With This Man

  ‘You are the man of my dreams, Jesse Ward.’ She kisses the very edge of my mouth. ‘And I imagine you’re the man of many other women’s dreams, too.’

  ‘Well they can’t have me,’ I vow, as if that would ever be a worry for Ava. ‘I belong to you, as much as you belong to me. That’s just how it is.’

  Her teeth sink into my bristly cheek, her arms locked around my neck. ‘Now that we’ve cleared that up, are you going to spoil me like you promised?’

  ‘Yes,’ I affirm, pulling back. ‘Right after you’ve had a relaxing soak.’ I carry her to the bath and place her gently down, kissing her forehead, and then leave her to get herself ready. I can’t bathe with her. We’ll never make it to the party. ‘Wear the lace dress and meet me in the hallway at seven thirty.’ I shut the door behind me, satisfied, because I just know she won’t disappoint me.

  Chapter 36

  My frame of mind is positive. My heart is hopeful. My trimmed stubble just the right length, my face fresh. My charcoal three-piece suit fits like a dream, and my body in it looks fine. She won’t be disappointed, either.

  As I wait for her in the hallway, refixing my hair in the mirror, I hear the bedroom door close.

  I move to the bottom step, sliding my hands into my trouser pockets. I can’t see her. ‘Ava?’

  ‘I don’t think you’ll approve.’ I hear her, but I still don’t see her. And now I’m worried. Has she defied my request for the lace dress?

  ‘Let me see you,’ I order, containing the annoyance threatening to break in my tone. Tonight has to be perfect. Ava not wearing the dress I requested won’t get it off to a good start.

  ‘You sure?’ she calls. She sounds nervous.

  ‘Get your arse in my sights now, lady.’

  She appears, cautiously. And I’m utterly blown away. ‘Jesus.’ I exhale my wonder, my eyes following her around the gallery landing to the top of the steps. If there’s an example of perfection, then I’m looking at it.

  The dress. Shit, the dress. Lace, everywhere, and the subtle cream tone brings memories of her stunning wedding gown gushing back. The hem just below the knee is perfect, the material clinging lightly to every wonderful curve she has. I ignore the fact that those curves have reduced somewhat in recent weeks, and move up to her face. Pink on her lips is the only subtle pop of colour. It’s all this dress needs. The Bardot neckline reveals the smooth lengths of her collarbones, her hair fixed in a sleek knot at the nape of her neck. Understated elegance. My wife has always had it, and it never fails to render me thunderstruck.

  Her smoky eyes are taking me in, up and down, her teeth latched onto her bottom lip. ‘Do you like what you see?’ I ask, sure of the answer. Every inch of her is glowing with appreciation, in her eyes the most.

  ‘You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on.’ She swallows and looks up at me. ‘Do I look okay?’

  ‘Okay?’ I counter, taking the stairs up to her, drinking her in. ‘You are beauty personified, lady. And you’re mine.’ I reach her and take her hand, kissing her wedding ring. I peek up at her. ‘Who do you belong to?’

  ‘You.’ She doesn’t stall, doesn’t protest, as she smiles down at me. ‘Always.’

  ‘Come.’ I lead her down the stairs slowly, never taking my eyes from her profile as she watches her feet. ‘I have something for you.’ I stop at the bottom of the stairs and reach into my pocket, circling her slowly. My hand on her hip makes her spine lengthen, and she looks over her shoulder at me.

  ‘What do you have?’

  ‘This.’ I take the diamond necklace over her head and let it settle on her skin. She looks down, her hand reaching up to feel the stones as I secure it. ‘You only wear it on special occasions.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ she whispers, moving away from me towards the mirror. Staring at her reflection, she fingers the precious jewellery, lost in thought. Does she recognise it?

  ‘It’s beautiful.’ She looks past her reflection to me. ‘Thank you.’

  I smile, unable to be disappointed by her lack of memory. ‘It’s been yours for twelve years, baby.’ I move in behind her and circle her waist with my arms, bending to get my chin on her shoulder. Our eyes lock in the mirror. ‘It’s beautiful, yes, but it isn’t a patch on the woman wearing it.’ The woman wearing it shines brighter. Is more precious. More valuable to me than anything in this world.

  She turns her head to find my lips and blesses me with a delicate, consuming kiss.

