Torn

“What is it that you want, then?” She put her hands on her hips, and her eyes were as dark and hard as Finn’s when he was upset.

  “What? You…” I floundered, surprised by the directness of her question. “You invited me in. ”

  “You were lurking around. I know you want something. ” She grabbed a rag from the metal basin that served as a sink and began washing the table off, even though it didn’t appear dirty. “I’d rather you come out and be done with it. ”

  “Do you know who I am?” I asked softly.

  I didn’t want to tout any superiority, but I didn’t understand why she was reacting this way. Especially if she knew that I was the Princess, I didn’t know why she’d be so curt.

  “Of course I know who you are,” she said. “And I assume you know who I am. ”

  “Who are you?” I asked, even though I knew.

  “I’m Annali Holmes, lowly servant of the Queen. ” She stopped wiping the table so she could glare at me. “I’m Finn’s mother. And if you came to see him, he isn’t here. ”

  My heart would’ve dropped if I wasn’t so confused by the way she was treating me. I felt like she was accusing me of something, and I didn’t even know what.

  “I—I didn’t—” I stuttered. “I went for a walk. I needed fresh air. I didn’t mean anything. ”

  “You never do,” Annali said with a tight smile.

  “You’ve only just met me. ”

  She nodded. “Maybe so. But I knew your mother, quite well. ” She turned away, putting a hand on the back of one of the dining room chairs. “And I know my son. ”

  I understood too late where her anger came from. Her husband and my mother had been involved in an affair years ago. Annali had known about it, so of course she’d taken issue with me. I don’t know why I hadn’t realized it sooner.

  Here I was, messing up her son’s life, after my mother had almost ruined her life. I swallowed hard and realized I shouldn’t have come here. I didn’t need to bother Finn or hurt his family any more than I already had.

  “Mom!” a girl called from another room, and Annali instantly composed herself, forcing a smile.

  A girl of about twelve came into the kitchen carrying a battered schoolbook. She wore layers consisting of a worn dress and wool sweater, looking tattered and cold despite the warmth of the house. Her hair was the same dark mess my hair had always been, and she had a smudge of dirt on her cheek.

  As soon as she saw me, her jaw dropped and her eyes widened.

  “It’s the Princess!” the girl gasped.

  “Yes, Ember, I know who it is,” Annali said with as much kindness as she could muster.

  “Sorry. I’ve forgotten my manners. ” Ember tossed the textbook on the table and did a quick, low curtsy.

  “Ember, you don’t need to do that, not in our own home,” Annali chastised her tiredly.

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  “She’s right. I feel silly when people do that,” I said.

  Annali shot me a look from the corner of her eye, and for some reason, I think agreeing with her made her hate me more. Like I was undercutting her parenting.

  “Oh, my gosh, Princess!” Ember squealed and ran around the table to greet me. “I can’t believe you’re in my house! What are you doing here? Is it about my brother? He’s out with my father, but he’ll be back soon. You should stay for supper. All my friends at school will be so jealous. Oh, my gosh! You’re even prettier than Finn said you were!”

  “Ember!” Annali snapped when it appeared that Ember wouldn’t stop.

  I blushed and looked away, unsure of how to respond to her. I understood in theory why it might be exciting to meet a Princess, but I couldn’t see anything exciting about meeting me.

  “Sorry,” Ember apologized, but it didn’t dampen her delight at all. “I’ve been begging Finn to let me meet you, and he—”

  “Ember, you need to do your schoolwork. ” Annali wouldn’t look at either of us.

  “I came out because I didn’t understand it. ” Ember pointed to her textbook.

  “Well, work on something else, then,” Annali told her.

  “But Mom!” Ember whined.

  “Ember, now,” Annali said firmly, in a tone I recognized from years of Maggie and Matt scolding me.

  Ember sighed and picked up her textbook before trudging to her room. She muttered something about life not being fair, but Annali ignored it.

  “Your daughter is delightful,” I said once Ember had gone.

  “Don’t talk to me about my children,” Annali snapped.

  “I’m sorry. ” I rubbed at my arms, not knowing what to do. I didn’t even know why I was here. “Why did you invite me in if you don’t want me around?”

