Born of Defiance

  Qorach made several hand gestures at her.

  "No, I'm not saying that. And no one ever asks about you, anyway. They're too afraid to."

  He grinned proudly at that.

  Morra turned her attention back to Felicia and Talyn. "He can only speak with Qillaq sign language, and some League. So, I'm his translator for most things."

  Felicia cocked her head at that. "How similar are Qillaq signs to League or Andarion?"

  "More similar to League gestures than Andarion. You speak League?"

  Felicia gestured at Qorach. His entire face lit up as he responded.

  Morra slapped at Jayne's arm. "Well hell, I just got rendered useless. Look at them go!"

  Jayne nodded. "I'm impressed."

  "I'm concerned," Talyn added quickly. "I'm not sure I like this."

  "No." Felicia gestured more. "Talyn doesn't sign."

  Talyn snorted. "Not true. I know obscene gestures in fourteen languages."

  They all burst out laughing.

  Qorach began signing again.

  Felicia frowned. "But I don't know all of those signs."

  Morra smiled. "He says it's an honor to be assigned protective detail to such a generous and intelligent lady. And for Talyn not to worry. While he's pretty sure he could kick Talyn's ass, he knows for a fact that Jayne would cut his testicles off to protect her sexy baby."

  Talyn let out a tired sigh. "I'm going to be ninety and you're still going to call me that, aren't you?"

  Jayne patted his cheek lovingly. When she spoke, it was in the high-pitched tone reserved for mothers talking to small children or pet animals. "Yes, I will, my sexy baby." She glanced around the gym. "I have to say, this is a nice place. When you first called, I was worried about having space for my team. But I can see that there's plenty of room, even for Qory." She turned back to Felicia. "I know he's huge, but I wanted someone who would intimidate Andarion males and make them rethink any stupid ideas they might have where you're concerned."

  "I would say you succeeded admirably."

  Jayne winked at Talyn's comment. "It was a tall order, and yes, you walked right into that one. As Hadrian says, my family motto is 'anything worth doing is worth overdoing.' And Morra's orders are to stay with Felicia even when you go potty. It's why I have a female in the mix. Until we get this resolved, they are your shadows, night and day. They will give you privacy inside the condo when Talyn is in residence. Only. When he's gone, Morra will be your new bed buddy. We're not going to take any chances."

  "Don't worry," Morra said with a bright smile. "I don't take up much room and I don't move when I sleep. My people nest in trees or off mountains. Once you fall out of your bunk or off your shelf, you learn not to be a restless sleeper."

  "Shelf?"

  "Canopies on the side of mountains. Phrixus is a very dangerous place with a lot of deadly creatures. It's why our races are lethal. We had to be, to survive. And it's also why the Naglfari cowards took to the seas to live. They couldn't cut it on Phrixian land."

  Felicia frowned at the unfamiliar term. "Naglfari?"

  "They're the pasty repugnant semisentient creatures that most know as Phrixian. They're more human in appearance than the Schvardans. And my race is even more xenophobic than they are."

  Deciding to change the topic away from something that was obviously an emotional trigger for Morra, Felicia inclined her head to them all. "I can't thank you enough for agreeing to this. While I don't relish the thought of being shadowed, I don't want Talyn distracted by unnecessary worries for my safety. And honestly, I've been really skittish since the attack."

  "She's been completely housebound," Talyn added, "which isn't her nature."

  "Well, part of that is I didn't want to leave you while you've been recovering, either." Felicia gestured at the training gloves. "And as we've seen, I can't exactly turn my back on you lest I find you into something you shouldn't be." She glanced to Jayne. "While I show Qorach and Morra where to bunk, would you please make sure Talyn stands down from training? I want the gloves stowed and his gorgeous bottom attached to a seat of some kind."

  Jayne gave her a sharp military salute. "Yes, ma'am."

  "Thank you." Felicia led the other two to the guest rooms she'd set up for them. She showed Qorach to his first, and then Morra.

