Forbid Me

  A bright pink gun.

  “What the fuck, Kid?” I called out.

  She jumped, turning in the direction of my voice, her gun now pointing at me. “Oh my God! I could have fucking shot you, you idiot! What the hell are you doing here?” she yelled.

  “Put the gun down,” I gritted through clenched teeth.

  “Not until you tell me what you’re doing in my house uninvited!”

  I was over to her in three strides, grabbing the gun out of her hands before she even saw it coming. “What the hell are you doing with this?” I asked, placing it on her coffee table and turning to face her once again.

  “Why does one carry a gun, Jacob?” she sarcastically stated, pissed off that I was able to take it away from her without any effort.

  “I thought you were a robber. My door was unlocked. Where the hell is your car?”

  “So you fucking walk inside?” I yelled at her. “I could have been a fucking rapist, Lillian! What are the hundred and five pounds of you going to do?”

  “Shoot him!” she screamed with her hands out in front of her. “Hence, the fucking gun!”

  I was in her face in one second flat, livid that she walked inside her house when I could have been anyone, furious that she was raising her fucking voice to me and hard as a rock that she had the balls to actually point a gun at me.

  “First, taking the safety off the gun would be helpful and second, watch your fucking mouth.”

  “Oh, go to Hell.”

  “I’ve been there.” I gripped the back of her neck and pulled her toward my mouth as her pupils dilated and her breathing hitched, not giving her a chance to think about it.

  Not.

  One.

  Fucking.

  Second.

  “For the last three goddamn years.”

  My lips were on hers before she had a chance to blink, forceful, demanding, and urgent. She met each and every push and pull I delivered. My hands clutched the sides of her face as my tongue devoured her perfect pouty lips, biting her bottom lip, exactly the way I fantasized since the first moment I saw her a few days ago. Her soft tongue, her scent of peppermint and whiskey, the taste of her all around me had me groaning involuntarily. The memory of her didn’t compare to this.

  To her.

  She forcefully gripped the front of my shirt, yanking me closer to her, molding us into one person and kissing me as if her life depended on it. She moaned into my mouth, making my cock twitch. Suddenly she shoved me away from her, I thought she was going to rip my clothes off but instead she…

  Fucking slapped me across the face.

  Goddamn it.

  I pushed him as hard as I could, knowing I needed a strong force to move him away from me. The cocky look on his face had me reacting on pure impulse and adrenaline. I raised my hand as far back as possible and slapped him across the face as hard as I could. His head whooshed back. The palm of my hand burned instantly from the impact, I shook it off. Shaking my head in disgust, not sure if it was aimed towards him or myself.

  He turned back around with his hand on his cheek. I could already see the red handprint on his handsome face. Pleased with my handy work, I snidely smiled.

  “What the actual fuck?!” he roared.

  “Get. Out!”

  “Not a chance in hell.”

  “You’re breaking and entering. You would think with being a lawyer and all you would know this. I should call the cops and have you arrested.”

  “Try it,” he threatened.

  “Just leave, Jacob, it’s what you’re good at. I don’t want you here.”

  “Bullshit.”

  He was in my face again in a nanosecond, backing me up against the wall and caging me in with his arms. His face mere inches from mine, I didn’t cower. I held my chin up higher, meeting his intense crazed look.

  I didn’t falter. “I don’t want you,” I gritted out, each word more forceful then the next.

  He cocked his head to the side with a raised eyebrow. “Is that right?” He moved his face a little closer, barely a centimeter setting us apart. I was engulfed in nothing but the dominance that he displayed over me in that minute, and I swear he could smell my arousal from it.

  “So…" He softly kissed me. "If I reached into your panties…" He kissed me again. "Would I not find…” As he continued his assault on my lips. “You…" Running his tongue along my lips. “Wet…” Kissing me again. “For me?” he huskily rasped.

