Lost Boy

  The way Noah affected my mind and my heart was just so petrifying, and it was just so real.

  The emotion…

  I could touch it.

  Feel it.

  Taste it.

  It surrounded me. Engulfed me. Loved me.

  And I never wanted to let it go.

  I never wanted to let him go.

  TWENTY-TWO

  SKYLER

  My heart fluttered, my stomach dropped, and my mouth parted the moment he rasped, “Hey, Cutie.”

  I hid back a smile, unaware of how to proceed with him. Blurting, “What are you doing here?” instead.

  He flinched from the sharp tone in my voice, not trying to hide his emotions, unlike me. Which had always been a consistent trait about Noah, he never tried hiding from me. Always showing me his true colors.

  What you saw was what you got.

  What he said was what he meant.

  No matter what.

  Whether I wanted to see it or not.

  Proving my point, he stated, “Been waitin’ for you to come home.”

  “So you’ve been sitting in front of my house for the last month or what?”

  “Somethin’ like that.”

  “That’s not creepy or anything.”

  He grinned. “Number one fan, remember?”

  I was never one to beat around the bush and, as much as I wanted to fall back into the constant safe haven of our relationship, I couldn’t. The fear of the violence in his life wouldn’t let me.

  “Yeah, Noah, I do remember. I remember everything. Especially our birthday.”

  “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Skyler. I never meant to scare you. The last thing I wanted was for you to run away from me, all the way to fuckin’ L.A.”

  “I didn’t run away. I had to work.”

  “Come on.” He cocked his head to the side with a sly grin. “Who do ya think you’re talkin’ to? Just ’cuz I haven’t seen ya in a month, don’t mean I don’t know when you’re bullshittin’ me, yeah?”

  “What do you want me to say, Noah? Because I don’t even know how to handle you. Jesus… what happened that night is not okay with me. It will never be okay with me.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you? Because I don’t think you do. The guy who is standing in front of me right now, showing me so much remorse in his eyes that it hurts my heart, is the boy who ate shit trying to show off for me when we were eleven-years-old. Making me sing for him when we were thirteen. Who’s been there for me without even knowing it every year since. That’s—” I pointed to myself “—the guy I know. The one who’s my best friend, my only friend. I don’t know that person who fights and kills for money, and honestly, I don’t think you do either.”

  He swallowed hard, taking in every last word that fell from my lips. By the look on his face, he knew what I implied was true. Which only frightened me more for him and the life he led when I wasn’t around.

  “I’m still that guy, Cutie. Nothin’ has changed, not one single word I’ve ever said to you has been a lie. You are my sunshine and happiness, who has brought nothin’ but dark fuckin’ clouds over me these last few weeks. I need ya in my fucked-up life, Skyler, ’cuz you make it worth livin’.”

  My resolve shattered. He couldn’t say stuff like that to me and it not.

  “Come ride wit’ me. I wanna show you somethin’,” he coaxed, holding up three fingers with his hand. “You’ll like it this time, Scout’s Honor.”

  “When have you ever been a boy scout?”

  “When I used to beat up kids who were.”

  I glared at him.

  “I’m jokin’. Did my girl lose her sense of humor in Hollywood wit’ all those fake-ass people?”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “There she is. There’s my girl.” Before I had a chance to reply, he grabbed my hand. Adding, “Let’s put ya on the back of my bike where ya belong, yeah?”

  “Verdict’s still out on you.”

  He smirked in that Noah sort of way, pulling me behind him as he led me to his bike. Almost like he thought if he let go, I’d go running back to L.A.

  But regardless of the uncertainties between us, there it was…

  The second he wrapped my arms around his waist when we were on his bike, I felt it. What I had been missing for the last month.

  Home.

  I tried not getting emotional on the ride to wherever he was taking me, but it was difficult not to. Having his warm body wrapped up in my arms was Heaven on Earth. An endless stream of conflicting emotions spiraled through my mind, tearing at my heart. Confusing me even more when it came to him, but in a much different way than before. It wasn’t just about my career anymore. It was about his life and how I fit in it. How we fit together when there was an overwhelming amount of reasons to keep us apart. When everything in my mind was telling me, screaming at me, that I needed to stay away from him.

  Now more than ever.

  I closed my eyes just for a second, too consumed with decisions I didn’t know I’d ever be able to make. What was wrong sat right in front of my eyes, bared into the guy who felt so right. I tried ignoring the looming feeling in the pit of my stomach, focusing on the cutest little beach town with a quaint family-style restaurant, nestled on the ocean that we were driving past. Some good ol’ boys were running around out front, and a beautiful young girl, wearing a yellow sundress, chased after them. Making me wish I could be that carefree, where nothing else mattered but being a kid and living each day to the fullest.

  My thoughts never stopped racing as I desperately tried enjoying the fresh ocean breeze in my face, living in the moment with Noah, even if it wouldn’t last. Seeking the refuge he always provided, with or without him even knowing it. Which was yet another thing about Noah…

  He wanted to see the truths that most people tried to ignore.

