With This Man

I pout, all innocent, and shake my head. I’m in the mood for a Retribution Fuck. ‘I’m getting a boob job.’

  ‘Over my dead body, lady.’

  I sigh, rising to my feet. ‘Get a grip, Ward. I’ve had three kids ravish these boobs, on top of you. They’re knackered.’ I turn and wander into the house, Jesse hot on my heels with John-Boy thrown under his arm, laughing. Daddy isn’t laughing, though.

  ‘Ava!’

  ‘Mama!’

  I get to the fridge and pull out some milk for John-Boy, turning with a coy smile on my face as I shake it up. ‘So whose boobies are they?’

  ‘Mine,’ Jesse growls, nostrils flaring and all. ‘I only loaned them.’

  ‘Mine!’ John-Boy sings, making grabby hands for his milk. My grin stretches my face as I hand John-Boy his milk, Jesse’s displeased eyes following me all the way. He shoves it straight in his mouth and pipes down.

  ‘I believe they are actually mine,’ I declare haughtily, sashaying out of the kitchen, knowing exactly what I’m damn well doing. These boys, I think, heading to answer a knock at the front door.

  The whole gang marches into the house. Drew and Raya head straight for the lounge to lay a sleeping Imogen on the couch, while Georgia dances off upstairs to find Maddie. Sam and Kate have a verbal spar on the way to the kitchen over whose turn it is to change Betty’s nappy, and Mum and Dad, followed closely behind by Jesse’s parents, head straight for the kitchen to take the reins.

  I follow the troop, meeting Jacob at the entrance to the kitchen. ‘Look at the state of you.’ I sigh, pointing to the grass stains on his knees as he spins his tennis racket in his grasp.

  ‘Are Uncle Sam and Drew here?’ He shrugs off my fussing hands and pulls a tennis ball from the pocket of his shorts. ‘We’re playing doubles, and me and Dad are gonna win.’

  I laugh. ‘Of course you are, darling. Dad always wins.’ I take his shoulders and push him into the kitchen. ‘Come and say hi to everyone before you disappear back into the garden.’

  ‘Hey, Mum?’ He stops us from progressing to the kitchen, looking up at me. He gives me his sweet little crinkled forehead that’s a replica of his Dad’s. It’s frightening how much our boys look like Jesse. They’re like little doppelgängers. It’s both highly satisfying that they’ve inherited their father’s obscenely handsome looks, and very worrying, too. How many girls will I be fending off over the coming years?

  Which reminds me, Jacob has a guest this evening – a girl he’s fond of. Jesse and I agreed to let them each have a friend over for this afternoon’s barbecue in John’s memory. Neither of us expected them to invite friends of the opposite sex. ‘What’s up, sweetheart?’ I know what’s up.

  ‘When Clarita arrives, don’t embarrass me, will you?’

  I feign a shocked face, resting my palm on my chest. ‘Me?’

  ‘Yes, you. And please keep Dad under control.’

  I laugh. ‘You don’t have to worry about your father. His attention will be on Maddie and her guest.’

  ‘Still, be cool, yeah?’

  ‘Yes, I’ll be cool,’ I assure him. ‘But just remember.’

  ‘What?’

  I smile down at my boy and kiss his hair. ‘You only need one woman in your life. And who’s that?’

  ‘My mother.’ He sighs on an expert roll of his eyes, one I know he’s learned from me.

  ‘Good boy.’ I leave him to say his hellos to the gang, going back to the front door when it knocks.

  I open and find Elsie with a huge bunch of flowers held in front of her. Her head pops up over the spray, her pink hair blending with the colourful arrangement. ‘John always bought me big, bright bouquets. He said the more vibrant, the more they reminded him of me.’

  I smile, a little sadness washing over me. ‘They’re beautiful.’ I accept them and give her a big hug. ‘You look gorgeous. Thank you for coming.’

  ‘Don’t get all sappy on me or I’ll cry, and John would not be happy about that.’ She gently but firmly swats me away, lifting her chin high. ‘Where are those gorgeous children?’

  I laugh, leading her to the kitchen. ‘Elsie’s here,’ I declare, smiling when everyone rushes to welcome her. I make my way to the fridge, pulling out a jug of Pimm’s.

  ‘What’s up with moody balls?’ Kate asks, collecting the glasses for me.

  Sure enough, Jesse’s forehead is a map of angry lines, his scowl pointed at me. I smile sweetly at him as I pour drinks for me and Kate. ‘I may have dropped the boob bomb.’

