Melancholia

  We parked under the building and found the elevator that would take us up to the apartment. The little key was kind of weird, but the elevator doors wouldn’t open until we figured out how to use it and got it to work. The small lobby area of the floor we were staying on was nothing fancy, but the apartment itself was amazing. The furniture was very contemporary and everything was so clean and shiny it looked like a team of maids had just walked out the door.

  “Whoa,” said Malcolm, stopping just inside the entrance.

  “Nice,” I said, walking into the living room and dropping the duffel bag I’d taken from the car to the ground. I hadn’t even looked inside the bag yet, much more interested in the view from ten floors up. I walked over to the big windows, planning to push aside the drapes and look out, but they wouldn’t move. I frowned, jerking and pushing them to the side.

  “Better not,” said Malcolm, standing in the kitchen, holding up some papers.

  Looking over my shoulder at him, I scowled. “What? More instructions?”

  “Yep.” He read the paper out loud. “Do not open the curtains. Do not leave the door open or unlocked. Do not play music or make noise.”

  “Do not, do not, do not. I’m already tired of all the do-nots I keep hearing,” I said, letting go of the stiff curtains. I gave them one last look before joining Malcolm in the kitchen. I wasn’t done with trying to get them open. If we didn’t have the lights on inside, what harm could it do to just see the city?

  “What’s for dinner?” I asked as I made my way over.

  Malcolm was standing in front of the open fridge. “TV dinners. Decent ones, looks like. Couple pizzas too. Milk. Juice. Coke. Ice cream.” He looked at me. “Hungry?”

  I smiled. “Maybe for some ice cream.”

  “Me too.” He pulled the container out and put it on the counter. We hunted around, looking for bowls and spoons. Five minutes later we were in the living room on the couch, our duffle bags next to us and our bowls of ice cream in hand.

  “Yums,” I said around a big mouth full of chocolate sweetness.

  “Man, this hits the spot.” Malcolm shoved a huge spoonful into his mouth.

  “The last time I had ice cream was … months ago,” I said, taking another bite.

  “Nah,” said Malcolm, digging around in his bowl for his next monster bite. “You had some in your shake at McD’s the other day. Remember?”

  I stopped eating, frozen in place for a few seconds as I thought back. “Can you believe that was just a couple days ago?” I looked at Malcolm wondering if it blew his mind like it did mine.

  “No. It’s nuts.” He waved his spoon around at the room. “We’re in Chicago? In a high rise apartment? No.” He shook his head, back to spooning out ice cream. “This isn’t real. I’m just having a big gnarly dream right now. I’m going to wake up soon, so I want to hurry up and finish this ice cream first.” The rest of the dessert went into his mouth, possibly breaking a world record for the biggest bite of dairy product ever taken.

  “Don’t choke to death,” I said, stirring mine around, trying to make it melt faster. I preferred a milk shake in a bowl.

  He put his bowl on the glass coffee table. “I want to see what’s in these bags,” he said, unzipping the one closest to him. “Ow, shit … brain freeze.” He stopped, his eyes crossing as he winced.

  I laughed, watching him battle the ice cream freezing his throat. I took a cautious bite of my own, making sure to let it melt on my tongue before swallowing. I hate brain freezes.

  When he recovered, he pulled out some t-shirts, jeans, toiletries and a couple books. “This must be my bag,” he said, holding up a shirt that had a beer company logo on it.

  I put my bowl down on the coffee table and opened the other duffel. I found much of the same thing. At the bottom of the bag, though, was something different. Whatever it was, it was heavy and shoved into a sock. Something inside it crinkled.

  “What’s that?” asked Malcolm, looking in his bag a second time, trying to find something like it but coming up empty-handed.

  “I have no idea.” I peered into the top of the sock, stretching the edges open. All I saw was paper, but the thing was way too heavy to be just that.

  “Open it,” he said.

  I handed it to him. “You do it.”

  He smiled. “It’s not a bomb.” Then he frowned. “At least I hope it’s not a bomb.”

