block my shot. "Get me on a wrestling mat and Ill kick your ass. "

  I take a shot. It bounces off the rim and Brian gets the rebound.

  Brian is an anxious player. He runs down the court and shoots too quickly, missing the basket by a mile. The ball lands in the grass. I take the ball inbounds. "Youre a lightweight, Bri," I say. "Id pin you in less than ten seconds. "

  "Put your money where your mouth is, big guy, tomorrow after school. "

  I move around Brian and make an easy lay-up. "I have to work. "

  He holds the ball. "You say that, but you never say where. Rumor has it youre a homo and meet up with your lover after school. Is he the one who gave you the bruise on your face?"

  My muscles start to tense up. "Dont give me shit. "

  Brian starts dribbling down the court, his eye on the basket. "Why? You gonna threaten me like you threatened Drew?"

  Brian shoots and the ball goes right in. This time I hold the ball under my arm, stopping the game. "He was trying to piss me off and you know it. " My old friend crosses his arms on his chest. "Youve changed, Caleb. I dont even know you anymore. And this has nothing to do with Kendra. "

  "Bullshit. Im the same person. "

  He laughs. "Youve got a chip on your shoulder. Everybody knows it but you. Thats the scary part. "

  No, the scary part is that people dont realize how much theyve changed. "So everyone else is the same except me?

  "No, dude. Everybodys changed, nobody is the same. Youre the only one who cant accept it. Youre not a sophomore anymore, youre not dating Kendra, youre not the wrestling stud. Youre a bad-ass, brooding ex-con. "

  Ill show him a brooding ex-con. I dribble the ball down the court, and when Brian gets in my face I push him down before I take the shot.

  "Foul!" Brian calls out.

  "You said to accept my bad-ass ex-con self. Im only taking your suggestion. "

  I hold out a hand. He looks at me suspiciously, then grabs my wrist as I pull him up. I get three more baskets and recover two of Brians rebounds.

  "You know what you need?" Brian says as he wipes sweat from his brow.

  "A new best friend?" I suggest.

  "No. You need a girlfriend. Name a chick you think is hot. Just throw out a name. "

  "Maggie Armstrong. "

  "No, seriously. Name a chick. "

  "I am serious. "

  "Dude, thats sick. You went to jail because of her. "

  "Im well aware of that. "

  "Youre telling me you have the hots for the Maggie Armstrong? Your next-door neighbor? The girl who walks weird because you ran over her leg with your car?"

  "Brian, youre starting to act like Drew. "

  Brian looks confused as hes trying to comprehend what I just admitted to him. Then he bursts out laughing. He cant stop and falls to the ground in hysterics, holding his stomach. "Thats . . . hilarious!" he yells when he can catch his breath. "Oh my God, it cant be true . . . " he says, then goes back to laughing hysterically again.

  Im seriously considering kicking his ass right now. But this isnt Vic or Drew, this is Brian. I take the ball and head back home, but no
t before telling Brian to go to hell.

  Nobody is home; I have the house all to myself. I want to yell at the top of my lungs, but just as Im about to do it the doorbell rings. Brian is an idiot if hes stupid enough to come here to laugh in my face again. Maybe, after all, I will use his head as my punching bag.

  But I open the door and my ex-best friend isnt standing in front of me. Its Kendra, my ex-girlfriend. Shiny lips and all. "Hi," she says.

  "Hi. "

  "Are your parents home?"

  "Nope. " She already knew they werent.

  "Can I come in?"

  I open the door wider. She heads straight upstairs to my room. I watch her back and my eyes focus on her thong underwear sticking out of the top of her shorts before I follow.

  Closing my door like I always do when were about to fool around, I lean back against the door and watch her. But this time were not going to fool around. I know it. She doesnt, obviously, I can tell by what shes wearing. A ridiculously low-cut shirt, I swear her nipples are millimeters below the ruffled collar. And her shorts reveal way more than Id ever want any girlfriend of mine to reveal. But shes not my girlfriend, shes Brians.

  Kendra wanders around my bedroom, fingering my desk, my dresser, and my bookshelves. When she picks up my lightsaber and turns it on, Im tempted to tell her not to touch it.

  "When are you going to get rid of these toys?" she asks, waving it in the air. I dont answer.

  Sighing, she says, "I know Brian told you about him and me. But I still love you, you know. " She closes the distance between us, close enough that I can smell her cherry lips. She licks them and leans in for a kiss.

  I turn my head away. "What? One boyfriend isnt enough for you?"

  "I want you both. "

  "Its over, Kend. Way over. "

  "Its not and you know it. Because--and I know this sounds selfish, but its true--I dont want anyone else to have you. "

  "Break up with Brian. The guy wants to marry you. "

  She chuckles. "My parents think hes good for me, so Im playing along. Besides, I need a boyfriend I can hang with in public. But you can be my private boyfriend, CB. "

  "Never gonna happen. "

  "Wanna bet?" She steps back, points the tip of the saber at me, and pushes the blunt tip against my throat. A wicked grin crosses her mouth. "You can be my little secret. You like keeping secrets, dont you Caleb?"

  My pulse quickens, and the mood in the room changes instantly. One thought burns in my brain . . . she knows.

  "What do you want?" I say evenly.

  "CB, dont look so sad. I just want you," she says, then lowers the saber and goes in for another kiss.

  This time I dont turn away.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Maggie

  It took a week for Mom to invite Mr. Reynolds over for dinner. She asked me about twenty more times if it was okay with me. I didnt have the heart to say no.

  Mr. Reynolds comes in the house wearing a grey three-piece suit and red tie, as if hes going to court for a traffic violation. In his hands are a dozen purple tulips for my mom and a box of Frango chocolates for me.

  "Thanks," I say awkwardly as he hands me the box. Do I open it now, or wait until later . . . or tomorrow?