Only Human

  —You believe that thinking about you makes you better?

  —No, I…Actually, yes. Humans think that.

  —Interesting.

  —Your…pad. It’s doing something.

  —Oh. Just a vote. I can do it later.

  —A vote on what?

  —Let me see…It concerns you.

  —Me?

  —Yes. Yes. Someone suggested we plant more trees on your side of the market, now that someone lives there.

  —And you get to vote on that?

  —Why wouldn’t I? You don’t need any special skills to decide on a tree! Besides, I vote on all things that concern trees and plants. You don’t think I should?

  —I…I didn’t mean…I’m sure you’re really good at…How do you know I live on the other side of the market?

  —Everyone knows.

  —Why does no one else live there?

  —There aren’t enough people to fill those houses.

  —That’s what I mean. Why are there houses if there are not enough people?

  —You don’t know?

  —I don’t know anything!

  —This planet, it used to be a yatsak nest. You could barely walk these streets. There were people from many worlds, buying things, selling things. Then, thousands of months ago, there was a war. The emperor had done something very wrong, and the people that were hurt attacked this planet. Many died. Many, many. After the war, they decided that Esat Ekt would never interfere with other worlds again, in any way. Everyone not of this planet was sent away.

  —How many?

  —Yokokt.

  —I don’t understand.

  —Show me your hands…Both hands. This is how many people lived here before. Now put one hand down. This is how many people lived here after.

  —Half? Where did they go?

  —Anywhere but here. Most were born on Esat Ekt, but they were not Ekt. Many went to the planet of their ancestors, but many were not welcome there either. Many refused to go. Many many died.

  —But you’re here. All these people are here.

  —How do you know I’m not Ekt?

  —You’re blue.

  —Not blue enough. I couldn’t go to my ancestor’s planet, even if I wanted to. There they’d call me grey. My fifth father was really blue. My fifth mother was Ekt. Those with Ekt blood did not leave.

  —They were allowed to stay.

  —That depends on your point of view. My fifth mother would say they weren’t allowed to leave. My fifth father was not Ekt. He had to go. But my fifth mother could not go with him. My fourth mother, their daughter, was half-Ekt, so she could not leave either.

  —Why?

  —She could have babies on another world, babies with Ekt blood. The Ekt can’t have that.

  —Interference.

  —Yes, yes. It’s a very important word on this planet.

  —I’ll try to remember that.

  —I’ve seen you with a young girl. Is she your daughter?

  —You have? Her name’s Eva.

  —Good. She will like it here. There are other kids her age.

  —There aren’t elsewhere?

  —Not where the Ekt live. Most of their children go to school in the city, or they work.

  —They work?

  —Someone has to work. The only Ekt children left here are the little red ones.

  —Red ones?

  —Imperial cadets. They wear red. They train to be soldiers in the Imperial Guard. There’s one over there.

  —You don’t seem to like them.

  —Yes, yes. They’re still nice at that age. It’s what they’ll grow up to be I don’t like…

  —Your pad. Another vote?

  —Not for me. The Etyakt Council voted. You’ve been made citizens.

  —Us? Why?

  —You can’t be on this planet if you’re not.

  —So it’s a good thing?

  —It depends on whether or not you planned on ever going home.

  —You mean we can’t leave?

  —Yes, yes.

  —What?

  —I said yes. You can’t leave Esat Ekt.

  —For how long?

  —Forever.

  FILE NO. 2116 (CONTINUED)

  INTERVIEW BETWEEN MAJOR KATHERINE LEBEDEV, RUSSIAN MAIN INTELLIGENCE AGENCY (GRU), AND VINCENT COUTURE

  Location: GRU building, Saint Petersburg, Russia

  —So you chose to stay there, for nine years…

  —They offered to let us stay.

  —And you said?

  —We said yes. It was a unique opportunity.

  —You stayed voluntarily.

  —That’s what I just said.

  —Willingly?

  —Wholeheartedly. We’re gonna run out of synonyms soon.

  —…

  —What? Is that so difficult to understand? We had the chance to spend some time on a new planet with another species. We jumped on it. Rose and I are scientists, remember? It was a unique—

  —A unique opportunity. You said that already. Then one day you decided you wanted to come home and they just…sent you back, is that it? You didn’t have to do anything. You just asked: “Can we go home now?” and they said: “Sure! Hop on!” Nothing happened in between, nothing worth mentioning. At all. For nine years.

  —I don’t know what to tell you. Everything was interesting. Everything was new.

  —What did you do?

  —What do you mean?

  —I mean what did you do all day, for a decade? Did you have jobs?

  —Eva did for a while. She worked in a soup kitchen.

  —An alien soup kitchen?

  —Well, it wasn’t alien there. But they did serve people from other worlds.

  —That’s so nice. Eva feeding people without money. You must have been so proud.

