Postern of Fate

  Albert produced a very passable meal. His cooking was erratic. It had its moments of brilliance which tonight was exemplified by what he called cheese pudding, and Tuppence and Tommy preferred to call cheese soufflé. Albert reproved them slightly for the wrong nomenclature.

  'Cheese soufflé is different,' he said, 'got more beaten up white of egg in it than this has.'

  'Never mind,' said Tuppence, 'it's very good whether it's cheese pudding or cheese soufflé.'

  Both Tommy and Tuppence were entirely absorbed with the eating of food and did not compare any more notes as to their procedure. When, however, they had both drunk two cups of strong coffee, Tuppence leaned back in her chair, uttered a deep sigh and said:

  'Now I feel almost myself again. You didn't do much washing before dinner, did you, Tommy?'

  'I couldn't be bothered to wait and wash,' said Tommy. 'Besides, I never know with you. You might have made me go upstairs to the book-room and stand on a dusty ladder and poke about on the shelves.'

  'I wouldn't be so unkind,' said Tuppence. 'Now wait a minute. Let's see where we are.'

  'Where we are or where you are?'

  'Well, where I am, really,' said Tuppence. 'After all, that's the only thing I know about, isn't it? You know where you are and I know where I am. Perhaps, that is.'

  'May be a bit of perhaps about it,' said Tommy.

  'Pass me over my bag, will you, unless I've left it in the dining-room?'

  'You usually do but you haven't this time. It's under the foot of your chair. No - the other side.'

  Tuppence picked up her handbag.

  'Very nice present, this was,' she said. 'Real crocodile, I think. Bit difficult to stuff things in sometimes.'

  'And apparently to take them out again,' said Tommy.

  Tuppence was wrestling.

  'Expensive bags are always very difficult for getting things out of,' she said breathlessly. 'Those basket-work ones are the most comfortable. They bulge to any extent and you can stir them up like you stir up a pudding. Ah! I think I've got it.'

  'What is it? It looks like a washing bill.'

  'Oh, it's a little notebook. Yes, I used to write washing things in it, you know, what I had to complain about - torn pillowcase or something like that. But I thought it would come in useful, you see, because only three or four pages of it had been used. I put down here, you see, things we've heard. A great many of them don't seem to have any point but there it is. I added census, by the way, when you first mentioned it. I didn't know what it meant at that time or what you meant by it, But anyway I did add it.'

  'Fine,' said Tommy.

  'And I put down Mrs Henderson and someone called Dodo.'

  'Who was Mrs Henderson?'

  'Well, I don't suppose you'll remember and I needn't go back to it now but those were two of the names I put down that Mrs What's-her-name, you know, the old one, Mrs Griffin mentioned. And then there was a message or a notice. Something about Oxford and Cambridge. And I've come across another thing in one of the old books.'

  'What about - Oxford and Cambridge? Do you mean an undergraduate?'

  'I'm not sure whether there was an undergraduate or not, I think really it was a bet on the boat race.'

  'Much more likely,' said Tommy. 'Not awfully apt to be useful to us.'

  'Well, one never knows. So there's Mrs Henderson and there's somebody who lives in a house called Apple Tree Lodge and there's something I found on a dirty bit of paper shoved into one of the books upstairs. I don't know if it was Catriona or whether it was in a book called Shadow of the Throne.'

  'That's about the French Revolution. I read it when I was a boy,' said Tommy.

  'Well, I don't see how that comes in. At any rate, I put it down.'

  'Well, what is it?'

  'It seems to be three pencil words. Grin, g-r-i-n, then hen, h-e-n and then Lo, capital L-o.'

  'Let me guess,' said Tommy. 'Cheshire cat - that's a grin - Henny-Penny, that's another fairy story, isn't it, for the hen, and Lo -'

  'Ah,' said Tuppence, 'Lo does you in, does it?'

  'Lo and behold,' said Tommy, 'but it doesn't seem to make sense. '

  Tuppence spoke rapidly. 'Mrs Henley, Apple Tree Lodge - I haven't done her yet, she's in Meadowside.' Tuppence recited quickly: 'Now, where are we? Mrs Griffin, Oxford and Cambridge, bet on a boat race, census, Cheshire cat, Henny-Penny, the story where the Hen went to the Dovrefell - Hans Andersen or something like that - and Lo. I suppose Lo means when they got there. Got to the Dovrefell, I mean.

  'I don't think there's much else,' said Tuppence. 'There's the Oxford and Cambridge boat race or the bet.'

  'I should think the odds are on our being rather silly. But I think if we go on being silly long enough, some gem of great price might come out of it, concealed among the rubbish, as you might say. Just as we found one significant book on the bookshelves upstairs.'

  'Oxford and Cambridge,' said Tuppence thoughtfully. 'That makes me think of something. It makes me remember something. Now what could it be?'

  'Mathilde?'

  'No, it wasn't Mathilde, but -'

  'Truelove,' suggested Tommy. He grinned from ear to ear. 'True love. Where can I my true love find?'

