Forever Black

  While Connor was at the office, I would occupy my time painting and hanging out with Peyton. Sal called me to let me know that two of my paintings sold and that I needed to paint more. I asked Connor if he bought them and he just laughed. Before we knew it

  Thanksgiving was here and I was a nervous wreck to meet his family.

  Chapter 38

  We pulled up the long winding driveway to the Black family home in Hoboken, New Jersey. I bit my bottom lip as Connor put the Ranger in park. He put his hand on top of mine.

  “Don’t be nervous, my family will love you.”

  I smiled and took Connors arm as we walked up the steps to the grand house. He opened the front door and we stepped inside. The smell of turkey and stuffing filled the elegantly decorated home. There was laughter coming from the other room as a brown-haired boy peeked around the corner of the wall. He took one look at Connor and ran to him jumping in his arms.

  “Hey buddy, how are you?” Connor smiled. The boy hugged him tight. “Camden, this is my special friend Ellery.” Camden looked at me with his blue eyes and just stared.

  Hi Camden,” I smiled and held out my hand. He continued to stare, unsure of me, and then looked back at Connor. He put both hands on Connors cheeks and smiled. My heart melted at that moment, it was obvious this boy loved him.

  It’s ok Camden, you can touch Ellery.” He looked back at me and slowly put his hand in mine as I gently shook it.

  “Connor darling,” a woman emerged from the other room.

  “Mother, this is Ellery.”

  She looked at me and took my hands, “You are just as beautiful as Connor said you were.”

  I blushed, “Thank you, it’s nice to meet you Mrs. Black.”

  “Call me Jenny dear,” she smiled.

  Jenny was a beautiful woman who Connor resembled a great deal. She was tall and thin and with her light brown bob style hair and green eyes, she didn’t look her age, she looked much younger.

  Camden was struggling to be put down as Connor and I walked towards the living room. Everyone in the room stopped talking and turned to stare at us as we walked in. Connor put down Camden as he ran over to a young woman. I felt like I was on display the way everyone was staring at me. The young woman jumped up and gave Connor a big hug, “Happy Thanksgiving brother.”

  He smiled and kissed her on the cheek, “Cassidy, this is Ellery.”

  She turned and hugged me, “I’m so happy to finally meet you.”

  I smiled and hugged her back. Her smile was big and her green eyes were full of light. She was exactly my height and she wore her black hair short and stylish. Connor took me around the room and introduced me to the rest of his family and friends.

  Cassidy took my hand, “Come on let’s see if mom needs help in the kitchen.”

  I looked at Connor and he nodded for me to go with a big smile on his face that made me miss him already. It surprised me to find Mrs. Black in the kitchen cooking Thanksgiving dinner; usually the rich have their own personal chefs to do that for them.

  “So Ellery, Connor says you’re an artist,” Jenny said as she basted the turkey.

  “Yes, I paint pictures for a small art gallery in New York.”

  Cassidy smiled, “I bought one, but I didn’t know my brother was dating the artist. You paint beautiful pictures Ellery; you are very talented.”

  I was starting to feel more relaxed as she handed me a glass of red wine. As Jenny pushed the turkey back in the oven, she turned to me.

  “Connor hasn’t really told us anything about you, why don’t you fill us in.”

  Panic started to set in; how could I tell these people, whom I just met less than 30 minutes ago, about my past and present life.

  “You have to excuse my mother,” Cassidy said. “It’s just you’re the first girl Connor has ever brought home and we just want to get to know the woman who finally managed to steal his heart.”

  I smiled as I took a sip of wine. Just as I was about to say something, an older woman walked into the kitchen. She was in her late 60’s with black hair and grey streaks running through it. Cassidy ran to her and hugged her tight, “Aunt Sadie, you made it.”

  “Of course I did, I couldn’t wait to see my favorite niece.”

  “I’m your only niece Aunt Sadie,” Cassidy frowned.

  “And that’s why you’re my favorite,” Sadie smiled.

  She turned to me, “Now who might this young pretty woman be?”

  “Her name is Ellery and she’s Connors girlfriend,” Jenny spoke.

  She smiled and gently hugged me, “Nice to meet you dear.”

  She pulled away and looked at me with serious eyes, like she was looking into my soul. “You’re sick,” she said. My eyes widened and fear started running through my body. What did she mean by that?

  Jenny looked at her sister, “Sadie, that’s rude.” Sadie looked at me and grabbed my hands, turning my wrists over and staring at my tattoos.

  “Forgive my sister Ellery, she has a bit of a gift and sometimes she can be very bold with it.”

  “Are you sick Ellery, like do you have a cold or something?” Cassidy asked.

  “It’s more than a cold,” Sadie answered.

  Oh god, here we go and thank you Connor for not telling your family ahead of time and for not telling me that Aunt Sadie has a gift. I took another sip of my wine and looked at them.

  “I have cancer,” I blurted out. Just like that, no hesitation nothing, I just let the words fall out. They stood there and stared at me, I couldn’t have been placed in the most awkward position even if I tried. Sadie finally spoke up to break the tension.

