Still Jaded

  arms felt heavy and her arms felt like feathers. Then she was hugging Corrigan and laughing at something he said. I didn't care. I didn't try and listen anymore, but I felt Denton's gaze. His eyes were trying to pierce me. I knew he wanted to read my thoughts so I asked, "What?"

  Sondra quieted. Corrigan waited.

  He turned to Corrigan. "When she breaks, will you call me?"

  Corrigan nodded and then touched my elbow. "Let's go, Shel."

  "Bye, Sheldon!" Sondra waved.

  I got in the car and looked at Denton, but he didn't say anything. He watched and stood with his arms crossed. When Corrigan started down the driveway, Denton didn't move from his post until the car turned a corner and was out of sight. Then I leaned back in my seat and sighed.

  Corrigan glanced at me once and then started flipping through the radio channels. I never cared what we listened to so Corrigan kept switching when he grew tired with a station. After five minutes, he sat back and proclaimed, "I'm bored. Talk to me."

  I looked sideways at him. "Do you think I'm going to break?"

  He answered swiftly, "You always do. Why end a good thing?"

  "This isn't funny, Corrigan."

  "That's obvious."

  "How did you guys find out where I was?"

  "Bryce." Corrigan seemed to stiffen up. "He said something about Asshole Steele sitting next to him at an awards show."

  "How'd you find out where he lives?"

  He shrugged. "I don't think the Hollywood world is real big. He probably asked his agent who asked Denton's agent and so forth. Does it matter?"

  "No," I said faintly. "Probably not."

  We drove in silence for a few miles, and then Corrigan spoke, "Sheldon, I know that you're doing your whole 'shut off' thing you do when something bad happens. I understand it. I completely agree with it, but will you promise me one thing?"

  I looked back over.

  His eyes were solemn. "When you do break and get angry, and I know you will, please don't do anything that'll get you killed or put in prison? I lost one best friend yesterday. I can't lose my other one."

  My eyes held his for the longest time. I hadn't even noticed that Corrigan pulled the car over to the side until I broke away. The road stretched in front of us, but no one passed by. It was like we were alone in our own world. A part of me wondered how could I 'break' in this world? I felt safe…

  "Shel."

  I choked out, "What makes you think you lost Bryce? He broke up with me, not you."

  "We're a package deal. He and I might've still stayed best friends in high school, but it's different now. It's been different for a couple years. You know that."

  I did.

  "Do you promise me?"

  Tears spilled out and I looked away quickly, thumbing them away. The world looked so blurry that way, but I nodded and swallowed tightly. Painfully. With my head turned the other away, I reached for him and grasped his hand. Our fingers entwined, and I held on tightly. Corrigan was right. Things had changed long ago, but no one wanted to acknowledge them. Now we were forced to. "I promise."

  Corrigan held my hand the rest of the way home. After we got into the city and I saw that he was driving to my place, I asked, "What are you doing? It's not safe."

  He smiled. "It is. I made a few calls on the way here…"

  I closed my eyes but breathed out. "Who'd you call?"

  Then he blasted a genuine smile. "Hoodum." He parked in front of my house at that moment and bounced out of the car. With his arms spread wide, he seemed so proud. "I figured you needed another security system, and I know you don't trust those corporate or small home ones so…. Hoodum. Who best to protect you from a criminal than a criminal. The idea is almost criminal!"

  As I got out of the car and grabbed my bag, I had to admit that the idea had merit. Hoodum was a local crime boss, but he seemed to have an odd loyalty to Corrigan. He'd never done him wrong in the past, and I'd witnessed the near adoration Hoodum had for my best friend to know that he never would. Corrigan was all smiles and jokes, but smart people knew not to cross him. Ever. There was another side to him that most people never wanted to tangle with, and if they did, they never wanted to repeat the experience. I wondered if Hoodum had learned from past mistakes, if that was where his loyalty came from, but it didn't matter. If Corrigan said Hoodum had created a security system for me then that was good enough for me.

  "And," Corrigan pounded his hands on the car from excitement. "He's here! I called him before we left and texted him. He's going to have you do the passcodes and show you how to work it."

  As if on cue, three motorcycles turned up my driveway. Hoodum took off his helmet and flashed us a smile. He'd lost weight since the last time I'd seen him, three years ago. He was nearly skin and bones with a black leather vest and ripped jeans on, but his eyes were the dark color they'd always been. Hoodum always had shifty eyes before, but they seemed more grounded now. He had a round face and shaggy black hair, but when he smiled, his face lit up. From what I remembered, he loved to smile when Corrigan was around. "A little birdie told me you're having some problems, Sheldon."

  "You heard right." I stood back when he swung a leg over and stood from the cycle. Then he pulled me in for a tight hug. I blinked in surprise. I'd never known Hoodum to be sentimental, but then again who was I to judge? "Thanks…"

  He set me back and shook his head. "Anyone who messes with you messes with me. I think people need to learn that lesson."

