Beautiful Pain

  “What about probati”

  “I took care of that, too,” Sophia cut him off.

  Harry looked at her and then smiled. He was still confused why she was in the hospital. He knew that he couldn’t let her go.

  “Ma, how are you getting home?” he asked.

  “Don’t worry about me, I will be fine,” she said. “Sophia, please don’t get him excited. I know that I can trust you.”

  “Okay, Mrs. O’Donaghue, I won’t”

  Then she was gone. Harry was staring at the door for several seconds. He forgot about the pain for a moment, but now the throbbing ache in his limbs returned. Sophia’s voice filled his memory. Then he realised that she was with him all this time, she was talking to him.

  “Sophia, you are the one that brought me back. I woke up because of you,” he said. She looked so beautiful right now. He wanted to kiss her again.

  “I shouldn’t have just cut you off like that. It was stupid,” she said. “I am sorry”

  He wanted to laugh, but the pain through his abdomen was distracting.

  “Don’t apologize,” he whispered. “I woke up because I heard you.”

  Her face contracted in sudden fear.

  “You heard me?” she repeated.

  “I don’t know how, but I could hear you when you were talking to me. You were telling me about your past, about your parents and how hard it has been for you.”

  Sophia’s pupils dilated. She let go of a quiet gasp and hid her face in her palms. Harry wanted to bring her to his chest, but he was chained to the bed.

  “Don’t be upset, beautiful,” he said. “You should be happy that I am awake.”

  “I didn’t expect you to hear what I was saying,” she sobbed. “If you want I will leave. I don’t expect you to understand.”

  “Go? What! Where?”

  “I am just a pathetic wealthy snob, Harry. You probably don’t want to see me like this.”

  “Don’t be silly, beautiful. I want you to be here with me. Your past won’t change the future. We both have gone through a lot, and we both deserve each other.”

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Sophia nodded. Harry was awake and he was going to be all right. The nurse interrupted their overjoyed conversation by walking into the room.

  “I am sorry, Harry, but your girlfriend needs to leave. The visiting hours are over.”

  The tips of Harry lips lifted in a smile and Sophia went pale, realising that her secret was out.

  “Yes, my girlfriend needs to leave, but she has to be here tomorrow straight after work,” he chuckled. Sophia was embarrassed, avoiding his gaze. She picked up her bag.

  “I will be here tomorrow. Goodnight, Harry.”

  He didn’t stop her, and once she was out she felt stupid that she had said it. That lie would come out eventually, she only said it because she wanted to see him. It was nearly ten o’clock when she walked in to the apartment. She was exhausted, but relieved that Harry was out of the coma. With good care he was going to recover well.

  “So how is he?” asked Vanessa, walking into the hall.

  “He is going to be fine. He woke up.”

  “Oh my God, Sophia, that’s amazing,” screamed Vanessa, embracing Sophia in a tight hug. “Tell me what happened in the hospital.”

  “I talked about my past, about everything that’s happened in London. I told him about the scars and my parents. I never thought that he would hear me. His mother came, she heard part of what I said, and it made her realise that I was in love with him.”

  “His mother?” hissed Vanessa.

  “Yes, I met her briefly when I went to see him at home, and today she came in when I was talking to him.”

  “Wow, Sophe, being attracted to someone and being in love with someone that’s two different things.”

  “I was never in love with anyone. I don’t know why I haven’t realised what I felt before,” said Sophia, smiling. “I am in love with him, and if I lose him then I don’t think I will ever forgive myself. I spoke to Mason today and I broke up with him.”

  “What? You are unbelievable! In one afternoon you finished with one guy and tell the other one that you love him.”

  “No, I didn’t say anything to Harry. He started to wake up when his mother was talking about my feelings for him.”

  Vanessa’s dropped her jaw.

  “So he doesn’t know?”

  “No, and I am not going to tell him anything. He needs to speak to the police; they informed probation, but I kept it away for now. It’s too dangerous to talk about feelings until I know what is going to happen to him.”

  “Oh my God, this is so exciting, the forbidden love. You want to be together but you can’t.”

  “In a couple of weeks I am going back to London and Harry is staying here. I don’t think that this will work, Vanessa,” Sophia added sadly. It didn’t matter that she was in love with Harry. She was still living in London and he was with probation because of his conviction. He was still dealing to collect the money for his mother’s operation. She went to the hospital not even thinking about the consequences. Now she was beginning to think that maybe she shouldn’t have. Harry couldn’t move to London and Sophia wasn’t going to waste two years of hard work.

  “Then you have to make it work. He is probably in love with you, too.”

  “You don’t know that. He just woke up, he is confused and probably doesn’t even remember what happened. He can’t possibly be in love with me.”

