The Woodlands

  Careen found a large, flat stone and placed it at the edge of the fire. She watched it closely as it heated up, touching it lightly every now and then. She then threw the cut-up meat on the stone. It sizzled, browning nicely and smelling good, but when she offered it to me, I couldn’t eat it. The vision of her stabbing and disemboweling the foul cat was too fresh in my memory. She shrugged and moved on to the others. They all tried a piece. Joseph grinned, “Not bad, Careen,” his mouth full of food. She smiled at him, her big blue eyes reflecting happiness at having pleased him.

  After dinner, we talked, which we didn’t usually do. Careen seemed to want fit several months’ worth of talking into one breath. Never sitting down for very long, she jumped from topic to topic and then back again. Talking in circles.

  “Yep, I’m from Iroko. I was one of the only American descendants in that town,” she said proudly, bobbing her head up and down. I didn’t understand her pride. In Pau, no one talked about their origins. She walked over to Apella and ran her fingers through the woman’s straight blond hair. Apella recoiled. “Hmm, I like your hair. I wish mine would sit like that.” I glared at her, her stupid hair looked perfect.

  She stared at her fingers for a while and then started babbling again. I found her very hard to follow. She was like a puppet, animated and jerky. Her mouth moved too fast for her brain to catch up. Joseph indulged her, watching her, nodding his head like he understood her broken-word vomit. I only managed to pick out a few details. She was from Iroko and she had been in Classes for about a year when she was taken. She was going to be a Guardian.

  Finally, late into the night, Deshi fed Hessa and put himself and the baby to bed. Careen cooed and fussed over the child and I prickled without meaning to. We offered her a sleeping bag but she said she was comfortable to lie by the fire. I wanted her covered up. Her body was everything I had been, and missed so much.

  I made a pathetic show of climbing in with Joseph and snuggling extra close to his warm body. Unaware, he happily held me close as he drifted off. I couldn’t sleep. My heavy eyes held open by imaginary matchsticks, a new person with disturbing talents making me uneasy.

  I looked past the firelight; sure I could see yellow eyes floating in the distance. I propped myself up, peering into the darkness.

  “It’s ok,” Careen said. “They won’t come any closer to the fire, especially not with this many people here.”

  “What are they?” I asked

  “Not sure, but there are a lot of them around the city,” she replied, sitting back on her knees, bouncing up and down. “It’s feels good not to be alone anymore,” she admitted, showing a vulnerability unseen before now. “The forest, it’s noisy and quiet at the same time, you know?” she said, covering her ears. I had to remind myself that she was just like me, but without Joseph, without anyone at all.

  “You should try and get some rest. You’re safe now,” I said, trying to sound comforting.

  I knew I wouldn’t sleep very well. I felt less safe here than in the forest. I had fleeting dreams of yellow-eyed monsters chasing me, cornering me against a wall of stone, laughing and hissing, claws and fangs bared.

  I woke up to Hessa’s ‘knitting needles in my ears’ scream. I dragged myself out of my bag, eyes half shut, and started preparing his bottle. Joseph was still dozing. I let him sleep. I walked to Deshi’s rake-like form, but the baby was not there. Panic hit me, like a claw turning my heart sideways. The crying was coming from outside the circle of sleeping bodies. I kicked Deshi. He jumped up fast when he realized Hessa was missing.

  “Where is he?” Deshi said, his normally smooth voice cracking around the edges. We followed the crying, sweeping our heads back and forth along the ground until we came upon a pair of long legs, attached to Careen, standing with her back to us, rocking on her heels, hushing the baby in her arms.

  “What are you doing?” I asked accusingly.

  She looked up from Hessa, eyes reproachful. “What? I just thought I would let you get some rest,” she said as she handed Hessa to me.

  “You can’t just walk off with him like that without asking. You scared us to death!” I placed the teat of the bottle in Hessa’s mouth, watching him eagerly drink the grey liquid, his unnaturally blue eyes peering over the rim.

