Fitting In (Is Hard to Do) Semester 1

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR mom finally let you spend the night.” Willow rummaged through her assortment of DVD’s trying to figure out what we should watch for the night.

  “I know right.” I was a bit nervous and tugged at my pink shirt to make sure it covered half of my butt.

  “Why do you keep looking at your watch? You got somewhere to go?” Willow laughed. “Come on, put your pajamas on and let’s pop some popcorn and watch one of these Madea movies.”

  “Dang! I knew I forgot something!” This was my chance to put my plan in motion. “Best friend, I’ll be right back. I need to go by my house and grab my pajamas.” I grabbed my purse and was ready to bounce. I had told Symphony I would meet her at her house no later than 9:00pm. It was already 10 after.

  “Don’t be silly, Amber… you know you can borrow one of mine.”

  I was at a loss for words. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Never once have I ever done anything like this in my life. I knew I couldn’t just come clean and tell Willow the truth, she would never understand anyway. I even thought about just inviting Willow along, but knew she wouldn’t go for it. It was as if she thought she was too good for them. Correct that, too good for us.

  “I’d feel more comfortable if I had my own.” I check my watch again.

  Willow looked at me as if I was losing my mind. “You know my parents would have a fit if we went walking this late.” Willow folded her arms across her chest and shifted her weight to one foot. “You need to just quit trippin’ and grab something of mine.”

  Willow went into the kitchen to pop some popcorn. I however, went out of Willow’s bedroom window. Thank God, there were no roses on the trellis that sat outside her window. I threw my purse down and climbed out backward. The wood on the trellis gave way and broke making my foot slide and lose balance. I was stuck and too far down to go back up. The way I see it, I only had two choices… Yell for help or rip my pants and keep going. I kept going of course. I yank my leg a few times and the wood gave way ripping the seam of my pants. Right now, the only thing that I cared about was getting to my destination. I would have to suffer the consequences, whatever that may be, later. I took off running for Symphony’s house because I was already late. I slowed down and powerwalk because I was perspiring and didn’t bring any extra deodorant.

  ♥♥♥

  “It’s about time you got here!” Symphony invited me in. “Hold on and let me call the guys and tell them to come on.”

  I couldn’t believe I was standing in Symphony’s house. Heck, I couldn’t believe I just snuck out of Willow’s window without even telling her.

  Symphony applied my makeup in no time. She even let me borrow some of her accessories and a pair of pants to wear tonight. I couldn’t believe how much I loved looking at myself in the mirror now. Just the mere application of makeup covered all my dark spots and had me feeling flawless like the ones I admired.

  “I love your hair Symphony.”

  “Girl, thanks. It’s about time for me to get it redone though.” Symphony primped some more in the mirror fluffing out her curls one by one. “How come you don’t wear none?” Symphony asked me referring to weave.

  “I don’t know. I want to so bad but my mom won’t let me go to the shop.”

  “Who said you have to go to the shop?” Symphony applied more lipstick and rubbed her lips together after spreading on some gloss. “Your hair ain’t that bad. You just need a style. I suggest either cut it shorter or weave it.”

  “I would love to have my hair like yours.” I wanted to touch Symphony’s hair so bad to see if it felt as real as it looked but I didn’t dare without being invited.

  Symphony seemed annoyed. “Ugh… Not like mine. I hate that. Whatever you do, always be you or better than someone else. However, there’s no way you can be better than me... but if you get the hair and the glue, I might can do it for you.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. I felt like a kid in the candy store. Like it was Christmas morning. I ran over to Symphony and threw my arms around her. “OMG!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!”

  She removed my arms from around her. “Keep that up and I’m recanting my offer.”

  “I’m sorry.” I try to contain myself from jumping up and down.

  “You know what? I’m feeling real generous right now.” Symphony rummaged around her room. “I have a few leftover pieces I can put in your hair right quick.”

  I wanted to scream, but I contained myself as best as I could.

  “Stop squirming…”

  “I’m sorry, I can’t help it… I’m so excited.”

  “Well, you’re going to owe me.”

