Have His Carcase

  ‘I don’t know that they do. Apparently this fellow showed it to them without being asked.’

  ‘Curious. You’d almost think he was going out of his way to forestall criticism. How about the bank?’

  ‘That’s all right. Mr Haviland Martin has been a depositor there for five years. Introduced by another client. No irregularity.’

  ‘I suppose they didn’t mention the name of his referee nor the amount of his deposit.’

  ‘Well, no. Banks don’t care about giving away information. You see, we’ve absolutely nothing against this fellow Martin.’

  ‘Exactly. All the same, I’d rather like to have a chat with him. There are points about him which seem to me suggestive, as Sherlock Holmes would say. What do you think, my dear Robert Templeton?’

  ‘I think,’ replied Harriet, promptly, ‘that if I had been inventing a way for a murderer to reach an appointed spot and leave it again, complete with bag and baggage and without leaving more trail than was absolutely unavoidable, I should have made him act very much as Mr Martin has acted. He would open an account under a false name at a bank, giving the bank’s address to the garage-proprietor as sole reference, hire a car and pay cash and probably close the account again in the near future.’

  ‘As you say. Still, the dismal fact remains that Mr Martin obviously did not do the murder, always supposing that the Feathers’ clock can be relied on. A little further investigation is indicated, I fancy. Five years seems a longish time to premeditate a crime. You might, perhaps, keep an eye on that bank – only don’t make a row about it, or you may frighten the bird away.’

  ‘That’s so, my lord. All the same, I’d feel more enthusiastic, I don’t mind saying, if I had any sort of proof that there really was a murder committed. Just at present it’s a bit thin, you’ll allow.’

  ‘So it is; but there are quite a lot of small things that point that way. Taken separately, they aren’t important, but taken together, they have a funny look. There’s the razor, and the gloves, and the return-ticket, and the good spirits Alexis was in on the day before his death. And now there’s this funny story of the mysterious gentleman who arrived at Darley in time to take a front seat for the crime, and then cleared off with such remarkable precautions to obscure his name and address.’

  Inspector Umpelty’s reply was cut short by the ringing of his telephone. He listened for a moment to its mysterious cluckings, said ‘I’ll be along at once, sir,’ and rang off.

  ‘Something else funny seems to have turned up,’ he said. ‘You’ll excuse me if I rush off; I’m wanted down at the Station.’

  XI

  THE EVIDENCE OF THE FISHERMAN

  ‘There’s a fellow

  With twisting root-like hair up to his eyes,

  And they are streaked with red and starting out

  Under their bristling brows; his crooked tusks

  Part, like a hungry wolf’s, his cursing mouth;

  His head is frontless, and a swinish mane

  Grows o’er his shoulders: brown and warty hands,

  Like roots, with pointed nails – He is the man.’

  Fragment

  Monday, 22 June

  Wimsey had not very long to wait before hearing the latest development. He had returned to the Bellevue for lunch, and was having a preliminary refresher in the bar, when he felt a smart tap on his shoulder.

  ‘Lord, Inspector! How you startled me! All right, it’s a fair cop. What’s it for this time?’

  ‘I just dropped along to tell you the latest, my lord. I thought you’d like to hear it. It’s given us something to think about, I don’t mind telling you.’

  ‘Has it? You look quite agitated. I expect you’re out of practice. It is exhausting when you’re not used to it. Have one?’

  ‘Thank you, my lord. I don’t mind if I do. Now, look here – you remember about our young friend’s banking account and the three hundred pounds?’

  ‘Sure thing.’

  ‘Well’ – the Inspector dropped his voice to a hoarse whisper – ‘we’ve found out what he did with it.’

  Wimsey registered expectation, but this was not enough. Inspector Umpelty evidently felt that he had got hold of a really choice morsel, and was not going to let it go without full dramatic honours.

  ‘I’ll buy it, Inspector. What did he do with it?’

  ‘Guess, my lord. You can have three guesses, and I bet you anything you like you don’t hit on it. Not in twenty guesses.’

  ‘Then I mustn’t waste your valuable time. Go on. Have a heart. Don’t keep me in such ghastly suspense. What did he do with it?’

  ‘He went,’ said the Inspector, lusciously, ‘and turned it into gold.’

  ‘Into WHAT?’