  'Stop grinning, you ape,' said Tuppence. 'You've got that last thing on your brain. Grin-hen-Lo. Doesn't make sense. And yet - I have a kind of feeling - Oh!'

  'What's the Oh about?'

  'Oh'! Tommy, I've got an idea. Of course.'

  'What's of course?'

  'Lo,' said Tuppence. 'Lo. Grin is what made me think of it. You grinning like a Cheshire cat. Grin. Hen and then Lo. Of course. That must be it somehow.'

  'What on earth are you talking about?'

  'Oxford and Cambridge boat race.'

  'Why does grin hen Lo make you think of Oxford and Cambridge boat race?'

  'I'll give you three guesses,' said Tuppence.

  'Well I give up at once because I don't think it could possibly make sense.'

  'It does really.'

  'What, the boat race?'

  'No, nothing to do with the boat race. The colour. Colours, I mean.'

  'What do you mean, Tuppence?'

  'Grin hen Lo. We've been reading it the wrong way round. It's meant to be read the other way round.'

  'What do you mean? Ol, then n-e-h - it doesn't make sense. You couldn't go on n-i-r-g. Nirg or some word like that.'

  'No. Just take the three words. A little bit, you know, like what Alexander did in the book - the first book that we looked at. Read those three words the other way round. Lo-hen-grin.'

  Tommy scowled.

  'Still haven't got it?' said Tuppence. 'Lohengrin, of course. The swan. The opera. You know. You know, Lohengrin, Wagner.'

  'Well, there's nothing to do with a swan.'

  'Yes, there is. Those two pieces of china we found. Stools for the garden. You remember? One was a dark blue and one was a light blue, and old Isaac said to us, at least I think it was Isaac, he said, "That's Oxford, you see, and that's Cambridge."'

  'Well, we smashed the Oxford one, didn't we?'

  'Yes. But the Cambridge one is still there. The light blue one. Don't you see? Lohengrin. Something was hidden in one of those two swans. Tommy, the next thing we have to do is to go and look at the Cambridge one. The light blue one, it's still in KK. Shall we go now?'

  'What - at eleven o'clock at night - no.'

  'We'll go tomorrow. You haven't got to go to London tomorrow?'

  'No.'

  'Well, we'll go tomorrow and we'll see.'

  'I don't know what you're doing about the garden,' said Albert. 'I did a spell once in a garden for a short time, but I'm not up in vegetables very much. There's a boy here that wants to see you, by the way, madam.'

  'Oh, a boy,' said Tuppence. 'Do you mean the red-haired one?'

  'No. I mean the other one, the one with a lot of messy yellow hair half down his back. Got rather a silly name. Like a hotel. You know, the Royal Clarence. That's his name.
Clarence.'

  'Clarence, but not Royal Clarence.'

  'Not likely,' said Albert. 'He's waiting in the front door. He says, madam, as he might be able to assist you in some way.'

  'I see. I gather he used to assist old Isaac occasionally.'

  She found Clarence sitting on a decayed basket chair on the veranda or loggia, whichever you liked to call it. He appeared to be making a late breakfast off potato crisps and held a bar of chocolate in his left hand.

  'Morning, missus,' said Clarence. 'Come to see if I could be any help.'

  'Well,' said Tuppence, 'of course we do want help in the garden. I believe you used to help Isaac at one time.'

  'Ah well, now and again I did. Not that I know very much. Don't say that Isaac knew much neither. Lot of talk with him, lot of talking saying what a wonderful time he used to have. What a wonderful time it was for the people who employed him. Yes, he used to say he was the head gardener to Mr Bolingo. You know, as lives farther along the river. Great big house. Yes, it's turned into a school now. Head gardener there, he said he used to be. But my grandmother says there isn't a word of truth in that.'

  'Well, never mind,' said Tuppence. 'Actually, I wanted to turn a few more things out of that little greenhouse place.'

  'What, d'you mean the shed, the glass shed? KK, isn't it?'

  'Quite right,' said Tuppence. 'Fancy your knowing the proper name of it.'

  'Oh well, it was always used to be called that. Everybody says so. They say it's Japanese. I don't know if that's true.'

  'Come on,' said Tuppence. 'Let's go there.'

  A procession formed consisting of Tommy, Tuppence, Hannibal, the dog, with Albert abandoning the washing up of breakfast for something more interesting bringing up the rear. Hannibal displayed a great deal of pleasure after attending to all the useful smells in the neighbourhood. He rejoined them at the door of KK and sniffed in an interested manner.

  'Hullo, Hannibal,' said Tuppence, 'are you going to help us? You tell us something.'

  'What kind of a dog is he?' asked Clarence. 'Somebody said as he is the kind of dog they used to keep for rats. Is that so?'

  'Yes, that's quite true,' said Tommy. 'He's a Manchester Terrier, an old English Black and Tan.'

  Hannibal, knowing he was being talked about, turned his head, waggled his body, beat his tail with a good deal of exuberance. He then sat down and looked proud of himself.

  'He bites, doesn't he?' said Clarence. 'Everyone says so.'

  'He's a very good guard dog,' said Tuppence. 'He looks after me.'

  'That's quite right. When I'm away he looks after you,' said Tommy.