  It was a persistent struggle to let go of my guard that I had been holding onto ever since I could remember. To bring down the wall I’d built so high, so thick with everyone including him. The way he looked at me, the way he spoke to me, the way he listened. Every smile, every laugh, every word that descended from Noah’s lips, meant something.

  It didn’t matter how big or how small.

  It was there.

  Etching its way into my heart where no one could ever come close to it.

  Not that I had ever let them.

  When he slowed down and took a turn onto a secluded road that read Private Property Davidson Marina at the entrance, I asked, giggling, “You kidnapping me, Rebel?”

  With a predatory regard, he glanced back at me. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Bein’ tied up and at my mercy. You wanna be my bad or good girl, baby? ’Cuz either way you’ll look fuckin’ beautiful on your knees with my cock fuckin’ that saucy little mouth of yours.”

  “Noah!” My mouth dropped open, and I slapped his arm. “Just-just—oh my god—just pay attention to the road before we crash.”

  He cockily smiled, pulling into a parking spot. Loving my response that only he stirred, fully aware of what he always did to me.

  What only he could ever do to me.

  Before I knew what was happening, he jumped off his bike, and I thought he was going to help me off like always, but instead, he pulled me closer to him by the nook of my neck, until our lips were almost touching and breathed out, “I ain’t the one squirmin’ at the thought of my cock in your mouth.”

  I whimpered when he abruptly pulled away and helped me off his bike. Hating and loving the effect his dirty mouth had on me. I clenched my thighs, clearing my throat, failing miserably with what he just called me out on. It didn’t help that his hands were still gripped onto my waist.

  “What are we doing in Oak Island? At a marina?” I questioned, changing the subject before my panties exploded at the thought of his huge, thick dick in my…

  Oh my God, Skyler! Stop it!

  As if reading my mind, he tilted his head to the side, tempting me with whatever he wan
ted to do. I could see, feel his heated stare on every inch of my skin, and the bastard was responsive of it too.

  I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. His mischievous glare shadowed the movement of my tongue.

  Waiting.

  Anticipating.

  Rousing from the inside out.

  So when he slowly backed away, taking his warmth with him, it was like a bucket of freezing cold water washed over me.

  Did he just reject me?

  He turned around and grabbed my hand, ignoring my question and my disappointed expression. Leading us over to a cemented walkway, he urgently tugged me toward him and kissed the palm of my hand. Looking at me with that blaze in his eyes and excitement on his face. He was barely able to contain it as we walked hand-in-hand down the dock.

  Making me smile, his eagerness was contagious. I realized it had nothing to do with rejection, he just really wanted to show me something. I felt better as we continued strolling past one boat after another, all in pristine condition, until we reached the end of the boat slip and there was nowhere else for us to go.

  “It’s a surprise,” he finally replied, grabbing the black rope tied to the dock. He stepped overboard onto the last yacht, trying to pull me along with him, but I hesitated. Snapping him back to face me again.

  “Noah, my law-breaking days are over.”

  He beamed, simply stating, “Trust me.”

  So I did, stepping onto the side before jumping onto the deck, following close behind him. “Noah, what are we doin—” He rendered me speechless as soon as he opened the door, and I could see what he had been beyond excited to show me.

  He walked in first, but I didn’t waver in trailing in after him, stepping into a huge open space filled with tools and lumber.

  “Holy shit,” I whispered under my breath, gazing at the completely gutted interior of the massive yacht.

  My eyes shifted from the large industrial fan next to the door, keeping the stale air circulating, to the big hole in the floor on the left side of the room that looked like it was an access area to the engines, to the ceiling that was entirely ripped apart with shop lights hanging down, sporadically lighting the cabin. The floors were bare planks of wood with sawdust everywhere. Cans of paint and varnish were spread throughout the open space with drop clothes pushed to the side.

  It didn’t look like much right now, but someone had already put in a lot of man hours restoring the inside, and once they finished this yacht, it would be every bit as stunning as I already imagined in my head.

  “Wow,” was all I managed to say as I slowly let go of his hand and turned in a circle, taking in everything from the freshly varnished wood in the kitchen to the unfinished floors in the living room. The smell of saltwater, sweat, and Noah filled the humid air.

  “Whose boat is—”

  He placed his index finger over my lips. “Shhh… you ask too many questions.” Grinning, he gradually backed away toward the radio on the floor a few feet away from us.

  “Noah—”

  Silencing me again, he turned it on. And what proceeded next, happened so fast, I never had a chance to see it coming. In an instant, he wrapped his arms around me, locking me in place, flush against his hard, firm chest.

  Murmuring, “Dance wit’ me,” into my ear before he swiftly brushed the hair away from my face with the back of his fingers. Leaving a trail of yearning in his wake, he allowed his eyes to speak for himself.

  I nodded, unable to find my voice. Taking one of my hands, he spun me around and then placed it on his shoulder. Intertwining his other hand in mine, he promptly laid them over his heart while his face conveyed so many emotions in a matter of seconds, and I paid close attention to every last one.

  He started moving and I instinctively followed, swaying as one to the beat of the music as he hummed the soft melody in my ear. We got lost in each other in the same way we always had, feeling everything and all at once.