  “Like I have a choice. ” She rolled her eyes and went over to the stove. “You came here for my son, and I know I can’t stop you. ”

  “I didn’t…” I trailed off. “I wanted to talk to Finn, not take him away from you. ” I sighed. “I just wanted to say good-bye. ”

  “Are you going somewhere?” Annali asked, her back to me as she stirred the stew.

  “No. No, I can’t go anywhere, even if I had somewhere else I wanted to be. ” I pulled at the sleeves of my shirt and stared down at the floor. “I really didn’t mean to upset you. I don’t even know why I came here. I knew I shouldn’t. ”

  “You really didn’t come here to take him away?” Annali turned around to face me, narrowing her eyes.

  “He left,” I said. “I can’t force him to return … I wouldn’t want to, even if I could. ” I shook my head. “I’m sorry I bothered you. ”

  “You really aren’t anything like your mother. ” Annali sounded surprised by that, and I looked up at her. “Finn said you weren’t, but I didn’t believe him. ”

  “Thank you,” I said. “I mean … I don’t want to be like her. ”

  I heard men’s voices coming up the road. The cottage walls were startlingly thin, and I looked out the small window next to the door. The glass was warped and blurred, but I could see two dark figures walking toward the house.

  “They’re home. ” Annali sighed.

  My heart hammered in my chest, and I had to squeeze my hands together to keep them from trembling. I still had no idea what I was doing here, and with Finn rapidly approaching the door, I wished I hadn’t come at all. I couldn’t think of anything to say to him. There was plenty I actually wanted to say, but this was entirely the wrong place and time.

  The door to the cottage pushed open, bringing along a cold wind, and I wanted to escape into it. But a man blocked my path, looking about as shocked and sick as I felt. He stopped right in the doorway, so Finn couldn’t get past him, and for a minute he simply stared at me.

  His eyes were lighter than Finn’s and his skin tanner, but I saw enough of Finn in him to know that he was his father. And yet there was something almost pretty about him, his skin softer and cheekbones higher. Finn was far more rugged and strong, and I preferred that.

  “Princess,” he said after a lengthy silence.

  “Yes, Thomas,” Annali said without even trying to hide the irritation in her voice. “It’s the Princess, now step inside before you let all the warm air out. ”

  “My apologies. ” Thomas bowed before me, then stepped aside so Finn could come in.

  Finn didn’t bow, and he didn’t say anything. His expression remained blank, and his eyes were too dark to read. He folded his arms across his chest, and he wouldn’t take his eyes off me, so I looked away. The air seemed too thick to breathe, and I did not want to be here.

  “To what do we owe the pleasure?” Thomas asked when nobody said anything. He’d gone over to Annali, looping his arm around his wife’s shoulders. She rolled her eyes when he did it, but she didn’t push his arm away.

  “Getting fresh air,” I mumbled. My mouth felt numb, and I had to force myself to speak.

  “Shouldn’t you be ge
tting back?” Annali suggested.

  “Yes. ” I nodded quickly, grateful for an escape from this.

  “I’ll walk you,” Finn said, speaking for the first time.

  “Finn, I don’t think that’s necessary,” Annali said.

  “I have to be sure she gets home,” Finn said. He opened the door, letting in the frosty air that seemed like a wonderful reprieve from the suddenly stifling kitchen. “Are you ready, Princess?”

  “Yes. ” I nodded and stepped toward the door. I waved vaguely at Annali and Thomas, unwilling to actually look at them. “It was lovely meeting you. Tell Ember I said good-bye. ”

  “You’re welcome here anytime, Princess,” Thomas said, and I could actually hear Annali hitting him in the arm as I walked out of the cottage.

  I took a deep breath and walked up the gravel road. The stones dug into my bare feet, but I liked it better that way. It distracted me from the awkward tension hanging between Finn and me.

  “You don’t have to walk with me,” I said quietly as we reached the top of the gravel road. From there, the road turned into smooth tar leading back to the palace.

  “Yes, I do,” Finn replied coolly. “It’s my duty. ”

  “Not anymore. ”

  “It’s still my duty to carry out the Queen’s wishes, and keeping the Princess safe is her highest wish,” he said in a way that was almost taunting.

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  “I’m perfectly safe without you. ” I walked faster.

