Torn

“How are you doing?” Tove asked, speaking for the first time in about a half hour. We’d all been silent as I tried to master whatever it was I was supposed to master.

  “Fantastic,” I muttered.

  “Great. Let’s add a song. ” He stared up at the skylight, watching the clouds roll over us.

  “What?” I stopped counting and let go of my persuasion so I could turn to face him. “Why?”

  “I can still hear you,” Tove said. “It’s getting fainter, but it’s like the hum you hear from power lines. You need to quiet the noise in your head. ”

  “And doing a million things at once will do that?” I asked skeptically.

  “Yes. You’re getting stronger, which means you’re learning to hold things in. ” He lay down, closing the matter. “Now add a song to it. ”

  “What should I sing?” I sighed, turning to face the wall.

  “Not ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. ’” Duncan grimaced. “I’ve had that stuck in my head for some reason. ”

  “I’ve always been partial to the Beatles,” Tove said.

  I glanced over at Duncan, who smirked with surprise. Sighing again, I started singing “Eleanor Rigby. ” I messed up the words a couple times, but Tove didn’t complain, which was good. It was hard enough trying to do this and remember the lyrics to a song I hadn’t heard in years.

  “I hope I’m not interrupting. ” Elora’s voice ruined any semblance I had of concentration, so I stopped singing and turned to face her.

  Duncan scrambled out of the chair, but not before I caught sight of the nasty glare she shot him. He looked down so his hair would cover the crimson blush on his cheeks.

  “Not really. ” I shrugged. For once, I was actually happy to see Elora, since her arrival meant a reprieve from all of this.

  Elora surveyed the room with disdain, but I wasn’t sure what met her disapproval, since she had to at least have had a hand in the design. She stepped into the room, her long gown pooling around her feet. Tove didn’t get up and watched her with offhanded interest.

  “Can I have a moment alone with the Princess?” Elora asked without looking at anyone. She managed to stand in such a way that her back was to all three of us.

  Duncan mumbled apologies as he hurried out of the room, stumbling over his own feet. Tove left more slowly, always content to do things at his own pace. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and made a vague comment about coming to find me when I was done.

  “I’ve never cared for this room,” Elora said once they’d gone. “It always felt more like a greenhouse to me than a throne room. I know that was the idea behind it, helping us maintain our more organic roots, but it never felt right to me. ”

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  “I think it’s nice. ” I understood what she meant, but it was still a beautiful room. All the glass gave it a sleek yet opulent feel.

  “Your ‘friend’ is staying with us. ” She chose her words carefully and walked over to the throne. She ran her fingers along the arms much the same way I had, letting her black manicured nails linger on the details.

  “My friend?”

  “Yes. The … boy. Matt, is it?” Elora lifted her head, meeting my eyes to see if she was correct.

  “You mean my brother,” I said deliberately.

  “Don’t call him that. Think of him however you’d like, but if someone hears you say that…” She trailed off. “How long will he be staying with us?”

  “Until I feel it’s safe for him to leave. ” I stood up straighter, steeling myself for another fight, but she didn’t say anything. She simply nodded once and looked out the window. “You’re not gonna try to stop me?”

  “I’ve been Queen for a while, Princess. ” She smiled thinly at me. “I know how to pick my battles. This is one I suspect I couldn’t win. ”

  “So you’re okay with it?” I asked, unable to hide the shock in my voice.

  “You learn to tolerate the things you cannot change,” Elora told me simply.

  “Do you want to meet him or anything?” I felt unsure about what I should do.

  I didn’t know why she’d come to talk to me, if it wasn’t to stop me from doing something or tell me I’d done something wrong. That seemed to be the only time she sought me out.

  “I’m certain I’ll see him in due time. ” She smoothed her black hair and walked a bit closer to me. “How is your training going?”

  “Fine. ” I shrugged. “I don’t get it, really, but it’s okay. I guess. ”

  “You’re getting along all right with Tove?” Her dark eyes met mine again, as if studying me.

  “Yeah. He’s fine. ”

  Whatever she saw in me must’ve pleased her, because she nodded and smiled. Elora stayed and chatted with me a few minutes longer, asking more about the training, but her interest waned almost immediately. She excused herself, citing business to attend to.

