Beautiful Pain

  They got to Sophia’s apartment in the taxi.

  “You know after that day when I touched you in the lobby I came back and saw you kissing another guy?” he said, feeling that this memory was already driving him insane.

  “Oh my God, you saw me with Mason?” she asked, looking bewildered.

  He nodded, clenching his fists.

  “I hope he isn’t going to be around because I swear to god that I am going to kill him,” he snapped parting his lips with anger.

  “I went out with him a few times trying to distract myself from you, but I told him last night that I am not going to see him again,” she said. Harry exhaled with relief. He was out of his comfort zone. Being with Sophia made him feel peaceful, but he didn’t want to think about her being with someone else.

  “He wants you, Sophia, it doesn’t matter that you ended things with him.” He shrugged.

  “Let’s talk about something else. I finished with Mason so you don’t have to worry. It was a mistake,” she explained then looked at Harry’s face. “Tell me what happened, who did this to you, Harry?”

  The smile vanished from his face. He frowned, not looking at her.

  “It doesn’t matter, Sophia. I will take care of it.”

  “Are you kidding me? You aren’t going to take care of anything. You need to press charges and let the police deal with it,” she hissed.

  “Stop worrying about this, Sophia. You don’t just go to the police. I will make sure that the guy will regret what he did to me for the rest of his life.”

  “You are a fool! How do you expect to change if you are already planning revenge?” she muttered, but Harry left the room waving his hand away. Sophia was angry with herself for bringing this up. Harry was stubborn and he wasn’t going to listen to her. In some ways she was glad that the police weren’t involved for now. The report at work was still in her cabinet and she was withholding important information. Her career was looking bleak; she wasn’t sure how long she could keep that away from Susan. If anyone found out that she was having a relationship with him and that she knew what he was doing she would probably go to prison for a very long time. She knocked on the bathroom; he opened the door after a moment.

  “Harry, this is wrong, you need to go to the police,” she pleaded.

  “Sophia, please. I am really not interested in going through courts and then in the end finding out that there isn’t enough evidence to charge those fuckers.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “Don’t worry what I am going to do, beautiful. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. We should have dinner instead,” he said touching her palm, which made her forget about whatever she wanted to say. “Let’s order Chinese. I checked your fridge and there is nothing there.”

  “Vanessa isn’t very domesticated and I haven’t gone shopping for days,” she muttered.

  “That’s my girl, but I do want to discuss something else with you.”

  Sophia tensed her jaw and looked at him. She knew that this was coming. They hadn’t had a chance to discuss what Sophia revealed to him while he was in a coma. She didn’t want to be uncomfortable around him because he knew.

  “There is nothing to discuss, Harry. I used self-harm as an escape route, then I went through therapy,” she explained.

  “You are stunning and bright, and maybe this will sound daft but I want you to promise me that you will never hurt yourself again.”

  His voice was tense and she couldn’t avoid his piercing brown eyes. He was genuinely worried about her. Sophia swallowed hard, losing her confidence. She’d made these sorts of promises a while back.

  “I thought that this was all behind me. After the date with Mason I hurt myself again. I don’t remember what happened, but he touched me and then I had a panic attack. When I came home I used the kitchen knife …” Her voice trailed off, and she pushed the tears away. She wasn’t that sort of person anymore. “Then you saw that cut, it was when we kissed for the first time.”

  Harry scowled but he didn’t make a sound. He drew a breath.

  “Do you feel anxious when I touch you?”

  “No, it’s different being around you. I think I finally found the control that I have been looking for. You are like my new therapy,” she whispered, feeling calmer.

  “Then, you are never ever going to hurt yourself again. Do you understand me?” he ordered, holding her hand.

  “I won’t.”

  “If any of those emotions or feelings come back just promise me that you will find me. You don’t need to hurt yourself anymore. I am here, baby.”

  Harry lifted her chin and kissed her gently.

  “Harry, food,” she whispered, pulling away.

  He looked annoyed but agreed because his empty stomach was rumbling. Sophia took her phone and dialed the number from the advert that she found online. She asked Harry what he wanted and placed the order. She smiled thinking that at least this evening everything was slowly beginning to fall into place.

  Half an hour later she made sure that Harry took the medications and asked him if he was feeling all right. He kept teasing, so in the end she gave up checking if he was experiencing any dizziness. As the evening began to unfold Sophia was too nervous to ask about sleeping arrangements. Harry hadn’t brought the subject up, and Sophia intently avoided talking about it. She couldn’t imagine a more mortifying conversation.

  “Come here, cuddle up to me” he said pulling her towards him. She plastered a smile on her face and lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

  “Are you comfortable like that?”

  “With you? Always.” He chuckled, but then he twisted her unexpectedly around so he was on top.

