Kian

  The window was locked. Edmund kept every window locked, but there were two locks. One was at the top, and I kept that unlocked out of habit. When he checked the windows, he’d only check the bottom lock. He was too lazy to move the curtain aside to check the top one.

  I said, “I unlocked the window behind me, but he was staring right at me.”

  “Did he say anything to you?”

  I frowned. Had he? It’d been so long since I had to remember this all. “I think…” Wait…I remembered something new. “He came up because I had a phone call.”

  “That boy called today.”

  “Justin called earlier.” That was why he was in my room. “Edmund was angry with me, saying the same stuff as always.”

  “What did he always say?”

  “He liked to ramble about my eyes.”

  “Your eyes?”

  The confusion from Erica pulled me back.

  I slipped away from my old bedroom and came back to the hotel room. I was once again sitting in my chair, staring at a camera and a friend, but it felt like they weren’t there. I shivered, feeling Edmund there.

  I gestured to my face. “I have colored contacts, but my real eye color is unique. He would think I was a demon when he was really drunk. He’d rant about it and how I was sent to tempt him.” My gut shifted, sinking low. I felt sick. “Some days, he’d say I was a goddess, and other days, Lucifer sent me. But that day—” I stopped. My mouth grew dry. I was almost too scared to continue. “He wasn’t saying any of that on that day.”

  “What happened, Jo?”

  Jo. Not Jordan.

  I shook myself awake. I was doing a live interview. Wake up. I had to focus.

  Drawing in a short breath, I shoved the memories aside and concentrated on the camera again. “He was saying things about how he needed to eradicate his temptation once and for all. He wouldn’t be unfaithful. He was a loyal servant, but he was at his end. He had to take care of me. I knew I didn’t have a lot of time, but then I heard the front door open. I thought someone was coming to save me, and I hoped. I looked, but—”

  I felt something trickle down my cheek.

  I gazed down. A tear fell to my arm.

  “No one was coming. They were leaving. It was his wife and the kids. They were in a hurry because she always had them dressed nice whenever they left but not that day. They were in sweatpants and T-shirts. They didn’t even have their coats on.”

  There was dead silence, both in the hotel room and that day in the bedroom.

  She had abandoned me. “I was going to die. I knew it then.”

  “How did—” Erica’s voice choked off before she coughed, clearing it. “How did Kian see you that day?”

  “They left in the car the same time he was crossing the street. He saw them go. I thought that was what made him come and see what was going on.” I knew better now. “He looked up and saw me in the window.”

  I flinched. It had only been for a second, but I still remembered when our eyes met.

  He saw me, and something turned off in him. His mouth flattened. His face grew hard and impassive, but it was his eyes. I knew what he was going to do when he came, and when he started for the door, I turned back around.

  Kian was coming.

  Edmund didn’t realize it. He was behind me. He didn’t know whom I saw in that slight moment. But then he drew closer to me, bringing the knife up to my throat and whispered, “I cannot take you anymore.”

  He bent close, so his breath was coating my face. I bit down on my lip to keep from cursing at him. I needed him to wait. I needed time to pause.

  “He started cutting me.” I looked down to my lap. My nails were bleeding, so I tucked them under my legs. I couldn’t look into the lens anymore. “He was going to have fun torturing me. He wanted the demon in me to come out, and then he was going to pour salt into my wounds. He thought that would anger the demon even more.”

  A small cut to the hands. A mild cut to the wrists. As he kept going, the cuts got deeper and deeper. The tops of my arms. Edmund lifted my shirt. He made me take it off, and he cut where my ribs were. Across my stomach. My hip bones. He turned me around then. At the same time, he reached around and pulled the curtain all the way down to the window frame. No one could see us.

  Where’s that boy?

  I remembered wondering that.

  He began cutting my back. He was carving a pattern into my skin. When he was done, he turned me around again, and stepped back to admire his work.

  His gaze fell to my breasts.

  “I think he would’ve cut them off.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “That was when Kian burst into the room.”

  He saw the blood.

  “What happened then?”

  I didn’t want to remember, but I forced myself to look back up to the camera. “He killed Edmund. That was what he did. Edmund threatened to kill me if Kian didn’t leave. He grabbed me and brought the knife to my throat. He was going to slice my throat then and there.”

  “But he didn’t?”