  “This isn’t your first bout with it, is it?” Holy mother of pearl, I bet she’s going to bring up my suicide attempt; great first impression.

  I heavily sighed, “No it isn’t. I was first diagnosed with cancer when I was sixteen.”

  At that point Connor decided to make an appearance. He heard what I said as he came from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist.

  “It came back recently, but she’s in a trial study program in California so everything is good at the moment. She’s doing fine and she’s going to be fine, so there’s nothing more to discuss.”

  His tone was commanding and everyone knew it. I smiled as I pulled him out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

  “How could you not tell me about Aunt Sadie?” I asked furiously as I hit him in the chest.

  “Ouch Elle, that hurt.”

  “That’s not the only thing that’s going to hurt Connor Black.”

  A smug smirk blew across his face as he looked at me, “Promise baby?”

  “Ugh you make me so mad,” I whispered as I turned the opposite way.

  He wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “I’m sorry, I never took much stock in what Aunt Sadie had to say, I always thought she was kind of crazy.”

  “Your family must think I’m a walking disaster of a human being and probably wondering what the hell you’re doing with me.”

  He squeezed me tight, “They love you, I can tell and it doesn’t matter what they think about our relationship, I love you for all that you are, nothing less, and for the record, I think you’re a beautiful disaster.”

  I laid my head back on his chest and looked up as he leaned down to kiss me. I bit his lip for that beautiful disaster comment.

  “Ouch, you really need to save this shit for the bedroom Ellery; you have no idea how much you’re turning me on with all your hitting and biting.” I couldn’t help to laugh and turn around to gently lick his bitten lip.

  Dinner was exceptional and the rest of the day went smooth. Cassidy and I talked about our jobs while Connor sat on the floor and played with Camden. We both stared at them as Camden was teaching Connor how to stack the blocks.

  “I have never seen my brother as happy as he is right now,” she said to me.

  I smiled and looked over at him, “He’s a very special man.”

  Just then Jenny interrup
ted, “Ellery how did you and my son meet?”

  A smile spread across my face as Connor looked at me with fear in his eyes. I decided to spare him the embarrassment and replied, “We met at a club.”

  She smiled, “Well, lucky for him you were there.” I smiled back and looked at the relief that washed over his face.

  Chapter 39

  I was leaning over the bathroom sink washing my face as Connor was getting undressed. “I loved watching you with Camden today; it was so special and sweet.”

  “Yeah, well he’s a pretty special kid.”

  I folded the wash cloth and put it on the sink. “It made me think of some things.”

  We walked out of the bathroom and I opened the drawer to take out my nightshirt.

  “What things?” he asked hesitantly.

  “I don’t know; just how good you are with him and…”

  Instantly he cut me off, “I can’t have children Elle; I took care of that years ago.”

  My back was turned to him and his words shredded their way through my body. I took in a deep breath and continued to undress and get into my night-shirt. The air that surrounded us changed.

  “Aren’t you going to respond to that?” he asked.

  I turned around, “Ok, why didn’t you tell me that before?” I was feeling a little betrayed that he wouldn’t have told me that sooner in our relationship. Maybe he thought it wasn’t necessary to because I was going to die anyway.

  “I don’t know it just didn’t seem to ever be appropriate.”

  Then it came, the words only my mouth would say, “Was it because you thought I was going to die and it didn’t matter if I never knew?”

  The look on his face broke and anguish washed over him, “How could you say that?”

  I turned to face the window, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it, and anyway, I don’t want kids; with my fucked up family genes the kid wouldn’t stand a chance.”

  He walked over to me and put his arms around me and pulled me into him. “Don’t say things like that.”

  “It’s the truth. My mother dying of cancer, father an alcoholic, me having cancer twice; think about it Connor, the child would be doomed the minute it was conceived.” It killed me to say those words, but it was the truth and I was being honest with him.

  “You’re wrong and I don’t want you talking like that ever again.”

  I loosened myself from his grip, “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway because neither of us wants kids, so end of discussion.” I walked across the room over to the dresser and grabbed the lotion bottle.

  “Does it bother you that I can’t have children?”

  “No, like I said, it’s for the best anyway.”

  I was lying, it did bother me, and it bothered me that he didn’t tell me. I braced myself as I asked the next question.

  “Why did you do it Conner?”

  He took in a sharp breath, “Do you really want to hear the answer to that Elle?”

  I didn’t, but I did. I needed to hear him say it. “Yes I do, since we’re being honest and not keeping secrets, tell me.”

  He swallowed hard and didn’t say anything; I don’t think the words would come out of his mouth, but my mouth had no problems at all.

  “Since you can’t say anything, let me say it for you. You were never going to fall in love and that meant never having kids, so why torture yourself with only experiencing half pleasure every time you fucked a woman when you could experience the whole natural pleasure and not have a worry in the world, except being ignorant about STD’s.”

  His face fell and anger grew in his eyes. He was genuinely pissed at what I said.

  “I’m not even going to respond to something as fucked up as that,” he yelled. He continued his rant. “You are pissed that I can’t have kids. Aren’t you the one who said she doesn’t believe in happily ever after’s and fairytale romances?”

