The Woodlands

  We were now close to the border between old Russia and Mongolia. We could keep walking but to what end? If we went on indefinitely, the seasons would change and winter would kill us. With no shelter or stocks of food, we wouldn’t survive. There had to be a better plan than this.

  I tapped my belly, feeling the hardness of it, the unbreakable shell that kept a barrier between Joseph and me, between my feelings for him and my feelings about our instant little family. In two months’ time, I would be having this baby whether I liked it or not. I didn’t want to do that on the side of a cliff or in a cave, half-frozen and starving. I shook my head, my hair falling in a curtain around my face. No. We needed to sit down and work it out together.

  It was dusk when we arrived back at the camp. The grey light was greyer still for the disappointing fact that Apella had not lit the fire. She sat huddled under a blanket, her blonde hair shining like a vague, dusty halo, rocking Hessa. I rolled my eyes at her incompetence. One of our biggest concerns should be that Hessa wouldn’t survive a journey through snow and ice.

  We threw our new belongings in a pile just outside the circle of logs. The shiny stack of new possessions made us ragged and grimy by comparison. If I’d had the energy I would have changed, but all five of us collapsed on the logs, food the only thing on our minds. Deshi coaxed a fire from the dying coals and I scrounged for food. I couldn’t find much in the way of edible plants. I screwed up my nose, it would be grey sludge tonight.

  After we ate, I announced my concerns.

  Clearing my throat of the grey slime that seemed to cling to the inside of my mouth like candle wax, I said, “What happens after tonight? I mean, what’s the plan for the next part of our journey?”

  Alexei held up his map and traced his finger along the route we had already travelled. We had walked so far. “I think we have another couple of weeks of walking left to do and then we will be in Mongolia, or what used to be Mongolia,” he said.

  My legs ached at the thought of it. “And then what?” I asked. “What’s in Mongolia? Is there something there you’re not telling us about?” I searched their eyes, looking for the lie. Apella kept her eyes on Hessa; Alexei leaned away from my gaze. “We haven’t seen the choppers in weeks. No one’s looking for us. Why should we keep going? Why not prepare ourselves for winter near here?”

  Joseph and Deshi nodded in agreement. We were so weary and it would only get harder as the weather changed. Careen looked confused, her pale face serenely blank. Her eyes flicked to the nodding boys and she mimicked their movements. I had a feeling she would go along with anything if it meant she wouldn’t be alone.

  “We can’t be sure they are not still looking for the boys,” Alexei argued. “Deshi in particular was very valuable to the Classes.”

  Deshi ran one hand over his arm smoothly. “I’m willing to take the risk,” he said plainly.

  “Me too,” Joseph chimed in. “Rosa’s right. We can’t keep walking, hoping that someone will save us, or that we’ll find decent shelter before winter comes. We need to start preparing now.”

  Apella looked desperate, she was going to lose, her rounded eyes begging someone to agree, her voice on edge, “I’m sure they are close. If we keep looking, we might find a settlement.”

  I scoffed. “You need to give up on this idea. No one is coming to save us.” I squeezed my hands into fists. I wished I was wrong. I wished there was a humble settlement right around the corner where welcoming strangers would invite us in, but we were alone. We couldn’t follow an old map or hold onto the crazy idea that someone was coming to help us anymore. We had to think about survival.

  I stood up, the chill in the air hinting at what was to come. I knew this was what needed to be done. “Tomorrow morning we will walk out of this ruin and search for a good place to make our own settlement.”

  There was silence and the clawed hand of doubt scratched its way along the dirt towards me. Apella and Alexei could go on without us. I wasn’t sure I cared what they did. Remembering Clara’s labor, she pretty much did it all on her own anyway. Until the end anyway. I shuddered.

  Joseph put his arm around me, instantly warming my shivering body. “You’re making big plans. You really think we can do it?” he challenged.

  A sense of purpose was blooming in me, like so much blood it seeped and spread. I honestly didn’t know if this would work, but of the two choices, this made more sense to me.