  My body felt like it was set on fire. There wasn’t an inch of me that didn’t ache for him, that didn’t want him. I craved his touch now as much as I did back then and he knew it. I licked my lips needing the moisture to soothe the burn he left behind. His eyes followed the simple gesture of my tongue. His desire overwhelmed me, but his love…

  His love...

  Fucking. Consumed. Me.

  “I. Hate. You,” I lied, seeing a hint of sadness passing swiftly through his eyes.

  “No you don’t,” he growled. “You don’t hate me at all, baby. What you hate is that you still love me.” He pushed off the wall and took a step back. “This isn’t over. It’s far from fucking over, Kid.”

  And with that he left.

  Except this time,

  I knew he’d be back.

  “Mom! I’m bored.”

  It was summer. I was fourteen, almost fifteen, about to go into high school. Thank God Austin and Alex were okay and they were on the fast road to recovery. Alex was moving to California to live with Aubrey, which also meant she would be closer to Cole. Cole entered her life a few years ago and all he did was cause problems for her and my brother. He pretended to be a nice person but deep down I knew he wasn’t.

  “Honey, what are you doing up?” She looked so tired. She’d been looking extra tired over the last few weeks. Lucas had come home out of the blue one night a few weeks ago. He said he missed us, especially me, but I didn’t buy it. Something was up.

  “I don’t know. I’m not sleepy anymore.”

  “Well, the boys are still sleeping. They got home late last night.”

  “Are they all here?”

  “Your brother, Dylan, and Jacob. Dylan’s in the guest bedroom, Jacob is in the living room on the couch.”

  I nodded.

  “I’m going to go lay down, honey, I’ll see you in a little while.” She kissed my head and left.

  I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, making sure to make one for Jacob, knowing he’d be hungry when he woke up. He was always hungry. I ate mine first and then brought his out on a plate along with some milk. He loved milk, too. It was almost ten and he was still sleeping. He never slept in, so they must have been out late.

  I shook my head, setting the glass and dish on the coffee table. He lay on his back with one arm behind his head and the other placed on his chest, a thick blanket rested on top of him. With a mischievous smile I decided I was going to wake him up, and by that I mean I was going to jump on him and tackle his body.

  He jolted awake, making me laugh at the funny, surprised expression on his face. “Time to wake up!” I laughed, tickling him under his arms.

  He groggily smiled, trying to move me away while still half asleep.

  “Come on, I made you some food! You never say no to food!” He still didn’t pay me any mind, so I decided to lie on top of him, hoping my weight would make him wake up.

  I positioned my entire body on him, and it was only then that I heard him order, “Lillian, no.”

  My eyes widened at the exact same time that his closed, his face overcome with embarrassment just as my mouth dropped open and I froze.

  OH MY GOD, what was that?

  Does that happen to all of them? Every morning?

  I had never been more grateful to be a girl.

  I should have moved. I should have jumped off his body. I should have said I was sorry. I did none of those things. I just lay there frozen on top of him not knowing what was the right or wrong thing to do. He didn’t say or do anythin
g either, I think he was just as shocked as I was.

  “Jacob!” Dylan shouted from the kitchen. “Wake the fuck up!”

  We both jumped, causing me to fly from his body and land by the armrest of the sofa. I looked everywhere around the room, except at him.

  “I’m up!” he shouted back, sitting upright with the blanket bunching around his groin. I shook my head, mentally chastising myself because I had just looked at his midsection.

  What the hell was wrong with me?

  I could feel my cheeks turning scarlet red. He leaned forward grabbing his ball cap and placing it on top of his bedhead. He usually wore it backward but instead he set it on straight and I immediately wondered if he was trying to hide from me. He grabbed the milk off the coffee table, drinking half of it down in one gulp. “Thanks,” he murmured, placing it back on the table.

  I nodded because I couldn’t find the words that I wanted to say. “I’m sorry for touching your thing.”

