With This Man

  ‘I would never hurt you,’ she says quietly, turning and walking away from me.

  I ball my fist and slam it onto my forehead. ‘Baby, wait.’ I chase after her, grabbing her wrist and swinging her around. She doesn’t fight me. She does the exact opposite, in fact. She launches herself at me and takes on her customary baby chimp hold of me, sinking her face deep into my neck. I couldn’t feel any more terrible. ‘I’m sorry.’ I cling to her, feeling the wetness of her tears on my neck.

  ‘I know it’s been a long time.’ She hiccups over her words. ‘But just remembering how terrified I was when I thought I’d lost you makes me feel it all again. And I panic. Because look how in love I was with you back then. Look how much I needed you. Twelve years later, all of those feelings have multiplied by a million, and the thought of losing you cripples me, Jesse.’ She breathes in shakily.

  I close my eyes and make sure I hold on to her that little bit tighter. ‘No one’s going to take me away,’ I vow, meaning it with every fibre of my being.

  ‘You talk like you’re indestructible.’

  ‘I am. If I have you and the kids, nothing can touch me, Ava.’ I force her away and scan her face, wiping her cheek of tears. We don’t talk about the events of that day. Lauren is still locked up in a padded cell somewhere under constant assessment, and there’s a restraining order in place in case that ever changes. Which, I’m advised, won’t. Premeditated attempted murder, carefully plotted and very nearly carefully executed. No one will be seeing her for a very long time. ‘Don’t cry, baby. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.’

  Reaching for my hair, she tugs on a huff mixed with a little chuckle. ‘That’s not funny.’

  ‘Shut up and kiss me, woman.’

  She’s on me like a lion, all parts of our horrid past pushed away, leaving room for only the good memories. The amazing memories. Memories that we build on every day of our beautiful existence together. Just us and our babies.

  Chapter 5

  As I dip and weave through the traffic on Park Lane the following week, the roof of my DB9 Volante down, the wind rushing past, I dial Drew to pass the time on my way to the health club. Just passing the time.

  ‘Afternoon!’ I greet, all chipper when he answers.

  ‘Yes, what do you want?’

  ‘That’s no way to greet a friend.’ I grin to myself as I sail through an amber light and switch lanes, ignoring the honking of some knob in a Bentley.

  ‘What do you want?’ he repeats, sounding utterly bored by the conversation that hasn’t even got off the ground yet. I’m about to remedy that.

  ‘Just wondering how you’re feeling now you’re claimed for life.’

  ‘I was claimed for life before I put a ring on her finger.’

  I smile, all warm and fuzzy on the inside for my mate. We’d honestly lost all hope for the kinky fucker by the time Raya came into his life. ‘Congratulations, mate. I’m happy for you. So when’s the big day?’

  ‘A couple of months. Exact date to be confirmed.’

  ‘Shit, you’re not messing around, are you?’

  ‘Did you just say that?’ He laughs, truly amused. ‘You had Ava down the aisle within weeks of meeting her.’

  I smile as I zip into my designated parking space outside the club and hop out, grabbing my sports bag from the boot. ‘Go big or go home. I’ve just got to the club. I’ll catch you later.’ Hanging up, I jog into reception, looking around for John. ‘Hey, Gaby,’ I call to one of the girls who works the reception area. ‘You seen the big man?’

  A neon-pink, clawlike talon points up the stairs to the gym floor. ‘Trying out the new weight machines.’

  I take the stairs two at a time, emerging into the open-plan gym at the top. It’s quiet now, the mums all departed to go collect their kids from school. Another hour and it’ll be crammed again after everyone has knocked off work. I spot John across the way and put my hand up when he nods to me as he loads weights onto the end of a bar. I hope I’m still lifting when I’m his age. He makes time every day in between helping us run this place so he can keep that huge body huge. He flicks his head, telling me he’ll meet me in the office, so I make my way there.

  I walk in and find Cherry at Ava’s desk. Her head flicks up. ‘Jesse.’ She’s up from her chair and quickly straightening out her skirt. ‘Ava asked me to check some invoices before she left to go and get Maddie and Jacob. But if there’s anything you need . . .?’

