A Ghoul's Guide to Love and Murder

  Heath snickered. “You mean like that washed-up hack they partnered me with? Em, what’d you call him again?”

  I grinned. “Captain Comb-Over.” We all laughed. “I also called him Count Chocula. I mean, the dude wore a cape!”

  “Can you imagine going to a medium who looked like him and had a name like Bernard Higgins?” Gilley said. He’d remembered the man’s real name at least.

  “He sucked,” Heath said bluntly. My eyes widened. “What?” he said to me. “You thought he was good?”

  “No,” I said. “But no worse than who they paired me with. What was her name?”

  “Elvira, mistress of the dark,” Gilley said in a spooky voice. We all laughed again. That hadn’t been her name, but nobody seemed to recall it. “Do you remember when she threw that lady’s bowl on the floor?” Gil asked me.

  I put a hand over my mouth, remembering the scene. It’d been an awful afternoon, suffering through the filming of a show I never wanted to be on, and all of the resulting disasters thereafter. And the smashing of the family heirloom had been well before Oruç’s dagger had even shown up. “I can’t believe that woman didn’t bitch-slap Elvira for that,” I said. “She destroyed a family heirloom.”

  “See? You should’ve been paired with Captain Comb-Over,” Heath said.

  “No way!” I told him. “That guy was a letch!”

  “I thought I caught him staring hard at the girls,” Gil smirked, waving a hand in the direction of my chest. “Which I might add are looking marvelous in that sweater tonight, honey.”

  I wagged my finger at him. “Eyes off the ladies, Gillespie.”

  “Oh, please, I’m a great admirer of décolletage, which you’ve never been in short supply of, thank your lucky stars.”

  I felt heat hit my cheeks, and I wanted to get us back on track. “Okay, so to Gilley’s point, there were quite a few people in the room when the dagger showed up and who knew what it held. Any one of them could’ve blabbed over the years. But the thing that doesn’t hold water with that theory is, other than Gopher, who knew that we even had it?”

  “Ayden,” Gil said after a pause.

  “No way did he say a word about the dagger or that we had it,” I insisted. “Not when it could’ve gotten him in serious hot water.”

  “Which means it had to be Gopher who said something to someone,” Heath said. “We’ll need him to give us a list of the people he’s told about the dagger being in our possession.”

  “He’s unreachable for the next two weeks, remember?” I said.

  “I do,” he said with a sigh. “But other than trying to get ahold of him, I’m not sure what we can do to figure out who stole the dagger and murdered Sullivan.”

  “Maybe we start at the scene and work our way backward,” I suggested. “I mean, starting from a list of suspects only Gopher could name isn’t an option, so let’s work this like the police do. From the scene and work our way back.”

  “Do you have access to the crime scene photos?” Gil asked me. “Because I don’t.”

  “Oh, please. We all know you could hack your way into the BPD system to take a look if you wanted to.”

  Gil eyed his fingernails modestly. “Yes. Yes I could.”

  “But that’s not the scene I’m talking about,” I told him. “I’m talking about the scene from the exhibit when the three of us were in attendance. Somehow, some way, Oruç and his demon overcame all those magnets enough to douse the lights and drain the batteries on . . . what? Seventy-five? A hundred cell phones?”

  “Yours wasn’t affected,” Heath reminded me.

  “That’s right!” I said. Turning to Gil, I asked, “How was it that my cell wasn’t affected?”

  “Where were you carrying it?” he asked me.

  I patted my chest. “Right pocket of the . . . hey, where’re the vests?” I looked around and didn’t see the vests we’d taken from the office.

  “I put them in the car,” Heath said. “There’s no room in the front hall closet and they’re better off at the office.”

  I hid a smirk. I knew that Heath really just didn’t want to look at them. It’d been so nice of Mrs. Gillespie to make them for us, but they were definitely a crime of fashion. “Thanks,” I told him. “I’ll put them back tomorrow.”

  “Anyway,” Gil said, “if you had your cell in your vest pocket right next to a magnet, then it probably protected it.”