  I bit my lip, wishing like hell my guitar was with me, at least I could play music to avoid the awkwardness between us. The one time I decided to leave it in my room, I’m punished for it.

  He turned and looked right at me with an expression I had never seen before.

  “Kid—”

  “I’m sorry for touching your thing,” I blurted, and he immediately broke out in laughter.

  I shook my head, feeling stupid. “You know… your junk, your wiener…” I kept going and his head flew back laughing much harder and louder.

  “Your friend. I’m sorry for touching your friend.”

  Damn.

  This kid.

  One minute I’m contemplating what the hell I’m going to say to her to explain what she felt up against her stomach and the next she’s throwing out terms like your thing and your friend. My damn stomach hurt from laughing so hard, my muscles cramped up.

  “It’s okay,” I smiled, catching my bearings.

  “I forgot about that. I guess I didn’t think you would have one… I mean not that you wouldn’t… you’re a dude… of course, you have one… not that I’m thinking about it… your wiener… it’s just… I didn’t know that they did that… it’s really early… you know… and you were sleeping… does it do that every morning? What if you like… crushed it or something…” she rambled, still not lifting her eyes to me. “I’m going to stop talking now.”

  “Lillian.”

  She peeked up at me through her lashes.

  “Don’t sweat it.”

  She bit her lip. “Okay.”

  “Thanks for my sandwich and milk. I was hungry.”

  She grinned, the humiliation leaving her face. “You’re always hungry.”

  “I’m a growing boy.” I winked, making her smile wider.

  Dylan walked in giving us an intense stare I couldn’t quite place, looking from me to her and back at me again, shaking his head.

  What the hell was that?

  “You ready?” he asked, sitting beside Lily, rustling up her hair.

  “Where’s Lucas?”

  “He’s passed the fuck out. He’s not going anywhere.” He turned to Lily with a knowing look. “Where’s my sandwich and milk?”

  She shrugged, looking embarrassed.

  “She likes me more than you,” I interrupted, trying to make her feel more comfortable.

  He cocked his head to the side wanting to say something but held it back. I arched an eyebrow with a questioning stare, but he scoffed, standing up like I was a fool because I didn’t know what was behind his cryptic looks.

  “Thanks for breakfast, Kid.” I stood, tugging on the ends of her hair as I headed to the bathroom to get ready for a day of surfing.

  Alex’s parents owned a restaurant right on the beach where we spent most of our adolescence. We still left our surfboards in the back office, even though we hardly used them since we moved to Ohio. When we were back home, we hit the waves every chance we got. It was like riding a bike, you never forget yet always wished you could do it more. We spent most of the day in the water, only coming back in when we were hungry. Alex had our lunch ready for us just like old times.

  “Good waves today?” she asked, bringing us our food.

  “You bet,” Dylan replied. “When do you leave for Cali?”

  “In a few weeks. Aubrey is setting up our apartment now. You know how she is. She loves that stuff. All I need is a bed,” she laughed.

  He lowered his eyes to his food not noticing Alex’s sad smile for him. Aubrey broke up with Dylan a year ago out of the blue, and as much as he pretended that he didn’t give a flying fuck, we all knew he did. Three years was a long time to be with someone, and she worshiped the ground he walked on. Trust me, that was a hard thing to do when it came to Dylan, he was… well to put it mildly…

  He was an asshole.

  Controlling, dominant, crude, blunt, and those were the pleasant qualities.

  “I’m nervous, though. I’ve never been away from home, and now I’m moving across the country.”

  “For Cole?” Dylan asked out of nowhere, making us both look at him.

  She immediately shook her head. “No. For me.”

  “Half-Pint,” I announced, bringing their attention back to me. “You’ll be fine. California is beautiful, it’s good to branch out and try new things. You might learn something.”

  She nodded, casually smiling.

  “Plus we will come out to visit as much as we can, you know that,” I reassuringly added.

