Love Me, Love Me Not

  I didn’t even need to bust the lock. The key was under the rusted water can where we always kept spares. I had to push Spartacus back to keep him from barreling past me. The smell was weird: dust, mildew, and something rotten. I turned on the light and froze, my body instantly coursing with adrenaline.

  There were hooks in the ceiling, from which hung long, limp white necks and dangling useless wings.

  Three dead swans.

  My blood turned icy. I had to remind myself that Ana didn’t have her feather cloak yet. It was impossible for one of these swans to be her.

  Impossible tonight.

  Not forever.

  Especially not with Edward in the picture.

  I wanted her to be happy, and to have her feather cloak even if it wasn’t because of me. But I just didn’t see the connection between her and Edward. She barely knew him, and I knew for damn sure that he didn’t know her. I could handle the ache that she didn’t love me the way I loved her. I just wasn’t sure I could watch her smile that slightly desperate smile anymore, or constantly scan her surroundings for a swan. She was collecting more feathers than ever before. I saw her sometimes by our wish tree, but I never joined her.

  I stormed into the house and straight into my brothers’ room. Eric was on his bed, listening to music through his headphones. Jackson was facing his dresser, rummaging for pajamas. I grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around. I ploughed my fist in his face before I’d really decided on a plan. He fell onto his bed, stunned. Eric pushed off his headphones, mouth hanging open.

  Jackson flew off the bed, spitting blood. My skinny little brother had turned into a muscle-bound jock in the last few weeks, with enough muscles in his neck to make me wonder how long he’d be able to turn his head properly. Still, I was older. Angrier.

  “What the hell are you playing at?” I roared.

  “What’s your problem?” he shouted back. I ducked his punch mostly through luck. Anger could only take you so far. And I wasn’t a fighter, not like Ana. She’d have had him in a headlock by now.

  Jackson rammed his shoulder into mine, slamming me into the wall. The lamp fell off his desk. Spartacus barreled in, barking but confused. He didn’t know whom to protect. Jackson caught me in the gut, and only brotherly pride stopped me from throwing up on him. My breath clogged in my throat. I slammed my fist into his thigh since it was the only part of him I could reach from this angle. He staggered.

  Nana stomped into the room, slapping us apart. Eric still hadn’t said a word, but if his eyeballs got any bigger, they’d fall right out of his skull. “What is going on here?”

  “I don’t know.” Jackson wiped blood from his split lip. “Ask Pierce. He’s the one who just went nuts.”

  “He’s hunting swans,” I said. I definitely should have thought this through before barging in here in a rage. No one else knew that the swans could have been girls. But Jackson knew something. I wanted to punch him all over again. “It’s illegal,” I added, scrambling for an excuse. “And if we get busted, we can’t pay the fine and we can’t get our license reinstated. And if we don’t hunt, we don’t eat.” I straightened, refusing to clutch at my bruised stomach even though I really wanted to.

  “I’m not going to get caught,” Jackson sneered.

  “Well, we don’t eat swans, so you’re just killing for the hell of it. It’s sick. And the shed stinks, so clean it up.” I forced myself to walk away before things disintegrated even further.

  And before Nana locked us outside again for fighting.

  Ana

  I landed hard.

  I hit the ground, the asphalt tearing my sleeves and rubbing my arms raw. I rolled into the grassy ditch, vowing to start my own feud against my cousins. The van sped off.

  I lay there for a long moment, trying to remember how to breathe. I moved my legs and my arms gingerly, but nothing felt broken. My elbow throbbed painfully. There was blood on my chin from where I’d scraped the road with my face.

  Oh yeah, the new feud was so on.

  Just as soon as I limped the miles home in the dark, of course.

  I sat up with a litany of curses that might have caused another tornado if I’d sung them. As it was, the wind whipped at the branches, creaking and snapping treacherously over my head. I hauled myself out of the ditch, my head spinning faintly. The throb in my elbow turned to searing stabbing. I swore again, until the wind shoved me nearly off my feet. It was all of the magic I had left in me after the dance, and it was mostly born of petulance. It left me exhausted and no further ahead. I really wanted my hair back. I was drinking Aunt Felicity’s nasty apple cider vinegar concoctions, but they weren’t making it grow any faster, despite her promises.