  Once she had gone, Tove returned to continue the training, but I suggested we get lunch instead. We went down to the kitchen to discover Matt making something for him and Willa. Rhys was at school, so it was just the two of them.

  Willa threw a grape at Matt, and when he tossed it back, she giggled. If Tove noticed anything unusual about their banter, he didn’t say anything, but he hardly looked up from his plate. He ate in total silence, while I watched Matt and Willa with confused fascination.

  I ate in a hurry, then Tove and I went back to training while Matt and Willa were still eating. Not that either of them really seemed to notice or care about our departure.

  The rest of the day didn’t afford me much time to think about how strange Matt and Willa were acting. Training went on in the throne room much the way it had in the morning. Toward the end of the day I began feeling tired, but I didn’t stop until Tove called it quits.

  After Tove left, Duncan followed me upstairs, because I couldn’t seem to ditch him no matter what I said. I wanted to be alone, but I let Duncan in my room. I felt weird and mean making him stand out in the hall all the time.

  I know he supposedly was a bodyguard, but he wasn’t some stiff in a suit with an earpiece. He was a kid in skinny jeans, which made it hard for me to treat him like staff.

  “I don’t understand why you hate it here so much,” Duncan said, admiring my room.

  “I don’t hate it here,” I said, but I wasn’t sure if that was true.

  My hair had been up in a messy bun, and I took it down, running my fingers through the kinks and curls. Duncan looked at the stuff on my desk, touching my computer and CDs. I would’ve been mad, if any of it were really mine. Everything had come with the place when I moved in. Even though this was my room, very little in it felt like it actually belonged to me.

  “Why’d you run away?” Duncan picked up a Fall Out Boy CD and investigated the track list.

  “I thought you knew why. ” I got into my bed, immersing myself in the overflow of blankets and pillows. I folded a pillow under my head so I could see him better. “You seemed to have it all figured out. ”

  “When?” He set the CD down and turned to look at me. “I never seem like I have anything figured out. ”

  “That’s true,” I said, pushing a dark curl off my forehead. “But at my house, when you came to get me. I thought you knew. ”

  When I’d first met him, he’d said something. I couldn’t remember exactly what it was, but he’d implied he knew what had happened between Finn and me. Or at the very least, he’d known why Finn had been dismissed, which was because of the way Finn felt about me.

  Although I wasn’t so sure about Finn’s feelings anymore. I doubted they were real now, if they had ever been. We had lain in this very bed, kissing and holding each other. I’d wanted to do more, but Finn had stopped things, saying he didn’t want to disturb me. But maybe he’d never really wanted me at all.

  If he had, he wouldn’t have just left that way. He couldn’t have.

  “I d
on’t know what you’re talking about. ” Duncan shook his head. “I don’t think I ever understood why you left. ”

  “I must’ve imagined it, then. ” I rolled onto my back so I could stare up at the ceiling. Before he could ask me more about it, I changed the subject. “What happened to you guys anyway?”

  “When?” He’d moved on from the CDs to perusing the small book collection I had.

  They weren’t terrible, but they’d all been Rhys’s and Rhiannon’s choices, so they weren’t really my tastes. Other than a book by Jerry Spinelli, there was nothing I would have picked out for myself.

  “Back at my house. You guys left, and the Vittra kidnapped me. What’d you do? Where’d you go?”

  “We didn’t get very far. Finn planned on sticking around. He thought you’d come around eventually. ” Duncan picked up a book and absently flipped through it. “But we only made it a block away, and they jumped us. This guy with scraggly blondish hair, he just looked at us, and we were out. ”

  “Loki,” I said with a sigh.

  “Who?” Duncan asked, and I shook my head.

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  The Vittra must have been watching, waiting for the opportunity to surprise Finn and Duncan. They snuck up on them, and Loki took care of them. Finn was lucky that they’d only knocked him out. Kyra seemed way too keen on destroying me.

  She must’ve been sent ahead to get me, leaving Loki behind to neutralize Finn and Duncan. Loki hadn’t seemed that big into violence. In fact, if he hadn’t intervened, Kyra might’ve actually killed me.