  “This is my boat, and I wanna make it a home, wit’ you.”

  I jerked back with wide eyes, not expecting him to say that. Stunned, I only questioned, “This isn’t a boat Noah, it’s a yacht. How did you get it?”

  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about his response. My initial thoughts were he either won it in a fight or he stole it, and neither reason sat well with me.

  “It was a gift.”

  “From who?”

  “Good people, like you.”

  “They just gave you this?”

  He nodded.

  “Why?”

  “Been askin’ myself that question for the last month, but it don’t change the fact she’s mine.”

  “She?”

  “Oh yeah, she’s definitely a girl.”

  “And I don’t get a say in this?”

  “You want one?”

  Without thinking, I answered, “Yes.”

  He smiled big and wide, and it lit up his entire face. “Whataya want? I’ll build ya whatever you want.”

  “What do you know about restoring yachts, Noah?”

  “As much as I know ’bout you.”

  “Which is?”

  “Not a damn thing, but I’ll learn.”

  “Noah—”

  He spun me around, tugging me back to his chest. His response hurt me in more ways than he could ever understand, knowing all along what he truly wanted.

  Needed.

  Couldn’t live without.

  Me.

  All of me.

  The expression on my face must have softened, giving him the push he needed to keep going with what he had to say to me.

  Rubbing his nose against mine, he groaned in an aching tone, “I wanna know everythin’ ’bout you, Skyler Bell.”

  I opened my mouth to reply, but quickly shut it. Not knowing what to say or where to even start. There were things I wanted to say that Noah needed to hear. Things I wanted to express that he needed to understand.

  Secrets needed to be shared.

  Truths needed to be told.

  Demons needed to be buried.

  But as I looked into his eyes, standing in front of him…

  Words failed me.

  And I failed him because I casually just brushed him off. Questioning, “Where did ya learn how to dance?” instead.

  Breaking both our hearts a little more, digging the knife a little deeper, where neither one of us would survive the repercussions of my daily battle of letting him into a life that didn’t belong to me. I belonged to my career, and my career owned my life.

  The good.

  The bad.

  The in between.

  It was all mine.

  Where there was no room for anyone else.

  Even though I was only almost eighteen, an adult by legal standards, I felt much older than that. Much wiser, much more mature beyond my years. Having to grow up fast in a world that valued only youth will do that to a person.

  You don’t realize how much of your childhood affects the person you become, the person you are. How memories shape your life, your feelings, and most importantly your love.

  The struggle between the things we couldn’t change but wanted to versus the things we could change but didn’t know how to.

  Felt as if I was forever standing in the same spot.

  Living a life of loneliness was simply the only way I knew how to live.

  And as I looked into Noah’s eyes, I saw it. Clear as day, big and bold and right in front of me, was a future I never thought I could have staring back at me.

  But at what price?

  I couldn’t tell if Noah was trying to hide his disappointment from my response, for me or for himself, but either way, it killed me inside. Knowing in the back of my mind that it wasn’t in his nature and he was more than likely doing it for me.

  Allowing that little voice to repeat in my head, “Stay away from him, Skyler. You need to stay away from him.”

  I never expected that my guarded regard would make him want to open up even more.
With so much pain in his eyes and regret laced in his voice, he shared, “My Ma, she wasn’t always a drunk. She was a good momma once, taught me how to ride my first dirt bike, how to use my words instead of my fists, how to pray to God when I needed him. When she needed him.” He twirled me around again before pulling me back toward his chest.

  Smiling, “Taught me how to dance for my old lady. She did everythin’ for us boys and never once fuckin’ complained. Like she was born to be a mother, our mother. I was her baby boy, her last son, and I guess maybe that was the reason I had always been the closest to her. My momma was my best friend, and before you came along, she was my only friend. We had this unspoken bond, and we still do. ’Cuz even after everythin’ I took away from her, everythin’ she’s put me through, I can’t let her go. I won’t let her go. I’ll fuckin’ die fightin’ for her life that she don’t wanna live, if I havta.”

  Overpowering tears brimmed my eyes, listening to more of his truths. Fully aware that I was the first person he was confiding them with.

  “Skyler, don’t cry for me,” he stated, wiping away one of my tears.

  Feeling so much.

  So so so much…

  “’Cuz ya see, Skyler. My older brother Luke, well, Cutie, he was put to ground ’cuz of me. And now Creed’s off fightin’ a fuckin’ war within himself, and my old man doesn’t give two shits ’bout her. He gave up on Ma years ago. So I’m all she’s got left, and when you ain’t around… she’s all I got left too.”

  I whimpered, “Noah…” feeling his hurt and shame. It was swallowing me whole.

  My mind instantly went back to our first date at the park where Billy implied it was someone in his family who took his brother’s life. I just never imagined it would be him.

  Anyone else but Noah.

  He wiped away a few more of my tears, they flowed freely now. There was no stopping them. Not when he had the same distressed expression on his face from that night, when he walked back into his room. Thinking I was gone, that I had left him alone. Telling me he’d take me home after he realized I hadn’t. It still sliced into my heart like it did then. As if over three years hadn’t flown by, and we were still standing in his room.