  ‘Oh, that would explain it.’ She chuckles and takes a glug of her drink as Raya joins us with Elsie.

  ‘Explain what?’ Raya asks, taking an empty and holding it out for me to fill.

  ‘My man is grumpy about the boob situation.’

  Raya whines a little under her breath. ‘Oh God, my breasts look like they’ve been ravaged, and not in the best way.’ She looks down at them, her lip curling in disapproval.

  ‘Oh, you young girls!’ Elsie chuckles. ‘Grow old gracefully.’

  I snort. ‘It’s all right for you with your tight little body.’ I’m still doing yoga with Elsie, though not as often, and I can guarantee I won’t have her figure in my mid-sixties.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Jesse asks, looking as suspicious as I know he is as he approaches, a quiet John-Boy still gobbling down his milk in his arms.

  ‘Nothing,’ I sing, taking the jug of Pimm’s and topping up the girls.

  ‘Hey.’ Kate pulls Sam over. ‘If Ava’s getting her boobs fixed, so am I.’

  ‘Ava isn’t getting her boobs fixed because they aren’t broken,’ Jesse declares, throwing Kate a deadly glare.

  ‘The surgeon’s an expert, Jesse,’ I argue, aware that I’m wasting my time. ‘I’ll be in perfectly safe hands.’

  ‘I’m the only expert on my wife’s boobs around here, and the only safe hands they’ll be in are mine. End of.’

  Drew smiles as he pops the cap off his beer. ‘I think John-Boy is more the expert these days, right?’ He chuckles around the top of his bottle as I silently will him to stop with the teasing. It just makes the gorilla worse.

  At that moment, John-Boy takes his empty bottle and smacks it over Jesse’s head, as if in agreement. Everyone flinches, but not Jesse. He’s too busy still giving me the death stare.

  Elsie, chuckling, takes John-Boy from Jesse’s arms. ‘Come on, children,’ she sings when Maddie and Georgia come dancing into the kitchen. ‘Maddie, you get Betty, and, Georgia, you get Imogen. Let’s go and play.’ Elsie directs all the kids into the garden, and I smile after her. She’ll have them all doing baby yoga in no time.

  ‘So when do you fly out?’ Raya asks as the men break away and go to congregate around the island.

  ‘Tomorrow.’ I’m reminded that I still have a ton of things to do before we head for the airport. I haven’t even finished packing.

  ‘I can’t believe we’re not invited.’ Kate throws me a feigned hurt expression that I find easy to brush off. She understands.

  ‘It’s just me, Jesse and the kids.’ I can’t be made to feel guilty. It’s our first holiday for over two years. ‘And I can’t wait to have them all to myself.’ I glance over to Jesse as he glances over to me. Fucking hell, he’s so damn beautiful, even when he’s grumpy. My husband. The man who’s given me three beautiful kids. I look at them each day and thank all things holy that I found the enigma that was Jesse Ward. I thank my lucky stars that I walked into that posh sex club of his and had the wind knocked out of me by just the sound of his voice. Of course, then I saw him. And he saw me. At that very moment, when I was standing before him struggling to find breath, and he was looking at me with that heavy frown of his, it was game over. For both of us. Simple as that.

  The road was rocky, the secrets dark, his ways challenging. And what’s most cruel is that I had to discover all of
his secrets not only once, but twice. But every drop of pain and suffering each time was worth it. He’s not an enigma to me any more. Hasn’t been for a long time. He’s my husband, the most devoted, adoring, gorgeous example of a man any woman could hope to have. Except any other woman can carry on hoping, because this one, this man, he’s mine. I smile the smile only he can draw from me. It’s one filled with love of the perfect kind. Because he’s mine.

  I’ll always be with this man.

  *

  Jesse

  ‘I love you,’ I mouth as she gazes across the kitchen at me, looking at me in the exact same way she looked at me the first time she set eyes on me. With lust. With awe. She’s looked at me in that way every single day of our lives together. Well, almost every single day. The accident, her temporarily lost memories, was just a blip on the horizon of my happiness. Yet at the time, it felt like the end of my world. I should have known that our love would prevail in the end. And now I really do know that we’re unbreakable.

  Smiling that smile that sets my insides alight, she kisses the air towards me before returning her attention back to the girls.

  ‘So, the boobs?’ Sam asks, tapping the top of my bottle with his, winning my attention.

  ‘Sam.’ Drew punches his bicep. ‘Why’d you have to do it, ah?’

