Commencement

“Pass me not, oh, gen-tle Sa-a-a-vior. Hear my hum-ble cry-y-y-y…”. Allen sat and listened passively as the choir sang out praises to God. Though the music was loud, Allen felt as if it were somehow lulling him to sleep. He had to struggle to keep his eyes open. “No more late Saturday nights with the guys,” he reminded himself. Allen did feel a bit guilty about dozing off in church after his night at Manna’s, especially after what happened with Miko and everything. Allen shifted in his seat and repositioned the Bible on his lap, hoping the movement would help to rouse him from his drowsy state. Next to him on his right, his mother sat singing loudly, banging her tambourine on her knee, keeping time with the rhythm of the music. On the other side was Miko. She was also singing and clapping her hands energetically. Allen was in total awe of her given the fact that there wasn’t a trace of anger or anything after last night. Sitting on the other side of his mother was his father, who sat looking stoically, as if he was lost in his own thoughts. He was also singing softly under his breath, tapping his feet to the music and swaying to the beat. Everyone seemed to be moved, or inspired in some way by the music, each connecting to God in his or her own way. It all made Allen feel like the odd man out.

  Once the song ended, the junior pastor stepped to the podium. “It is now time for our prayer, which will be led by Bishop Jerome Winston, and after that you will be fed the word by our own, pastor, Bishop Julius Bynum.” At that moment, Bishop Winston stood up from his seat on the dais and approached the podium as the congregation applauded. He was a tall medium built man, with salt and pepper hair. To look at him, Allen was reminded of Moses. “Praise the Lord, everybody!” was Bishop Winston’s greeting and at his word, the whole congregation stood up with one accord and saluted in turn, “Praise the Lord!” Everyone then bowed their head and closed their eyes as the prayer began.

  “Heavenly Father, as we come before you this day to worship and praise your wonderful name, we ask that you….” This was all that Allen had heard before his mind started to wander off onto other things. Ironically, he was thinking about last night’s argument that had started precisely because Tamiko had suggested he pray. Allen was skeptical of prayer as an effective solution to anything, mainly because he didn’t quite know how the whole thing worked. When he was little, he used to pray for things and sometimes he got what he prayed for and sometimes he didn’t. When Allen would ask his mom about it, she’d start reciting scripture and then he was even more confused. Then there was just something unsettling about depending on prayer. It was just too passive for him. Allen couldn’t see himself talking into the air and then waiting for something to miraculously happen. He liked to be actively doing something. Allen was a strong believer in the principle that “faith without works is dead”.1 He had worked very hard for a very long time. He had had always kept the commandments as well as the “Golden Rule” (do unto other as you would have them do unto you).2 Allen felt he shouldn’t have to ask for what he believed he deserved from God. Anyway prayer seemed like just another Christian ritual that had nothing to do with God. Allen was hoping that their powwow session that night would’ve given him more ideas about how he could go about getting the job he wanted. One thing he knew was that he would have to change the way he was doing things. All of his original leads, or rather, his best leads, to jobs had dried up. The money he had saved was running low, and he didn’t want to become a burden to his parents. He may have to try employment agencies or temping and see if he could find a suitable job that way. It was not until he heard the collective “Amen” rise from the congregation, that Allen realized that the prayer was finished and so hastily added his own “Amen” as well. Then the congregation sat down, as pastor Bynum approached the podium to speak.

  “If you all would turn to the book of Genesis, chapter 26 starting at verse 1 and all the way through verse 6.”

  At once there was the crinkling sound of onion-skin pages turning as everyone who had a Bible was trying to find the day’s reading. After several minutes of bumbling about, Allen finally found the scripture, but by that time, everyone had finished reading along. So he just left it open on his lap.

  “My subject”, pastor Bynum resumed “Are you listening to God?”

  Already there were shouts of “Amen” and “Hallelujah” coming from various pews where people were eager to hear more from the man of God. Lena touched Allen’s arm and gave him a knowing look, which was basically her way of saying “Pay attention, now.” Allen just smiled before returning his attention to the podium. Pastor Bynum started his sermon speaking slowly, his deep baritone voice pausing at times for emphasis. At times, he re-read portions of the scripture passage, pausing at moments, waiting for the faithful to finish his sentences. Then pastor Bynum’s voice began to rise in a crescendo as he got to the meat of his message.