  He reached into the sock and pulled the thing out gingerly. It had a piece of school notebook paper wrapped around it. “Here,” he said, pulling the paper off and giving it to me.

  My eyes scanned the page. “It’s a note from Jasmine.”

  Malcolm and I stared at the thing in his hand. It was black, some kind of electronic device maybe.

  I read the first line of the paper silently and put my finger to my lips, telling Malcolm not to say anything. Leaning close to him and holding the paper between us so we could see it together, I finished reading to myself.

  Hey, Rae-Rae. It’s me. I’m eating some popcorn now. It’s my fave snack. Anyway, this is a bug detector. The buttheads who work with my parents sometimes get a little nosey. Thought you’d like to know when you’re being listened to. So before you and Malcolm get it on anywhere, better do a sweep and make sure you’re not being recorded, know what I mean? Ha ha. Maybe I’ll see ya soon. My phone number’s in the cell you got. I made sure of it. Don’t tell anyone about this equipment I snuck in here. It’s from my dad’s stash and he’d probably be pissed. I’m pretty sure it’s expensive. Toodles. JB

  Malcolm stood and flicked a switch on the side of the bug detector. He waved it around the room while he watched a tiny screen on the front. Frowning, he brought it down and shook it a few times. Shrugging at me, he held it out again, getting up and slowly walking around the room.

  He stopped all of a sudden, right near the front hall table. Running the device in the air around the table, he finally slowed down by one of the back legs. A light was going on and off until he got there; then it went on and stayed on.

  I followed Malcolm into the bathroom where he didn’t find anything, then through both bedrooms where we found listening devices on the bedside tables. We went back to the bathroom and shut the door behind us. I turned the water on in the sink.

  “What are you doing?” asked Malcolm, shutting the device off.

  “Blocking out any noise,” I said. “I saw it in a movie once.”

  “What the hell, man? They’re spying on us,” he said, scowling at the door.

  “Of course they are. They’re probably making sure we don’t leave and also listening in just in case someone comes in here.”

  “Who’d come in here besides us or one of them?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Bad guys.”

  Malcolm half smiled. “Bad guys. I thought I was the bad guy.” He put the bug detector on the bathroom counter. “So we have to hide in the bathroom if we want to talk. That sucks.”

  “Yes and no. We can move one of those bugs out of the bedroom and both sleep in the same one, if you want … if you want to be able to talk before we sleep and not be standing in here.” My face went red as I realized what I was suggesting. I quickly tried to cover it up. “Or we could move them both out of the rooms and have our own private areas. Whatever you want.”

  “Nah. If we move them both, they’ll probably get suspicious. Let’s just pick the room we like best and move the bug out of there. And right before we go to sleep I’ll go in to the one with the bug and say goodnight to you and you can say goodnight back, and they’ll think you’re a fast sleeper or something when they don’t hear anything else all night.”

  “Okay. That works for me.” I tried to mask my excitement at sleeping in the same room with him. I didn’t envision anything actually happening, except maybe a little kissing if I was lucky, but I was really happy to not be sleeping alone. Our one night together on the cots had been nice. It should have been too stressful to sleep, but with him holding my hand like
he had, it wasn’t. Having Malcolm next to me made all the craziness that was going on seem not quite so out there.

  “Which bedroom did you like best?” he asked, looking around the bathroom like there were really interesting things to see on the walls and ceilings.

  “The one with the gold bedspread.”

  “Okay. Let’s go move the table into the other room. Follow my lead.”

  “Ten four,” I said, turning off the water.

  He walked out of the room and I followed behind, wondering if we’d be able to pull this off and what would happen next if we did.

  Chapter Twenty: Malcolm

  I LEFT THE BATHROOM, TRYING to focus on the job ahead of me and not the bed I’d be sleeping in later. With Rae. I wasn’t sure if she meant for me to sleep on the floor, but I was going to try and get in that bed with her; not so I could make my big move or anything, but mainly because I wanted to try and get a good night’s sleep after all the craziness we’d been through. Of course, if she decided she wanted to kiss me or whatever, I wasn’t going to fight her off.