  “Does anybody even know that you left the palace?” Finn asked, giving me a sidelong glance as he matched my pace, and I shook my head. “How did you even know where I lived?” I didn’t answer because I didn’t want Duncan to get in trouble, but Finn figured it out on his own. “Duncan? Excellent. ”

  “Duncan’s doing a perfectly adequate job!” I snapped. “And you must think so, otherwise you wouldn’t have left me in his care. ”

  “I have no control over whose care you’re left under,” Finn said. “You know that. I don’t know why you’re angry with me for that. ”

  “I’m not!” I walked even faster, so I was almost jogging. That didn’t bode well for me, because I stepped on a sharp rock. “Dammit!”

  “Are you okay?” Finn asked, stopping to see what was the matter.

  “Yeah, I just stepped on a rock. ” I rubbed my foot. It didn’t appear to be bleeding, and I attempted to walk on it. It stung a little, but I’d survive. “Why couldn’t we take your car?”

  “I don’t have a car. ” Finn shoved his hands in his pockets and slowed down.

  I hobbled a little, and he didn’t offer to help me. Not that I would’ve accepted his offer, but that was beside the point.

  “What do you call that Cadillac you always drive?” I asked.

  “Elora’s,” he said. “She lends me the car for work, the same way she lends all the trackers cars. But we don’t own them. I don’t actually own anything. ”

  “What about your clothes?” I asked, mostly just to irritate him. I assumed he actually owned them, but I wanted to argue with him about something.

  “Did you see that house back there, Wendy?” Finn stopped and pointed to his house. We’d gone too far to see it anymore, but I looked at the trees blocking my view. “That’s the house I grew up in, the house I live in, the house I will probably die in. That’s what I have. That is all I have. ”

  “I don’t have anything that’s really mine either,” I said, and he laughed darkly.

  “You still don’t get it, Wendy. ” He rested his eyes on me, and his mouth twitched into a bitter smile. “I’m just a tracker. You have to stop this. You have to go be a Princess, do what’s best for you, and let me go do my job. ”

  “I really didn’t mean to bother you, and you don’t need to walk me home. ” I turned and walked again, more quickly than my foot would’ve liked.

  “I’m making sure you get there safely,” Finn said, following a step behind.

  “If you’re just doing your job, then go do it!” I stopped and whirled on him. “But I’m not your job anymore, right?”

  “No, you’re not!” Finn shouted and stepped closer to me. “Why did you come to my house today? What did you think that would accomplish?”

  “I don’t know!” I yelled. “But you didn’t even say good-bye!”

  “How does saying good-bye help anything?” He shook his head. “It doesn’t. ”

  “Yes, it does!” I insisted. “You can’t just leave me!”

  “I have to!” His dark eyes blazed, making my stomach flip. “You have to be the Princess, and I can’t ruin that. I won’t. ”

  “I understand, but…” Tears welled in my eyes, and I swallowed hard. “You can’t keep going like you do. You have to at least say good-bye. ”

  Finn stepped closer to me. His eyes smoldered in a way that only he could manage, and the chill in the air seemed to disappear entirely. I leaned in to him, even though I was afraid he’d be able to feel the way my heart hammered in my chest.

  I stared up at him, praying he would touch me, but he didn’t. He didn’t move at all.

  “Good-bye, Wendy,” Finn said, so quietly I could barely hear him.

  “Princess!” Duncan shouted.

  I pulled my gaze away from Finn to see Duncan standing a little ways down the road, waving his arms like a maniac. The palace was right around the corner, and I hadn’t realized how close we were. When I looked at Finn, he’d already taken several steps away from me, toward his house.

  “He can take you the rest of the way home. ” Finn gestured to Duncan and took another step back. I didn’t say anything, so he stopped. “Aren’t you going to say good-bye?”

  “No. ” I shook my head.

  “Princess!” Duncan shouted again, and I heard him racing toward us. “Princess, Matt noticed you were missing, and he wanted to alert the guards. I have to bring you back before he does. ”

  “I’m coming. ” I turned toward Duncan, putting my back to Finn.

  I walked with Duncan to the palace, not even looking back at Finn once. I was quite proud of myself. I hadn’t yelled at him for not telling me about my father, but I did say some of the things I wanted to say.

  “I’m lucky that Matt was the one who saw you were gone, and not Elora,” Duncan said as we rounded the bend to the palace. The asphalt road gave way to a cobblestone driveway that felt much better on my feet.