  ‘Just asking.’ He grins around the lip of his bottle, his always smiling eyes not letting him down.

  ‘Just asking for me to nut you?’ I quip, yet somewhere close to serious, and he knows it. ‘There are no boobs beyond what’s already there.’ She can get that stupid idea right out of her head. ‘And what’s there is perfect.’ I clink their bottles. ‘To that motherfucker John.’

  ‘That motherfucker John.’ They laugh, pulling one from me as I head for the garden, stopping at the back door and looking across the grass. ‘It’s like a fucking crèche,’ I mutter, sounding exasperated at the sight of all the kids, though I’m really not. Elsie has them all lying on their backs, legs in the air.

  ‘I’m off to smack a few balls over the net with Jacob.’ Drew swipes my boy’s racket from his hand and jogs off to the court with Jacob running after him, shouting for his magic racket back.

  ‘Suppose I better go and show them how it’s done.’ Sam rolls his eyes like it’s an inconvenience. ‘Coming?’

  ‘No, I’m waiting for some more guests.’ Just as I say it, the doorbell rings, and I dart back into the house before Ava can beat me to it. I meet her in the hall. She’s ahead of me, but a quick, sneaky grab of her wrist and a yank back puts me in front. She knew I’d be lurking, waiting to pounce.

  ‘Jesse, don’t you upset Maddie,’ Ava warns, knowing my game.

  I slap on my killer smile and flash it at my wife before swinging the door open. But it drops when I find a young girl. Oh. I haven’t a speech planned for Jacob’s friend. Not one that won’t make her cry, anyway.

  ‘Hello, Mr Ward.’ Clarita dazzles me with a smile full of personality.

  ‘Hi.’ I open the door wider and let her in. I’m handing this one over to my wife. Smiling at Ava, I nod to Clarita’s back as she approaches. Let’s see how she welcomes this new woman into her darling boy’s life. ‘Over to you,’ I quip.

  Her scowl is barely contained. ‘Hi, Clarita. Jacob is on the tennis court. Do you want something to drink before you head out?’

  ‘I’m fine, thank you. It was very nice of you to invite me.’

  Is it me, or is Ava swooning? Yes, she’s definitely swooning. What happened to the lioness? ‘You’re more than welcome, sweetheart. Help yourself today, okay? Drinks, food, you name it.’

  ‘Why don’t you just ask her if she wants to stay the night, too?’ I grumble under my breath as I shut the door, plodding back to the garden. ‘Dada!’ John-Boy spots me and breaks away from the group, clearly fed up with yoga.

  ‘Hey!’ I scoop him into my arms and let him pull at my cheeks.

  ‘Maddie!’ Ava calls from behind. ‘Your guest is here!’

  I swing around so fast, John-Boy starts giggling uncontrollably, obviously thinking Daddy’s playing. I’m not. Damn it, why did I leave the front door? Ava’s knowing look tells me she knows I’m mentally kicking myself. I needed a few moments alone with this little twerp my daughter’s apparently crushing on. And as I think that, the little twerp comes into view, standing next to Ava. My eyes pop out of my head. Fuck me, how old is he? Panicked, I look to Ava, searching for some back-up. I get nothing but a shake of her head. What the fuck? He must be knocking on six foot.

  As Maddie passes me, she throws me a look to suggest I should keep my mouth the hell shut. She can think again. I watch as she reaches up and kisses his cheek. Good Lord, someone hold me back. ‘She’s nearly fourteen, Jesse,’ Ava says to me quietly when she’s made it over. ‘Don’t be all over the top about it.’

  ‘She’s thirteen. Why does everyone insist on saying nearly fourteen? That doesn’t make her fourteen, and even if it does, she’s still illegal.’

  ‘Illegal to date?’ Ava laughs.

  ‘To do everything,’ I confirm.

  ‘She’s growing up, Jesse. Get over it. She and I have had the talk. She’s a sensible girl.’

  My body starts twitching uncontrollably as I stare at my wife in horror. ‘The talk?’ Please, God, tell me Ava’s not going to say what I think she’s going to say.

  ‘Of course. We had that conversation at least a year ago.’

  John-Boy’s vibrating in my arms now, so much so, Ava must think I’m going to drop him because she takes him from me.

  ‘You need to calm down,’ she warns.

  Fuck that! ‘If you and Maddie have had the talk, it’s only right me and . . . what’s his name?’

  ‘Lonny.’