  Sometime in the night, I felt a strong chill. I shuffled around in my sleeping bag, thinking I had rolled to far from the fire. Joseph stirred but did not wake. He muttered something and put his hand on my waist. I looked to the center and saw nothing but the spotted orange glow that clung to ash. The fire was out. I heard scratching, or something being dragged across the other side of the campsite. I breathed in slowly, trying not to make any noise. As I exhaled, a glowing light just past the fire froze, yellow eyes shining in the moonlight. I jabbed Joseph sharply in the ribs. He made a startled, snorting noise as he awoke and, whatever it was, became smaller as it retreated but didn’t disappear.

  “Joseph,” I whispered, “there’s a yellow-eyed thing out there.” I pointed to the eyes, grabbing his head and aiming it in the creature’s direction. “The fire, Careen said it scared them.” Joseph’s body went rigid and he jumped out of the sleeping bag like a spring.

  We woke the others and together we stoked the coals, throwing kindling and logs on until it was roaring, our skin looking golden in the flames. Behind the statue of the man with the outstretched hand, I saw the flick of a long tail and black and white stripes. I heard scuffling. I drew breath in slowly, weighing up the threat. My eyes searched the darkness anxiously and found several pairs of yellow eyes floating like a disturbing set of stringed lights about fifty meters from where we were.

  “Can you see that?” I pointed in their direction.

  Joseph nodded, jaw tight, looking unnaturally magnificent in his shredded shirt. The fire glazed his skin gold, his muscles tensed and ready to fight.

  The eyes were joining with other eyes, forming a semi-circle, closing in slowly from the western side of our campsite, like a ring of candles, flickering as they blinked. Apella panicked and darted behind Alexei, the whip of her grey shirt the only evidence she was there. I watched her in disgust, the desire to throw her to them was hard to suppress. We burned everything in sight, watching the flames climb higher and higher. Our faces and hands charred red from the heat but we couldn’t step back. Deshi and Joseph armed themselves with the knives. I waited to see Careen striding forward, spear in hand, but she wasn’t there. I gulped, horrific visions of her torn-up body sprawled somewhere clawed at my mind. Where the hell was she?

  The eyes stalled at the sight of the fire, there was a faint cry like a ‘whoop’ and then a chorus of whoops filtered through the air above our heads. Slowly the eyes edged away from sight. Whatever they were, there were at least thirty of them and my guess was there were probably more. Joseph’s hand curled over my shoulder and I set my head down on it. “We can’t stay here,” I whispered, feeling the panic ease with his touch. He squeezed his hand and nodded, eyes distant.

  As the grey morning approached, we were shocked to discover how close they had come while we were sleeping. All around us were the remnants of our belongings, things dropped as they were dragged off into the night. These elusive creatures seemed intelligent and organized. Unlike the wolves, they hadn’t just destroyed things; they had taken items of interest and discarded others.

  I was just about to start searching for the grisly remains of Careen, when I heard a loud thump and she came strolling out of the wooded area to the east of our campsite, eyes bright. Her attitude was casual, unfettered, and she was surprised that we were angry at her, or even that we worried about her safety.

  She admitted she had seen the creatures approaching and had jumped up into the closest tree, spending the night there.

  “Thanks a lot for the warning,” I said, glaring at her. br />
  She shrugged, unconcerned. She was used to looking after herself. It seemed a very foreign idea that she should assist anyone else. I thought back to her behavior when we first met, suspecting it was less about heroics and more just the fact we were between her and her kill.

  “Next time, it would be good if you could let us know there are animals stalking us before you scale the nearest tree.” I tried to say it calmly but it came out sounding more biting.

  She looked at me, her eyebrows drawn together like I had just snatched a sweet from her hand. Tucking her hair behind her ear and cocking her head to the side, she chirpily replied, “Sure thing!”

  I looked at her like she was something other than human. She was so strange. I didn’t like the idea of being holed up with her over winter.

  As we packed up, we noticed Alexei had lost his reader. The grey box was missing as well. I wondered why the animals would want with that. I imagined them preparing meals and it made my hairs stands on end. This place was starting to really give me the creeps. It was definitely time to leave.

  Hessa cried out and I felt a pang of anxiety, wondering how we were going to feed him.

