The Year of Falling in Love

  God, I wish I weren't the one who had to do this to her. No, I wish what Big Doug found out weren't true. I wish she had a normal life with a great family who knew how amazing she is.

  I summon a deep breath. "Your mom's in jail, Isa."

  Her eyes snap wide as she instinctively jerks back, but I tighten my hold on her hand.

  "For what!" she shouts, flinching at the loudness of her voice.

  I swallow hard. "For murder charges."

  I expect her to yell some more. Freak out. Panic. Instead, she does nothing except stand there, staring at the road. It might be even worse than yelling. At least with yelling, I know how she's feeling. But this ... I have no clue what she's thinking.

  "I know it sounds bad," I say when the silence becomes maddening. "But the folder Big Doug gave me ... He said it might not sound as bad as it seems and that she's getting an appeal. I don't know all the details, but I think we should go and look at what's in the folder."

  She shakes her head, tears pooling in her eyes. "No wonder my dad hates me. He probably thinks I'm going to turn out like her."

  "Don't ever fucking say that!" I snap, instantly feeling bad for losing my cool with her. I gently pull on her arm, tugging her closer to me. It's so unexpected she stumbles forward. I seize the opportunity to circle my arms around her and trap her against me. She's stiff in my arms, but I don't let her go. "Whether your mom did it or not, your dad doesn't have any right to treat you like shit. Your mom made the mistake, not you." I cup her chin and tilt her head up, forcing her to look at me. "And you are the most kind, caring person I've ever met. You've put up with so much crap, and yet you're still so amazing. Don't let this change that, okay?" My voice is firm and demanding.

  She shakily nods her head. "I just don't know how to feel ... this is ... I didn't expect this."

  "I know. But I think we should go and look at what's in that folder before we do anything else, okay?"

  An uneven breath slips from her lips. "Okay."

  I relax a little. At least she's being cooperative.

  I move back, take her hand, and hike across the grass toward the parking lot. She grasps on to me the entire way to the car, like I'm the only thing keeping her from falling.

  Still holding her hand, I maneuver the door open, and then panic immediately sets in.

  "There's nothing in there. Are you sure I brought it with me?"

  "Yeah. I remember you took it out of the car before we left the gas station." She unlaces her fingers from mine and nudges me aside so she can climb in the backseat. She searches the car before hopping out with a puzzled look on her face. "I know you had it. You were hugging it like a teddy bear for most of the drive."

  "Then where'd it go?"

  "I don't know ... Maybe Indigo took it in the house." Her voice wobbles with anxiety.

  "Let's go find out." I grab ahold of her hand again, hoping it might help calm her down as we head back inside the apartment.

  The moment we step foot in the door, Isa asks Indigo and her grandma if they took the folder. Both of them shake their heads.

  "I remember Kai having it in the car," Indigo says, setting a plate of eggs and bacon down on the table. "But I'm pretty sure he never brought it in with him."

  "Why? What was in it?" their grandma asks, pulling out a chair at the table.

  "Something important." Panic fills Isa's eyes as she helplessly looks at me. "You don't think someone took it, do you?"

  "I don't know who'd take it." I yank my fingers through my hair. "Maybe the car was broken into and someone took it, thinking it was something else."

  "What?" their grandma drops her fork and scowls at Indigo. "How many times have I told you to lock up my car? I have CDs and shit in there that are irreplaceable."

  "Irreplaceable because they no longer make CDs," Indigo retorts. "And would you chill? I do lock up the car. And I know for a fact I locked it last night."

  "It was unlocked just barely," Isa utters quietly. "Don't worry, Grandma Stephy; nothing else is missing. Your CDs are still in the console."

  "So, the only thing missing was the folder?" I ask.

  That's weird. Like, really weird. First the envelope yesterday and now this? Why do I have an unsettling feeling it's not a coincidence?

  Isa fidgets with the bottom of her shirt. "That's weird, right? That someone would take that?"

  "Yeah, very weird." What the hell was inside the folder? I need to get ahold of Big Doug and find out.