  As she started to leave, Morra stopped her. "Okay, so here's my question that I didn't want to ask in front of Jayne, who would have taken my head for it. But ... why haven't you chained that luscious piece of male to your bed? Holy gods, Felicia! If I had unrestricted access to that, I'd never walk straight again."

  Felicia laughed. "It's not easy. I have to admit, I do get frequent spontaneous urges to straddle him."

  Sucking her breath in sharply, Morra shook her hand in a gesture of supreme appreciation. "The fact you can restrain yourself at all amazes me." She let out a low whistle. "I'm not normally attracted to other species, but dang ... you a lucky female to have full access to that body."

  "Should I be worried?"

  Morra laughed. "No. If I was going to make a move on him, I wouldn't be telling you I'm lusting for him. What am I? Nuts? Besides, Qory's the only male I'd ever trust at my back."

  "Oh. I didn't even consider that. Would you like to be in the same room?"

  "Nuh-uh. That's not what I meant. I love and adore him, but we're family. He's my best friend, brother, and drinking bud. Not my boyfriend or lover. Told you ... I like my men green. And not just behind their ears." Morra began unpacking an insane amount of firearms and weaponry Felicia couldn't even identify, nor had she any idea the female had strapped that amount underneath her clothes.

  "Should I ask?"

  "Sentella. We fight hard." She looked up with a wicked grin. "And I fight to win."

  "You sound a lot like Talyn. I'm beginning to think I should be worried."

  Morra laughed. "Relax, sweetie. I have a very strict dating code. I would never take another female's heart. Besides, the way he looks at you ... he doesn't even know I possess female body parts. Trust me. I could walk in butt naked, shake it in his face, and his only question would be, 'Have you seen Felicia?'"

  Snorting, Felicia shook her head. "I know we just met, but I really like you."

  "It's the green thing. Me and fungi. We grow on things fast."

  "Yeah, right. I'm glad you're the ones Jayne brought. I doubt anyone else would be half as entertaining.... I'll let you get settled. When you and Qorach are ready, let me know and I'll show you around."

  "Thanks."

  Felicia returned to the gym to find Talyn sitting with his back to her and drinking water while he and Jayne had a rather loud discussion.

  "Keep the creds, boy. Don't you even insult me with that! You're not taking money from me or my family, and I include The Sentella with that. And I'm not taking money from you. Your mother told me they reduced your pay."

  "I didn't ask for charity, Jayne."

  "And I'm not giving you any. What am I, a stranger?"

  "No, but--"

  "No buts. You and your mom are my family, too. What you love, I love. What threatens you, threatens me. It's that simple, T. So don't argue or I'll put you over my knee and spank you. I don't care how big you think you are."

  He laughed. "You've never spanked me."

  Smiling, Jayne rubbed his arm. "It's so weird to see you grown now. And with facial hair, no less. I still think of you as that studious little boy who sat so quietly in the corner of my room. Never making a peep. Always doing his work without prompting."

  She brushed her hand over the faded bruises on his face. "I know many of the secrets you hide, Talyn. I've seen you stand strong against the maelstrom that would tear anyone else apart. But I also know the toll it takes to do that. While you are stronger than anyone I know, and I include Nemesis in that list, you're not invincible. I've been through and survived torture, too. I know how long it takes to get over the nightmares. Have you been sleeping at all?"

  "Not really."


  "Anxiety issues? Panic attacks?"

  He gave a subtle nod. "Anger outbursts, too, that lead to ... you know. It's why I was working out. I was hoping to burn it out of my system."

  "Have you told Felicia?"

  "No."

  "She needs to know, Baby T. Nothing heals like the touch of a loved one."

  "I don't want to burden her."

  "You're not a burden." Felicia stepped forward to let them know she was there. "Sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just wanted to make sure that Talyn was following my orders."

  Talyn flinched. "How much did you hear?"

  "That you're having nightmares and not telling me about them. What's going on?"

  He passed an irritated glare at Jayne. "It's nothing."