  “But all of the other magnets in the room didn’t protect the other cell phones?” Heath asked.

  Gil got up and started to pace. “I know, I know!” he said. “It doesn’t make sense. The magnetic energy in that place was insanely high. There’s no way Oruç or his demon or even both of them should’ve been able to pull a stunt like that!”

  “And yet they did,” I said.

  “Unless there was something else at play,” Heath said. “Could the lights have been taken out and the batteries drained by some other means, Gil? Something man-made?”

  Gil frowned, tapped his lip, thought for a long moment, and said, “Nothing I’ve heard of could’ve done that,” he said. “There’s no electronic device I know of that could drain several dozen cell phones in a room all at once. I mean, that’s just insane!”

  “So it had to be Oruç and his demon,” I reasoned.

  “Afraid so,” Gil said. “But how, I still can’t figure out.” He went back to pacing again, and after a moment he added, “I need to get into that building! Something’s super fishy about this whole thing.”

  “The police will have the crime scene sealed until they’re through investigating,” Heath said. “I doubt they’re going to let us walk in and take a look around.”

  “We still have to talk about Ayden,” I said next.

  Heath sighed heavily. “I hate to get him mixed up in this, but I don’t know how else to convince the Boston PD that we’re not making any of this up.”

  “It bothers me that he had to leave the force because of the panic attacks,” I said. “How is he surviving?”

  “I asked him that too,” Heath said, “and he told me that his dad passed away a year ago and left him a nice inheritance. He’s also got his pension, which probably isn’t a whole lot, but he insisted that he’s doing okay. Plus, he said that he’d just gotten his PI license, so I don’t think he’s given up the investigative life.”

  “Do you think there’s any truth to his theory that the demon left something behind in his mind?”

  “I don’t know, Em. I mean, it’s possible, but have we ever encountered something like that?”

  “Maybe with Lester,” I said, referring to an old case we’d worked. The memory of all that made me shudder again.

  “Why did Ayden think Oruç’s demon is still in his head?” Gil asked.

  “He’s been having really bad nightmares for the past couple of years,” Heath said. “Ayden didn’t go into detail, but he said they were graphic and always involved murder. He said the nightmares were what brought on the panic attacks, and he’s seen every shrink in town and hasn’t been able to get them to go away.”

  I frowned. “Lester had nightmares too,” I reminded them. I didn’t like the coincidences.

  “We should call him,” Gilley said. “Ayden, I mean.”

  I nodded and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearly midnight. “It’ll be close to nine on the West Coast,” I said. “Ayden should still be up, right?”

  We made the call and our friend the former inspector picked up on the third ring. “MacDonald,” he said formally.

  “Ayden?” I said. “It’s M. J. Holliday. How are you?”

  “I don’t know any M. J. Holliday,” he said gruffly. The tone of his voice threw me a little, and as I had him on speaker, I looked around at Gilley and Heath, who also appeared taken aback.

  “Don’t know me?” I said. “Are yo
u kidding?”

  “Nope,” he said curtly. “Like I said, I don’t know any M. J. Holliday.” There was a pause as I tried to figure out what to say to that, when Ayden suddenly said, “Now, I do know an M. J. Whitefeather. Would you be any relation to her?”

  I couldn’t help it; I busted out laughing, as did Heath and Gilley. “Funny, man,” I said to him. “You had us all going.”

  “Who’s us all?”

  “Gilley is here, along with my husband. Heath Holliday.” I winked at Heath and he grinned at me, enjoying my little joke.

  “Oh, yeah, I know those guys. Heath owes me a beer the next time he’s in town. I’m gonna hit him up for a double-malt scotch, though, ’cause he didn’t invite me to his wedding.”

  “Nobody was invited,” I was quick to say. “Not even Gilley.”

  Gil narrowed his eyes at me. I could tell he was still miffed about it. “I think the thing to do is to hold a reception and invite all our family and friends,” Heath said. That was news to me, but I liked the idea. “After Gilley’s wedding, of course.”

  “Am I at least invited to that?” Ayden asked.