  ‘Three hundred golden sovereigns – that’s what he turned it into. Three hundred round, golden jimmy o’ goblins.’

  Wimsey stared blankly at him.

  ‘Three hundred – oh, look here, Inspector, a shock like this is more than frail flesh and blood can stand. There isn’t so much gold in the country. I haven’t seen more than ten gold sovereigns together since I fought at my grandpapa’s side at the Battle of Waterloo. Gold! How did he get it? How did he wangle it? They don’t hand it out to you at the banks nowadays. Did he rob the Mint?’

  ‘No, he didn’t. He changed notes for it quite honestly. But it’s a queer tale for all that. I’ll tell you how it was, and how we come to know of it. You may remember that there was a photograph of Alexis published in the newspapers last week?’

  ‘Yes, enlarged from that hotel group they took at the Gala Night last Christmas. I saw it.’

  ‘That’s right. Only one we could find; Alexis didn’t leave anything about. Well, yesterday we had a quaint old bird calling at the Station – Gladstone sort of collar, whiskery bits, four-in-hand tie, cotton gloves, square-crowned bowler, big green gamp – all complete. Said he lived up Princemoor way. He pulls a newspaper out of his pocket and points to the photograph. “I hear you want information about this poor young man,” he pipes up. “Yes, we do,” says the Super, “you know anything about it, Dad?” “Nothing at all about his death,” says the old boy, “but I had a very curious little transaction with him three weeks ago,” he says, “and I thought you perhaps ought to know about it,” he says. “Quite right, Dad,” says the Super. “Go ahead.” So he went ahead and told us all about it.

  ‘It seems it was like this. You may remember seeing a while ago – not more than a month or so back – a bit in the papers about a queer old girl who lived all alone in a house in Seahampton with no companion except about a hundred cats. A Miss Ann Bennett – but the name don’t matter. Well, one day the usual thing happens. Blinds left down, no smoke from kitchen chimney, milk not taken in, cats yowling fit to break your heart. Constable goes in with a ladder and finds the old lady dead in her bed. Inquest verdict is “death from natural causes”, which means old age and semi-starvation with neglected pneumonia on top of it. And of course plenty of money in the house, including four hundred gold sovereigns in the matterss. It’s always happening.’

  Wimsey nodded.

  ‘Yes. Well, then, the long-lost next-of-kin turns up and who should it be but this old chap from Princemoor, Abel Bennett. There’s a will found, leaving everything to him, and begging him to look after the poor pussies. He’s the executor, and he steps in and takes charge. Very good. On the day after the inquest, along comes our young friend Paul Alexis – name correctly given and person identified by the photograph. He tells old Bennett a rambling kind of story about wanting gold sovereigns for some purpose or other. Something about wanting to buy a diamond from a foreign rajah who didn’t understand bank-notes – some bosh of that kind.’

  ‘He got that out of a book, I expect,’ said Wimsey. ‘I’ve seen something like it somewhere.’

  ‘Very likely. Old Bennett, who seems to have had more wits than his sister, didn’t swallow the tale altogether, because, as he said, the young fellow didn’t look to him lik
e a person who would be buying diamonds off rajahs, but after all it’s not criminal to want gold, and it was none of his business what it was wanted for. He put up a few objections, and Alexis offered him three hundred pounds in Bank of England notes, plus a twenty-pound bonus, in exchange for three hundred sovereigns. Old Abel wasn’t adverse to a buckshee twenty quid and was willing to hand over, on condition he might have the notes vetted for him at a Seahampton bank. Alexis was agreeable and pulled out the notes then and there. To cut a long story short, they went to the Seahampton branch of the London & Westminster and got the O.K. on the notes, after which Bennett handed over the gold and Alexis took it away in a leather hand-bag. And that’s all there is to it. But we’ve checked up the dates with the bank-people, and it’s quite clear that Alexis drew his money out here for the purpose of changing it into gold as soon as ever he saw the account of Ann Bennett’s death in the papers. But why he wanted it or what he did with it, I can’t tell you, no more than the Man in the Moon.’