  “You better.” She took one more look at Dylan and left. Alex was perceptive making me wonder later if she had figured out what was up with Dylan. Did she expect what he was about to say to me because I sure as hell didn’t.

  “What the fuck is your problem? What’s going on with you? You’re extra abrasive today,” I questioned Dylan as soon as she was out of our sight. “I’m worried about Half-Pint, too, but she’s got to grow up. We can’t keep her a kid forever. She’s an adult now.”

  He shrugged, glaring. “If I were you, Jacob, I’d be worried more about myself than anyone else.”

  I leaned into the table, narrowing my eyes at him. “Care to elaborate?”

  “You are so damn clueless. It’s like Lucas and Alex all over again.”

  I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “Lily. You know Kid? Lucas’s baby sister? His fourteen-year-old baby sister?” he mocked, accenting the last few words. “I know you like them tiny, Jacob, but don’t you think seven years is quite an age gap?”

  I laughed. I had to. “You’ve gotta be shittin’ me? You can’t be serious. She’s a kid.”

  “No shit.”

  “I see her as—”

  “You see her as somethin’ alright, I’m just not quite sure what that is yet.”

  I shook my head with wide eyes. Completely shocked we were even having this conversation. “This is a joke, right? You’re fuckin’ with me?”

  “You know this is completely different from Lucas and Alex. Yeah… Alex is like our little sister, following us around and trying to be one of the boys since she could walk. Lucas isn’t good enough for her and we both know that, which is why we have said our piece to them several times. But Lily, Lily is Lucas’s baby sister. She’s his blood. I guaran-fucking-tee you he will bury you in a grave alive if you so much as lay a goddamn finger on his sister.”

  I sat there, blown away, trying to take in everything he just said to me, but my mind couldn’t process it, I was dumbfounded.

  “I feel like you’re already executing me, Dylan, and I didn’t even get a goddamn trial. Whatever you’re thinking, you need to stop. It’s not like that. It’s so far from that. It’s absolutely asinine that I’m being accused of something that couldn’t be more wrong.”

  “Listen, I’m not saying you’re doing anything wrong but letting her—”

  “Letting her?” I interrupted, caught even more off guard.

  “Oh, come on, Jacob. You’re not
that fucking blind. The girl is in love with you. She’s been in love with you for as long as I can remember.”

  “One, she’s fourteen. She doesn’t even know what love is. Shit, I’m twenty-one, and I don’t even know what the hell it means.”

  He sighed. “You know what I mean.”

  “Obviously I don’t.”

  “All I’m saying is she likes you, she has a crush on you, call it whatever you want, but it’s been like that since… forever. It’s blatantly obvious. Lucas has his head too far up Alex’s ass to notice it. You don’t think Half-Pint does? Oh, trust me, she’s fully aware. But she’s a girl, and to her it probably seems romantic and shit. Jacob, you can't seriously sit there and fucking tell me you haven't noticed it?”

  “I… I mean… I…” I mumbled.

  “Wow,” he replied in disbelief.

  “It’s not like that, at least not for me. I love her like I love Alex. I don’t… I don’t know what else to say to you. I don’t know what else you expect me to say.”

  He stood, hovering above me. “She’s not going to be fourteen forever, Jacob. Keep your dick in your pants. I don’t want to hear I didn’t warn you. Do you understand me?”

  I nodded since I couldn’t find the words to describe what I was thinking. Considering I had no fucking clue as to what led to this conversation in the first place. My relationship with Lily had been the same since she was born. I watched her get her diapers changed, we taught her how to ride her bike without training wheels. God, I had been a part of her life as much as Lucas had.

  We all were. Our families had been best friends since before we were born.

  I tried to eat my food, but my appetite was gone. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he implied, and I spent the rest of the night and the next few days racking my brain for an answer.

  It wouldn’t be until a few years later I realized that I shouldn’t have taken Dylan’s warning so lightly.

  I stepped out of the shower, wrapping the towel around my body and securing it as I walked to my front door.