  'The postman said he nearly got bitten four days ago.'

  'Dogs are rather like that with postmen,' said Tuppence. 'Do you know where the key of KK is?'

  'I do,' said Clarence. 'Hanging up in the shed. You know, the shed where the flower-pots are.'

  He went off and returned shortly with the once rusty but now more or less oiled key.

  'Been oiling this key, Isaac must have,' he said.

  'Yes, it wouldn't turn very easily before,' said Tuppence.

  The door was opened.

  The Cambridge china stool with the swan wreathed round it was looking rather handsome. Obviously Isaac had polished it up and washed it, with the idea of transferring it to the veranda when the weather was suitable for sitting out.

  'Ought to be a dark blue one too,' said Clarence. 'Isaac used to say Oxford and Cambridge.'

  'Is that true?'

  'Yes. Dark blue Oxford and pale blue Cambridge. Oh, and Oxford was the one that smashed, was it?'

  'Yes. Rather like the boat race, isn't it?'

  'By the way, something's happened to that rocking-horse, hasn't it? There's a lot of mess about in KK.'

  'Yes.'

  'Funny name like Matilda, hasn't she?'

  'Yes. She had to have an operation,' said Tuppence.

  Clarence seemed to think this very amusing. He laughed heartily.

  'My Great-Aunt Edith had to have an operation,' he said. 'Took out part of her inside but she got well.'

  He sounded slightly disappointed.

  'I suppose there's no real way of getting inside these things,' said Tuppence.

  'Well, I suppose you can smash them like the dark blue one was smashed.'

  'Yes. There's no other way, is there? Funny those sort of S-kind of slits around the top. Why, you could post things in there, couldn't you, like a post-box.'

  'Yes,' said Tommy, 'One could. It's an interesting idea. Very interesting, Clarence,' he said kindly.

  Clarence looked pleased.

  'You can unscrew 'em, you know,' he said.

  'Unscrew them, can you?' said Tuppence. 'Who told you that?'

  'Isaac. I've seen 'im do it often. You turn them upside down and then you begin to swing the top round. It's stiff sometimes. You pour a little oil round all the cracks and when it's soaked in a bit you can turn it round.'

  'Oh.'

  'The easiest way is to put it upside down,'

  'Everything here always seems to have to be turned upside down,' said Tuppence. 'We had to do that to Mathilde before we could operate.'

  For the moment Cambridge seemed to be entirely obstreperous, when quite suddenly the china began to revolve and very shortly afterwards they managed to unscrew it completely and lift it off.

  'Lot of rubbish in here, I should think,' said Clarence.

  Hannibal came to assist. He was a dog who liked helping in anything that was going on. Nothing, he thought, was complete unless he took a hand or a paw in it. But with him it was usually a nose in the investigation. He stuck his nose down, growled gently, retired an inch or two and sat down.

  'Doesn't like it much, does he?' said Tuppence, and looked down into the somewhat unpleasant mass inside.

  'Ow!' said Clarence.

  'What's the matter?'

  'Scratched myself. There's something hanging down from a nail on the side here. I don't know if it's a nail or what it is. It's something. Ow!'

  'Wuff, wuff!' said Hannibal, joining in.

  'There's something hung on a nail just inside. Yes, I've got it. No, it's slipping. Yes, here I am. I've got it.'

  Clarence lifted out a dark tarpaulin package.

  Hannibal came and sat at Tuppence's feet. He growled.

  'What's the matter, Hannibal?' said Tuppence.

  Hannibal growled again. Tuppence bent down and smoothed the top of his head and ears.

  'What's the matter, Hannibal?' said Tuppence. 'Did you want Oxford to win and now Cambridge have won, you see. Do you remember,' said Tuppence to Tommy, 'how we let him watch the boat race once on television?'

  'Yes,' said Tommy, 'he got very angry towards the end and started barking so that we couldn't hear anything at all.'

  'Well, we could still see things,' said Tuppence, 'that was something. But if you remember, he didn't like Cambridge winning.'

  'Obviously,' said Tommy, 'he studied at the Oxford Dogs' University.'

  Hannibal left Tuppence and came to Tommy and wagged his tail appreciatively.

  'He likes your saying that,' said Tuppence, 'it must be true. I myself,' she added, 'think he has been educated at the Dogs' Open University.'

  'What were his principal studies there?' asked Tommy, laughing.

  'Bone disposal.'

  'You know what he's like.'

  'Yes, I know,' said Tuppence. 'Very unwisely, you know, Albert gave him the whole bone of a leg of mutton once. First of all I found him in the drawing-room putting it under a cushion, then I forced him out through the garden door and shut it. And I looked out of the window and he went into the flower-bed where I'd got gladioli, and buried it very carefully there. He's very tidy with his bones, you know. He never tries to eat them. He always puts them away for a rainy day.'

  'Does he ever dig them up again?' asked Clarence, assisting on this point of dog lore.

  'I think so,' said Tuppence. 'Sometimes when they're very,
very old and would have been better if they had been left buried.'

  'Our dog doesn't like dog biscuits,' said Clarence.