  “Whatever it is consider it done!” Symphony glued about four tracks in and flat ironed the ends. I shook my head just to watch the body wiggle and jiggle in the mirror. Oh yeah! I could get use to this!

  BEEP! BEEP!

  “Finally, they here. Let’s go.” Symphony grabbed her bag and headed for the door. “Mother! I’m gone!”

  “Alright, don’t stay out all night Symphony!”

  “Wow! You allowed to just leave whenever you want and go out with guys?” I was in awe.

  “Girl yes! I’m grown!” Symphony joked. “And what guys? Quincy and Roman ain’t nobody!”

  My heart was beating a mile a minute when we walked up to the car. I wanted to hurry up and get in the car before Willow started to surveillance the condos looking for me. I was in amazement when I saw Roman driving. He looked like such a man to me sitting in that driver's seat.

  Quincy got out of the passenger's seat and let Symphony slide in. I couldn't help the immediate sting of jealousy that instantly plagued my mind. Why couldn't it be me sitting where Symphony now sat?

  Trying to accept my fate, I let myself just be happy enough I was invited in the first place. Quincy told me to slide over behind Roman’s seat because my legs were shorter than his were. His seat was pushed back and leaned back even farther.

  "What took y'all so long? We goin’ be late for the movie.” Symphony reached in her purse, pulled out a Newport, and lit it.

  I sat in that back seat and thought about how everyone seemed way older than me. I couldn't believe Roman was driving and Symphony was smoking. I felt like a baby compared to them.

  "So what Symp! Either you want to go or you don't! Wassup? "Roman took a long pause at a stop sign awaiting for her response.

  Symphony took her time in responding. She was looking out of the window while she inhaled her cigarette. She turned towards Roman, exhaled, and said, "You can waste your money if you want to, but my time is one thing I don't waste."

  I wished I could be as cool as Symphony. I studied Symphony as if she was my favorite subject. I admired her self-confidence and the way she dressed. Her white damaged jeans made her legs appear longer. Her yellow heels had to be at least 4-6 inches. Symphony walked in those things as if she was wearing her cheerleading sneakers. I wondered what size shoes Symphony wore because as soon as the opportunity presented itself, I was going to sink my feet into those very shoes and make believe I was her.

  “What do you want to do Amber?” Roman slid the gear to park and turned to face me.

  I remembered that Roman didn't like me to act shy. Therefore, I tried to plug into Symphony's self-confidence and downloaded some for myself. "It really doesn't matter to me. I'm down with whateva.” I grabbed at the scarf that Symphony let me borrow to make sure it was still correctly placed.

  Roman laughed. "You hear that Q? She down for whateva."

  Symphony looked back at me. "Neva say whateva when you have no idea what's on a nigga's mind.” Symphony extended her hand and held her cigarette out toward me. "Hit that, Ms. Whateva."

  Seeing that all eyes were on me, I took the cigarette and inhaled. I had the slightest idea of what I was doing and now so did everyone else. I coughed uncontrollably and gagged a few times as if I was going to vomit. “Girl, give me my damn cigarette!” Everyone laughed. I was so embarrassed that if
I were a few shades lighter, you would have seen me turn a bright red.

  A car pulled behind us and flashed there brights a few times. After ignoring Roman's hand jesters to go around, Quincy stuck his head out the back window and said, "Go around! Stupid ass!"

  The driver finally got the message and pulled around but stopped to shout obscenities and hand out finger jesters to Roman and the rest in the car. I felt uncomfortable and didn't join in. From where I was sitting, I couldn't see the driver but I could see that the passenger was a white woman with Blonde hair.

  “If I ever see you again, I’ma blow a hole in that thing you call a face! Little young punk!”

  My heart sunk from recognition of the driver's voice but there was no way it was who I thought it was, especially with the white woman sitting in the front.

  Finally, the car had passed and the headlights from Roman's car shined on the license plates. It read, “R. Styles” I sunk so far into my seat you would have sworn I was sitting on the floor of the car.

  21 CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  SYMPHONY PERKINS

  I used to want a relationship with no strings attached, but then I realized the strings are what holds a real relationship together.