  I throw my bag on the couch. ‘I’m good.’

  ‘Tea? Coffee? Water?’ She comes around the desk, smiling brightly. ‘Anything?’

  I falter in my steps towards the filing cabinet, looking back with a curious brow. Was there suggestion in her words just then? ‘I’m good,’ I repeat, detecting a definite twinkle in her blue eyes.

  ‘Well, if you think of something . . .’ Her teeth sink into her bottom lip.

  Is she coming on to me? She must be twenty years younger than me, and though it’s a painful thought, I can’t deny the small part of my ego that thrives on that. Yep. Still got it. But this woman needs to be told that I only have it for my wife.

  ‘Cherry.’ I turn back towards her and make my way over, seeing her lip slip through her bite, her stance more confident. This needs nipping in the bud pretty damn quickly before Cherry is faced with the wrath of Ava. I shudder, but smile on the inside, too. I’m not the only possessive one in our relationship. ‘Perhaps we ought to—’

  I’m cut dead when John strides in, his phone to his ear, talking to whoever is on the other end. ‘The part is missing and I want it here by morning.’ He hangs up and looks between me and Cherry. ‘All right?’

  ‘Yeah, Cherry was just leaving.’

  She’s off across the office fast, quickly closing the door behind her. ‘What was that about?’ John takes a seat opposite Ava’s desk, while I drop into her chair.

  ‘I think Cherry has a crush.’

  John’s low rumbling laugh grates on me. ‘God help her if Ava finds out. I’ll have a word.’

  ‘Please do.’ I wake up Ava’s screen and tap in her password, smiling as I do. THELORD3210. ‘Anything to report?’ I ask, scanning my e-mails. John doesn’t answer, and I lift my head, catching his straight face. I don’t like that face. That’s his ultra-serious face. ‘What’s up?’ I ask, wary.

  ‘Sarah’s back in town.’ That’s it. That’s all he says, sitting back in his chair quietly while I try to process what just came out of his mouth.

  I’m still. And suddenly very hot, though I can’t figure out whether it’s from fear or anger. Oh, fuck. Shit is going to fly when Ava finds out. I haven’t seen Sarah for years, and I have no desire to now. Memories are flooding back, too many, too fast. I can’t do this again. Uncle Carmichael, Rosie, Rebecca, the car accident. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t stop what I’m doing at some point and think about them all. But Sarah? I never think about her or what she tried to do to me and Ava. And I’m not about to now. My life is too perfect.

  ‘Why?’ is all I manage.

  John’s huge shoulders jump up on a shrug. ‘Things didn’t work out for her in the States.’

  It didn’t work out? I don’t trust her. I gave her money. I gave her my blessing. But the one thing I couldn’t give her was my love. I rake a hand through my hair, feeling so fucking stressed. ‘Tell her to stay away from me and my family.’

  ‘Already done. But this is Sarah, Jesse. I can’t watch her every motherfucking second of the day.’

  I frown. ‘Where is she?’

  John doesn’t hold back his answer, pulling off his wraparounds so I can appreciate how serious he is. ‘Staying with me.’

  I blink at him, but his steely expression doesn’t waver, his face poker straight. ‘Why the fuck would you do that?’

  ‘She’s broke, Jesse. And broken, too. What did you want me to do? Shut
my door in her face?’

  ‘Yes.’ I stand, my temper getting the better of me. ‘Fucking hell, John. Have you forgotten what she did to me and Ava?’

  He’s up out of his chair like lightning, his big body looming forward. ‘Shut the fuck up, you stupid motherfucker.’ He slams his fist into the wood. ‘You and Ava are exactly why she’s staying at mine.’ I frown and he goes on. ‘I told her she can stay a few weeks until she gets herself back on her feet, but only if she stays out of your way.’

  I shrink a little. It’s not something many people can make me do. Only two people, in fact. My wife, and this man right here. The man who has been by my side for over thirty years. My uncle’s best friend, and now my best friend.

  I feel a pang of guilt – not towards Sarah, but toward my oldest friend. He didn’t ask for this. For all the decades this amazing man has been in my life, his loyalty has never once wavered. He’s been a rock, looked out for me. I honestly don’t know where I would be today without him. And here he is still doing right by me. ‘John—’

  ‘Shut up.’ He gets up, slipping his wraparounds back on. ‘I’m taking care of it. I just didn’t want to keep it from you.’