  "I think you guys are forgetting the most important part," Indigo says, rising from her chair. "How did someone unlock the car when we're the only ones with a set of keys?"

  Isa bites on her fingernails, staring off into space.

  I remove her fingers from her mouth and lace them through mine to keep her from chewing off her fingernails. "I have an idea."

  I just hope they don't judge me over how I know.

  Chapter 13

  Isabella

  I feel so lost as Kai leads me outside and toward the car with Grandma Stephy and Indigo trailing at our heels.

  Lost.

  It's all I feel.

  Not angry. Not sad. Not hurt.

  Just lost.

  Nothing makes sense. And I mean, nothing: myself, my life, everything around me. I feel like I'm floating, like my body has somehow remained on the ground, and my feet are moving, but my mind has soared away to the sky where it can sit and try to process what Kai just told me. But there's too much to process, too many questions running through my mind at once.

  My mom is in jail for murder.

  My mom is a murderer?

  My mom's alive, but I probably won't ever see her again.

  Lynn was right; my mom is a bad person.

  Does that make me a bad person?

  "I wish someone would explain to me what's going on," Grandma Stephy says when we reach her car. She puts on a pair of sunglasses and crosses her arms as she inspects the outside of the car. "Why is this folder so important?"

  Kai gives me a sidelong glance, his eyes conveying a silent question: are you going to tell her?

  I will eventually. I just need a few minutes to sort through my thoughts.

  Kai's fingers leave mine as he circles the car. Indigo moves a few feet away to light up. I want to clutch Kai's hand because it was making me feel a tiny drop better, but I don't know how to go about it without getting insinuating looks from my grandma and Indigo. Plus, the clinginess might weird out Kai.

  After Kai checks around the outside of the car, he stops near the trunk. With his arms folded, he leans forward and squints at the lock. His eyes light up as he reaches forward and pops open the trunk.

  "What the hell?" Grandma Stephy walks over beside him. "How'd you do that without the key?"

  "The lock was busted." Kai dusts off his hands. "Trunks are actually a little bit easier to break into than doors."

  She purses her lips. "And how would you know that?"

  Kai shifts his weight, scratching at the back of his neck. "Um... A lucky guess?"

  "Don't play dumb with me, young man." But she drops the reprimand and points at the trunk. "But how'd they get from the trunk to the backseat."

  Kai leans forward to examine the inside of the trunk. "I'm guessing the seat wasn't latched. It wasn't last night if I'm remembering right."

  Through the back window of the car, I see the top of the backseat fold forward.

  "The latch has been broken for a while," Grandma Stephy admits when Kai stands upright. "I've been meaning to get it fixed, but honestly, I think it ruins the car's character."

  Kai glances at me, and I shoot him an I-told-you-so look.

  I move between the two of them. "Why would anyone think to break into a trunk and climb through the back when you could just break the window, though?"

  "It's more inconspicuous." Kai's gaze drifts to the ceiling of the carport. "Especially if there's people or cameras around. You can make it look like you're getting something out of the trunk or
like you locked your keys in the car."

  Again, my grandma shoots him a harsh look, but Kai ignores it, his attention locked on a camera mounted on the corner of the ceiling of the carport.

  "Those are all over the community," my Grandma Stephy says. "They put them up only a couple of months ago after we had a couple of break-ins.

  "The person who broke in probably saw them." Kai's gaze travels from the cameras to the trunk. "With the trunk open, they could easily hide what they were doing from the cameras."

  "But why would anyone go through that much trouble just to get a folder?" I fan my face as a cloud of Indigo's cigarette smoke laces the air around me.

  She's been so quiet the last couple of minutes, relieving her stress by feeding her nicotine addiction. I wish I had something that would help me, something that would calm me down. I think about putting my hand in Kai's again, but I can't find the courage to do so.

  "Well, that all depends." Grandma Stephy faces me and crosses her arms, staring me down. "What was in the folder?"

  I don't know why, but I glance at Kai, like somehow he's going to help me get out of telling her. I'm not ready to tell yet, not ready to say it aloud.