  ‘Well,’ said Wimsey, ‘I always knew there were one or two oddities about this case, but I don’t mind admitting that this beats me. Why on earth should anybody want to clutter himself up with all that gold? I suppose we can dismiss the story of the Rajah’s Diamond. A £300 diamond is nothing very out of the way, and if you wanted one you could buy it in Bond street, without paying in gold or dragging in Indian potentates.’

  ‘That’s a fact. Besides, where are you going to find a rajah who doesn’t understand Bank of England notes? These fellers aren’t savages, not by any means. Why, lots of them have been to Oxford.’

  Wimsey made suitable acknowledgement of this tribute to his own university.

  ‘The only explanation that suggests itself to me,’ he said, ‘is that Alexis was contemplating a flitting to some place where Bank of England notes wouldn’t pass current. But I hardly know where that could be at this time of day. Central Asia?’

  ‘It may not be that, my lord. From the way he burnt everything before he left, it looks as though he didn’t mean to leave any trace of where he was going. Now, you can’t very well lose a Bank of England note. The numbers are bound to turn up somewhere or other, if you wait long enough. Currency notes are safe, but it is quite possible that you might have difficulty in exchanging them in foreign parts, once you were off the beaten track. It’s my opinion Alexis meant to get away, and he took the gold because it was the only form of money that will pass everywhere and tell no tale. He probably wouldn’t be asked about it at the Customs, and if he was, they would be very unlikely to search him.’

  ‘True. I think you’re right, Inspector. But, I say, you realise this knocks the suicide theory on the head all right?’

  ‘It’s beginning to look like it, my lord,’ admitted Mr Umpelty, handsomely. ‘Unless, of course, the stuff was paid out to some party in this country. For instance, suppose Alexis was being blackmailed by someone who wanted to skip. That party might be wanting gold for the very reasons we’ve been talking about, and he might get Alexis to do the job of getting it for him, so that he shouldn’t appear in it himself. Alexis pays up, and goes off the deep end and cuts his throat.’

  ‘You’re very ingenious,’ said Wimsey. ‘But I still believe I’m right, though if it is a case of murder, it’s been so neatly worked out that there doesn’t seem to be much of a loophole in it. Unless it’s the razor. Look here, Inspector, I’ve got an idea about that razor, if you’ll let me carry it out. Our one hope is to tempt the murderer, if there is one, into making a mistake by trying to be too clever.’

  He pushed the glasses aside and whispered into the Inspector’s ear.

  ‘There’s something in that,’ said Inspector Umpelty. ‘I don’t see why it shouldn’t be tried. It may clinch the matter straight off, one way or another. You’d better ask the Super, but if he’s got no objection, I’d say, go ahead. Why not come round and put it to him straight away?’

  On arriving at the police-station, Wimsey and the Inspector found the Superintendent engaged with a crabbed old gentleman in a fisherman’s jersey and boots, who appeared to be suffering under a sense of grievance.

  ‘Can’t a man take ’is own boat out when he likes and where he likes? Sea’s free to all, ain’t it?’

  ‘Of course it is, Pollock. But if you were up to no mischief, why take that tone about it? You aren’t denying you were there at the same time, are you? Freddy Baines swears he saw you.’

  ‘Them Bainses!’ grumbled Mr Pollock. ‘A nasty, peerin’, pryin’ lot. What’s it got to do with them where I was?’

  ‘Well, you admit it anyhow. What time did you get to the Flat-Iron?’

  ‘Per’aps Freddy Baines can tell you that, too. ’E zeems to be bloody free with his information.’

  ‘Never mind that. What time do you say it was?’

  ‘That ain’t no business of yours. Perlice ’ere, perlice there – there ain’t no freedom in this blasted country. ’Ave I or ’ave I not the right to go where I like? Answer me that.’

  ‘Look here, Pollock. All we want from you is some information. If you’ve got nothing to hide, why not answer a plain question?’

  ‘Well, what is the question? Were I off the Flat-Iron on Thursday? Yes, I were. Wot about it?’

  ‘You came along from your own place, I suppose?’

  ‘Well, I did, if you want to know. Where’s the ’arm in that?’

  ‘None whatever. What time did you set out?’

  ‘About one o’clock. Maybe more; maybe less. Round about the slack.’

  ‘And you got to the Flat-Iron about two.’

  ‘Well, and where’s the ’arm in that?’

  ‘Did you see anybody on the shore at that time?’