  ‘Thanks, big man.’

  ‘No need.’ He strides out of the office, and I try to breathe in some calm. I can’t leave Ava in the dark over this. I grab my phone to call her, but an incoming call flashes up before I can dial. I frown down at the kids’ school number, answering quickly. ‘Hello?’

  ‘Mr Ward, it’s Mrs Chilton, Maddie and Jacob’s teacher.’

  My heartbeat naturally quickens as it always does when an unexpected call comes in from the school. I instantly think the worst – one of them has hurt themselves or maybe isn’t feeling well. ‘Is everything okay? The kids?’

  ‘Yes, yes, they’re fine.’

  My lungs drain with relief, my head falling back on the chair. ‘Then why the call?’

  ‘I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,’ she begins, obviously making me worry. All sorts of things start flying around in my head, starting with that dirty little pervert who’s sweet on my girl.

  ‘I’ll decide that,’ I reply curtly.

  ‘You see, your wife hasn’t shown up to pick up the children from school. We’ve tried calling Mrs Ward’s mobile, but it’s gone to voicemail each time. We’ve left a message.’

  ‘She’s never late to collect the kids.’ I glance at my Rolex to see it’s three forty-five, a good half-hour since school finished.

  ‘I know, Mr Ward. Like I said, I’m sure she’s simply got caught in traffic, and maybe her phone has died.’

  ‘I’m on my way.’ I hang up and race out of the office, nearly taking a startled Cherry from her feet on my way. ‘When did Ava leave?’ I ask urgently over my shoulder as I sprint past her.

  ‘Two thirty. The usual time.’ I fight my heart down from my throat, immediately dialling Ava as I run full pelt out of the health club. I land in the seat of my car heavily, and just like I dreaded, Ava’s phone goes to voicemail. ‘Fuck!’ I start my car and speed out of the car park, heading for the main road. Right or wrong, I skip the red light. I’m a thirty-minute drive from the school, twenty if I break the speed limit.

  I try Ava’s phone again, but once again get her voicemail, and my worry deepens with every minute that passes and I can’t get hold of her. ‘Where are you, beautiful?’ I hear Ava in my head telling me that I’m neurotic. Maybe I am. But nothing will ease my panic until I see with my own eyes that she’s okay.

  I join the road that’ll take me to the kids’ school, being able to pick up speed now the traffic is moving more freely. I try to pull up the app on my phone that tracks all our cars, but the damn thing won’t load. ‘Fuck!’ I dial Ava again, mentally demanding she answers. ‘Come on, come on.’

  ‘Hello?’

  Relief. So much fucking relief. But the relief of actually getting an answer dies the second my brain registers that whoever has answered isn’t Ava. ‘Who’s this?’

  ‘Who’s this?’

  ‘I’m the husband of the woman whose phone you have,’ I state curtly, my patience now completely evaporated.

  ‘I apologise. The caller ID stated “the Lord”.’

  ‘Nickname,’ I mutter, slowly concluding that my silly wife has lost her phone and this lady has found it.

  ‘Mr Ward, is it? Your wife is Ava Ward?’

  ‘How do you know my wife’s name?’ She has her phone, not her life story.

  ‘Her driver’s licence.’

  It all becomes clear. ‘She’s lost her bag.’ I sigh, more relief washing over me, yet my foot doesn’t ease up on the accelerator.

  ‘I’m afraid not, sir. My name is PC Barnes.’ She pauses for a few long seconds, giving me a moment to let that information settle. ‘Mr Ward.’ Her voice has noticeably softened. Dread fills me. My heart speeds up. ‘I’m on the scene of a road traffic accident, and I believe your wife is one of the casualties.’

  My tongue thickens in my mouth. ‘What?’

  ‘Sir . . .’ Her words blend and warp, fading into nothing as I stare ahead at the road. An accident. Casualties. My wife. I see blue lights flashing in my mind’s eye, bright and frightening, making me blink to clear them. But they don’t fade and it takes me a second to figure out why. They’re not in my mind’s eye. They’re in the distance.