  “Duncan, is that how you live?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like Finn’s house. ” I pointed toward it with my thumb. “Do you live in a cottage like that? I mean, when you’re not busy tracking. ”

  “Yeah, pretty much. ” Duncan nodded. “I think mine’s a little bit nicer, but I live with my uncle, and he was a really good tracker before he retired. Now he’s a teacher at the mänks school, and that’s still not so bad. ”

  “Do you live around here?” I asked.

  “Yeah. ” He pointed up the hill, north of the palace. “It’s pretty well hidden in the bluff, but it’s right up that way. ” He looked at me. “Why? Did you wanna go visit?”

  “Not right now. Thanks for the invitation, though,” I said. “I was just curious. Is that how all the trackers live?”

  “Like me and Finn?” Duncan was thoughtful for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, pretty much. All the trackers that stay around, anyway. ”

  Duncan walked ahead and opened the front doors, but I stopped and stared up at the palace, where intertwined vines grew over a massive white exterior. When the sunlight hit it, it glittered beautifully, but it was almost blindingly white.

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  “Princess?” Duncan waited at the open doors for me. “Is everything all right?”

  “Would you die to save me?” I asked him bluntly.

  “What?”

  “If I was in danger, would you be willing to die to protect me?” I asked. “Have other
trackers done that before?”

  “Yes, of course. ” Duncan nodded. “Many other trackers have given their lives in the name of the kingdom, and I’d be honored to do the same. ”

  “Don’t. ” I walked up to him. “If it ever comes down to a situation between me and you, save yourself. I’m not worth dying for. ”

  “Princess, I—”

  “None of us are,” I said, looking at him seriously. “Not the Queen or any of the Markis or Marksinna. That’s a direct order from the Princess, and you have to follow it. Save yourself. ”

  “I don’t understand. ” Duncan’s whole face scrunched in confusion. “But … if it’s as you wish, Princess. ”

  “It is. Thank you. ” I smiled at him and walked into the palace.

  THIRTEEN

  captive

  The debris had been cleared from the ballroom, much to Tove’s chagrin, but the skylights were still covered with tarps. Tove had liked having all the junk around because it gave me something to practice on, but he decided that the tarps would be easier anyway.

  Duncan had stayed away today. I think his brain was getting frazzled from me playing around with it. Since he sometimes got hit with stray brain waves when I tried too hard, we all thought it’d be best if he hung around somewhere else for a while.

  I’d been trying for hours to get one of the tarps to move, and all I’d managed was a ripple across it. Even that was questionable. Tove said it was probably me, but I suspected it was a strong gust of wind blowing across it.

  My head was actually starting to hurt, and I felt like a jackass, holding my arms up in the air, pushing at nothing.

  “Nothing’s happening. ” I sighed and dropped my arms.

  “Try harder,” Tove replied. He lay on the floor near me, his arms folded neatly beneath his head.

  “I can’t try any harder. ” I sat down on the floor with an unladylike thud, but I knew Tove wouldn’t care. I had a feeling he barely even noticed I was a girl. “I’m not trying to whine here, but are you sure I can even do this?”

  “Pretty sure. ”

  “Well, what if I give myself an aneurysm trying to do something I can’t even do?” I asked.

  “You won’t,” he said simply. He lifted an arm up, and holding his palm out, he made the tarp above him lift up and strain against the bungee cords holding it down. It settled down, and he looked over at me. “Do that. ”

  “Can I take a break?” I asked, almost pleading with him. My brow had started to sweat, and stray curls were sticking to my temples.

  “If you must. ” He lowered his arm and folded it behind his head again. “If you’re really having a hard time with this, maybe you need to work up to it more. Tomorrow you can practice on Duncan again. ”

  “No, I don’t wanna practice on him. ” I pulled my knee up to my chest and rested my cheek against it. “I don’t want to break him. ”

  “What about that Rhys?” Tove asked. “Can you practice on him?”

  “No. He’s completely out of the question. ” I picked at a spot on the marble floor and thought for a minute. “I don’t want to practice on people. ”

  “It’s the only way you’ll get good at it,” Tove said.

  “I know, but…” I sighed. “Maybe I don’t want to be good at it. I mean, controlling it, yes, I want to be good at that. But I don’t want to be able to use mind control on anyone. Even bad people. It doesn’t feel right to me. ”