  Love. It’s radiating between us, filling me with happiness. We can do this. Get through this. Because we’re us. Jesse and Ava. ‘Let’s dance.’ I turn her in my arms and reach for my phone, pulling up the Sonos app.

  She laughs lightly, bemused. ‘Please, not to Justin Timberlake.’

  My finger pauses on the screen of my phone, and I look down at Ava. It’s just another one of those moments, when she says something without a clue of why she’s saying it. I won’t let it tarnish what I plan on being a perfect evening. ‘Something a little more romantic.’ I find the track in mind and turn up the volume. ‘Like this.’ ‘Nights in White Satin’ fills the air around us, and she listens with me for a few moments. ‘Recognise it?’ I sound hopeful, though trying my hardest not to be.

  ‘Of course.’ She steps into my chest and rests her cheek there, curling one arm around my waist and taking my hand. ‘We danced to it one time.’

  Placing our clasped hands on my chest beside her head, I start to slowly move us in lazy circles, laying my head upon hers. ‘You don’t remember, do you?’ I ask, knowing she’s grasped my plan. A mild shake of her head is expected, but the tears soaking through the material of my shirt are not. ‘Don’t cry,’ I gently scold her, clenching my eyes closed before I defy my own order. ‘We make new memories if we can’t find the old ones.’

  ‘I want both.’ She follows my lead as we unhurriedly pivot on the spot, going so slow, we’re hardly moving at all. But we’re touching. Everywhere, we’re touching, and the most significant place we’re touching right now is our hearts. Her heartbeats are sinking into my chest, serving as a power surge, increasing my own heart rate. ‘But I have you and the children,’ she whispers, her voice barely heard over the music as it reaches the crescendo. ‘And that’s all that matters.’

  I breathe in, long and deep, and sink my face into her hair. She’s right, though it doesn’t make the loss any easier to accept. ‘Always,’ I affirm, my voice evidently broken.

  The track slowly fades out and we continue to slowly turn on the spot, our hands held tightly against my chest, her body held snuggly to mine.

  ‘Time to go, baby,’ I murmur reluctantly, feeling her hold of me constrict everywhere. Arranging her into my side, I walk us to the car.

  ‘Am I allowed a drink tonight?’ Her question is laced with a little mischief, and definitely some hope. I realise that she maybe feels the need for a little Dutch courage. I can’t deny her that, but I’ll be keeping a very close eye on her.

  ‘One or two,’ I agree, opening the car door for her. She lowers into the seat and I move in, fastening her belt. As I back up, I stop, my body bent, my face nose to nose with hers. She smiles. I smile. ‘I hope you have a lovely evening, Mrs Ward.’

  ‘My date is a god. Of course I will.’

  I land her with a soft kiss. ‘I fucking love you.’

  Chapter 37

  The foyer of Café Royal sparkles, the grandeur impressive.

  We enter the small ornate elevator, both of us quiet as it slowly carries us up. Ava peeks at me a few times, never releasing my hand. When the doors open, the rush of sound hits us – music, chatting, laughter. I step forward, but feel Ava’s resistance behind me. ‘Everyone is looking forward to seeing you,’ I say, trying to build her confidence. ‘And I’ll never leave your side.’

  ‘What if I need the ladies?’

  ‘Then I’ll come,’
I say matter-of-factly, because it is definitely a fact. She smiles, knowing I really will, and leaves the elevator. ‘If it’s too loud, you must tell me.’ I don’t want her getting a headache.

  ‘What will you do? Demand everyone be quiet and order Drew to turn off the music?’

  I smile down at her, not needing to answer. She knows I’d do that as well.

  ‘Silly question,’ she says on a shake of her head. ‘Of course you would.’

  We cross the threshold of the room, and I feel Ava’s hand squeeze mine, her other hand coming up and clinging onto my bicep. ‘Relax,’ I tell her gently, taking a glass of fizz from an offered tray and peeling her hand off my arm. I give her the champagne. ‘Small sips.’

  ‘Right.’ She sinks the entire glass, stealthily moving back when I reach to seize it. ‘Too slow, Ward,’ she murmurs, placing the empty on the tray.

  The woman is impossible. ‘You’ll pay for that.’

  ‘Can’t wait.’ Her hand raises in a wave, and we’re soon joined by Raya. ‘Congratulations, Raya. You look gorgeous,’ Ava tells her, taking both her hands and holding them out to admire Raya’s dress in all its glory.