  “Wait. ” Duncan narrowed his eyes at me, as if figuring something out. “Did you think we left you there?”

  “I didn’t know what to think,” I said. “You just left, and I hadn’t expected you to. I didn’t want to go with you, but you left without much of a fight. I thought maybe—”

  “Is that why you’ve been so mopey?”

  “I have not been mopey!” I had been a little depressed since I’d gotten back. Well, since before then, really, but I didn’t think I’d been mopey.

  “No, you have,” he assured me with a smile. “There’s no way we’d leave you that way. You were an easy target. Finn would never let anything happen to you. ” He’d turned to my stuff and picked up my iPod. “I mean, he can’t even leave you now, and you’re completely safe here. ”

  “What?” My heart raced in my chest. “What are you talking about?”

  “What?” Duncan belatedly realized he’d said too much, and his skin paled. “Nothing. ”

  “No, Duncan, what do you mean?” I sat up, knowing I should at least pretend not to care so much, but I couldn’t help it. “Finn’s here? You mean like here here?”

  “I shouldn’t say anything. ” He shifted uneasily.

  “You have to tell me,” I insisted, scooting to the edge of the bed.

  “No, Finn would kill me if he knew I said anything. ” Duncan stared down at his feet and fiddled with a broken belt loop. “I’m sorry. ”

  “He told you not to tell me he’s here?” I asked, once again feeling a painful stab in my heart.

  “He’s not here, like in the palace. ” He groaned and looked sheepishly at me. “If I get mixed up in whatever sordid thing it is you have with him, I’ll never get a job again. Please, Princess. Don’t make me tell you. ”

  It wasn’t until the words were out of his mouth that I realized I could make him tell me. While my persuasion might not be strong enough for the likes of Tove and Loki, I’d been practicing on Duncan. He was easily susceptible to my charms.

  “Where is he, Duncan?” I demanded, looking directly at him.

  I didn’t even have to chant it in my head. As soon as I’d said it, his jaw sagged and his eyes glassed over. His mind was awfully pliable, and I felt bad. Later on, I’d have to make this up to him somehow.

  “He’s in Förening, at his parents’ house,” Duncan said, blinking hard at me.

  “His parents?”

  “Yeah, they live down the road. ” He pointed south. “Follow the main road towards the gate, then take the third left on a gravel road. Go down the side of the bluff a little ways, and they live in a cottage. It’s the one with goats. ”

  “Goats?” I asked, wondering if Duncan was pulling my leg.

  “His mother raises a few angora goats. She makes sweaters and scarves from the mohair and sells them. ” He shook his head. “I’ve said way too much. I’m gonna be in so much trouble. ”

  “No, you’ll be fine,” I assured him as I jumped out of bed.

  I ran to the closet to change my clothes. I didn’t look bad, but if I was gonna see Finn, I had to look good. Duncan kept groaning about what an idiot he was for telling me anything. I tried to calm him, but my mind raced too much.

  I couldn’t believe how stupid I was. I’d imagined that as soon as he was unassigned from me, Finn had been sent to track someone else. But now I realized he had to have some turnaround time before his next job, and he had to stay somewhere. If he wasn’t living at the palace, his parents were the next logical choice. He’d spoken very little of them, and it never occurred to me that they might be neighbors.

  “Elora will find out. She knows everything,” Duncan muttered as I exited the closet.

  “I promise. I won’t tell anyone. ” I looked at myself in the mirror. I was pale, scattered, and terrified. Finn liked my hair better when it was down, so I left it that way, even though it was messy.

  “She’ll still find out,” Duncan insisted.

  “I’ll protect your job,” I said, but he still looked skeptical. “I’m the Princess. I have to have some pull around here. ” He shrugged, but I could tell I’d managed to alleviate some of his fears. “I’ve gotta go. You can’t tell anyone where I am. ”

  “They’ll freak out if they don’t know where you’re at. ”

  “Well…” I looked around, thinking. “Stay here. If anyone comes looking for me, tell them I’m in the bath and can’t be disturbed. We’re each other’s alibis. ”

  “You sure?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “Yes,” I lied. “I have to go. And thank you. ”

  Duncan still didn’t seem convinced this was a good idea, but I’d left him with little choice. I raced out of the palace, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Elora had a few other trackers wandering around to keep watch on things, but I slid past them without any notice.