  I glanced at Corrigan with a question in my eyes. He shrugged, but his giddiness couldn't be contained.

  "Okay. Let me run through the system with you." He threw an arm around my shoulder, and we walked inside. I glanced around, but didn't have a moment to see the changes before Hoodum turned me towards the kitchen. He pressed on a corner in the wall and a section of it flipped open. Inside monitors for seven security cameras showed up. One was pointed right at us and I looked over my shoulder, but I didn't see a camera.

  Hoodum said, "They're hidden. They're super small and programmed to follow movement. If someone walks in here, it'll follow wherever they go. If that person moves out of out sight, camera two will pick it up. Pretty neat, huh?"

  "How's that supposed to protect her? I'm glad we'll have video of someone murdering her. Maybe the cops can identify the guy afterwards," Corrigan snapped.

  Hoodum shot him a glare. "Chill, buddy. Don't you have more faith? I have a panic button installed in every room. Sheldon just needs to hit it, and my guys will be over here in a jiff."

  "Your guys? What if someone knocks her unconscious? She can't hit the panic button then."

  "As soon as anyone breaks a window or opens a door after Sheldon's programmed it on, an alarm will sound. Trust me. It'll wake your girl up. There'll be no chance for anyone to sneak up on her."

  "And if it's someone she trusts? If someone gets in when she hasn't programmed your system?"

  "No offense, but your girl's damn untrusting. That ain't going to be many people." He looked at me. "I wouldn't advise anymore parties."

  I shook my head. "No more parties. I should've learned a long time ago."

  "So basically you have videos installed and panic buttons?" Corrigan sounded irritated. "I thought you'd have more. You're someone that does this shit, you break into places. Would those things stop you?"

  I choked back a laugh when Hoodum stiffened. He turned and glared at Corrigan. "Excuse yourself. This is what would get us: convenient alarms and videos that you can't hide from. What else do you want from me?"

  "Pepper spray mounted in the walls," Corrigan bit out sarcastically.

  "Like I said, my guys will be here at a moment's notice. Cops take three minutes. My guys would be seconds. We know the short cuts to get here. And whether you believe it or not, most of the guys like Sheldon and you."

  "Yeah." I grinned. "They like how bitchy I am."

  Corrigan laughed, but quieted right away. He grilled Hoodum, "Are you sure she'll be safe?"
br />   "Yes. Why are you so ripped about this? Where's the other one?"

  My grin left and Corrigan stiffened. Hoodum saw our reactions and shut his mouth. He turned to the monitors. "So, is this good enough?"

  I swallowed the pain and focused. "What about my gate? Do you have an alarm set there?"

  He nodded and made sure not to look at me. He only saw the monitors when he brought up one of the cameras. "I put shocks on the gate. If anyone tries to get through them, under them, or over—they'll be electrocuted. It's simple and to the point. Someone will have to scale it to get over it, but that won't happen now. Your wall is huge. You can't take it in a single bound or anything."

  It was why I ordered it built in the first place. "Thanks, Hoodum."

  He nodded and then patted my shoulder as if giving me encouragement. When he left, Corrigan followed. I went through the house as they talked and saw the changes everyone had done. It was like no one had trashed my place in the first place. It was eerie, especially when I saw some things were gone. Some bottles that I'd put in a showcase were gone. Either someone had stolen them or they'd been trashed. A ceramic vase that I'd gotten at a garage sale was gone. Other items, such as photographs, weren't on the wall. There'd been a painting that Bryce had bought me. The space seemed so empty where it had been hung before.

  "The guys said a lot of your stuff got trashed. I'm sorry. I know you liked that painting." Corrigan said from behind me as he laid a hand on my arm.

  I looked at his hand. "I left my car at the hotel. I was staying at the Wilshire."

  Corrigan removed his hand and nodded. "I left my car here from before. I'll get one of the guys to help me bring it back. You'll be okay till then?"

  I nodded.

  "Or did you want to come with me to the house? You could hang out…"

  "No." I didn't want to be around people on a normal basis. Breaking up with Bryce wasn't going to change that.

  "You know, I could stay here. I'll get the car tomorrow. We can watch movies; get a buzz on, whatever."

  I took his hand and squeezed. "I'll be fine. Really."

  Corrigan smiled and brushed his hand against my cheek. "I'll get your car tomorrow, but I am going to run to the house and get some of my stuff. I'll stay here with you for awhile."

  I let loose a breath. That sounded great to me. Then I wiped away a tear. "Okay."

  Corrigan kissed my forehead before he left. When he did, the door shut and the sound seemed to echo everywhere. Though he shut it gently, it was the loudest I'd ever heard a door close. Then I glanced around and hugged myself. I was scared to be in my own home.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  It wasn't long before my phone started lighting up. Either Corrigan told someone that I was back, or Hoodum leaked it to his guys who said something at a bar. It didn't matter. I knew word would get out eventually. I was surprised that more people hadn't called and asked where I was, but then I realized that someone must've said I was out of town and not to be bothered. Even Grace hadn't called, but considering our last exchange, I shouldn't have been surprised.

