Maia

  He had changed out of his military gear and was now dressed with all his usual flamboyance, plumed and blazoned like a kynat. She showed him over the house and the little garden, strolled with him down to the shore and back and then poured him wine as he sat once more by the window. She wondered what his reason might be for coming to see her. A few months ago she would have been in no doubt; but that, of course, was before Milvushina had joined his household. Milvushina--another enemy of the Sacred Queen: what subtle trap might be in preparation for her? Yet she, at least, had powerful protectors. The thought of her own insecurity was beginning to frighten her.

  "Don't you think so, Maia?" asked Elvair-ka-Virrion.

  She recollected herself with a blush. "I'm sorry, my lord: please forgive me. I'm afraid I'd just let my mind wander for a moment, kind of. What were you saying?"

  He paused, looking at her over his wine-cup with an air of the most sincere concern and commiseration, so that she found herself for a moment remembering old Nasada. At length he said, "Maia, I don't know how you think of me, but I've always felt for you very sincerely, and not just since you became the Serrelinda, either. I'd like to think you feel I'm your friend. Anyway, I can tell when you're not yourself. You're still worrying, aren't you, about your stepfather--that business you came to talk about in the palace this morning? What's happened? You don't want to drop it, but you're frightened of the queen; is that it?"

  She looked up at him with brimming eyes.

  "I'm not afraid of the queen. I'm not!"

  "Don't be silly. Everyone is. Durakkon is, even my father--everyone."

  Slowly, and with hesitation--for she felt keenly not only her powerlessness to help Tharrin except at the cost of almost all she had gained, but also that the queen had succeeded only too well in making a fool and a dupe of her--she began to tell him what had happened since she had left the Lord General. When she spoke of how she had returned to the queen at noon Elvair-ka-Virrion whistled.

  "You mean you went back there a second time and held her to her word?"

  "Well, yes: s'pose you could sort of put it like that."

  "You realize there's probably not a man in my entire regiment who would have dared to do that? She might have put an arrow through you or just had you thrown down a well: oh, yes, she might, Maia, believe me."

  "Reckon she must 'a been savin' up, then, for something a bit more entertaining, like," said Maia bitterly.

  She finished her story, this time telling frankly about her seduction by Tharrin. "Poor Tharrin's nothing to me any more and never will be, but I can't just stand by and do nothing. Nor I can't see as it'd do the Leopards any harm to let him go. He's had that much of a fright, he'd never do nothing like that n'more; you can count on it." She paused. Then, "Do you know anyone as'd buy this house today for ten thousand meld down?"

  "You really are that serious?"

  "Yes, I am."

  He paused, reflecting. At length he said, "You know I'm leaving tomorrow to lead the campaign in Chalcon? I'm giving the usual part)?--a barrarz --tonight. All my officers will be there, of course--including Shend-Lador-- and a lot of other people you know; Sarget for one; oh, and Randronoth, the governor of Lapan--you know him, don't you?"

  "I ought to: I had to bed with him once at Sencho's."

  "Oh, he'd have liked that, Randronoth would. Well, Milvushina will be there, of course, and Otavis and Nennaunir. Your friend Fordil's bringing his drums and hinnaris along, and everyone's hoping you'll dance. That was what I came for--to ask you particularly. But in the light of what you've been telling me, I've just had another idea that may appeal to you. I think it'll work, provided we can get everyone in the right mood. I'm ready to do everything I can to help you in this business, Maia, I promise you."

  She gazed back at him, half-smiling in response to his smile, uncertain, puzzled but intrigued.

  "Let's just have another stroll down that pretty garden of yours," said Elvair-ka-Virrion, draining off his goblet and picking up his plumed hat from the table, "and I'll tell you what it is I've got in mind. Cheer up: I think we may beat Fornis yet."