  “I don’t see what the problem is,” she snapped suddenly, clapping her hands on her toned thighs. “You know, he doesn’t look much like you,” she added, reaching out to touch his springy, black curls.

  I pulled away. “That’s because I’m not his mother,” I said, handing Hessa to Deshi and standing side on to display my swollen middle.

  “Oh, where is she?” Careen asked innocently, her mood swinging from aggression to sweetness in an instant.

  “She’s dead,” I replied, wishing I didn’t have to talk about it, feeling my heart tear a little at the memory of Clara.

  “I’m so sorry,” Careen said as she patted my arm gently. I stared down at her arm in confusion. I was starting to think she was a bit more than batty.

  I shrugged her off and changed the subject. I needed some information from her anyway. I was thinking about the end of summer. We really needed to find or build shelter in that time, before winter hit. To do that, we needed some tools that I couldn’t fashion from sticks. I asked her whether she had seen anything resembling a tool shed or shop.

  “No, but there is a big building with different commercial sections. There might be something in there.” Her eyes slid up my body with scrutiny. “We could get you some new clothes too.”

  I ignored her condescending assessment of my appearance and went back to tell the others my idea. There were arguments, of course. About one thing I was adamant—we couldn’t stay in the city. We would get supplies and walk through to the other side, see what the terrain was like, and make a plan from there. For once, Alexei and Joseph agreed with me. Apella wasn’t sure, still holding on to the ludicrous idea that there were people hiding somewhere in the rubble. There was no evidence that anyone had been here in hundreds of years. It was completely overrun by nature. Careen said she would go along with anything and Deshi pursed his mouth shrewdly and shrugged his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter what I think.”

  I agreed to let Apella stay with Hessa by the fire. We took knives and Careen’s spear with us. She said if we stuck to the more open parts, wider roads and lower buildings, the lynxes would not be a problem. The creatures with the yellow eyes only came out at night.

  She led us back to the end of the railway line and over a bridge. It was a great stone and iron structure that had stood the test of time where other constructions had not. Its strong archways looped in and out of the water like a snake, reflecting against the water on this clear, sunny day. I stepped on tentatively, imagining it crumbling under my feet. Careen assured me it was safe. She had used it several times. Joseph took my hand and I relaxed a little.

  Alexei was enthusiastic, to say the least, talking about the history of the town, a name I couldn’t pronounce.

  “Iratusk…what?” I said crankily.

  “Irkutsk,” Alexei corrected me. “Yes, apparently this bridge took ten years to build in 1950, quite impressive really given the technology of the time.” I felt sorry that I had engaged him. He prattled on and Deshi and Joseph humored him, pretending to listen. Careen was bounding ahead like an excitable toddler. Peering over the edge every now and then, beckoning with her hands, “Hurry up, fellas. We’re nearly there.”

  When we arrived at the other side, Careen stopped, trying to remember which direction to go. Like she flipped a coin in her head, she picked a street randomly and skipped off.

  I found it hard to keep up, waddling like I was carrying several balloons full of water under my shirt. Thankfully, Joseph stayed with me. He curled his fingers in mine and we walked peacefully, forgetting, for a moment, where we were. If you didn’t think about the death and destruction, the yellow-eyed creatures and the feral, attacking cats, the city was quite beautiful. O
n this side of the bridge, the buildings were larger. They climbed up to the sky, all carved stone and metal, with pillowy, rounded roofs made of copper turned green with age. These buildings bordered a wide, stone-paved street that had lanterns attached to iron poles sticking out of the footpath.

  The other three rounded a corner ahead of us and for a few minutes we were alone. I stopped for a breath. Putting my hands in the small of my back, I stretched backwards, staring at the sky, watching the clouds blow south with speed. When I straightened, he swiftly bent down and put his lips to mine, transferring the heat of gold and electricity through my mouth and down my spine. I kissed him back briefly, smiling as I extricated myself from his arms.

  “You know, with all this romance, I’m liable to faint,” I said, rolling my eyes as I put the back of my hand to my forehead.