  I was still in the middle of farmland, desperately praying for my cousins to come to their senses before it was too late. I briefly considered walking back to the Renard house to warn them, but I couldn’t see how that would do anything but make things worse. I fumbled for Pierce’s phone. They didn’t have a landline at his house, but Eric’s number was programmed. He answered, sounding confused. “Hello?”

  “Is Pierce home?”

  “Um, yeah. So why is his phone calling?”

  “It’s Ana.” I sighed. “Put him on.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, just get your brother.”

  There was a pause and then Pierce was there. “What’s happened?”

  “I’m on Concession 3, out by the old quarry. Don’t even ask.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  I started the long limp toward home to intercept him, wishing once again that I had wings. I ran into Liv a kilometer from where my cousins had dumped me. I didn’t know if they’d let her go or if she’d gotten free. She looked just as bad as I felt but entirely in one piece. I heaved a sigh of relief. “I never thought I’d be glad to see you.”

  “I never thought you’d be the sane one in your family,” she said. She advanced on me, snarling, but she was limping, too.

  I held up a hand. “Pierce is on his way.”

  She stopped, just like I knew she would. She never wanted him to see her at her worst, or her most violent. “You called him? And not your family?”

  I’d never even considered calling anyone else. Later, I might think about that. Much later, like when I wasn’t covered in my own blood.

  “He’s the only reason I’ve never taken you out,” she said.

  I snorted. As if I didn’t know that. “That and the fact that I’d kick your ass.”

  She growled and her features went momentarily pointed. She sucked in a deep breath. “Were you really abducted?”

  “Yes. Well, nearly.”

  “I knew that freak storm at the dance had Vila written all over it.”

  I didn’t say anything. I was interrupted by a black truck barreling into view. The windows were down and there were Renards hanging out either side. They screeched to a halt sideways across the road. Liv’s brothers again. Their focus snapped onto me. “Swan.”

  They were already leaping out. My ankle was bruised from my fall. I’d never make it into the fields, but I had to try. The sound of animal teeth clacking together behind me made my spine burn. One of them was already in fox-shape and he bit at my leg, catching my pants when I jerked back.

  “Wait,” Liv finally said. They paused, snarling.

  “Liv, they need to learn they can’t mess with us,” Jude said quietly.

  I opened my mouth to sing, even though I knew they’d probably be just words.

  Down, down, down, down; Down among the dead men let him lie.

  The song electrified them. Fear rippled between them, as wind tickled at their hair. It wasn’t much, but they didn’t know I couldn’t do more right now. Every word I sang was like rust and vinegar in my mouth. If I could have spat them out they’d be blunt, ancient daggers buried in the ground for centuries.

  Down among the dead men; Down among the dead men.

  Liv growled, her red hair turning to fur
. Her teeth were tiny but too sharp. My song faded before they could realize it was a useless weapon. “Do you really want Pierce to see you like that?”

  She froze as headlights hurtled toward us. The fox-brothers took off into the fields. The brothers who still looked mostly human backed up toward the truck. There were knives and rifles on the seats. Liv shook her head sharply. “Don’t.”

  Pierce jumped out of his truck, leaving the door open. He glanced at the Renards warily. “What’s going on?”

  Liv smiled at him. “Nothing, we’re all okay.”

  Pierce looked right at me. I knew the exact moment he noticed the blood and the way I was holding my elbow. I nodded, mostly because I didn’t want him involved. At least on that, Liv and I agreed.

  She turned to her brothers. “This one tried to help me, even if she was really bad at it. So this one goes free.” She turned, meeting my eyes. “So we’re even.”

  I nodded. “We’re even.”

  She lowered her voice so only I could hear her.

  “For Pierce.” She smiled, showing a lot of teeth. “For now.”

  The night did not improve.