  “Speak to him tomorrow and see what happens. You can’t give up now.”

  “I think you might be right.”

  When Sophia finally went to bed she couldn’t sleep. She was thinking about what happened today and about an uncertain future. She managed to doze off late in the night. In the morning, she had dark circles under her eyes, dreading the conversation with Susan. She had to tell her that she couldn’t have Harry on her caseload. She felt physically sick imagining if her secret was to be revealed.

  She went to work as usual trying to get through the day making herself busy. In the afternoon she got a text message from Vanessa. She was going to Dublin for the weekend to see Timothy and she wasn’t going to be back until Monday. Sophia couldn’t think about this right now; she wanted to talk to Susan, but she seemed busy all day.

  Finally at just after two o’clock Susan vanished into her office and one of Sophia’s offenders didn’t turn up so she finally had a chance to talk to her. When she was standing in front of her office, she felt like the air was trapped in her lungs. Her stomach was tight with nerves.

  “Can I speak to you about something?” asked Sophia, knocking on the door to her room and feeling lightheaded. Susan nodded not taking her eyes of the computer screen.

  “What’s up, Sophia? I am sorry, but I am having a manic day today,” muttered Susan. Sophia sat down feeling uneasy. She needed to get straight to the point.

  “Is it possible to transfer an offender to a different officer?” she asked with a steady voice.

  “Transfer an offender? Why?” asked Susan, lifting her eyes and looking at Sophia.

  “It’s a bit complicated. It’s about Harry O’Donaghue. Well, we don’t get on and I don’t think I am suited for him. I believe that he will work better with someone else,” lied Sophia, trying to calm down her racing heart. Susan blinked a few times and went back to her computer screen.

  “I am afraid that we are short staffed, Sophia, plus the other day Alison told me how well you work with your offenders. He has to stay with you,” insisted Susan.

  “I appreciate it, but if I could just swap him with a different offender? We don’t seem to communicate well.”

  Sophia just couldn’t accept that Harry was going to stay with her. She couldn’t have a relationship with him while he was on her caseload.

  “Sorry, darling, but he is staying on your caseload. Margaret is going away for two weeks and you will have to see a few of her offenders. I think you are tough enough to bring
him under control.”

  That was the end of this discussion. Susan wasn’t going to agree to transfer Harry to someone else. She had already made up her mind.

  “Okay, thank you.”

  “Don’t worry, Harry is in good hands. I think you are suited to him, despite what you might be thinking.”

  Sophia left the office feeling more depressed and restless about the meeting with Harry. Her mind was still spinning when she sat on her desk. She had savings. When she was born, her grandparents opened a savings account for her and she still hasn’t touched it. She could just quit the job and live off her funds. She never really thought about the money, because she never needed to. Her parents just gave her money when she needed it.

  In the afternoon she decided to check the bank; she needed to know if she had enough to survive through a few more weeks. In the bottom of her bag she found the details of the bank. She’d never used it. After retrieving all the passwords, she logged in. She was surprised to see that she had at least twenty-thousand pounds. She chewed her pen for a while, wondering if this was a smart move just to quit the job in probation and enjoy the rest of the summer with Harry not worrying about being discovered. Then the tiny voice in her head asked her what was going to happen next? Was she going to leave him after that and then heal a broken heart for the rest of the year?

  She couldn’t just make this decision right now, it was too soon. Plus, she wasn’t sure what to expect from Harry. She went back to work in the afternoon trying not to think about the decisions that she had to make. Her stomach was rumbling all day, but she couldn’t even think about food. She’d promised Harry that she would go to the hospital straight away.

  She was nervous about this visit. Harry’s mother knew how she felt about him. She could only hope Mrs. O’Donaghue wouldn’t mention anything to Harry. She couldn’t love him so soon. She tried denying it, but her heart couldn’t be wrong. She left the probation office just after five. She decided not to go home, and headed straight to the hospital instead. The nurse welcomed her like she was an old friend, asking her if she was glad that Harry was finally awake.

  “There she is, my long term girlfriend,” chuckled Harry, piercing her with his dark eyes as she entered. He was still in bed but he looked much better than yesterday. The swelling around his eyes had vanished.

  “Stop teasing me. I only said that because I wanted to see you,” she said, approaching him. There was nothing left between them.

  “So, are you going to stand like that, or are you going to kiss me like a girlfriend should?” he asked.

  “I am not your girlfriend, Harry,” she said, folding her hands together. “How are you feeling today?”

  “I want you to be my girlfriend, Sophia, so please cut this bullshit and come here,” he warned her, narrowing his eyes. She couldn’t resist touching him. Her pulse increased and her heart skipped a beat as she stood in front of him.