  “I’ll always catch you,” Joseph said with a wink.

  I fanned my face. “Oh, sir, you’re too much!” and I succumbed to giggling. Joseph laughed, slipping his hand around my waist and giving me a gentle squeeze. The sun was high and the city looked less frightening, more like a scenic ruin in this light.

  A dark face poked out from behind the corner. Squinting in the sunlight, Deshi said, “Guys, you need to see this,” and then his head disappeared. I would have run, but in my current state the most I could manage was a brisk walk. We rounded the corner and were faced with a towering structure of latticed metal and broken glass. On the top of the building were six-foot-high letters, spelling out words I didn’t understand. We caught up to the others as Careen was climbing up the concrete stairs that led into the building.

  “Are you sure it’s safe?” Deshi asked nervously. His voice echoed around the tall entrance foyer we were standing in.

  “It’s fine, I’ve been in a couple of times. It’s well worth it, come on.” Careen tugged on Deshi’s shirt and pulled him toward some grated metal stairs, her long legs making easy work of them. She bounded up, her short hair swaying softly as she jumped from stair to stair. They led onto one another in a zigzag, reaching at least six or seven stories high.

  We climbed two sets and then Careen dragged us down a dusty hallway. Shady entrances were cluttered with rubbish on every side. She grabbed Joseph’s hand, pulled him through a gap in the rubbish, and they disappeared into the darkness. Deshi turned on his torch. The light cut a line through the dark, illuminating metal racks from which strange items of clothing were hanging: shiny plastic bodices, shimmering pants, revealing tops, and underwear in plastic packets. What provocative clothes the people wore back then. Careen held up a black plastic top on a hanger, tight and low cut. “Here, try this on,” she said blithely.

  I gagged, “There is no way I would fit into that!” Nor would I want to. It looked more like underwear than clothes to wear in public.

  “What about this?” Careen suggested, holding up what looked like a see-through nightdress. All made of nylon and plastic. It seemed it was the only material that had held together. Then it hit me, what kind of shop this was. I had been in one back in Pau, when I turned twelve and my mother took me to buy a bra. That shop was more dainty cotton and lace but the idea was the same.

  “Let’s save that kind of thing for after the baby’s born,” Joseph said, grinning his stupid head off.

  I froze. I had thought a lot about how our relationship would change after I had the baby but I hadn’t even considered the physical side of things. I could feel the blood racing to my face.

  Deshi and Joseph were chuckling away. Alexei looked extremely uncomfortable, propping and then re-propping his elbow against the doorway. Careen looked oblivious to the underlying implications of what Joseph had said.

  “It’s all right, Rosa,” Joseph said between fits of laughter. “I was only joking.” I stormed passed them both, pushing their shoulders, hard. I wanted to knock their heads together but it would only make them laugh more. I stood in the cluttered hall, looking back and forth. Surely, there had to be something more useful in here other than plastic sex clothes.

  Picking up a pack of underwear wrapped in plastic off the dusty floor, I realized that was what I needed to be looking for. I rummaged through other shop openings and found some cotton, button-down, shirts sealed in plastic. I grabbed one for each of us and kept looking. I found leather bags that were still mostly intact, some socks, and even some leather gloves. I searched around for something for Hessa and found a few packets of socks, a jumpsuit that looked way too big and some singlets. It would be good to give him some clothes so he didn’t have to be swaddled in cut-up blankets all the time. It seemed the people of yesterday were big on wrapping their clothes in plastic.

  I shoved it all in the leather bags I had found. I could see the boys had calmed down and were doing the same thing, tossing clothes and other useful items into shiny nylon bags slung over their shoulders. But I couldn’t find any tools.

  I worked my way right to the back of one of the stores, wading my way through a sea of over-turned racks and rubbish. It smelled like dust, like old death. Right at the back, behind a filthy, laminated counter covered in paper and metal coins, I found what I was looking for, a red metal door with a plastic plaque on the front that said ‘Utulidad.’ It was locked. I called for the boys and they worked at kicking it in. Booted bangs, the only noise this place had entertained in a long time.