  I walked into the room we planned to sleep in and stopped in front of the table. “Goodnight, Rae. Have a good sleep.” I gestured at her, trying to prompt her to answer. She looked confused at first but then brightened up.

  “Oh, um, yeah. Goodnight, Malcolm. Sweet dreams.” Her dimple appeared, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Now who’s playing spy kid?

  I waved at the bed and she took the hint, pulling back the covers and bouncing around a bit, trying to make the noises of a soon-to-be sleeping person. After a couple of rolls and loud sighs, I took the lamp off the table where the bug was and put it on the floor. Lifting the nightstand up, I carried it out of the room as quietly as I could, leaving it in the living room as far from the bug in the front hall as possible. I wasn’t sure if there could be interference from two bugs being too close, but I hoped not.

  I went into the other bedroom and whistled a little, pretending to get ready to sleep. I pulled down the sheets and got into bed. I let out a big burp for good measure. Once a minute or two had passed, I slipped out of the room and went back to join Rae in her room. She was sitting in the middle of the bed with both duffel bags next to her.

  I shut the door behind me, making sure not to speak until I was well away from it.

  “Are we good?” she asked.

  “All set. We can talk freely here, I think. I hope.”

  “We just have one problem,” she said, looking down at the duffels.

  “What’s that?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t going to say she couldn’t sleep with me.

  “We forgot to brush our teeth.” She held up toothbrushes and toothpaste.

  “Let’s just go together and do it at the same time, so if they hear it from the front hall they’ll just think it’s you.”

  She slid off the bed with the stuff in her hands and joined me in the bathroom. We brushed together, making goofy faces over our foamy mouths.

  “I’b nebber brufft my teef wif a boy before,” she said, spitting goop all over the place.

  “Me neever,” I said, choking and laughing on the minty paste I accidentally inhaled.

  We were grinning our heads off by the time we got back to the room. I don’t know about her, but I was mostly feeling goofy because of what I was hoping would happen next. I’d never slept in the same room as a girl, and Rae was no ordinary girl, besides. I could still remember how she felt against me, and I wanted more of that. But I didn’t want to take advantage of her when she was scared and away from her parents for the first time. That would be a total dick move, and I didn’t want to mess this up, whatever it was between us.

  “You have to close your eyes while I change,” she said shyly. “I can’t sleep in these clothes.”

  I threw myself down onto the bed, dragging a pillow over to cover my eyes. “Go ahead. I’m blind now.” I could picture what she was doing, though, and had to turn on my side to hide my excitement. I was guessing my imagination was almost as good as what I’d see right now if I moved the pillow away. It took all my strength to keep it there.

  The bed jiggled and dipped down next to me, right before the pillow was yanked off my face. “Your turn,” she said.

  I looked up at her, my expression dead serious. “I sleep naked.”

  Her dimple disappeared and she instantly looked scared.

  “Just kidding,” I said, standing with my back to her. “I wear shorts.” I dug around in the bag for the basketball shorts I’d seen earlier, stalling for time since I didn’t think exposing my excitement was going to help her not be nervous anymore. She’d probably kick me out of the room if she saw it.

  She giggled.

  “What?” I asked, looking over my shoulder and pulling the ugly black shirt off, glad to be finally rid of it. She was lying in the bed with the covers pulled up almost to her eyes.

  “Nothing,” she said, giggling some more.

  “Is it my manly man muscles?” I flexed for her like a complete idiot. The result was pitiful, making me wish I’d been doing pushups for the last ten years instead of sitting on the couch in front of the television.

  She nodded, saying nothing.

  “Yeah, I get that all the time. Better close your eyes. I’m about to go for the big reveal.”