  I shook my head. Everything was so painful. “Kian lunged for Edmund, and they fought.” I closed my eyes. Kian knocked him down, then he moved so fast. He grabbed the knife and sliced Edmund’s throat instead. I said, “Kian was alive. I was alive. Edmund was dead.” No one needed to hear me recite what happened after that.

  “The police reports say that Kian stabbed Edmund seventeen times.”

  “I don’t care.” That was the truth. “Kian saved my life. I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t seduce him. I didn’t even really know him before that day. I had no idea that he even knew I existed, but I am thankful he did. He saved my life.

  “Everyone wants to spin this so it’s something more, but it’s not. Even if Kian hadn’t killed him, Edmund might’ve killed someone else. He was sick.” And twisted. He deserved to die. “Kian probably saved someone else’s life, too, that day. That’s it. That’s all there is.”

  The silence was so deafening. It was thick, heavy like my heart.

  Erica pointed to the camera and asked softly, “Is there anything else you want to say? A nation is listening.”

  Was there? A resounding yes sounded in my head. I made sure I was looking right into the camera, and I sat up. I wanted people to hear this. It was my one-time plea to them, but there was something missing, something else I needed to do. It hit me then. My eyes. I was still hiding, and I couldn’t. Without letting myself second guess myself, I reached up and took my contacts out. There was a soft gasp in the room. I skimmed a fleeting glance at Erica, whose eyes widened, but I looked steadily into the camera. I couldn’t mince words. “This is me. This is all of me.” I waved a hand to my face. “I’m not hiding anymore, and I’m not going to be blamed for what happened to me anymore. From here on out, I would like to live as normal of a life as possible. That’s all I want. I just want to be normal.”

  “And,” the other reporter moved forward, signaling to the camera guy, “that’s a wrap.”

  Erica still had to finish something up with the camera guy so Wanker and I were waiting by the door when the reporter came over. She smiled, looking up from her phone. “You did so well. Honestly, you were amazing. I checked, and your interview is already trending on social media.”

  I nodded. She was saying words, and they had meaning, but I was hollow. Nothing was getting inside and staying there. It was all bouncing around and then leaving me again. I supposed I would care later after I could process what I just did.

  “And most of it is positive,” she kept going, scrolling through her phone again. She was beaming down at it. “With Erica’s name on it, I know you just made her career.” She paused to glance up, and waved to my eyes. “And those are breathtaking. You’re going to be a hit.” If our station can do anything further for you, please let us know. We just want to support you.”

  Wanker grunted.

  She glanced to me, frowning slightly. “What?”

  “Nothing.” Wanker said as his h
and curled around my shoulder, and he pulled me to his side.

  For right now, he was shielding me from her. That much registered with me. I leaned against him, so damn thankful I had gone back to the apartment. She gave us another smile and wandered back to Erica and the camera guy.

  Wanker muttered under his breath, “Oh, yes. I’m sure they’d love to support you, and reap the benefits from it, too.”

  I closed my eyes. “We had to use someone.”

  “I know. Erica said they were the best ones to work with, but still. They’re using Erica, her friendship with you, and you most of all. I’ll be happy when all of this is over.”

  I looked up, the corner of my mouth turning down. “You don’t get it.” I pulled away, facing him directly.

  “Get what?”

  I shook my head. “There’s no going back, Wanker. This is it for me.” I gestured to the camera and where I sat moments ago. “I did all of that for one reason. I need to make things just a tiny bit better. That’s it.” I wasn’t dumb. I knew how people would react. I was known. I’d always be known. “I did that to maybe get people to do things not as much. Not hate me as much. Not bother me as much. Not want to call me names when they see me in person as much. That’s it. I’m not fooling myself. It won’t all go away, but I want some of it to go away. Just a little part of it.” That was all I could ask for, that was all that would realistically happen.

  “What about you and Kian?”

  I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

  “I saw the looks between you two. You’re together.”

  It wasn’t a question. He knew, just like he had known before.

  I let out a sigh. “When did you figure it out?”

  “When you both came to the apartment—”

  I waved that off, shaking my head. “No, not that.”

  “Oh.” His head straightened up, and his shoulders rolled back. “I knew you had a secret. You didn’t like crowds or people in the beginning. I figured something happened. You looked a little more like your old self our freshman year, but not enough where I’d put two and two together. I mean, who would? That case was talked about in every house, and why would I question a girl who looks a tiny bit similar to her?” His glasses slid down, and he pushed them back up. “Your contact fell out one day.”

