To the Stars

  I ground my teeth and took a deep breath in, but didn’t respond. I did see the difference, and I also knew that he and Grey were right. That didn’t mean I wanted to agree with them.

  “Besides, Harlow is unhappy in her marriage, according to you. Like Grey said, those are her own issues that she needs to deal with. And with your history, she can’t do that with you interfering. I know what she meant to you—trust me, I do—and I know you just found her again, but Grey’s right . . . you need to step back.”

  I nodded, but again didn’t respond. There was no way for them to understand what I had seen in Harlow today. It was more than her being unhappy. I wanted to tell Jagger how Harlow had flinched when I’d tried to stop her from leaving, how when I said she looked dead, I actually meant she looked like she was dying, and seemed terrified that someone would see us talking. But I knew he would think I was reaching, and I knew in the disappointed way Grey had looked at me before she’d left that she had already made up her mind on this.

  Fall 2009—Seattle

  “KNOCK-KNOCK,” A FAMILIAR voice called out as the door to Deacon’s and my room opened.

  “Hey!” we shouted as Grey walked in, followed by Graham. “Happy Birthday,” Deacon and I called out to Grey.

  “One more year until you’re legal,” Deacon hinted, and she laughed. “Speaking of waiting until people are legal,” he continued, and shot a look in my direction.

  Grey gave Deacon a weird look as she hugged me, but didn’t comment on what he’d said. “Can I just say that your frat house smells so weird?”

  “Lies.”

  “She found the body.”

  “That’s the smell of victory,” we all spoke over each other.

  Grey sighed and rolled her eyes. “Boys are gross. Anyway, what are we doing tonight?”

  “What do you want to do?” Graham asked. “It’s your birthday, and it took me almost an hour to get Mom and Dad to let you come back with me.”

  “Can we go to a club?” she asked with a hopeful expression.

  “No,” the three of us answered at the same time.

  “There aren’t enough of us to protect you,” I said at the same time Deacon said, “Some guy is going to kidnap you.”

  “Or because she’s only seventeen,” Graham interjected. “Anything else?”

  “Um . . .” She looked around at us like she was hoping for suggestions. It was obvious that she’d been banking on us sneaking her into a club.

  My phone rang, and a smile tugged at my lips when I glanced down to see Harlow’s name across my screen. It had only been a few days since I’d seen her at the coffee shop, but it was physically draining to keep myself from going to her now. We’d planned for me to somehow get away from Deacon tonight so I could go see her, but then I’d found out that Graham was bringing Grey back here. I’d called Harlow earlier to tell her, but she hadn’t answered. I went to tap on the screen, but suddenly my phone was ripped from my hands.

  “Let me guess . . .” Graham began. “Yup! Little Miss Illegal, herself.”

  “The fuck. Give me my phone.” I lunged for it, but he tossed it over me.

  I turned around in time to see Deacon put it up to his ear. “Hello, child . . . Nope, wrong friend . . . Yeah, he’s gonna be a bit busy tonight, if you get where I’m going with that. I guess you’ll just have to find something to do with people your age . . . Oooh, testy.” He looked at the screen and shrugged. “She hung up.”

  I hadn’t tried to stop him because I knew there was no point; I also knew Harlow wouldn’t believe anything Deacon or Graham said. But with every word he said to her, my hands had curled tighter into fists, and my breathing had gotten rougher.

  “Uh, what just happened?” Grey asked, but none of us said anything or looked at her.

  “Give me my phone,” I demanded softly, and Deacon handed it over with a shit-eating grin.

  “Anyone?” Grey tried again.

  “Do you want to tell her? It’d be great to get her thoughts since they’re the same age,” Deacon taunted.

  Nodding slowly, I switched my phone over so my dominant hand was free, and without giving Deacon a second to see what was coming, punched him as hard as I could.

  “Oh my God!” Grey yelled as Graham shoved me back, and shouted, “What the fuck, Knox?”

  I didn’t say anything to anyone. I just walked out into the hall to call Harlow back.

  “It always warms my heart to talk to one of those two,” she answered with a sigh.

  I hung my head and rubbed the back of my neck. “Does it even make a difference when I say ‘I’m sorry’ anymore?”

  Harlow laughed softly. “Of course it does, but you don’t need to. I know they’re just worried about you and being protective. After another year, they won’t have a reason to be.”

  I held back a sigh. One more year—then all of this would be behind us.

  “Hey, do you still think you’ll be able to come over tonight?”

  “No, I’m sorry.” I rushed to tell her why when her disappointment drifted through the phone. “Graham called earlier to let us know he was bringing Grey back with him for her birthday. They just showed up before you called. I don’t know what we’re doing, but she’s like my sister and I never get to see her.”

  “Well, good! I hope you have fun!”

  I knew Harlow was genuinely happy for me. She was just that kind of person, and it was impossible to miss the smile in her voice. It didn’t lessen the way I physically ached to see her, though. “If it weren’t for her, I’d be with you tonight,” I assured her.

  “I know, Knox,” she said. “I should let you get back to them. Tell Grey I said happy birthday.”

  “I have a few minutes; tell me about your day.”