  When I pushed open the front doors, I realized I didn’t even know why I was in such a hurry to see Finn. What did I plan on doing once I saw him? Convince him to come with me? Did I even want that?

  After the way things had been left between us, what was I going after?

  I couldn’t answer that for sure. All I knew was I had to see him. I hurried down the winding road, going south, and tried to remember Duncan’s directions.

  TWELVE

  kinfolk

  The gravel road wound down at a steep incline. I wouldn’t have known I was going the right way if I hadn’t heard the goats bleating.

  When I rounded the bend, I saw the small cottage nestled into the side of the bluffs. Vines and bushes covered it so much that I might not have noticed it if it weren’t for the smoke coming out of the chimney.

  The pasture for the goats leveled out a bit more than the rest of the bluff, so it was sitting on a plateau. A wooden fence kept them enclosed. The long fur on the goats was dingy white.

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  The overcast sky and the chill in the air didn’t help bring out the color, though. Even the leaves, which had turned golden and red, appeared faded as they littered the yard around Finn’s house.

  Now that I was here, I wasn’t sure what I should do. I wrapped my arms around myself and swallowed hard. Did I go knock on the door? What did I even have to say to him? He left. He made his choice, and I already knew that.

  I looked toward the palace, deciding it might be better if I went home withou
t seeing Finn. A woman’s voice stopped me, though, and I turned to Finn’s house.

  “I’ve already fed you,” a woman was telling the goats.

  She walked through the pasture, coming from the small barn on the far side of the field. Her worn dress dragged on the ground, so the hem was filthy. A dark cloak hung over her shoulders, and her brown hair had been pulled up in two tight buns. The goats swarmed around her, begging for a handout, and she’d been too busy gently pushing them back to notice me right away.

  When she saw me, her steps slowed so much, she nearly stopped. Her eyes were as black as Finn’s, and while she was very pretty, her face was more tired than any other I had seen here. She couldn’t be more than forty, but her skin had the worn, tanned look that came from a lifetime of hard work.

  “Can I help you?” she asked, quickening her pace as she came toward me.

  “Um…” I hugged myself more tightly and glanced up the road. “I don’t think so. ”

  She opened the gate, making a clicking sound at the goats to get them to back off, and stepped outside of it. She stopped a few feet in front of me, sizing me up in a way that I knew wasn’t approving, and she wiped her hands on her dress, cleaning them of dirt from the animals.

  Nodding once, she let out a deep breath.

  “It’s getting cold out here,” she said. “Why don’t you come inside?”

  “Thank you, but I—” I started to excuse myself, but she cut me off.

  “I think you should come inside. ”

  She turned and walked toward the cottage. I stayed back for a minute, debating whether or not I should escape, but she left the cottage door open, letting the warm air waft out. It smelled deliciously of vegetable stew, something hearty and homemade and enticing in a way that food hardly ever smelled.

  When I stepped inside the cottage, she’d already hung up her cloak and gone over to the large potbellied stove in the corner. A black pot sat on top of it, bubbling with that wonderful-smelling stew, and she stirred it with a wooden spoon.

  The cottage looked as quaint and humble as I’d expect a troll’s cottage to look. It reminded me of the one where the seven dwarves lived with Snow White. The floors were dirt, packed down into a smooth black from wear.

  The table sitting in the center of the kitchen was made of thick, scarred wood. A broom sat propped in one corner, and a flower box sat below each of the small round windows. Like the flowers in the garden at home, these bloomed bright purple and pink, even though it was way past the season for them.

  “Will you be staying for supper?” she asked, sprinkling something into the pot on the stove.

  “What?” I asked, surprised by her invitation.

  “I need to know. ” She turned to face me, wiping her hands on her dress to clear them of spices. “I’ll have to make rolls if I’m feeding another mouth. ”

  “Oh, no, I’m okay. ” I shook my head, realizing it wasn’t an invitation. She was afraid that I would impose myself on her meal and her family, and my stomach twisted sourly. “Thank you, though. ”