  When the bell at the gate sounded, Leah was the last person that I would've expected. I pressed the 'talk' button. "Are you looking for Corrigan?"

  "I'm looking for you. Corrigan showed up at the house, so I figured you'd be back. Can I come in?" She looked nervous.

  I hit the access button and noted where Hoodum said the panic buttons were. There was one underneath every table and counter. He was right. They were placed all over my house, but I didn't think Leah was someone I needed to fear. When she got to the front door, I opened it and stepped back as she came in. She ran a hand through her wet hair and grinned ruefully. "Sorry. It was raining when I came over. Did you notice? It stopped a little bit ago, but it was downpour for a few minutes. Stupid me got caught in it."

  I watched her for another minute and then asked, "What are you doing here?"

  Leah's eyebrows shot up as she raked her fingers through her hair. She tried to straighten it. "I don't have an agenda if that's what you mean. I came over because the last time I was here you mentioned getting back at Cadence. Are you changing your mind?"

  Oh. Right. Cadence.

  I grinned. "I'd forgotten all about her. Sorry. Yes, I'm still planning on getting her back."

  She narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure you're okay? I know we're not best friends, but…I know when someone's got something on their mind. I might be a bit of a whore, but I can be a good sounding board. Promise."

  "You said it. Not me." Then I bit my lip and regretted my words instantly. "Sorry."

  She shrugged. "It's true. You first met me when I was naked in a roomful of guys. I understand it. Hell, I am it. Or I was. I've been thinking a lot since you've been gone. I'm going to stop sleeping around. It's wrong. It…" She looked away as she hesitated.

  I was detached from myself when I murmured, "It cheapens you. You can't force someone to respect you. You can't take it from them. You have to earn it to receive it, and I know that you only want their respect. You don't want them to just accept you. They accept dogs. Screwing them won't make them respect you. It'll make them look down on you. If you're lucky, you might get a treat afterwards. You're more than a pet."

  She sucked in her breath and closed her eyes.

  I knew my words stung, but they were true. People might've wanted to call me a whore, but I wasn't. I slept with two men in my life, and I loved one of them. No one would ever consider me his dog. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm…hell. I'm always this bitchy. If you can't handle the truth, or what I see as the truth, you might not want to hang out with me. I'm starting to realize that only strong people can handle me, or people with thick skin."

  Leah shook her head and wiped a tear away. She tried to smile. "No. No. It's…you're right. It's just hard to hear when it's put like that. I'm…I care about those guys. I really do, but you're right. I just… How do you get people to respect you?"

  "You fight for it." It was plain as day for me. No one respected someone who accepted less than the truth. "If people treat you like shit, you treat them like shit right back. They won't like it, but they'll respect it. It's a lonely road." Although, truth be told, I enjoyed being alone. Life was much clearer.

  My gate buzzed again, and I cursed. "When did this become a social gathering?" Then I remembered it could be Corrigan and relaxed, but it wasn't him. I rolled my eyes when I saw who it was. As soon their feet hit the patio, I swung open the door and plastered a fake smile on. Grace faltered in her steps, but Cadence puffed up even more. She moved to hug me and gushed, "You poor thing! You've been through so much."

  I stood stiff in her embrace, but it didn't deter her. She gestured towards the pans that Grace held. "The girls wanted to bring you a little something to help. We know you tend to forget to eat sometimes, that's what Corrigan mentioned, so we brought ready-made meals. I hope they help!" She plopped them in my arms and sauntered through the door. Grace held back and studied me for a moment. Her eyes were fearful, but there was something else in there. Maybe remorse? Remorse for what?

  I asked, "What are you doing here?"

  Grace looked down. "We came to see how you were. I heard you were back in town."

  "Did Corrigan call you?"

  She shook her head and tucked a strand of hair behind her hair. She always did that when she was nervous. "One of the fraternity guys is dating Sofia, one of our sisters. He said Corrigan was back so we figured you were back."

  "No, Grace. What are you doing here?" I stepped closer. I wanted to see her eyes.

  She glanced away. "You're my friend."

  "No, I'm not." I grabbed her chin and turned it to me. I was forceful when I said, "We are not friends. I no longer trust you. You're one of them and they want to screw with me. So now you want to screw with me. You know what I do to people like that, right? You should remember from high school."

  She paled, but she never argued. That damned her so much.

  "This is your
only warning. As soon as I march in there, all bets are off. Cadence doesn't know what she unleashed when she played with me. And I am pissed off right now. I am hurting, and I am furious. My perfect target just waltzed in here. I cared about you. I really did. I was the best friend that you'll ever have, but you gave it up. You threw me away because you don't know who to trust or who to turn to. You turned to the wrong people."