  “You sure?”

  Considering I’d just punched one of my best friends, and I was missing a night I’d planned on spending with Harlow? Yeah . . . I had a few minutes. “Of course, Low.”

  “There’s not much to tell. Went to the movies with some friends earlier—it was okay. That’s where I was when you called, by the way. And then I came home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers.”

  “Oh yeah?” I asked, and my lips twitched into a smile.

  “Mm-hm. Some random person sent me a bouquet of poppies.”

  “Some random person, huh? Should I be worried?”

  I could hear the rustling of paper through the phone, and she sighed teasingly. “I mean, I don’t think so. The note only said ‘To the stars.’ I don’t know why you’d need to worry about that.”

  “Yeah. Not threatened by that.” My smile grew. Every month, that note had reminded Harlow I was still waiting for her. Ever since that night earlier this year when I’d tried to convey to Harlow just how much I loved her, the notes on her monthly bouquet had changed. Now I never wanted that note to change.

  “Thank you for my beautiful flowers,” she said so softly the words were almost lost in the random noises of the house. “And thank you for loving me the way you do.”

  “Always, Low.” My voice deepened as I vowed each word to her.

  “You have my heart, Knox Alexander,” she promised. “You have my heart, and in a year, I will finally have you.”

  “You already do.”

  There was a pause, then her next words rushed out. “I’m about to beg you to come see me if you keep talking to me the way you are, but I know you need tonight. So go hang out with them before I change my mind.”

  I huffed, but nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “All right. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  She waited—she always waited, and I loved her more for it—and I could practically see the expectant look on her face and hopefulness in her blue eyes.

  “I’m still waiting for you, Low.”

  A soft laugh followed by a sigh filled the phone. “And you’re wasting your time.”

  “Never.” The smile on my face was massive when I hung up and turned to walk back to my room. I came to a stop, and
my smile abruptly fell when I found Grey standing there watching me.

  “She’s seventeen?” she asked, but I didn’t respond. Grey jerked her head in the direction of my room. “They gave me a quick rundown. I was also eavesdropping,” she said shamelessly.

  I nodded absentmindedly and gestured toward the room. “I’d rather not talk about this out here.”

  “I think what you’re doing is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard of.”

  Her admission stopped me again, and I looked at her like I’d heard her wrong. “Romantic,” I stated dully. “I’m not romantic, Grey.”

  “Oh, I know. But what you’re doing for her . . . it’s romantic. It’s also the most decent thing any of you guys have ever done for a girl.”

  I grunted and looked away.

  “Really, though. Most guys wouldn’t care to wait, or they’d make the girl feel bad because she was underage. Then here you are waiting for her until she is of age, not pressuring her into anything, just being there for her until then? That’s amazing, Knox. I heard you tell her you loved her . . . but I could hear how much you loved her. Just because Graham and Deacon don’t get it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.”

  Grabbing Grey up in my arms, I hugged her tight. “Thank you.”

  Chapter 7

  Harlow

  Present Day—Richland

  “LOOK AT ME, Harlow.”

  I distractedly turned my head to face Collin, and waited for whatever speech he had prepared for me.

  His eyes roamed over my hair and body before shooting back up to my face, his eyebrows pinched in frustration as he studied it. “How are you feeling?”

  “I feel fine.”

  “Then why do you look miserable?” he growled as he started driving again, the warning in his question clear. If I didn’t fix whatever he was seeing soon, it wasn’t going to be a good night for me.

  But it had been four days since I’d seen Knox, and the memories and dreams of him were plaguing me more than usual. Even though I’d tried to run from him, I was left struggling more than I usually did. I no longer felt like I was drowning because of Collin and this life. I’d already drowned; I was just waiting for someone to find me and bring me back to life.

  That, added to the fact Collin and I were on our way to the fund-raiser, was making it nearly impossible to remember how I normally forced my smiles. I sat there trying to smile, and tried not to feel the crushing pressure like I was surrounded by deep water.

  “I need you to smile, mingle, and make us look good for my dad. The mayor will be there among other people we need to kiss ass with. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that saying or doing something stupid would be completely unacceptable?”

  “Of course not, Collin.”

  He glanced at me and flashed a quick smile before resting his hand on my thigh and giving it a small, loving squeeze. “That’s my girl.”

  We walked in with his arm wrapped around my waist as we tried to play the role of the perfect, happy couple. I was introduced to some new people, but mostly socialized with couples we already knew well from years of these things. It should have been so easy to play my part, but there was something nagging at me. My body came alive within minutes of walking in to the fund-raiser. There was a charge in the air, and my entire body tingled from it. I knew it, and I knew I’d felt it before, but I couldn’t place when or where.

  Then everything happened and went to hell at once.

  I was so focused on trying to remember this indescribable feeling that I forgot the mayor’s wife’s first name and had just gotten two fingers into the inside of my elbow because of it. Collin’s fingers dug in harder and he leaned in to whisper for me not to show my pain as his dad and the mayor continued talking, and an unwelcome hand came to rest on my other arm.