  ‘This old thing?’ She rolls her eyes and moves in to kiss Ava on the cheek. ‘Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me and Drew.’

  ‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world.’ Ava peeks up at me and jerks her head a little, her way of telling me to give some attention to the lady of the moment.

  ‘Really stunning,’ I all but grunt, peeling my eyes away from my devious wife just as Drew joins us. His suit is pristine, as expected. He gives his fiancée a loving kiss on her cheek, before moving in on Ava. I will him not to make a big deal of her presence. Everyone commenting on her actually being here won’t help.

  ‘Ava, you look sublime.’ Drew drops a gentle kiss on her cheek before rejoining Raya. ‘Thank you for coming. Now, if you wouldn’t mind me stealing my beautiful bride-to-be.’

  ‘Of course, you go.’ Ava shoos them away and takes advantage of the passing waiter as I shake Drew’s hand.

  ‘Easy,’ I warn as she takes the glass to her lips.

  It rests on her bottom lip for a few moments as she regards my increasingly bristly form. Then she makes a show of taking the smallest, slowest sip she possibly could.

  ‘Don’t push me, lady.’ I collect her hand and push through the crowd, making sure I clear the way first as I pull Ava along with me.

  ‘There’s John,’ Ava says, pointing towards the bar. ‘And Elsie.’

  He’s brought a date? I change course quickly, heading their way. The big guy is smiling, probably wider than I’ve ever seen before, and he’s made a real effort. His black suit is new for sure, his white shirt stark, and his bald head is supershiny, undoubtedly freshly polished. As soon as he spots me, his bright smile turns into a filthy glare. One that could shrink every muscle I have, and I have a lot. But, of course, I completely ignore his suddenly threatening stance, my body becoming taller.

  ‘Don’t tease him,’ Ava warns.

  I scoff. I’ve waited for ever for this. ‘John.’ I slap a firm hand on his solid shoulder. He doesn’t move an inch. ‘You look like you’re here to impress.’ His eyes darken, only making my grin widen. I turn it onto Elsie and blind her with it. ‘And you look ravishing. I hope John has told you so.’ I can’t imagine him paying a compliment.

  ‘Oh, he has.’ Elsie’s hand reaches for John’s. ‘Quite a few times, in fact.’

  John’s still glaring at me, and I’m still totally ignoring it. ‘How romantic of you.’ His eyes are telling me to fuck right off before he smashes me in my smug face, but he would never tell me so in front of his new lady friend. ‘So you two official?’

  ‘Jesse.’ Ava sighs, sounding tired by my game. Tired? I’ve only just begun. ‘Let’s go and find Kate and Sam.’

  ‘Good idea,’ John growls as Ava pulls me away. I just can’t wipe the grin off my face. ‘Have a nice evening.’ John sounds less than sincere.

  ‘You too,’ Ava calls, her yanks of my arm getting firmer. ‘Jesse, for the love of God, will you behave?’

  ‘This is monumental stuff, baby.’ I relent and turn, letting her pull me through the crowds. ‘I’ve only known him to be goo-goo over his bonsai trees.’

  ‘He has bonsai trees?’ Her wonder is warranted as she glances back to the colossal, mean-looking man who I adore with all my heart.

  ‘If he pays as much attention to Elsie as he does those trees, she’ll be feeling pretty special.’ I spot Sam with Kate, who’s shoving a canapé in her mouth. ‘Hungry, Kate?’ I ask, alarmed as she follows it up quickly with another.

  ‘Oh my God,’ she mumbles around her full mouth, closing her eyes like she’s tasting heaven. ‘I just can’t stop eating.’ She collects another and holds it while moving in to give Ava a hug. ‘Food. Just give me food and I’ll be happy.’

  Ava laughs over her shoulder as Sam shakes his head in amusement. ‘Shall we get some seats?’ I ask, mindful of Kate’s huge belly, and of my wife’s dodgy leg.

  ‘No.’ Sam shakes his head, pointing his beer to a passing waiter. ‘She’s figured out the route to the kitchen. This is the prime spot to bag the good stuff before everyone else gets to it. We’ll be here all night.’

  ‘You need to sit down, Kate,’ Ava moans at her, reaching for her tummy and giving it a little rub. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Hungry,’ she replies, seizing another canapé and stuffing the whole thing in her mouth.