  “You’re invited to both,” I said, ignoring Gilley’s pointed head shaking. I knew he already had a bajillion people he planned to invite, so what was one more?

  “Awesome,” Ayden said. “Count me in. Anyway, I figure you’re not calling me about the weddings so much as you’re calling me to talk about what happened at that museum tonight, right?”

  “Ayden, how do you know anything about what went down at the museum?” I asked.

  “Hey, I Facebook,” he said coolly. “And I’m a fan of your show’s page. It’s all over social media, how you two got married and there was some sort of crazy publicity stunt that nearly caused a riot. I was about to send you guys an angry e-mail when I recognized Oruç’s dagger in one of the photos posted before the lights went out. What the hell is that thing doing on display anyway?”

  Heath and I looked pointedly at Gilley. He gulped and said, “Hey, Ayden. So, in a moment of serious weakness, I agreed to loan out the dagger to the museum for the exhibit. It was stupid, but in my defense I personally loaded the room with enough magnetic spikes to build a railroad. There’s no way the dagger should’ve been active, and we’re still trying to figure out what happened and what to do.”

  “Well, for starters, how about taking the dagger out of that exhibit, like, right now?”

  Again we all looked uncomfortably at one another. “About that,” I said. “Ayden, the real reason we’re calling is because the dagger has been stolen from the museum.”

  There was a very long pause, and into the silence I even called out to Ayden to make sure he was still on the line. “I’m here,” he said. “Just taking that news in. And now I need details.”

  Heath filled him in and ignored the parts where Ayden cut loose a swearword or six. “So, one man dead, one missing dagger, and one loose spook and his demon, is that about right?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Only, the Boston PD suspects that we must’ve had something to do with it, which is actually why we’re calling. We explained to them that we’re legit and that the dagger is super dangerous and we need to get it back, but they’re not buying it. We were hoping to have you—a former inspector with the San Francisco PD, vouch for us.”

  As I finished speaking I heard some distinctive clicking sounds in the background. “How about I do you one better, M.J. There’s a direct flight to Logan from SFO, no tickets available online, but I might be able to squeeze on going standby. It leaves in an hour and forty-five minutes and gets in at seven thirty a.m. It’ll be tight getting to the airport in time, but if I don’t make it onto that flight, there’s the first flight out at six that I’ll nab, and that’ll get into Logan at three p.m.”

  “We’ll pick you up,” I said immediately, and pointed at Gilley. Let the fool who put the dagger on display get up early and pick up Ayden.

  Gilley scowled at me.

  “Great,” Ayden said, and in the background I could hear what sounded like dresser drawers opening. “I pack light, so I won’t be checking a bag. Where am I staying?”

  Gilley shook his head furiously again and I waved my hand dismissively at him. “With us, of course.” I had a full-sized bed in the basement storage room for just such an occasion. We’d have to haul it up four flights of stairs, but I could have the spare bedroom ready by the time Ayden got here.

  “Excellent. Hopefully, I’ll see you at seven thirty a.m. Barring that, I’ll see you at three.” With that, he hung up and we all looked around at one another, a little stunned.

  “What the hell just happened?” Gil said.

  “We got ourselves some true investigative help,” I told him. “And we’ll be thankful for it.”

  Gilley stood up and stretched. “Yeah, okay. So, I guess I’m gonna turn in since I have to be up at the butt crack of dawn. Good night, you—”

  “Don’t even think about it, mister,” I told him, stepping in front of him. “You’re going to help Heath bring up the spare bed from the basement.”

  Gilley groaned. “Ugh, but it’s so heavy, M.J.!”

  “Get over it,” I said. “If Ayden makes the flight out tonight, he’ll be exhausted by the time he gets here, and he’ll probably need a power nap before we head to the station. I’m not going to make him sleep on the couch, and no way are Heath and I getting up at six a.m. to haul that bed upstairs. So that leaves the two of you to do it tonight.”

  “But, M.J.—!”