  When we got home, Aunt Agrippina was sitting at the kitchen table with wet hair and a dazed expression. She blinked at Sonnet for a long disoriented moment before speaking.

  “They took my cloak.”

  She’d landed in one of the ponds and tossed her cloak on the shore to go swimming. When she resurfaced after a moment underwater, it was gone.

  I couldn’t help but wonder what Liv’s family had been doing before they raced in to save her.

  Chapter Eight

  Ana

  Dating wasn’t easy when you were in the middle of an escalating blood feud.

  And when you were hoping you might sprout swan wings every time a boy kissed you. Edward was probably starting to think I had serious problems. I was either focused a little too intently on him, or completely distracted. And I couldn’t exactly explain myself. Again.

  Pierce was never around at lunch and he took off for the café right after school. I didn’t know if he was mad at me; I just knew things were different.

  And I didn’t like it.

  At all.

  I tried to focus on my homework. My essay wasn’t going to write itself. And unfortunately, magic wouldn’t, either. And, after living my own family feud, I was starting to really, really hate Romeo and Juliet.

  Love story, my ass.

  “Oh, I love Romeo and Juliet,” Edward said, glancing over my shoulder as he sat next to me. I was studying in the cafeteria instead of the library. I didn’t want to date right under Pierce’s nose like that. It seemed rude. But I hated the smell of French fries, and the clatter of trays, and the flickering fluorescent lights. I missed Pierce.

  I pushed that aside and listened to Edward talk about the set of a production of Romeo and Juliet his mother had worked on when he was little. It was the reason he’d decided he wanted to study set design. We leaned toward each other as he doodled in the margins of my book. When he turned his face, our foreheads brushed against each other. The chaos of the hundreds of students around us faded away.

  He kissed me and I kissed him back. It took a moment for me to stop feeling so self-conscious, so aware of my spine and the feathers not growing there. He tasted like sugar. My lower lip tingled when his tongue brushed over it. His fingertips brushed along my jaw. The pressure between my shoulders faded. I slid my palms up his arms as the kiss deepened. The side of the table dug into my ribs, but I didn’t care. I wanted to feel the kiss everywhere. I wanted our tongues to slide against each other and steal all thoughts out of my brain. I wanted. When we finally broke apart, his eyes smoldered.

  The kiss was pleasant, like a cupcake.

  I liked cupcakes.

  But Pierce’s kiss was dark chocolate; it was cinnamon and the unexpected bite of chili pepper in the sweetness.

  And I probably shouldn’t be thinking about it right now.

  As if I’d conjured him by thinking about it, I spotted him by the vending machine. He was half turned away from us, shoulders tensed. I didn’t know if he’d noticed us, only that joy immediately bloomed and heated like sunshine on my spine when I saw him.

  Edward left for class, and Pierce walked away from the vending machine empty-handed. I stayed where I was, suddenly sick of swans.

  “Sing him a song,” Rosalita suggested from behind me. “He’ll love you then. They both will.”

  The fact that I was tempted was scarier than anything. Scarier than kidnappers and stolen cloaks and tornados. Scarier even than Pierce not loving me anymore.

  I didn’t see Pierce again until the next day when I was gathering more feathers by our wish-tree. It was tangled with memories: the length of pop can tabs on a blue ribbon from the summer Pierce was obsessed with ginger ale, the painted chopsticks my mother used to wear in her hair, the wishbones from countless Kent poached turkeys. It wasn’t really magic, of course, not like the songs or the swans. But I liked to think it had its own kind of power. Today, though, I couldn’t bring myself to wish at all. I had the uneasy feeling I needed to save my wishes. That I would need them soon enough.

  Pierce came out of the autumn woods, striding through tall goldenrod that glowed with pollen. He was the same Pierce: tall, handsome, with that quiet, mischievous smile, and yet he was so much more. I couldn’t help but stare. He wasn’t just Pierce. He was my Pierce.

  He paused, looking at me quietly. He didn’t come any closer.

  “Please don’t go,” I blurted out. “I hate it when you’re mad at me.”