  62: THARRIN'S DISCLOSURE

  She had sent Ogma down to the prison to say she was coming, and this time was received with the respect appropriate to the Serrelinda. Seen in the bright afternoon sunshine, from the window of Pokada's stuffy little room, the courtyard, like that of a barracks, and the ugly blocks seemed more arid and dismal than ever. Not a bush or bloom, not a blade of grass; even the creeper below the window-sill, she now realized, was dead. The sun, shining from a clear sky into this squalid, bare place served--so it seemed--only to stress its isolation and lack of all natural beauty--tree, flower or bird-song. Nowhere, in the still heat, was there a trace of any animate thing. Why, 'tis like being struck deaf, she thought.

  Everything's here, 'ceptin' for something missing that's enough to drive you mad.

  Pokada, with a singular lack of tact, had asked her, in preliminary conversation, whether she was acquainted with Lalloc; to which she replied merely with a cold stare. This, however, had not been sufficient to discourage the jailer from running garrulously on about his own association with the slave-dealer. After a minute or two it dawned on Maia that he was actually proud of it, and was boasting of his acquaintance with someone who in his world figured as an illustrious citizen. Lalloc, it appeared, was a not infrequent visitor on business at the jail and had often shown himself most affable. "Obf, yes, saiyett; oh yes," went on Pokada, "we're not without our distinguished connections here, you know. Why, one day last year the Sacred Queen herself honored us with a visit."

  "What she want to come here for, then?" Maia was momentarily startled out of her assumed composure.

  "Oh, to select a man, you know, saiyett; a prisoner-- for some purpose connected with the sacred office, she told me. Very conscientious, the Sacred Queen, I've always understood. No, no, you mustn't think of us here as just a bunch of old turnkeys, you know. 'Why, you're quite a civic functionary, Pokada,' U-Lalloc was kind enough to say to me once. Yes, a civic functionary--"

  Maia, not without a certain bitter amusement, deliberately copied the detached manner which (not least because of its effectiveness) had so often irritated her in Milvushina; so that after a little more one-sided chat the jailer took the hint and left her. Sitting on the bench, her arms before her on the table, she let her head droop and fell into a reverie from which she was roused by the opening of the door.

  Tharrin was already looking better. For a start he was clean--or as clean, thought the new Maia, as people like him ever were. His hair was combed and she thought it quite probable that it might even be free of lice. He still looked gaunt and ravaged, a man who had undergone a dreadful ordeal, but the eyes that met hers now contained some self-possession--even expectancy-rand after a moment he actually contrived a sort of half-smile as well. He was wearing presentable, if rough and mended, clothes and his nails had been trimmed and were no longer black. As soon as he perceived--which he did as quickly as a dog--that her mind was free of calamity, his manner began to assume a faint, residual hint of the former strolling rascal--ah, there's no real harm in him, to be sure--the tom-cat renowned for always falling on his feet. Oh, of course, it had been the very devil of a scrape, don't you know; worst he'd ever been in, matter of fact; there'd been times when he'd thought it was all up with him, honest. But girls had their uses, and somehow something always seemed to turn up lucky for a lad like him. Wouldn't you just know it?

  Maia saw all this as clearly as Occula would have seen it. She knew that she would never want Tharrin again in a hundred years: yet she had hazarded her standing and risked her safety on his account, and was determined to go on doing so as long as necessary. Why? She knew why. He was an integral part of herself--of where she had come from and what she was--he was part of the furniture of her life. "No, I'm just not going to get rid of that there old bench. It belonged to my mum and I like it, so there. More you goes on about it, more I'll stick."
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  She smiled, and motioned him to sit down opposite her.

  "Tharrin, I'm as certain as I can be that this time tomorrow you'll be free."

  She wasn't, of course: she only hoped to Cran she was right. But there was no point in "perhaps" and "maybe" and "if only I can." What he desperately needed was confidence and peace of mind. For him, uncertainty would be almost as bad as hopelessness, sitting in this place with nothing to do all day, waiting and thinking.

  Across the table, he grasped her hand in both his own, smiling almost jauntily.

  "Maia! I knew you could do it! You're the most wonderful girl! I'll never, never forget what you've done for me. My beautiful, golden fish!"

  You bastard, she thought. You came home and found I'd been carted off to Bekla and you never lifted a finger even just to find out what had become of me. Beautiful, golden fish my venda! And yet I can't--how funny--help feeling a sort of affection mixed up with contempt.