  "Talyn ... I'm not going to judge you. There's not a weak atom in your entire body and I know it. But you are Andarion. You are sentient and have feelings. There's no shame in admitting that."

  He grimaced at her. "Really don't want to talk about it. Just want to forget it happened. Okay? That's how I deal with things. Can't change it. Move forward. There's no need to dwell on shit you can't fix."

  She wrapped her arms around his waist. "Okay. I'll never bring it up again. But if you need me, I am here and I will listen without prejudice or judgment."

  Jayne smiled at her. "You found a rare good one, T. Good job."

  He frowned at Jayne. "Gah, you still sound like a teacher, who's grading me. Or even worse..." He made the noise of a circus animal and clapped his hands together.

  Jayne laughed. "Can't help it. And you better be glad I don't have any raw fish to hand-feed you. Or I'd make you choke on it." She popped the side of his leg, then kissed his cheek. "Let me go check in with your mom and let her know that The Sentella has your back."

  As Jayne wandered off, his military armband started buzzing.

  "What the hell?" Talyn pulled out his link and called in to base.

  Felicia could tell by his face that it was another outrageous demand.

  His frown deepened. "I'm still under medical leave." He paused to listen. "Yes, sir. I'm on my way."

  "What is it?"

  "Apparently, my health is fine for a lieutenant's duty assignments. I have an hour to report to post or be considered AWOL."

  "This is ridiculous!"

  He sighed heavily. "Yeah, well. Can't really argue. They always win."

  Felicia ground her teeth as she watched his labored gait. He was still in a lot of pain, though he had thankfully refused meds. Otherwise, Anatole would have him punished for it. No wonder Talyn was so paranoid.

  Furious about this, she went to call her brother, who was every bit as pissed off about it as she was.

  "Did the doctor clear him for active duty?"

  "No. We were there just yesterday and I saw the file myself. The doctor said it would be at least three more weeks before Talyn would be fit to call in and request reactivation."

  "Where's Talyn now?"

  "Dressing."

  "Have him report, and I'll meet him at the base. I don't want to give them any reason to take more action against him."

  "Thank you, Lorens."

  "Anytime, little sis."

  Hanging up, she went to find Talyn pulling on his boots. While he looked gorgeous in his red and black uniform, she hated that he had to wear it. Worse, she had a bad feeling in her stomach about what was waiting for him when he returned to duty. "Where are you stationed now?"

  He rose and reached for his beret. "Back to Anatole Base."

  Under Anatole's direct command. She wanted to curse. "Barracks restriction again?"

  "We're not married, so I have no choice. I don't know what my new schedule is. I'll e-mail it to you as soon as I do." Pulling her against him, he kissed her. "I wish I'd known last night was all we'd have. I wouldn't have gone to sleep."

  Felicia blinked back the tears in her eyes. Tears that made her voice thick from the pain she felt over his leaving. "Please be careful."

  "You, too. Don't leave without your guard."

  "I won't. I wish I could send Qorach to protect you."

  "Yeah, that wouldn't go over well. Besides, I don't need it. I can take care of myself." He tightened his arms around her. "I miss you already."

  Taking a deep breath in her hair, he released her. "Your broker sent over the severance forms yesterday. I was going to give them to you at dinner." His brow furrowed by wistful longing, he twisted his finger in her hair. "You are officially released from their agency. Heads up, there's a nasty cover letter to remind you that if you continue an unsanctioned relationship with me, you will be considered a whore, and they'll be forced to report you as an unlicensed prostitute. They've graciously, according to their words, granted you thirty days to reconsider and return to them before they file with the courts. Just FYI, I went to the management office yesterday and transferred complete ownership of the condo over to you."

  She gaped at his unexpected gift. "Why?"

  "We have no papers or contract now, Felicia. If you're living in my condo without them, we'll both be arrested. Since I don't have any personal items here, and my official address is with the armada, it was the easiest solution. You don't have to worry about payments for it. I don't have any. I bought it outright. It's all yours. You can do whatever you want with it."

  Agony tore through her at the anguished note in his voice. "This sounds like a good-bye."