  ‘Yus, I did.’

  ‘You did?’

  ‘Yus. I’ve got eyes in me ’ed, ’aven’t I?’

  ‘Yes. And you may as well have a civil tongue in your head. Where did you see this person?’

  ‘On the shore by the Vlat-Iron – round about two o’clock.’

  ‘Were you close enough in to see who it was?’

  ‘No, I weren’t. Not to come into your bleedin’ court and swear to a pimple, I wasn’t; and you can put that in your pipe, Mr Cocky Superintendent, and smoke it.’

  ‘Well, what did you see?’

  ‘I zee a vule of a woman, caperin’ about on the beach, goin’ on as if she was loony. She runs a bit an’ stops a bit, an’ pokes in the sand and then runs on a bit. That’s what I zee.’

  ‘I must tell Miss Vane that,’ said Wimsey to the Inspector. ‘It will appeal to her sense of humour.’

  ‘Oh, you saw a woman, did you? Did you see what she did after that?’

  ‘She runs up to the Vlat-Iron an’ starts messin’ about there.’

  ‘Was there anybody else on the Flat-Iron?’

  ‘There was a chap lyin’ down. At least, it looked so.’

  ‘And then?’

  ‘Then she starts a-yowlin’ an’ wavin’ her arms.’

  ‘Well?’

  ‘Well, what? I didn’t take no notice. I never takes no notice of vemayles.’

  ‘Now, Pollock, did you see anybody else at all on the shore that morning?’

  ‘Not a zoul.’

  ‘Were you within sight of shore all the time?’

  ‘Yes, I were.’

  ‘And you saw nobody except this woman and the man lying down?’

  ‘Ain’t I tellin’ you? I zee nobody.’

  ‘About this man on the Flat-Iron? Was he lying down when you first saw him?’

  ‘Yes, he were.’

  ‘And when did you first see him?’

  ‘Soon as I come in zight of’un, I zee un.’

  ‘When was that?’

  ‘ ’Ow can I tell to a minute. Might be a quarter to two, might be ten minutes to. I wasn’t takin’ perticklers for the perlice. I were attendin’ to my own business, same as I wish other folks would.’

  ‘What business?’

  ‘Zailin’ t
he bloody boat. That’s my business.’

  ‘At any rate, you saw the man some time before you saw the woman, and he was then lying on the rock. Was he dead, do you think, when you first saw him?’

  ‘ ’Ow wur I to know if ’e wur dead or alive? ’E didn’t kiss ’is ’and to me. And if ’e ’ad, I shouldn’t a’ seen un, d’ye zee? I wur too far out.’

  ‘But you said you were within sight of shore the whole time.’

  ‘Zo I wur. But shore’s a big thing. A man couldn’t very well miss it. But that’s not to zay I could zee every vule on it playin’ at kiss-me-’and.’

  ‘I see. Were you right out on the Grinders, then?’

  ‘Wot’s it matter where I wur? I weren’t speckylatin’ about corpses, nor yet what vemayles was after with their young men. I’ve got zummat more to do than zit about watchin’ bathin’ parties.’

  ‘What had you to do?’

  ‘That’s my business.’

  ‘Well, whatever your business was, it was out in the deep water off the Grinders?’

  Mr Pollock was obstinately silent.

  ‘Was anybody with you in the boat?’

  ‘No, there weren’t.’

  ‘Then what was that grandson of yours doing?’

  ‘Oh, him? He was with me. I thought you meant was there somebody else, that didn’t ought to have been there.’

  ‘What do you mean by that?’

  ‘Nothing, only perlicemen is a pack of vules, mostly.’

  ‘Where is your grandson?’

  ‘Over to Cork. Went last Zatterday, he did.’

  ‘Cork, eh? Smuggling goods into Ireland?’

  Mr Pollock spat profusely.

  ‘ ’Course not. Business. My business.’

  ‘Your business seems to be rather mysterious, Pollock. You’d better be careful. We’ll want to see that young man when he gets back. Anyway, you say that when the young lady saw you, you had come in, and were putting out again.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘What did you come in for?’

  ‘That’s my business, ain’t it?’

  The Superintendent gave it up.

  ‘At any rate, are you in a position to say whether you saw anybody walking along the shore between your cottage and the Flat-Iron?’