  My lips parted slightly as I tried to breathe through the pain from Collin’s fingers, and my eyes narrowed into slits the second I recognized that the meaty hand resting on my other arm belonged to my father-in-law’s coworker Ren. All of it was too much, and my mind whirled with the sensations slamming into me over and over again.

  Pain, pain, pain. Breathe, I silently commanded myself. Don’t show it. Stop messing up in front of Collin. Pain—get away from creepy Ren’s wandering hands! Pain. How could I have messed up something so simple? So much pain! Both of you please stop touching me! I internally screamed, all while the party and conversations went on around us, nobody having a clue that anything could be wrong.

  “There’re a lot of big pockets here tonight,” Collin’s dad was saying to the mayor. “This will be great for the firehouse and their charity.”

  My head snapped up and eyes widened at the word firehouse, and instantly I knew the familiar energy in the building—the one I’d thought was lost forever. I sucked in an audible gasp when my gaze locked on dark, murderous eyes. But Knox’s eyes weren’t fixed on mine; they were locked on Collin’s hand still digging into my arm.

  Collin moved fast. Suddenly I was in his arms with his mouth on mine. His blue eyes showed me everything his words couldn’t, since we had an audience.

  His mom and the mayor’s wife made sounds of affection, and his dad laughed loudly. “These two; you can’t take them anywhere. Two and a half years in, and they’re still in the honeymoon phase.”

  Collin pulled away and glanced back at the group to shoot them a wink. “Can you blame me for not being able to keep my hands off her?”

  The mayor, Ren, and Collin’s dad all laughed this time, and the women whispered while sending me knowing smiles.

  “Speaking of honeymoon,” the mayor’s wife said with bright eyes as she leaned in toward my in-laws. “A little birdie told me that the two of you will be sneaking away for another honeymoon soon after your anniversary party in a couple of weeks.”

  My mother-in-law blushed through her smile. “Can you believe we will have been married thirty years?”

  When Collin looked at me again, the other voices faded away as he held my gaze in warning for tense seconds. His handsome face was still in place for the public as he brushed some hair back from my face and nuzzled behind my ear. “Do not test me tonight, Harlow.”

  My eyes darted past his shoulder to where Knox was staring at us. Even from across the room I could tell his breathing was rough, and the murderous expression he’d had a minute ago had deepened. His hands were fisted at his sides, and he was walking toward us.

  As Collin found the spot at my wrist and told me not to show any pain, I pled with Knox, using only my eyes, for him to stay away. For him not to interfere with this. But he didn’t stop walking, and I stopped breathing as he went right past us, his head turned enough for me to see him shoot one last look at Collin.

  I blew out a relieved breath and my body sagged into Collin’s.

  Collin kissed my neck and mumbled, “Good girl.” He released me only to pull me against his side as he tried to find his way back into the now semi-heated discussion about the new chief of police in Richland. I wasn’t surprised to hear the mayor hadn’t been happy about an outsider taking over, either—they liked keeping their people in all the places that had any kind of power.

  “Don’t you look rather beautiful tonight,” Ren said quietly a couple of minutes later.

  I murmured what I hoped was a polite “Thank you,” but stilled when he touched my bare shoulder this time.

  Ren’s thumb made a lazy circle, but his eyes weren’t on me; he was focused on the men talking. I’d met him countless times at these types of events, and knew his reputation for being too grabby with young women, but I normally wasn’t in a position for him to be able to keep touching me. And now I didn’t know how to get him to stop without embarrassing Collin or his dad in front of the mayor. I glanced behind me to see Knox watching me with a mix of disgust and anger, and started panicking as Ren’s hand moved down and squeezed my bicep, then started making soft circles with his meaty fingers. I tried clearing my throat near Collin’s ear and hittin
g my knuckles against his side, but I was only aggravating him, judging by the way his breathing was slowly getting more pronounced.

  Collin finally turned his head to look at me, and I knew in his eyes that if he hadn’t noticed Ren’s hand, his fingers would have been digging into me within seconds. His eyes flashed over to Ren’s face, then back to his hand, but his calm façade never wavered. With no more than a few words, Collin excused us from the group and spun me away from Ren’s grasp.

  As soon as we were walking away, he spoke against the side of my head. “Nobody touches what is mine,” he sneered, but thankfully it was clear his anger wasn’t directed at me anymore. “I don’t care about Ren’s work relationship with my dad or his position with the city—you do not have to put up with that; do you understand? If he touches you again, find a better way to get my attention.” Another few feet passed before he growled, “Tell me you understand.”

  “Yes. Thank you,” I said.

  Despite the glimpse of the Collin I’d once loved, it only ended up being that—a glimpse. Over the next forty minutes I messed up too many times, and Collin’s anger with me continued to grow. I knew I could have done a better job at being the wife Collin thought I should be; I just couldn’t concentrate.

  I could feel Knox’s eyes on me, and it was too easy to turn and find him. But I was terrified that if I looked at him, Collin would notice. Forcing myself to look away from what my soul reached for was draining and taking every ounce of focus I had. I knew I needed to get it together, I needed to start impressing Collin even; but Knox was there. There. As was Collin. And both were incredibly pissed-off. The only good part of the night was that Ren had already left with a girl my age.