  He swallowed hard. "I don't know what it is. Honestly. But if something happens to me, I wanted to make sure that you're taken care of."

  Her tears fell down her cheeks. "Talyn--"

  "Shh." He silenced her with another kiss as he wiped away the tears. "You know I'm stralen for you, Felicia. Your life is far more important to me than mine is. And I understand that you don't have the same feelings for me that I have for you. I accept that. We both know we can't marry. And I'm the armada's and Anatole's bitch. I would never blame you if you left me. It's the smart thing to do. I just ... I want you to be happy."

  "You're what makes me happy. I'm going to find some way around this, Talyn. I swear it."

  "I wish you luck. The gods know, I haven't been able to think of anything. But I do love you. Never, ever doubt that." He squeezed her gently one more time, then stepped back. "I'll call as soon as I can and let you know what my new orders are."

  Unable to speak past the grief that choked her, she nodded and walked with him to the lift. Her heart broke for him. Most of all, it broke for her having to let him go when all she wanted to do was hold on tighter.

  And after he released her hand and stepped inside the lift and the doors closed, she fell to her knees, sobbing.

  An overwhelming fear that she'd never see him again tore through her. I can't live without you, Talyn. Please, please don't leave me.

  CHAPTER 22

  Talyn forced himself to slide his link into his pocket before he gave in to the ferocious need he had to call Felicia on his way back to post. He had to acclimate himself to not having her in his life.

  To making it through the day without her smile in his heart.

  It would be best to let her go. For all of them.

  Strange, when he'd approached the agency to contract with her a few months ago, he'd never once considered that he might actually fall in love with his companion. He'd just wanted someone to be nice to him whenever he had a few hours of liberty. A female who would help with a simple biological necessity.

  He'd assumed that she would treat him like everyone else did. Subpar. And watch the clock until he was gone and she could return to her life and friends.

  The last thing he'd expected was a female who looked at him and treated him like he was fully Vested. One who actually liked him and wanted to spend time in his company.

  Now ...

  Felicia owned him. Heart and soul. Mind and body. He wasn't really the armada's bitch.

  He was Felicia's. Happily so. She was the one thing he couldn't live without. Worse, she was the one we
akness that could destroy him.

  Damn.

  Leaving her was so painful. Like having a limb ripped from his body. You're an idiot. Just let her go and move on.

  It was the sanest and safest thing to do.

  The problem was learning how to live without her again. Which made no sense. He'd lived the vast majority of his life without any knowledge of her existence. She'd only been in his life for a few months.

  Yet he needed her in ways he wouldn't have thought possible. For the first time, he was beginning to understand his mother and why she still loved his bastard father after everything he'd done to them. If she'd felt one-tenth of this for Fain Hauk, he totally got why she wouldn't let him bad-mouth the male who deserved it. Why his mother had never looked twice at anyone else.

  Yes, some of it was the stralen. But even before it'd set in, Talyn had been viciously drawn to Felicia against all sanity. Honestly, he'd fallen in love with her picture before they even met. There had just been something in her eyes that had reached out to him and made him burn for her. Made him want to sink himself inside her warmth and hold her until time ended.

  Talyn started to pull out the link and call her, until he realized it was too late. They were pulling in to base.

  Damn it! He should have been talking to her the whole time. There was no telling when he'd have a chance to speak to her again.

  If ever.

  I fucking blew it. He could kick his own ass for being so stupid.

  The transport stopped as the guard approached his window. Talyn rolled it down and handed over his security badge that had yet to be updated with his new rank. "Reporting for duty."

  Without a word and with a curled lip of repugnance over Talyn's bald head, the guard returned his ID, saluted him, and stepped back.

  Out of habit, Talyn returned the salute before the transport carried him to the duty office. With a tight knot in his stomach, he got out to see what fresh hell awaited him.

  As soon as he entered, the DO contacted Anatole to let him know that Talyn was there. She then showed him into the colonel's office, where Anatole sat with a smirk on his face.