  ‘Lonny?’ I question. ‘What the fucking hell kind of name is that? His parents must be morons, too.’ I sink the rest of my beer, eyeing up the little fucker. ‘How old is he?’

  ‘Fourteen.’

  ‘Give me a break.’ I laugh. ‘He must be lying. He’s at least twenty.’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ Ava smacks my arm. ‘Stop being dramatic.’

  I see Ava in the corner of my eye wandering off across the grass. Dramatic? I don’t think I am. Me and Lonny need to have a chat.

  My shoulders back, I wander over to Maddie and Lonny, seeing with perfect clarity the warning in my baby girl’s eyes. And also the worry, because she knows I’m not interested in heeding her warning. ‘Hi.’ My voice is low and rough, just as I intended. Manly.

  Lonny smiles at me. ‘Mr Ward, nice to meet you.’

  I recoil. I can’t help it. Has he got a vice on his balls? His squeaky voice doesn’t match his height. Maybe the shit really is fourteen. I look down at his offered hand, my eyebrows rising. Let’s see if his handshake is any manlier. I clasp it hard, immediately disappointed when he flinches in pain. I smile on the inside. ‘Let’s take a walk, Lonny.’

  ‘No, Dad.’ Maddie dives in front of me, like her little girlie figure might stop me. A fucking bulldozer wouldn’t stop me.

  ‘I just want to chat with him,’ I appease her, knowing I’m wasting my time. ‘You want to chat, don’t you, Lonny?’

  ‘Y-yes, sir.’ He looks afraid. He should. Be very afraid, Lonny.

  ‘See?’ I sweep my arm out in a gesture for him to lead on, blinding him with the smile I usually only reserve for my babies. It falls the moment Ava shoves John-Boy in my arms. Oh, she’s cunning. I can’t very well trample when I’m holding the baby. John-Boy doesn’t help my cause of trying to appear threatening when he grabs my stubbly cheeks and squeezes them. Lonny laughs. I do not.

  ‘Let’s walk,’ I tell him, nodding down the path to the swing bench, the most secluded place in the garden.

  Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans, he walks on and I follow, eyeballing him the entire way. ‘You h
ave a lovely home, Jesse.’ He smiles at me, and I raise my brows. ‘Mr Ward,’ he corrects himself, very wisely. The little suck-up. So, it’s compliments all the way, is it? My eyes narrow on him as we stroll, and he quickly darts his gaze to his feet, taking one hand to his hair and running it through nervously. I won’t ever admit it out loud, but he’s a good-looking little fucker. I can see why my girl is crushing on him.

  ‘Tell me about your grades.’ He might carry the looks and, apparently, the charm, but it’s all a waste if the kid’s an underachiever. My girl is bright. She needs someone to equal that.

  ‘My grades?’ he asks, a little hesitantly, and I nod. Though my prompt doesn’t push him to go on, his cheeks filling with a bit of colour. It’s as I thought. He’s a reject. ‘I’m top of some of my classes, Mr Ward.’

  Oh. Do I have a compulsive liar on my hands? ‘What classes?’

  He smiles, awkward. ‘All of them.’

  Oh.

  ‘My favourite is maths, though. And science. I’d like to be a doctor someday.’ He sighs. ‘But the university fees are steep.’ He blows out his cheeks, and I conclude on the spot that his parents must be a little hard up. ‘Who knows, I might win the scholarship I’m hoping for. It’d be really cool if I won that place at Oxford.’

  Oxford? The boy dreams big, and as I watch him, scuffing his feet as he ambles on beside me, I can’t help but think of my brother. He was ambitious, too, full of dreams and determination to make them happen. I flinch a little with the unexpected thought. ‘Here, sit,’ I tell him, pointing to the cushion on the bench as I settle and sit John-Boy on my lap. I don’t need to rock the swing. Lonny’s long legs take care of that for me.

  ‘How’d you meet Maddie?’ I ask, probably too shortly.

  ‘Me and Jacob are mates.’

  Oh, I see. Worming his way into the affections of his mate’s sister. The conniving shit. ‘Your mum’s told you it’s illegal to kiss until you’re thirty, right?’

  He glances up at me, alarmed. ‘It is?’

  ‘Oh, yeah, it is.’ The poor kid looks terrified. Good. I put John-Boy on his feet on my knees when he starts getting restless and yelling at Lonny. ‘And your dad’s told you about the birds and the bees, right?’ I’m completely unprepared for the wash of sadness that passes over his face, his eyes dropping to his swinging feet. Shit, what did I say?