  “Harry, I don’t know if we can conti—”

  Not letting her finish, he pulled her towards him, sealing his lips over hers. Whatever she wanted to tell him didn’t matter anymore. This kiss was deep and it left her breathless. Her body responded when his hand moved to her stomach and his tongue was in her mouth. All the reservations that Sophia had weren’t relevant because he was holding her close. She understood why she didn’t want Mason.

  “Are you going to be my girlfriend from now on?” he asked pushing her away.

  “Yes,” replied Sophia in a husky whisper.

  “Great, I am going to be discharged tomorrow.”

  “Maybe it’s too soon,” she protested finally, pulling her body into control.

  “I am fine. I am just slightly battered and I have to wear the plaster over my leg for four weeks, but the doctor agreed to let me out as long as I show up here every week for a checkup,” explained Harry.

  “Listen, Harry, I tried to talk to Susan today, I wanted to transfer you to someone else.” She began biting her lip. “She didn’t want to listen.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Susan is a tough cookie. Besides, I don’t want to be with anyone else. I am happy with you.”

  Chapter thirty

  “Harry, you know that we are risking my career and your mother’s health. My life is back in London. In a few weeks I am going back,” she muttered, rising. She brushed her hair away from her face and paced around the room. She wanted to avoid this conversation, but for the first time since she saw him again she couldn’t bring herself to tell him that she was going to leave him.

  “Don’t think about the future, Sophia. You never know what is going to happen,” he said and his tense voice brought the chills down her spine. Their conversation was soon interrupted by the doctor who entered, writing something on his pad.

  “Well, Mr. O’Donaghue, I am glad to see that you are in good hands,” he said, smiling. “You are still on strong medications and you might experience dizziness. Someone needs to keep an eye on you for at least two days.”

  “I will be fine. I need to get home to my mother. She has cancer and I don’t like to leave her alone for too long. I am sure that I can look after myself,” Harry said, sounding annoyed.

  “You have a brain concussion so you should be under someone’s supervision. I shouldn’t even let you out this early, but you insisted,” pressed the doctor, looking as if he was going to change his mind about early release.

  “Vanessa is away this weekend so you can stay with me,” blurted out Sophia unexpectedly. She didn’t even know where it came from. Harry couldn’t stay alone. She felt the heat blaze through her face.

  “Great, it’s sorted out then. Just make sure that he rests. Mr. O’Donaghue, if you experience any headaches I want you back here straight away,” said the doctor. Harry nodded and the doctor left the room swiftly. Sophia felt mortified, she was playing her role well, but maybe she’d gone too far.

  “So you are going to look after me?” asked Harry, smiling.

  “My housemate is away in Dublin until Monday and I am sure she wouldn’t mind if you stayed there for at least two days until you get back on your feet.”

  “I don’t mind being nursed by you,” he chuckled.

  “Stop having inappropriate thoughts! I am only taking you to Vanessa’s apartment because you need to get better and you need to promise me that you are going to behave,” she warned him.

  “Come on, I am only joking. I think you should be more worried about bringing a dangerous Irish man like me into your home.”

  “You are not dangerous,” she replied.

  “Yes, you are right I am not. I am looking forward to these two days with you. I will call my cousin; she will keep an eye on my mum.”

  “Maybe I should stay with you at your house?”

  “No, my cousin is off Uni so she probably wouldn’t mind. I want you to myself this weekend, no interruptions.”

  She helped him to pack, and later in the afternoon they left the hospital. Sophia didn’t know why she’d even suggested taking care of him this weekend. Her stomach was crawling from her insides when she thought about sleeping arrangements. She was comfortable being with him, but sleeping with him made her worried. She wanted him, but she didn’t want to know what he was going to say when she told him that she was still a virgin.

  ***

  Harry couldn’t believe in his own luck when Sophia came up with the idea of him staying in her housemate’s apartment. He couldn’t wait to have her in his arms. He liked when she was shy and flushed; that meant that she thought about spending a night with him. He couldn’t understand why her parents treated her so harshly. He could barely contain himself when he thought about how she wanted to harm herself. She appeared to be so strong, confident, and unbreakable, but deep down she was lost. Harry knew that he had to be careful; he needed to take small steps. He wanted her to be comfortable with him. She was still tense and nervous around him, but he was going to work on that. He had to show her that he cared about her and it wasn’t just a holiday
romance. She was his girl, the one that he dreamed about, the one that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He couldn’t see himself in London; he couldn’t leave his mother, but at the same time he couldn’t lose her.

  When he was back on his feet he felt much better. He was still battered and weak, but he was determined to enjoy his precious time with Sophia. His ribs were still giving him hell, but he just had to deal with it. Sophia wasn’t happy that he was leaving the hospital so early, but he wanted to be away from people. He had time to think about his revenge and he needed to get back to business. His mother still needed him.