  “My contact?”

  He nodded. “It was real quick. It came out in the library when we were studying. You took off right away, and you kept your head down, but I saw the color of your eyes. It’s unmistakable.”

  I frowned, remembering that day. “That was a year ago. You’ve known for this long?”

  He never said a word.

  “Yeah. I mean, I understood why you were keeping quiet.” He lifted a shoulder before looking at Erica over my shoulder. “I was going to tell her. I had it all planned out, then a story about you came on the television. It was a coincidence. They were running those stories more often back then, but I watched it differently that time. I knew you and I put myself in your shoes. I got it. I did. I knew why you were hiding, but Erica started going off about you. She thought there was more to the story, how you must’ve manipulated the whole thing and I knew I couldn’t say a word. She wouldn’t have understood back then.” He paused, skirting from me to her and to me again before saying, “She still doesn’t, you know.”

  “What?”

  I went still. Erica had said she was okay with it, understood why I lied…but she got over it so quickly. I was surprised, but I didn’t wanted to press my luck.

  He nodded, taking off his glasses. I noticed the bags under his eyes then.

  He murmured, “She’s trying to be a supportive friend, but she’s hurt.”

  Erica was shaking the reporter’s hand and then the camera guy’s. Everyone was smiling. They seemed almost giddy. I didn’t see a hurt friend, but if Wanker said it, it was true. He knew her the best.

  “Well, shit.”

  “Erica loves you. She’s hurt that you lied to her, but she understands why you lied.” He peered over my shoulder, also watching the woman he loved. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think it will take much to make her feel better. Probably an extra few words about how your friendship means the world to you.”

  “It does.” She was family. I realized that now. “It really does.”

  “Tell her, and she’ll love you forever.” His voice dropped, filled with pride. “She’s a good person like that.”

  I looked up at him and saw the love for her in his eyes. “You need to tell her how you feel.”

  He looked down, meeting my gaze. He let out his own sigh. “I know. Maybe one day. Maybe when I think she’ll return the words.” His hand squeezed my shoulder. “I’m going to wait outside, talk to the officers, and see where they suggest we head to now.”

  I nodded as he slipped out the door, and I didn’t wait for long. Erica came over right after. She saw Wanker leaving. Although sounding out of breath, she was glowing. “Where’s he going?”

  “He left, so I could tell you how much—”

  “Ah.” She held up a hand, stopping me. Her head bobbed up and down. “I got it. And I know what you’re going to say, but you don’t have to.”

  Well, damn.

  She added, “I was hurt, yes, but I get it. I do. After hearing what you said just now, how could I not get it? I’m just hurt that you were hurt and felt like you couldn’t trust me, if that makes any sense.” A rueful grin appeared, and she rolled her eyes. “Not to toot my own horn, but I did good with that interview. I was on point, and now listen to me. Bumbling idiot”—she pointed to herself—“right here.”

  And I wouldn’t have her any other way. “Thank you.”

  She reached for my hand and squeezed it, then pulled me in for a tight hug. She held me close. “You are so beautiful and kind and amazing, and I just wanted to tell you that.” She let me go and fanned herself, blinking rapidly. “I can’t cry, not in front of those two behind us, but Jo,” her hands fell to my arms. “When you took your contacts out, I couldn’t believe it! That was amazing.” A fond expression entered her eyes. “Thank you for trusting me.”

  I was the lucky one. She had no idea.

  “Okay. For real. We have to go or I’m going to break down.”

  I nodded. “I’ll be right behind you. I need to check my phone quick.”

  She raised her voice, calling over my head, “Thank you for everything, guys!”

  They waved.

  I wanted to see Kian. He was next on my list to make sure everything was right between us. I called him and texted. There was no response before the interview. Checking my phone now as Erica went to the door, a lump lodged itself in my throat when I saw one simple and solitary text message.

  Outside.

  There was something hot and delicious about that one word, but I was also nervous as hell. If he was angry, if he was disappointed, if he was hurt—I couldn’t think about those scenarios.

  I followed Erica outside, but leaned close once the door shut behind us. “He’s here.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Who?” But she leaned her head close, dropping her voice. “Kian?”

  I nodded.

  She glanced at the door. “Let’s go before they do. They’ll use him being here for part of their package.”