  Sam looks entirely exasperated as he takes one for himself. ‘And I’m coming out in sympathy. This baby needs to come soon before its mum and dad run out of food and eat each other.’

  Ava laughs, looking relaxed as she observes our friends munching their way through canapé after canapé. I’m not standing here all night. Besides, Ava needs to sit down. I spot a waitress entering the room, heading this way, and as soon as she makes it to us, I take the tray from her hands. ‘It’s an emergency,’ I say to her startled face.

  ‘Oh God.’ Kate’s on me like she needs me to breathe, ramming food into her mouth.

  ‘Come on.’ I usher them all onto the balcony, following with the tray.

  The traffic on Regent Street is clear, the lights glowing, the bustle of London a perfect backdrop. Stone columns close us in, prisms of fire warming the night air. It’s beautifully idyllic, this little private haven above the busy streets of London.

  As soon as Kate’s sitting down, I put the tray in front of her, smiling at Sam when he rolls his eyes. ‘Sips,’ I whisper in Ava’s ear as she lowers to a chair, taking a water for myself. ‘You hungry?’

  ‘Even if I was, I don’t think I’d dare take one from her,’ she quips, making Kate’s chewing slow to a stop.

  ‘Oow . . . ohhh . . . usstt.’ Her hands wave at the tray as she splutters a load of nonsense at us. And then Ava reaches forward, taking one of the little flatbreads as Kate groans happily on. ‘I don’t know what it is about them, but I can’t get enough.’

  I’m thrilled to see Ava pop one in her mouth without any pressing from me. But it isn’t in her mouth for long. She coughs, grabbing a napkin and holding it to her mouth. ‘Fucking hell,’ she splutters, emptying the contents of her mouth into the material.

  ‘Ava.’ My bark of her name makes her jump a little, though I get no apology for her foul mouth.

  ‘I know, right?’ Kate grabs another and rams it in. ‘Serious . . . eeee . . . est . . . ings.’

  ‘I need water!’ Ava starts fanning her mouth, frantically searching the vicinity. ‘Quickly! Oh my God, my mouth’s burning!’

  I hand over my glass as Sam falls apart across the table, and she grabs it, slurping it down ravenously.

  ‘Spicy?’ I take a wild guess, smiling as she nods over the glass.

  ‘Delicious,’ Kate corrects.

  ‘You
hate hot food.’ Ava’s face is red, a mild sweat dampening her skin. She looks at the platter with disgust.

  ‘Oh, Kate’s developed a bit of a craving.’ Sam takes one of the canapés and holds it out to Kate, whose mouth falls open like she’s begging for a treat. ‘She’s draining the local Indian restaurant dry.’ He slips it past her lips and wipes a little bit of sauce from the corner of her mouth on a fond smile. ‘I won’t miss the midnight demands for a curry, but I will miss these.’ He cups one of her swelling boobs on a grin. Ava doesn’t know where to look, diving into her fizz, whereas I laugh. She got used to Sam’s cheeky nature over the years. Now she has to start all over again. ‘Drinks, anyone?’ Sam asks, releasing Kate’s boob and rising.

  ‘I’ll have a grapefruit juice.’ Kate waffles around her ever-full mouth. ‘With a dash of tomato juice and some Worcester sauce.’

  ‘Jesus, Kate,’ Ava breathes, grimacing. ‘Pregnancy is doing weird stuff to your appetite.’

  ‘Tell me about it,’ Sam says. ‘Jesse?’

  ‘Just a water for me.’

  ‘You go,’ Ava suggests, nodding when I look at her in question. What happened to never leaving her side? ‘It’s fine. Kate’s here.’

  I sense she wants some alone time with her friend, and I’m honestly not sure how I feel about that. What will be said? I don’t know, and that’s a killer. But crowding her when she’s asked for a little space will do me no favours. ‘Five minutes,’ I agree reluctantly, leaning in and pushing my mouth to her cheek. ‘You’re going to talk about me, aren’t you?’

  ‘Don’t have such a big head.’ She smiles, and it’s fond. It doesn’t make me feel any better. I study her for a few moments, trying to read her mind. ‘Go,’ she orders, pulling on my sleeve. ‘And bring some canapés back that aren’t going to blow my head off.’

  It’s like she knows the promise that she’ll eat will entice me to leave. And I hate that she’s right. ‘Fine.’