  —Was that sarcasm? I can’t tell. And yes, they were poor, but they did have money. In fact, they were the only ones who did. There’s no currency, officially, in any of the regions. Everything essential is more or less free, and you can trade for most other things. You only need money to buy things outside the system.

  —Communism!

  —Not quite. People own things. Some people own much more than others. If they produce something the government doesn’t regulate. Art, for example. Sculptors, dancers, writers, they all lived better than most if they were any good.

  —Sculptors? What about doctors?

  —Well, most people work because they want to. No one there would get up every morning to do something they don’t like just so they can get more food or clothing than everyone else.

  —How cute. And boring. There must be some crappy work no one wants to do.

  —Sure. Farming, mostly. Kids do that, for a few years before they go to…I guess you could call it university.

  —Child labor. Lovely.

  —They’re more like teenagers. They just look very young.

  —What about you and Dr. Franklin? What did you do all day?

  —We didn’t have jobs if that’s what you’re asking.

  —Why not?

  —We were totally unqualified for…everything.

  —Poor things. Did people make fun of you?

  —They stared, mostly. They did call us hairy. Point is it probably never occurred to them to offer us work. I spent a few hours a day teaching English to Enatast while he taught me Ekt. I’m not sure how much he really wanted to learn. After a while, he might have come just so I’d have something to do. But he kept coming, so I didn’t ask. Rose…Rose spent some time with scientists of theirs, but she really didn’t have any skills they could use. I “hung out” with them for a while, e
specially at the beginning, so I could translate for Rose, but I stopped when I got good enough at spotting condescension. Except for the knee thing, Rose was much more interesting to them.

  —Why is that?

  —She knocked one of their robots out, all on her own. They were impressed.

  —They weren’t angry?

  —No. Not where we lived, anyway. We’re not enemies to them. We’re more like…They think they made us…sick, in some way, by messing with our gene pool. We’re also much less evolved technologically, scientifically, and we’re physically weaker, shorter. There’s nothing remotely menacing about us. I don’t know how to explain it…Have you ever seen a baby squirrel?

  —I don’t think I have, but what’s that got—

  —Kara found one on the sidewalk once. It was right after they founded the EDC. We’d just moved to New York. We didn’t know anyone. Anyway, she saw this baby squirrel. We both didn’t want anything to do with it. We didn’t want it to die, but we also didn’t want to take care of a squirrel because…because it’s a squirrel, and we’d be stuck with it if its mother didn’t take it back. It was about nightfall, so we knew the cats were probably gonna get it, but we were ready to let nature take its course. Only the little bugger crawled onto my foot and curled up into a ball, then it fell asleep.

  —Ohhhh…

  —Yeah. That. We took it home for the night and dumped it in the same tree the next day.

  —What happened to it?

  —I have no idea. It probably died. That’s not the point. The point is it was a pest, a glorified rat with a fuzzy tail, but it was cute, and helpless, and we felt responsible. Fortunately for us, the Ekt are more patient than Kara and I were, so they took care of us for more than a day while their government decided what to do next.

  —And what did they decide?

  —Nothing.

  —Vincent. I get that you don’t trust me, but if you’re gonna come up with lies, they should at least be reasonably believable. And this is coming from someone who’ll believe just about anything. No, really! I’m supergullible. I buy all these stupid things on television, then I’m too ashamed to return them.

  —I told you before. The way they work, it’s slow.

  —Nine years slow?

  —Yeah! They have a very strict democracy. Some things are hard to decide for them.

  —I thought they had an emperor.

  —They do, it’s an empress now. But she doesn’t do anything. It’s a lot like the queen. The people make most of the decisions directly. Everything that involves another species, another planet, the decision belongs to the Great Council of Akitast.

  —OK, so they vote on things. We do that. I don’t see what’s so hard about it that it would take a decade.

  —It’s not like us. What we do, it’s baby vote. These people are major-league voters.

  —What does that mean?

  —Well, here, we vote on a few things, like government. Some places require an absolute majority, 50 percent of the vote plus one. Some places don’t care, they just pick whoever got the most votes. But we choose from a list; there are a limited number of options. Imagine that instead of a list of candidates, we let everyone write in the name of whoever they’d like, and to be elected to something, you’d need more than half the vote, from everyone. That’s how they decide things. Getting the votes isn’t a problem. These people vote on everything, all day every day. Getting things done depends on the question. If they can formulate it as a yes/no question, then it’s all good. If it’s multiple choice, it gets complicated. The Council had no clue what to do with us. That’s an endless number of possibilities, and they couldn’t agree on any of them. When we left, they were still debating whether they should allow us to stay.

  —How stupid do you think I am, Vincent?

  —What do you want me to say?

  —Hmmm, I don’t know. The truth, maybe?

  —That is the truth. What part of it is bothering you? That they’re not a threat?

  —Tell me about their army.

  —Really? There isn’t much more to say other than what I’ve already told you. We didn’t exactly go on a tour of their military. They have a shit ton of robots. We’ve seen some transport ships, but they said they had…Are you listening to anything I’m saying?