  All I could think about as he was yelling at me was how since meeting him he changed all that for me, but obviously I didn’t do the same for him. I walked over to the floor where I left my pants and pulled them on.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he yelled.

  “I’m not staying here tonight; you’re a dick and I don’t want to be near you right now.”

  “I’m a dick?” he laughed.

  “You’re the one being a bitch and overreacting about me not being able to have kids.”

  Did he just call me a bitch? I spun around, “I’m a bitch because you didn’t tell me about this sooner?”

  The anger and darkness now consumed his eyes, “You really want to go there Ellery about not telling each other things.” He was now bringing up the cancer and he was hitting below the belt.

  “I regretted that from day one and you know it,” my voice was yelling. “How dare you throw that in my face.”

  “Then I guess we’re even,” he yelled.

  Oh he shouldn’t have said that. My blood was boiling and my veins were pulsating full of anger.

  “Maybe it’s best you stay in the guest room tonight, till we both cool off.”

  I spun around and pointed my finger at him, “I’m not staying in the guest room; I’m going home to my apartment you so graciously call a box.”

  “Really Ellery, you’re going to run?” He waved his hand. “Why not, it’s what you do best anyway.”

  Tears filled my eyes at his cold words as I stormed out of the bedroom and out of his penthouse. He didn’t come after me which told me he was really pissed off.

  The night air was cold as I looked around the crowded streets of New York. I realized I didn’t have my keys so going back to my apartment wasn’t an option. I waited for a text or call or even for him to tell me was sorry and take me back upstairs with him, but he didn’t. I hailed a cab and had him take me to the nearest hotel. I was weak and exhausted as I laid myself on the bed. I looked at my phone hoping if I stared at it long enough he would call me and tell me he’s sorry.

  I fell asleep sprawled across the bed and was rudely awoken from an incoming text. “Where the fuck are you? I went to your apartment and you weren’t there.”

  I rolled my eyes and quickly typed my response. “It’s none of your business where I am, remember I’m doing what I do best.”

  Within seconds I received another text, “You are behaving like a child and I don’t like it; now get your ass back to my penthouse.”

  Shit, you talk about adding fuel to the fire; he was sure doing an exceptional job at it. I responded, “I think we need time apart to think about what each of us said last night.”

  A sudden reply that broke my heart came through. “I think so to and when you stop behaving like a selfish child, then call me and we can talk.”

  I did the only thing I normally do, I threw my phone against the wall and it shattered. I sighed and took a hot shower, sobbing as the water ran down my body.

  I bent down to pick up the broken pieces that was once my phone. I really need to get that under control and stop throwing things. I walked to the cellular store and purchased the same phone with my same number. I can say I didn’t care about my phone, but I did because what if Peyton needed me or what if Connor needed me.

  Chapter 40

  A few days passed and I barely left the hotel room. I read and drew pictures of things I wanted to eventually put on a canvas. Connor didn’t attempt to make any contact with me and it hurt. I was too stubborn to make the first move; his words stilled burned in my heart. I sat and thought maybe I should just book a flight and go back to California. My next treatment was next week so I needed to get back anyway. I didn’t want to leave him and this time apart was killing me. I hated how I grew so dependent on him. I needed to talk to him and apologize. I was out of line and shouldn’t have gotten so angry. We could have talked things out but instead I ran. Connor was right; it’s what I do best. I swallowed my pride and walked to his penthouse that was right on the next block.

  I put my key in the elevator and took
it up to the penthouse. The door opened and I stepped out looking for Connor. I didn’t see him in the kitchen, but I heard talking coming from his office. I slowly took steps towards his office and gasped for air at what I saw; Ashlyn had her mouth on his. Connor pushed her away and was startled when he saw me standing there. The fear in his eyes was a fear I had never seen before.

  “Ellery, this isn’t what it looks like.”

  I put my hand up and turned to walk away. I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt constricted and I was starting to panic. That was until I heard her say, “See Connor I told you she doesn’t love you like I can.”

  Suddenly rage replaced panic and it grew inside me at a rapid pace. I turned around and walked towards her.

  “Oh shit,” Connor said because he was all too familiar with the look I was displaying.

  Ashlyn stood there with her arms crossed glaring at me as I approached her.

  “I don’t think we’ve officially met, I’m Ellery, Connors girlfriend.” She eyed me up and down and refused to shake my hand.

  “Funny, Connor said he didn’t have a girlfriend anymore when he had his hands all over me.”

  I looked at Connor as he stood there speechless; his only movement was the slight shaking of his head to let me know she was lying.

  “He said that?”

  “Yeah he did after he kissed me and told me that it was me he loved all along and you were just a charity case he felt sorry for.”

  Oh no she didn’t!

  Connors eyes grew wide as he took a step back. Before I knew it, my fist left my side and ended up right across her jaw line. She fell back on her ass and held her jaw, staring at me like I was a lunatic. I bent down until I right in her face.

  “My advice to you is to crawl back into the whore hole you crawled out from and never look at me or him again. If I even catch you looking in either of our directions, I will pound my fist into you so hard that even a plastic surgeon wouldn’t be able to fix you.” I turned on my heels and started to walk away.