  “Oh, shut it, Gil,” I snapped. “The sooner you guys head downstairs to the storage room, the sooner you can drop off the bed and go get some sleep. It’ll probably take you all of fifteen minutes, unless you continue to whine about it.”

  Gilley pouted his way over to the door, and Heath followed with a slight chuckle. In the meantime I headed to the linen closet to root around for clean sheets and pillows. Once I found them, I brought them to the spare bedroom. As I set them down on the side of my desk, however, I heard Doc in the other room let out a horrible screech that had me racing out of the study to the living room.

  Doc’s cage had been covered for the night when we got back from the precinct. I use a big green blanket to cover his cage. It’s there to prevent any drafts from chilling him during the night, and to make him feel safe.

  When I came around the corner into the living room I saw the blanket . . . bulging and moving as if an unseen force was beneath it. Doc continued to screech at the top of his lungs, and as I took in the scene I screamed in both terror and rage. Lunging for the covering, I tore it off the birdcage and threw it aside. My beloved bird was clinging to the far corner of his cage, staring at the blanket behind me and panting in fear while continuing to scream in small frightened bursts.

  I turned and pressed my back to the cage, spreading my arms wide as I eyed the blanket. It continued to undulate and roil, moving this way and that as it swished across my bare wood floors, sometimes flattening out, sometimes bubbling; it never stopped moving, and it moved like a predator playing with a cornered prey. Here’s the part where I also admit that the scene was absolutely terrifying.

  As I tried to fight through my own fear, my right hand went instinctively to my waistline, but I wasn’t wearing my belt with the spikes. That belt and the rest of my usual ghost-hunting gear were in the front hall closet, clear across the condo. The blanket suddenly stopped undulating and began to slither on the floor, snaking its way toward me, which meant that I had two choices. I could sprint across the condo, heave open the closet door, grab some spikes, and run back to stab it, which would leave my bird totally vulnerable, or I could face whatever was under the blanket head-on, which would leave me totally vulnerable.

  In the end, the choice was easy. “Come on, you son of a bitch!” I yelled, shielding Doc the best I could. “You wanna dance? I’m right here. So, let’s
dance!”

  The blanket rose a little, like a viper, and a trail of ectoplasmic fog rolled out from underneath. I ignored the fog and focused on what appeared to be the head. It swayed back and forth and then shot up and at me, spreading out the edges of the blanket as if it were going to smother me.

  I didn’t duck or turn away; instead, I lifted my right leg as high as I could, kicked the head of the blanket away from my face, then brought the other leg up to land with both feet right on the fabric. There was a hissing sound and some resistance to the weight of my body, but then the blanket flattened out and lay still.

  For a few seconds I just stood there panting, but then I began to stomp on the fabric as hard and as quickly as I could. “Ha!” I yelled at it. “I might not have any spikes on me, but these boots are packed with magnets, you motherfu—!”

  The front door suddenly burst open and Heath and Gilley rushed in. “We heard screaming!” Heath said, while I stomped around on the blanket several more times for good measure. “What happened?”

  “Something tried to attack Doc!” I yelled, still stomping and kicking the blanket across the floor.

  “I think you got it, M.J.,” Gilley said drolly.

  I paused long enough to glare at him. “Not funny.” I then pointed to the small puffs of ectoplasmic fog around the room that were quickly dissipating.

  “Holy shit,” Heath swore, marching across the room to inspect the fog. “That’s ectoplasm!”

  “I know.” Working up the courage to bend down and pull up on the blanket, I lifted it with two fingers and flung it away from me to see if something might shake out.

  Nothing did.

  Meanwhile Gilley crossed the room and went straight for Doc’s cage. Opening the door he cooed to my parrot and got him to step onto his fingers. Snuggling him close he said, “He’s not hurt, M.J. Just scared.”

  I glanced over my shoulder at the trembling bird before I kicked the blanket several feet away from me. I was so furious that Doc had been terrorized. Lifting my chin, I shouted, “Whatever showed up here tonight, I swear on my mother’s grave that I will not rest until I kick your spook ass straight back to hell!”