  Kai's not on the same page as me, though. He looks at me sympathetically as he mouths, I think you should tell her.

  I scowl at him and mouth back, traitor.

  The corners of his lips quirk.

  "Isabella Anders." Grandma Stephy's voice rings with a warning. "Stop looking at your gentleman friend and just tell me what's going on." Her tone softens a smidgeon. "I know you've been going through a tough time the last month or so, but I promise you that, whatever it is, even if you've gotten yourself into some kind of trouble, I'm here for you. But I can't help you unless you tell me what it is you need help with."

  I massage my temples with my fingertips, feeling a headache coming on. I know she's right. She can't help me if I don't tell her. Still, it's hard to get the words past my lips, because once they do, they become very real.

  Knowing I'm stronger than this, I suck in a deep breath and rip off the band-aid. I tell her what Kai found out about my mom and how the folder contained some sort of information about why she was in jail. By the time I'm finished explaining, my chest feels like it's being crushed. It's hard to get any oxygen into my lungs.

  "Isa, you need to calm down," my Grandma Stephy says as I gasp for air. She places a hand on my shoulder. Her fingers are shaking. She's scared. Of me? "I think you might be having a panic attack, hon."

  I hunch over, bracing my hands on my knees. "I'm fine ... I just need a moment."

  Air in. Air out. Air in. Air out. Your mom's. A murderer. She killed. Someone. No wonder. No one. Wants you.

  "Isa."

  I feel another hand on my back and fingers delicately sketch up and down my spine.

  "Take a few breaths," Kai says as he wraps an arm around my back. He says something quietly to my Grandma Stephy then urges me to walk with him.

  Sucking in an inhale, I stand upright and walk with him. "I don't know what's wrong with me ... My chest just hurts so bad."

  "I think your grandma's right. You're having a panic attack." His voice is quiet, cautious, like he's afraid loudness might cause me to break.

  "Where are we going?" I whisper as he guides me away from the apartments and toward the road.

  "For a walk."

  "For a walk?" That's it?

  He looks at me curiously. "What? You act like that's weird or something. We used to do it all the time, remember? Just go for walks to the park. Sometimes, we'd even walk around the park. It always made me feel better."

  I wet my dry lips with my tongue. "Really?"

  "Yeah. It was the only time I ever felt calm in life. I always tuned out everything and just focused on being me."

  "That's kind of sad. I mean, that it only happened for you when we walked."

  "I know, but it was my own damn fault. I let things get that way."

  We reach the edge of the apartment complex, and I think we're going to turn around, but instead, he looks left then right before threading his fingers through mine and jogging across the road.

  Just across from us is a bare field at least a mile long and surround by a short, wooden fence. When we get to the fence, he releases my hand to hoist himself over. Then he offers me his hand.

  I point to a sign hanging on the fence. "It says no trespassing."

  "Since when do you care about the rules?" He waggles his brows at me. "Come on, Isa, you know you want to be a rule breaker."

  "No, I don't," I say but take his hand anyway.

  After he takes my hand, I swing my leg over the fence. Then he helps me down even though we both know I'm not the kind of girl who needs help getting over a fence. Once I get my feet planted on the ground, we start across the grassy field toward a line of trees at the back of the property. Neither of us say anything for a while. The only sounds surrounding us are the soft lull of a gentle breeze and the crunching of the dry grass beneath our shoes.

  "Feeling better?" he asks me after a minute or two goes by.

  I nod. "A little bit."

  "Good." He slings an arm around me and winces. He wraps his free arm around his midsection and cradles the side with the possible broken rib. "I've had a couple of panic attacks before. Fresh air and moving usually helps."

  "You've had panic attacks?" I ask, stunned. Kai? Joking, finds-humor-in-everything Kai?

  "Not really anymore, but when I was younger, I did."

  "What caused them?" The wind kicks up and blows strands of my hair into my face.

  His jaw clenches. "It's a long story, one I don't want to get into right now."

  I pick a few strands of hair out of my mouth. "You say that a lot."

  "I know."

  "Kai, you know you can tell me things, right? We spend all this time talking about me, and I feel like we never talk about you."