  She pulled the covers all the way up as I unzipped my jeans. A piece of me was bummed she didn’t keep looking, but it was probably better that way. All we needed to do to complicate this situation even more was add sex to the mix. I wasn’t against it; all she’d need to do was say one word and I’d step up to the plate. But she was probably smarter than that. Smarter than me for sure.

  I put the shorts on and quickly climbed under the covers, staying way over on my side so I was barely in the bed at all. I didn’t want her to think I was going to jump her as soon as I had the opportunity, much as I might want to. She wasn’t just some girl I was never going to see again or someone I might pass in a hallway at school someday. She was the Rainbow creator to my Miserable maker, and she was the only one of her kind that I knew of. A girl that special you don’t mess things up with. She’d be the one calling the shots between us, not me.

  She peeked out of the covers. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I said, turning on my side, resting my arm on top of the covers.

  She rolled over onto her side to face me, staying completely covered. “Are you tired?”

  “Yeah. Are you?” I was tired. Really tired. But if she wanted to stay up all night talking, I’d do it. I could never get tired of hearing her voice or looking at her beautiful face. Now that she’d lost that wig and terrible lipstick, she looked like the Rae I remembered. My heart spasmed over the idea that we were together, running away and staying in an apartment together like a real couple. What I wouldn’t give to make that come true. The earlier fears I’d had about being together were melting away in the heat that was being generated between us right now. All I’d have to do to touch her nearly naked body is reach out…

  “Yeah. But I’m not ready to go to sleep yet,” she said.

  Her words made my pulse pick up the pace. Does she mean what I hope she means? “What do you want to do, then?” I asked, holding my breath as I waited for her answer.

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  I took a chance and scooted forward a little, closing the distance between us. And then I waited, saying nothing. We stared at each other for a few long seconds.

  She fumbled around under the covers a little and then moved forward, getting close enough that I could feel the heat coming from her body.

  Blood flowed to my lower regions making the front of my shorts strain towards her.

  “What are we doing?” I whispered. I didn’t want to misunderstand her and do something totally embarrassing. It was taking everything I had to stay back and not touch her.

  “Saying goodnight,” she whispered back. Her gaze never left my face.

  I felt like I was being hypnotized by her pret
ty face. Should I touch her? Should I stay back? What does she want? What’s the right thing to do?

  “Are you making me into a Rainbow?” I asked, kind of in a daze, options and desires swirling around me in a storm of desire.

  She frowned. “No. Do you really think I am?”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head as best I could against the pillow. “No. I’m just … feeling stupid inside, and I want to blame it on something else.”

  She reached her hand out from under the covers and pushed her finger into my face, right between my eyebrows. “Stop frowning at me.”

  I reached up and pulled her finger away from my face, placing it against my lips so I could kiss it. “I’m sorry,” I said, lacing my fingers through hers. Just that little bit of touching was sending a shockwave of thrills through my entire body. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know you’re not Rainbowing me.” It was true, too. I’d been suspicious of it before, but now I knew that was a cop-out. Whatever was going on in my heart was happening without her doing anything except being cute and being Rae. Not the yin or the yang or whatever part of the equation she is. She might be able to do that crap to Kootch, but it wasn’t working on me. This was the real deal.

  Chapter Twenty-One: Rae

  FROM THE MINUTE WE’D DECIDED to sleep in the same room, I’d been freaking out inside. Not in a bad way, but in a are-we-going-to-mess-around way and in an I-hope-so way. Maybe all the years I’d spent wishing I could kiss a boy had gotten so bottled up, they’d turned me into a sex fiend or something, but all I could think about was his lips on mine again. It had been so nice at the party, and now that we were in relative safety, it was impossible to not focus on the memory and re-live it over and over.

  I’d gotten bold and scooted over closer to Malcolm. Now the only thing between us was about six inches of mattress and a bunch of fear. I wasn’t afraid of what might happen, but I did worry about whether he was thinking the same thing as me. What if I was the only one who wanted this between us? How embarrassing would that be to throw myself at him and have him reject me, feel sorry for me that I’m such a misguided dork?