  Deshi searched frantically for the box, with Hessa tucked under one arm, the baby screaming until his face went ashen and his lips were purple.

  Careen turned around and retrieved the box from under a flat, grey rock at the base of the tree she had dropped down from. “Are you looking for this?” I took a step towards her, my feet pressed hard against the earth, ready to tear her throat out. But Joseph’s arm was in front of me, blocking my path. “Let it go,” he muttered through his teeth.

  I did, just this once, noting she was someone to watch closely.

  Deshi snatched the box from a baffled Careen and quickly prepared a bottle for the screaming child.

  As Deshi fed Hessa, I took up the capsule and made some adjustments. Attaching one-foot long, pointed spears to the top part that encased his head. It made him look like he was wearing a crown, but it would protect him from any animal jumping down on him.

  Sadly, we had lost most of the clothes we had found and I didn’t want to go back to get more. There was one shirt left which I offered to Joseph. It was too big for me. He thanked me and removed his torn t-shirt. I made an idiot of myself, swallowing a gasp at his well-muscled chest. When he pulled the shirt over his head, I turned my back to him. I didn’t want him to see me blushing.

  “All right, Jo,” Deshi smirked, as Joseph did up the remaining buttons. “We all know you’re gorgeous. Stop showing off and start moving.” He clapped his hands together smartly and flicked his head away from the campsite.

  We made our way back to where we had left the train tracks two nights ago. We moved quickly, the urge to explore was gone. Apella was still unsure and Alexei had to half-drag her as she continually swiveled her head around, looking in doors and searching rooftops for evidence of people.

  We followed the tracks out of the city and headed south-east, deciding to put at least a day’s walk between us and the yellow-eyed beasts before looking for a place to shelter. Joseph scooped me up in his arms before I had time to argue.

  “You look tired,” he said

  “Gee, thanks. You know? So do you,” I said, poking at the dark circles under his eyes.

  He pulled his head away from my touch and grinned. “Yeah well I’m bigger and stronger. I can cope better.”

  “The way I’m going I’ll be bigger than you by mid-summer!” I joked.

  He laughed. “Hmmm, you are getting a bit heavy.” He pretended to drop me, catching me at the last second.

  I squirmed unenthusiastically. “Well then, put me down.”

  He paused and shook his head, blond curls settling into their delicate weave. “Nope,” he said as he took big strides, leading the way.

  I put my head on his chest, the pressure of the last few days squeezing me like a concertina, making the air around me soft and dozy. I was pleased with my decision. It was going to be hard. Hard, hard work, Mr. Gomez would say. But it felt better knowing we had a purpose, a strategy. I knew my knowledge of building was going to be useful. I could help. I could do something other than grow fatter and more uncomfortable every day. I listened to Joseph’s heartbeat, deep in his chest, and I pushed the doubt down with it. Pushed down the feeling I could be wrong, that it would be too hard. We had to keep moving forward. We had to try.

  I let the dozy feeling wrap around me like a loose bandage and daydreamed about what it might be like to have a home. A home with Joseph and, of course, Hessa and Deshi. Could I make room for another in our little family? For the first time, I opened my mind to the possibility. It was a hazy dream. I could see the four of us; the fifth member was a sketchy grey cloud I couldn’t quite put a face to. Up until now, the leech was not even allowed to exist in my dreams. But it was pushing away at them now, infringing on the edges. Making it presence known.

  After a couple of days walking, we started scouting for a position for a hut and store. I put together a rough house plan, using the surrounding timbers as a starting point. We needed somewhere flat, which possibly backed onto a hill, and hopefully faced the morning sun.

  Low, grass-covered mounds dominated the scenery like a voluptuous woman had laid down and pulled a green blanket over her body. Small patches of woods sprouted up like green-brown birthmarks on the land. It was a gentle and inviting, although I could imagine it was very different once covered in snow.

  We chose to build against the shelter of a low hill. It was stupidly idyllic, with a creek running through the valley and plenty of well-shaped adolescent pines that would make perfect logs for a cabin. The construction would be simple. The boys would cut the trees and drag them to the site. I would carve the notches in the logs and shape wooden pegs to secure each log to another. Apella and Careen would pack every crevice with mud and collect stones for a fireplace. At this, Apella’s smooth as silk face scrunched up unappealingly. I smirked at her and rubbed my hands together. Hands that were itching to get dirty.