  We were rewarded for our persistence. Inside was a small room with a toolbox full of useful items. Mounted on the wall was another red box. Inside was exactly what I wanted. I smashed the glass with my hand wrapped inside a leather bag and pulled the shiny axe head from the box. The handle disintegrated as soon as I touched it, but I could make a new one.

  We made our way out, looking ridiculous, like over-burdened mules. Wearing some things, and strapping the bags around ourselves as best we could. Careen emerged last, twirling a tight, hot pink top on her finger and gripping a large hunting knife in her other hand.

  She leaped down the stairs like a gazelle, shoved her serrated knife in her pocket, and peeled off her top in front of everyone. She dropped the grimy, bloodstained one on the ground with distaste and stood bare chested in front of us. Her pale face showed not even a flicker of awareness that her nakedness might make us uncomfortable. I stared wide-eyed at her while the boys averted their eyes. She shimmied into her new top and adjusted her cleavage. She looked and behaved so differently to me that I couldn’t quite digest what I was looking at.

  We walked back to the campsite, our progress slowed by our new possessions. Along the way, I dropped some of the less important things, sparkly hair ties and clips, a thin silk scarf wrapped in plastic, all useless. Joseph carried the small toolbox; I carried the treasured axe head.

  Again, we lagged behind the others by a few hundred meters. I bumped hips with Joseph’s affectionately, folding my hands inside my shirt anxiously. I wanted to ask him something but I was afraid of how it would come out.

  “What do you think of Careen?” I asked nervously.

  Joseph paused and rubbed his chin. “She’s all right, why?”

  “I mean, what do you think of her, really?”

  He stopped walking and turned to face me, “Rosa, what is this about?”

  “Well, she’s quite attractive, isn’t she?” I said, staring at my stomach, my feet imagined, as they hid under my enormousness.

  He chuckled, a deep vibration that I wished I could jump into, a pool of sound. “I suppose…”

  “Yeah, I thought so,” I said, disappointed. I wanted him to say she was hideous, or that he didn’t even notice her looks at all.

  “Is this about the nightdress? I was being stupid, just joking,” he assured me.

  “No. It’s not that. Believe me, I’m used to you being stupid,” I teased.

  “Then, what are you worried about?” he said, smiling irresistibly. My heart swelled and skipped.

  “Just that,” I said, touching his mouth, tracing the smile on his lips.

  “R
osa, I rescued you from underground, I fought a lynx for you, tried to wrestle a bear for you. How can you possibly doubt my feelings for you now?” He laughed.

  “I’m glad you find it so funny,” I said as I punched his arm.

  “Ouch!”

  He calmed down and took my hand, trying to be serious, “Rosa, you are the only one for me, and whether you see it or not, you are beautiful, pregnant or not, ok?”

  “Ok,” I said dubiously.

  He shifted uneasily, not sure how to approach. “Can I ask you something?” he asked, his beautiful eyes gazing into my own ‘defective’ ones.

  “Anything.”

  He reached out his hand, hovering it over my bulging stomach. I had been afraid he would want to do this. I was surprised it had taken him so long to ask. I urged the leech not to kick. “Can I…?”

  I sighed and nodded.

  His warm hand circled the top of my belly. I allowed it for a few seconds and then I asked him to stop. It made something tighten in my chest, a guilty feeling I couldn’t explain. He did stop, but I could tell it made him sad.

  We had enough problems to worry about, without me adding jealousy to the list.

  I was deep in thought as we wound our way back to the campsite, barely noticing the leaning buildings, barely hearing Careen’s inane chatter. The details of the city melted away like running paint colors.

  My hand swung absently in Joseph’s as I contemplated our situation. We’d been following Apella and Alexei blindly, partly because they were the adults and they had a plan. But I was starting to learn that age did not automatically mean someone was wiser. After the ridiculous revelation that they’d been searching for people living in the ruins of the city, I doubted their ability to lead, to make good decisions.