  But now it was time to get down to business and no messing.

  "Tharrin, what do you mean to do once you're free? Will you go back to mother and the girls and take up where you left off, or do you want to take them away and start somewhere else?"

  He paused. Well, her question certainly must have come a bit sudden, of course; but unless she was very much mistaken, his mind hadn't been altogether free from the notion that he might just baste off and try his luck somewhere else.

  "You do mean to go back to mother, don't you?"

  "Oh, yes, yes, Maia, of course! Oh yes, naturally. Have to look after them, yes; oh, always do that."

  "You see," she said, smiling and stroking his hand, "you'll be sort of on parole, Tharrin. If you--well, you know, if you was to get into any more trouble--I know you won't-- but they'd take you in again, and I wouldn't be able to help you a second time. You do understand, don't you?"

  He understood all right: she was pretty sure of that. What an extraordinary fellow he was, she thought.

  Talk about volatile! Just escaped from death by torture and in a wink he was almost sprightly, and then within the minute he was disappointed at being foiled in a little dodge to go off on the loose. Ah, to the rebels in Chalcon, very like. She'd bet anything that that had already occurred to him. Yet for the life of her she couldn't entirely dislike him. He'd got--well, humanity, kind of.

  "Dearest," she said, still holding his hand "--and I must call you that, even though we're not lovers any more-- you've got to realize I've got a fair old bit of influence now."

  He laughed. He even slapped his thigh--at which his threadbare breeches gave off a puff of dust.

  "I know! 'Maia swam the river: Maia saved the city.' I wonder what they said down at 'The Safe Moorings,' don't you? I haven't been there for weeks, so I can't tell." He paused. "In some ways it's a pity you did save the city, golden Maia. If you hadn't, Karnat would have been in Bekla by now."

  "Don't you give me that!" she flashed at him. "If I hadn't, three hundred Tonildan boys'd be laying dead and done in Paltesh, and that'd have been just for a start! Anyway, Tharrin, don't you try and act up to me as you've got political principles about heldril and Leopards, nor none of that old moonshine. What you did was done for money, and you basting well know it. Not but what you weren't always generous with it," she added, relenting a little. "I'll give you that."

  "Kept a roof over our heads," he muttered, his eyes on the floor.

  "Well, just you see as you go on doing that, else I'll know the reason why."

  At that he looked up at her, straight and serious.

  "Maia, I can't see why you should be bothering yourself so much about Morca; that I can't. She sold you into slavery, didn't she? A real dirty trick that was."

  The picture this called into Maia's mind--namely, of Morca as she had last seen her--prompted her next question.

  "Is she all right? What was the baby--a boy?"

  "No, another girl. Yes, she's all right as far as I know. Was when I left for Thettit, anyway. I was arrested in Thettit, you know. All the same, it's bound to have been rough on them with me gone. I dare say Kelsi and Nala--"

  "Oh, I blame myself, that I do! I'll give you some money to take back, Tharrin. And just you mind it gets there, too, d'you see? Well, I know mum sold me, and that was cruel, I don't deny; but I can't say as she hadn't had that to make her, in a manner of speaking; and besides, her condition at the time and all. She was that upset, she did a lot more to me than what she need have; but all the same, look where it's got me--and when all's said and done she is my mother."

  Tharrin, getting up, walked across to the bright glare of the window and stood dark against the light.

  After a pause he said, "I don't know what she'd say, Maia, but I reckon it's high time you were told."

  "Told? Told what?"

  "That she's not your mother. You didn't know that, did you?"

  "Not my mother?" Maia was at a complete loss. Had his sufferings turned his wits, or what? Tharrin said no more, and at length she asked, "Whatever do you mean?"

  "I'll tell you." He came back and sat down. "I'll tell you all about it, just as she told it to me. Listen, Maia. Do you know how long ago your--well, your father and mother; I'll call them that for now--were married?"