  He flashes me a grin. "That's because I'm not nearly as exciting as you."

  "Ha. You are, too. I know you have this really exciting life that you never talk about with me."

  "It's not really that exciting."

  "You got a concussion from a guy last night that was the size of a sumo wrestler." I count down on my fingers. "There's this thing going on with T that I haven't quite figured out yet, but I know he's the reason you probably have a broken rib. And don't even get me started on Big Doug."

  His brow arches. "What's wrong with Big Doug?"

  "Nothing, other than the fact that he somehow knows how to look up records on people. Plus, he had all those computers ... I'm guessing he does some sketchy, probably illegal stuff." When he doesn't argue, I add, "How did you meet him, anyway?"

  He shrugs, staring down at the ground.

  I sigh. "Let me guess. Another long story."

  He halts in the middle of the field, pulling me to a stop with him. "I know you think I'm keeping stuff from you, and I am, but only because I don't want to drag you into my mess."

  "But you almost told me about what's going on with you and T."

  "Yeah, but only because I was feeling vulnerable."

  "About what?"

  He gives me a meaningful look that I can't quite decipher. "Just stuff."

  I pout my lips. "You have to give me something. Please. Anything to distract me."

  He stares at my jutted lip, seeming torn over something. "Want to hear what happened between Hannah and me two summers ago?" He forces his attention away from my lips and his gaze settles on my eyes.

  I still prefer he tell me what's going on with T, but I nod. "I guess if that's all you'll give me, I'll take it."

  He starts walking toward the trees again, keeping his arm around my shoulder. "So, we were at this party, and Hannah was really drunk, like seriously, one step away from puking all over the place."

  I almost smile. "I like this story already."

  "Oh, it gets even better." He hops over a large rock in his way and bumps into me in the proces
s. "Sorry," he says, steadying himself by putting his hands on my hips.

  When his fingertips slip just under the hem of the jacket and lightly brush against my skin, a shudder rolls through me. I can tell he feels it, too, by the way he stares at me in confusion yet curiously. It's crazy that my body can still react like this when my mind's lost in a living nightmare.

  Thankfully, Kai gives me another free pass and doesn't remark about the moment. Instead, he threads his fingers through mine, turns us around, and begins hiking toward the fence.

  He's been holding my hand a lot this morning, and I'm confused over whether I should let him or not. I mean, we used to hold hands back in seventh grade when we were friends, but this feels different. Could it be because we aren't kids anymore?

  "So, Hannah is super trashed and hitting on everyone," he continues. "And when I say everyone, I mean, everyone. She even hit on the mom of the guy who was throwing the party."

  My eyes widen. "Holy freakin' unicorns."

  He chuckles, swinging our interlaced hands as we walk. "In her defense, though, she thought the mom was the dad."

  "Did she look manly or something?"

  "No, Hannah was just that trashed."

  "Does she always get that trashed at parties?"

  "She drinks a lot, but I've never seen her that trashed before," he says. "That night, something was bothering her."

  "Really?" I'm not completely buying it. "Because Hannah usually never gets bothered by stuff."

  "She doesn't, huh?" He cocks an eyebrow at me. "Like yesterday morning when she had a shit fit because Kyler blew her off for you?"

  "He didn't blow her off for me," I reply. "She asked him to do something a couple of days before Kyler and I even made plans."

  "Um, no, she didn't," he says. "Didn't you listen to what Hannah said?"

  "Honestly, I tune her out a lot." The wind kisses my cheeks, and I rub my hand across them, trying to warm them up. "It's kind of a habit."

  "And it's a good habit to have." He traces his thumb across the knuckles of the hand he's holding. "But I'm telling you, I know my brother, and he blew her off because he was hoping your date would go great. And by great, I mean into-the-next-day kind of great."

  It takes a second to process his full meaning. "No, he didn't." My voice sounds like a mouse. "He wouldn't do that."

  He gapes at me like I'm a mad woman. "Yes, he would. It's what he does, Isa. He's a player. You've watched him for, like, forever. You should know that."