  “I’m not mad at you,” he replied quietly.

  “You are so. You’re barely talking to me.” I felt like I might cry and that was too embarrassing for words. “I miss you, damn it. I miss us.”

  He sighed and crossed to the edge of the pond beside me. Our reflections touched in the water. “I miss us, too.”

  “Can’t we go back to normal?” Everything else was too confusing. If I could just get a few quiet days with no crisis of any kind, I might finally get my feather cloak. I could deal with everything else after that. “Please?”

  “Come on,” he said finally, plucking a small feather out of the weeds near his boot. “I’ll help you look.”

  I dropped my basket and hugged him as hard as I could. His arms went around me, warm and steady on my back. I inhaled coffee and paper and Pierce, and I could breathe again. Warmth rushed through me, followed by adrenaline. Everything was going to be okay now. I might not feel for him exactly what he thought he felt for me, but I did love him. There were lots of ways to love someone. And the magic should have worn off by now. There was no reason for him to be embarrassed, or to avoid me. I stepped back, feeling chilled when his hands dropped away.

  “I’ll even eat your vinegar hate-cupcakes.”

  I smiled in spite of myself. He could always do that to me. “They’re not hate-cupcakes.”

  “Well, either way I want chocolate caramel.” He dropped the feather into my basket.

  He was helping me collect feathers for wings I was going to find with another boy. It should have made me happy.

  So why did I feel like crying all over again?

  Pierce

  I went running until the only thing I could think about was my lungs and their desperate need for air. I’d told Ana I loved her and she hadn’t believed me. There was nothing I could say to persuade her. She was convinced it was some kind of magical side effect, and I didn’t understand how she couldn’t see that I’d always loved her. And there was nothing I could do about it. Even now, when I didn’t particularly want to love her this way. I was going to have to go on pretending.

  She still spent so much time looking everywhere else but at me.

  She sat with Edward at lunch and he held her hand, and I wanted to toss him into the school pool.

  I spent most of my time in the library with the books. And running.

  The only reason I caught the glin
t of the cage was because I was bent over, trying not to cough a lung out of my nose. The trap was set at the edge of a small pond, half covered in water weeds.

  A swan trap.

  My fists clenched at the thought of Ana trapped inside it. I searched the area but I couldn’t find any tracks or any evidence that swans had come this way at all. I found a white feather, but I wasn’t even sure it was from a swan. I tucked it into my pocket anyway. Then I dragged the netting out of the mud and sawed through it with my pocket knife.

  I dismantled the trap, ripping and pulling it into pieces until my hands bled.

  Ana

  Edward and I finally went out on our first real date. We went for dinner and then a long walk by the river, near where Sonnet and I had first seen the van and the cages. There were swans floating in the water, but they barely glanced our way. I probably wasn’t related to them. I nearly made a joke about it before catching myself. I wasn’t with Pierce. I had to be careful how much of my real self I revealed.

  We stopped to sit on a bench and hold hands. There were no swan feathers on the ground, just mangled French fry containers. I was full of nervous energy. Surely, tonight would be the night Edward helped me obtain my feather cloak. It was a perfect romantic night: all moonlight and the soft sounds of water and the lingering scent of leaf fires. And I liked Edward. He was nice and cute and creative. I’d imagined it was quick as lightning, but maybe it was slow, like a building thunderstorm. Still, shouldn’t I be in love already? What if something was wrong with me?

  Romantic night, I reminded myself. Stop stressing.

  Edward was humming along to music pouring out of a nearby pub. I caught myself joining him, the words like candy on my tongue. He turned his head to smile at me. His eyes were faintly glassy, as if he was dazzled by me. I stopped singing. He blinked.

  Even with my chopped hair, I had some magic left. Something forbidden rose inside me, like a lazy serpent testing the air. My spine felt naked and cold. Surely a tiny song wouldn’t hurt? Just a little push in the right direction.

  “Here’s a health to all lovers that are loyal and just; Here’s confusion to the rival that lives in distrust.”