  —I’m sorry. We’re gonna have to do this another time.

  —What is it?

  —It’s…not good. We have a bit of a problem.

  —What kind of problem?

  —Your daughter.

  —Has she done anything?

  —Well, she’s gone. I suppose that’s something.

  —What do you mean, gone? Where?

  —Hmmm. That was gonna be my question. Where is she?

  —How the hell should I know? You have me locked in a room all day. I’m not even allowed to see her.

  —That’s a bit of an overstatement, Vincent. That room isn’t locked, it’s well guarded. There’s a difference. But you do have a point. Let’s say I believe you. Dr. Franklin was also in her room. Besides, I really don’t think she’s the prison-break type. Are you sure it’s not you?

  —What? No. Yes, I’m sure.

  —Fine. It wasn’t you. It would just be so much better if it were you.

  —Why’s that?

  —Because if it’s not your people who broke her out, then it has to be one of my people. You can see how that’s a problem, can’t you? Yesterday, I had three people who could pilot Themis. Three pilots. Now one of them is dead and one’s—

  —Ekim’s dead?

  —Oops! I forgot to tell you, didn’t I? He is very dead. He died two days ago. From cat poo, no less.

  —You should have let him go. I told you to let him go home!

  —You were serious about that? Well, had I known…We’d have let the alien kid go, with Themis, because why not? That certainly would have solved my pilot problem. Because now…Now Eva’s gone missing. I’m not supergood at math, but I know that robot needs two pilots and three minus two is less than that. As if that weren’t enough, it would appear I have a traitor working for me…CHYORT VOZ’MI! I’m sorry. I’m a little ticked off at the moment. Do you know how much trouble I’m gonna be in for this? I had to fill out three forms just to talk to her. Imagine the paperwork for losing her altogether. We’re, like, not supposed to lose people. That’s a big no-no. It’s kind of our thing, really.

  —Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

  —You could! That would be nice. I could use a hug. You could also help me find her before this gets any worse.

  —Why would I do anything to help you?

  —Good question. There doesn’t seem to be any, does there? I mean, right now you’re just happy she found a way out of here. Right? About five seconds from now, you’ll realize she now has the entire Russian Army and secret service after her. You’ll think: Hmmm, my daughter isn’t the most restrained person in the world. I hope she doesn’t do anything stupid when they catch up to her. And they will, they’re very good at finding people. Soon—OH! I think it’s happening! Now you have this mental image of her getting shot eight hundred times and—

  —You so much as touch her, and I’ll—

  —Oh, for God’s sake, Vincent! Run that through in your head one more time! Are you sure that’s the right play? The words you’re looking for are: “Please, Katherine! Pretty please! Isn’t there anything you can do?”

  —Is there?

  —NO! Not unless I find her first! Are you sure you don’t know where she is? Where would she go to? Where would she hide?

  —In Russia? She’s never…We’ve never been here. She doesn’t know anything. She’d have no idea where to go.

  —She left you a note.

  —What did it say?

  —It said: “Dad, how the hell co
uld Katherine possibly know what I wrote? She just found out about the note.”

  —…

  —Don’t worry, you can have it, after everyone else takes a look at it.

  FILE NO. EE066—PERSONAL FILE FROM ESAT EKT

  Personal log—Eva Reyes and Vincent Couture

  Location: Aptakt Market, Etyakt region

  —Yours sees the world in only two dimensions. These ones are born and ready for adoption.

  —Eva?

  —What?

  —Why are you telling me? I wrote the clue. I already know what it is.

  —I’m just thinking out loud, Dad. I don’t get it. It’s hard.

  —It’s a treasure hunt. It’s supposed to be hard. Otherwise, it’s a treasure stroll or something.

  —You still haven’t told me what’s in that jar.

  —I’ll tell you when you figure out this clue.

  —What’s in the jar?

  —Really, Eva?

  —I wanna know!

  —A couple strands of hair.

  —Yours?

  —Yeah, mine. Do you think I go around cutting other people’s hair for no reason?

  —I don’t know!…Do I really need to ask?

  —Ask what?

  —Dad! Why do you have your hair in a jar?

  —Oh. That. You’ll see.

  —That’s not funny, Dad. Tell me!

  —You’ll know when you figure out the clue. It’s the last one.

  —I don’t know what it means! Mine sees the world in two dimensions. My what?

  —Why do you see things in 3D?

  —I…because my eyes are facing forward?

  —How many eyes?

  —Two eyes.

  —So…

  —What do I have that doesn’t have two eyes?…I don’t have anything!

  —Not here. Back home.

  —…Kara’s plush gopher!

  —Yes!

  —All right. These ones are born and ready for—The little furry animals next to the fruit stand?

  —Yes! They’re called yotyot, by the way.

  —Do you mean…?

  —I do mean. We’re getting a yotyot! You said you liked them, and it’s the closest thing to a cat I could find.