  " 'Bout twenty year now, isn't it? But Tharrin, I want to know, what d'you mean--"

  "Listen! Yes, your father and Morca were married about twenty years ago. And there were no children. A farmer needs children, doesn't he? He needs labor. A farmer without children's an unfortunate mail. But there were no children; and two years went by, three years, four and never a sign. Morca felt bad, even though your father never spoke a harsh word. It was a bad time--bad as could be, she said. It got to prey on her mind. No children--that's a bitter misfortune to bear, by all accounts.

  "But I'll go on. One night in the rains it was pitch-dark and nothing but mud everywhere--well, you know how it is along Serrelind. The two of them had had supper and were just going to bed when suddenly they heard a noise outside--something quite big, stumbling about. They thought it must be a beast got loose.

  "Your father went out with a lamp, but he couldn't see what it was and then the rain put the lamp out. And at that moment, in the dark, someone clutched his legs and there was a woman on the ground, crying and begging for help. He just picked her up and carried her indoors, all wet through as she was and all her clothes and her hair just one mass of mud, Morca said. They pulled the sodden clothes off her and washed her and put her into bed.

  "She was only a young lass. I don't know how old-- Morca didn't say--but not much older than you are now, I suppose. It was much as ever they could understand her, 'cos she was a Suban--a marsh-frog. Ah, but she was a regular pretty girl for all that, Morca said. Or she would have been, only she was in such a state; and she was pregnant. She was more than that; she was going to drop it any minute, she was going into labor. Oh, they were in a right taking, I'll tell you.

  "Morca said she never asked her to account for herself. It was no time for that. But then the girl began talking of her own accord. She said her elder sister had been murdered in Suba--murdered by the wife of the High Baron of Urtah, she said: house burned in the night with her in it and her young son too. She said her sister had been some famous dancer and the High Baron had been her lover. That was why the wife had murdered her. And she herself had only learned of this that very morning, while she was out of her own house, gone down the village--I don't know, gone to buy salt or something, I think Morca said. She and her husband were living in eastern Urtah, not far from the highway between Gelt and Bekla. She never said where she first met him or how they came to be living there. Anyway, the girl had no sooner heard this than someone else came running up and told her her own husband was dead--can you imagine it? They'd come upon him--some more of the High Baron's wife's men had--in his own home and killed him, just because he was the husband of the younger sister of this What's-her-name, this dancer in Suba. And now the men were going through the village, look
ing for her.

  "Well, of course she was terrified out of her life, this poor girl. And she was all the more terrified because there wasn't anyone she felt she could trust. Well, I mean, a Suban girl, a marsh-frog come to eastern Urtah; you can just picture it, can't you? She'd be a real fish out of water, wouldn't she? Anyway, she panicked. She ran out of the village just as she was and went east across the Plain. She wasn't making for anywhere in particular. Once she got to the highway, of course, she ought to have tried to get to Bekla, but she didn't. I suppose she must have thought these men might follow down the highway looking for her. She just kept on east across the Tonildan Waste.

  "Well, I've reckoned it since as she must have done twenty-five miles across the Waste, poor girl, and her in that state! Anyway, at last, in the dark and the rain, she collapsed outside your father's door.

  "They went and got Drigga from up the lane and she and Morca did everything they could. And at one point they thought they'd pulled her through, Morca said. You'd been born--"

  "Me?"

  "Yes, you'd been born and everything seemed all right, but then she just bled and bled until she died, Morca said. But you were as bonny as could be."

  Maia was crying.

  "Well, your father--I'll go on calling him that--he thought that after what the girl had told them, the less got out the better, or there might be some more of these Urtan men-- these murderers--coming to look for you, d'you see? That queen--baroness--whatever she was--she meant business, that was clear enough. And old Drigga, she agreed. So what happened was, they buried the poor girl and no one the wiser--she's down by that big ash-tree beside the lake--"

  "Oh, Tharrin! That ash-tree? My tree?"

  "Yes, she is. And they gave it out--and old Drigga backed them up, said as she'd been in the know all along-- that the baby was Morca's. Well, quite believable; I mean, it doesn't always show all that much with the first baby, does it? And Morca was ready with some story about hav-ing sworn a vow to Shakkarn that if only he'd take away her trouble, she wouldn't tell a soul until everything had gone off all right.