  Once we started, we quickly got into a rhythm, working in unison to achieve this one goal. Apella stopped talking about survivors and settlements. Deshi, Joseph, and I took turns caring for Hessa while working and Alexei flapped about, occasionally being useful, but more often than not just getting in the way.

  Hessa was changing daily. Changing from a baby to a little person. As we worked, he would lie on a rug and happily gaze at the sky, kicking his chubby little legs in excitement. He had his mother’s temperament, always smiling, hardly ever crying. He adapted easily.

  We walked into the forest every day. It was wonderful not to be trudging down the same line. We meandered down different paths, stopping whenever we pleased to examine something or collect some food. I started to teach Joseph about the different fruits and nuts we needed to store. He wasn’t a very good student, listening to half of what I had to say before pinning me against a tree, burying his face in my hair and kissing my neck. Driving me crazy. He was very good at this, and I was very good at being distracted. To a point. There always seemed to be a moment where something would clamp down inside me and I had to stop him.

  The cabin was nearly finished. It had been two and a half weeks and the basic structure was done. I stood back and appraised it, casting my eyes over the dark wood and dripping mud. It was a bit wonky, leaning into the wind like it was listening for a secret, but it was solid, strong. It had no shutters or a door yet, but it would be comfortable. The fireplace was half-finished, made of stones and clay mud. I tapped my finger on my chin absently; I needed to ask Careen to focus less on hunting and more on the fireplace. We needed that done if we were to stay warm over winter.

  The sun pulled back like an eyelid over a blue iris, streaks of light skipping over the craggy bark of the pine log I was planing. I ran my hand over it, enjoying the splintering feeling, the coarseness. My arm tugged backwards and I lost balance. Joseph pressed his hands into my back and steadied me. I
squinted up at his shadowed face. “Want to go for a walk?” I nodded eagerly. The time for us to be alone was coming to a close; there would be no privacy when we were holed up in the cabin for days or weeks at a time.

  I looked down as we walked, I couldn’t see my feet anymore, but I noticed the leaves were starting to change color and drop to the forest floor. The seasons were changing. I scooped up various plants and seeds as we moved, examining them in my palm. Tossing some away and stuffing others in the brown leather bag I had brought with me from the ruined city. I found my knowledge was pretty limited. I would bring things back to the hut; we’d examined them, weigh up the risk of trying them, but most we threw away. We could do nothing if one of us was poisoned.

  Joseph bent down and picked up a pinecone off the ground. He swung around, asking me the question he always asked, “Eat or don’t eat?” His eyes glinting with mischief.

  “Eat,” I replied.

  Joseph opened his mouth to bite the pinecone.

  “Not like that,” I laughed. I took it from his hand and showed him how to pull the edible nuts out of the woody, brown spikes. I handed him one. He ate it, screwing up his nose.

  “I think I prefer the grey stuff,” he said, scratching his arm unconsciously.

  “Well, you better get used to it. If there’s no light, it will be nuts and berries,” I lectured, shaking my index finger at him.

  He wrapped his hand around my finger and bent his head down to catch my eyes. I shivered under the intensity of his gaze. “Don’t forget the dried meat,” Joseph teased, knowing it would annoy me for him to talk about Careen’s contribution to our food stores. She proved to be quite a good hunter, bringing back rabbits and birds, which she carved up with frighteningly good skill, drying strips of them over the fire. She also collected piles of pelts, which would be useful for warmth over winter. I appreciated everything she did, but I found her intimidating. In the back of my mind, I worried about how much she seemed to enjoy the killing. At least, she had stopped rubbing herself up against Joseph like a cat starved of attention. Mostly because he had told her, kindly but firmly, that he wasn’t interested. I guess it was better than the solution I had played out in my head, where I jumped on her and scratched her eyes out. Joseph only found my irritation with her amusing and he seemed to enjoy bringing it up just to get a reaction out of me.