  Everything’s a blur. Noise, movement, my heartbeat.

  I hear the sirens.

  I hear my car screeching to a stop.

  I hear my car door slamming behind me as I eject myself from my seat.

  I hear my feet pounding the road as I sprint towards the carnage up ahead, seeing Ava’s mangled Mini upended on the opposite side of the road.

  ‘Oh my God.’ I choke. Every window is shattered; the two front tyres are missing, ripped from the body of the car. Skid marks zigzag the tarmac of the road before abruptly ending.

  My world starts spinning, my breathing slowing. Crowds of people are blocking my path, and I fight my way through, shoving them to the side as I try to make it to the centre of the madness. ‘Please, no,’ I wheeze, staggering mindlessly through the throngs of spectators. ‘Please, God, no.’

  A rough, broken sob rips through my body when I catch sight of the gurney, and my legs buckle, bringing me to my knees. ‘No!’ Straps circle her body, a breathing mask over her face. Blood is everywhere. She looks utterly broken, so fragile and damaged. My heart shreds in my chest. ‘God, no.’ The closer I get to her, the more damage I see.

  ‘Sir, move aside!’ a paramedic yells, wheeling Ava towards an ambulance.

  ‘I’m her husband,’ I tell him, scanning her body, trying to comprehend the amount of blood soaking her. Her head is the worst, her long dark hair drenched in red. ‘Is she going to be okay?’ It’s all I can think to ask, and it’s instinctual, because I don’t know if anyone could be okay with this much blood loss. And when I get no answer from any of the rushing paramedics, it becomes clear that they agree with me. A lump in my throat expands as I jog alongside the gurney, tears brimming in my eyes. Her beautiful face is drained of colour underneath the blood coating nearly every inch of her skin. ‘Hold on, baby,’ I demand softly. ‘Don’t you dare leave me.’

  ‘Mr Ward?’

  I look across the bed, seeing a female police officer holding Ava’s bag.

  ‘PC Barnes. We spoke.’

  I nod, casting my eyes back to the ambulance where Ava is being hooked up to all kinds of machinery. ‘She didn’t show up to pick up the kids from school,’ I whisper in a daze of ruin.

  ‘Mr Ward, come with me. We’ll follow the ambulance.’

  ‘No, I’m going with Ava.’ I shake my head, harshly wiping away the tears.

  ‘Mr Ward.’ PC Barnes steps forward, her face soaked in sympathy that I just can’t handle. It’s wasted, because Ava’s going to b
e okay. Damn it, she’s going to be okay! I look away from the police officer, seeing urgent hands working on her lifeless body. ‘Your wife is in critical condition, Mr Ward. You need to give the paramedics space to do their thing. I’ll get you to the hospital just as fast.’

  I close my eyes, praying for some stability in my breaking world. This isn’t the time to be throwing my weight around, though I’m desperate to go on a rampage until someone tells me she’s going to be okay. She has to be okay. I can’t exist without her. The thought alone punches a hole through my chest, and I’m forced to bend and brace my hands on my knees to breathe through the bolts of pain attacking me.

  ‘Mr Ward?’

  I swallow and nod as I stare at the ground, my stomach turning. I could throw up. ‘Okay.’ I breathe, trying to focus on getting air into my lungs. But in my current state, I’m not capable of focusing on anything but my prayers.

  ‘This way.’ PC Barnes rests her hand on my forearm, gently coaxing me from my daze. But it’s the slam of the ambulance doors that brings me back to the circus surrounding me. I walk with purpose towards the police car, looking back at the mangled mess of metal that was Ava’s Mini. ‘I’ll have a colleague bring your car to the hospital. Do you have the keys?’

  I mindlessly tap my pockets down in search of them. ‘They’re in the car,’ I mutter.

  ‘And you mentioned your children, Mr Ward. Would you like me to have someone collect them?’ She opens the passenger door for me, and I fall into the seat.

  ‘The twins,’ I say to the windscreen. ‘I said I was on my way. They’ll be wondering where I am.’ I start to rummage through my pocket for my phone. ‘Ava’s friend. I’ll call Ava’s friend.’