  He didn’t let her respond because he pressed his lips against hers, nibbling and sucking her. His other hand moved down to her backside and his touch burned her skin. Sophia was unable to fight the fire that brewed inside her core. His lips moved down to her neck, caressing her collarbone. Sophia looped her hands around his back breathing heavily. Her body wanted more, but her mind was screaming no. She could feel that he was already hard when he brushed against her leg.

  “God you are beautiful,” he whispered, nibbling her earlobe. She parted her lips willingly as the wave of heat travelled through her body and down to her sex. His right hand slipped under the thin fabric of her T-shirt, caressing her bare flesh and exploring those parts that no one else touched. His scent infused the air, making her dizzy. His thumb started circulating around her hardened nipple. Then they both heard that there was someone at the door.

  “Will we ever have time for ourselves?” he asked angrily, still pressing himself against her. Sophia giggled.

  “Let’s just open the door. Otherwise he might leave.”

  “You are right, I am starving,” he added and got up to release Sophia. She had smoothed her clothes and went to the door. A short Asian man smiled at her.

  “Your order please,” he said with a thick Chinese accent. Sophia went back to get her purse, but Harry was already limping towards her.

  “Here, I will pay,” he said handing her a twenty pound note.

  “It was me that was supposed to look after you,” she said.

  “I never allow any girls that I am going out with to pay for food, it’s just my rule.”

  Sophia rolled her eyes and took the money. He was full of surprises, but she wasn’t going to complain.

  The food was delicious; they sat down at the table and enjoyed what was in front of them, talking about Harry’s other brothers. As the evening was slowly turning into a late night Sophia and Harry were more comfortable with each other. She finally opened herself up to him, told him about the therapy and her difficult time at home. He listened and for the first time in her life she felt that a man didn’t judge her.

  Chapter Thirty One

  “So where is your room? If you don’t go to sleep now you are going to fall asleep on the table and we both know that this isn’t a good idea,” said Ha
rry, noticing Sophia yawn once again. It was half past eleven and it was definitely time for bed.

  “Come on, I will show you,” she said sounding uneasy. Harry wasn’t going to push her to do anything that she didn’t want, but he hated when he had to stop kissing her. He thought that he shouldn’t really have a problem with his broken leg, although his shattered ribs were restricting his movements. He looked around Sophia’s bedroom while she was going through her drawers. He could feel that she was avoiding looking at him. She seemed tense. Harry limped to her, the heat of his body making her breathless.

  “Come on, Sophia, look at me,” he said, his voice deep and hypnotic. When she finally turned around he saw that she was hesitant. “Tell me what’s wrong. If you want I can sleep on the couch.”

  “No, no you are not going to sleep on the couch. You are still not well,” she protested.

  “We are going to sleep together in this bed, and I can assure you that I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.”

  “No, it’s not that. I want you to touch me. It’s just ...” Her voice trailed off; her cheeks were burning with embarrassment.

  “What is it, Sophia?” he asked.

  She lifted her eyes and met his.

  “Well, I’ve never had sex before.”

  For a very long moment no one said anything. Only part of her words got through to him.

  She was a virgin. His Sophia was pure and she had never slept with anyone else.

  He ran his hand through his hair and swallowed hard. The happiness flowed through his body. He parted his lips to say something, to comfort her, but instead he had this unbelievable urge to scream that he was the luckiest fucker on the planet. He couldn’t quite grasp that no one had ever touched her before.

  “Hold on, are you telling me that you have never slept with anyone else before?”

  “Yes, Harry. I am a twenty-two-year-old virgin. It’s pathetic, I know,” she muttered, hiding her face in her palms.

  He pulled her into his arms, feeling ecstatic and aroused.

  “So when I made you come on the beach that was your first orgasm?” he asked quietly.

  “Yes.”

  “Oh my sweet Lord, this is unbelievable.”

  “Please don’t embarrass me more.”

  “Baby, don’t be embarrassed. I can’t believe in my own luck. We won’t do anything that you don’t want. I promise you that this will be very special”

  “I want you to make love to me. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else, but right now we are both tired so let’s just go to sleep. This is already mortifying.”

  “You are fucking awesome, pure and irresistible.”

  “Harry, my body is scarred and ugly. I would understand if after seeing me you don’t want to touch me,” she confessed.

  “Hey, don’t you even dare say that. I will fucking enjoy making love to the most beautiful girl on this planet.”

  Sophia smiled and they both got into bed. When he was wrapped around her body, he felt that he’d never want to be anywhere else. Sophia was warm and the purest woman that he ever met. And she was his. He was the only man that had ever touched her. He was hard even thinking about it. When she finally stopped moving and began breathing regularly, he thanked fate for allowing him to cross paths with Sophia.

  ***

  The morning light was slowly pouring into the room; Harry blinked himself awake feeling a lean, warm body wrapped around his. He smiled, trying not to move, but he felt his growing erection. He loved the smell of Sophia’s hair, oranges and peaches, he could barely control himself to not touch her. She was so thin, like she was going to break at any minute. He wanted to kiss her marks on her skin; she was so perfect, the scars never mattered. He buried his head in her hair, inhaling her scent, trying to lock this moment in his memory forever. He was willing to push himself to do anything for her as long as she would stay with him. He moved his hand and touched her thigh, the muscles on her leg were firm and flexed. He was overjoyed thinking that no one had ever laid their hands on her.

  “Harry O’Donaghue, you are so bad. You woke me up,” she murmured and turned to face him with her eyes closed.

  “God, you are even more stunning in the morning,” he said, smiling and pulling her curly hair away from her face. The tip of her lips lifted up in a smile. She opened her amber eyes.

  “I am just admiring your beauty,” he whispered and kissed her nose.

  “I am not a very good nurse. I should get up and get your breakfast ready,” she said, running her finger across his lips. Even her touch was driving him insane, and he had her so close, barely wearing anything at all. He was so ready for her, he couldn’t hide it as his erection pressed against her back. All his movements were calculated, slow and sexy, pinning his fingers to her waist.

  “You are not going anywhere. I finally have you for myself and no one is going to interfere this time. I don’t care if there is an earthquake or this building is falling down, I am going to enjoy this moment,” he said and moved Sophia closer to him.

  When he was holding her she appeared to be so vulnerable. He kissed her neck, tasting her delicious scent that made him want to rip her nighty to pieces. She kissed him back, willingly parting her lips for his tongue to explore her mouth. His heart was going crazy, pounding fiercely in his chest.

  “Harry,” muttered Sophia, cupping his face between her hands.

  “What is it my beautiful?” he asked.

  “I want you to make love to me.”

  He breathed in the scent of her skin and his eyes widened slightly.

  “Sophia, you don’t have to do this just because I am hard. There is nothing that I can do. You’ve got barely anything on.”

  “This is my nightwear! Besides, I am turned on and I want to have sex with you.” She paused. “My body is filled with scars. I will understand if you change your mind.”

  Harry smiled, brushing his lips against hers.

  “Hey, you are beautiful, and your scars are gorgeous. You can’t even imagine how much I want to make love to you, but I want it to be right. You have to be ready.”

  “I am not afraid of sex, and I want this. I am just afraid of what you are going to see. I ruined my body, and it’s scary even for me when I am staring at myself in the mirror,” she explained. Harry didn’t care what she was hiding underneath the thin fabric of her pajamas because he wanted her and his breathing got heavier.

  “Sophia, I want you to be sure about this, we have all the time in the world to have sex. You don’t have to rush,” he repeated in a hoarse tone. He wanted to be inside her so much.

  “Just make love to me. I want to be with you. Take me to that paradise that everyone is talking about”

  “Fine, we will go slow. You have to tell me straight away if it’s too much,” he fumed, leaning to kiss her stomach. His hands moved along her lean, small body, touching and exploring every part. He was hard and ready, but he had to take it easy, he wanted her to have the most mind-blowing first time in her life. Harry let out a breathy groan when Sophia brushed her fingers across his crotch.

  “Sophia, you’ve got to stop this otherwise I am going to lose any self-control that I have left in me.” He groaned and pushed her hand away. Harry started to undo the buttons while looking at her at the same time. He knew that she didn’t have anything else on underneath. She tensed her body when her top fell open, revealing her naked chest. He met her eyes and smiled, pushing away her worries. He darted his eyes downwards, staring at the scars. Sophia had used the sharpness of the knife to scar her body around her ribs and stomach. Her flawless skin was covered with long, thin scars; marks from her past. Each of them straight, cut with intense precision and patience. He stopped breathing for several seconds, mesmerized by the extent of her painful addiction. He looked up at her, locking his eyes with hers.

  “You are still gorgeous and I am going to make you scream with pleasure. Don’t hold back and remember to tell me if I am going too fast,” he marveled
. Sophia nodded. Harry lowered his lips and kissed her breast. He could hear her slow moan as he licked her hard nipples, swirling his tongue around them. She tasted delicious, like honey, bringing the summer back to his memories. He planted kisses around her breasts, then took them into his hands and slid his tongue through the scars on her ribs. She groaned, shaking with anticipation. He moved his other hand underneath her nighty, trying to keep his plastered leg away, making it as comfortable as possible. He ignored the sharp pain around his ribs, concentrating only on Sophia and her pleasure.

  “Are you afraid when I am touching you?” he asked, kissing the part just below her mound.

  “No, carry on,” she growled.