  “All that Isaac had, he had because he listened to God and was obedient. Now many of us today, we sit around and wonder why things are turning out so bad for us. We don’t take the time to listen to God. We listen to our friends, we listen to our parents (not that you shouldn’t listen to your parents now…help me somebody), we listen to our mp3 players, we listen to the boss, we listen to our girlfriends or boyfriends, our husbands or wives. We listen to the news and the media. But the one person who we need to listen to, the only one who has all of the answers, we don’t make time for. Y’all don’t hear me…

  “Hallelujah, praise you Jesus!” Lena yelled out, raising her hand in the air and waving it. A startled Allen looked around nervously as he felt embarrassed at his mother’s outburst. He should have been used to it by now, but for some reason, he wasn’t. He just didn’t understand why she had to act this way. Allen moved closer to Tamiko, and hoped that his mother wouldn’t get too wild today. Why couldn’t she just clap her hands like Tamiko was doing?

  Soon (though it wasn’t soon enough for Allen), pastor Bynum’s sermon reached its climax, and the praise music started.

  “dr-drrmp, dr-drrmp, dr-dmp, dmp, dmp, dmp da-da-da-dmp”

  The parishioners began to get up from the pews and started to dance. Lena darted up from her seat and ran to the aisle to dance, shaking her tambourine vehemently and giving glory to God without restraint.

  “Dance, sister! Dance!” pastor Bynum exclaimed. This seemed to encourage more people to get in the aisles and get their shout on. A man in one of the pews up front was led straight up out of his chair and started running up and down the church. Mother Rose, Tamiko’s mother had grabbed the hand of a young Latina woman who was sitting beside her and led her to the aisle on the other side where both of them did a victory dance. Every time the Fire got through the church, Allen would get a little overwhelmed. He looked over at Tamiko, hoping to find some camaraderie with another sane, sensible person like himself, however, she too, was in the throws of what seemed to be emotional mysticism. She had one trembling hand raised in the air, and her body swayed back and forth. She was sobbing uncontrollably and her eyes were closed. As a bewildered Allen looked closer, he could even see tears escaping from underneath her tightly closed lids. All Allen could think of at that moment was that one of his best friends had just lost her mind.

  Once the music began to slow down, and some of the people began to be seated (Lena was still shouting), Pastor Bynum was ready for the conclusion of his sermon.

  “How many of you are ready to listen to God? How many of you need some help to listen and hear his word? Come on down and let us pray for you right now.”

  All at once people began to get up and the ushers and brothers assisted them in an orderly procession toward the altar. By this time, Vernon had helped Lena back to her seat. Allen had slumped back in the pew and was absentmindedly thumbing through the pages in his Bible when he felt a nudge.

  “Allen,….you need to go up there” gasped his mother as she wiped sweat from her face with her handkerchief.

  “I don’t think…”

  “Allen Edward Sharpe, nobody’s asking you what you think, it’s what you need t
o do”, said Lena sternly.

  Allen was a little surprised by the seriousness of her tone. He had looked over at Tamiko hoping she would help rescue him from the situation, but she was already on her way up to the altar. When he looked back at his mother’s fixed stare, he knew he had no other choice but to go up. Allen rose hesitantly from his seat and headed toward the altar. In all his time at church, he had never been to an altar call. The line was long and Allen’s feet felt like they were lead blocks as he dragged himself forward. He saw some of the deacons and pastors praying for people and holding them so close that it looked a little weird. Some people were falling out on the floor and had to be helped back to their seats, while others started babbling, or so it seemed to Allen. Then he saw his friend Tamiko go up. She was on the line at the other side of the aisle where the assistant pastor was anointing people. Tamiko was still in tears and shaking, her gold colored short sleeved silk dress making her look like a sunflower blowing in the wind. The assistant pastor mumbled something to her, and somehow she managed to respond through all the sobbing. Then he began to pray over her and within a few minutes she too was on the floor. Allen shook his head incredulously at the spectacle. His inner cynic judged the whole affair as a young woman overcome by emotions. “I believe in God, like everybody else,” he thought to himself, “but this is just taking it too far.”

  So wrapped up was he in what happened to Tamiko, he didn’t even realize that it was his turn to be prayed for. In front of him was the powerful figure of pastor Bynum himself. Pastor Bynum pulled him gently forward and spread his hand over his forehead almost into his face and asked him “What do you need son?” Allen wanted to say, “How about the job I have worked hard for and deserve?” but instead he just said “prayer”. So Pastor Bynum prayed for Allen. Allen couldn’t exactly hear much of what Pastor Bynum was saying as his voice seemed to blend in with the voices of the other deacons and pastors who were praying, the shouts and effusions of those being prayed for, and the choir which was now into the fourth verse of “I Know It Was the Blood” which provided the background music for it all. The whole time Allen bowed his head and closed his eyes as tightly as he could, hoping the whole thing would be over as soon as possible. Once he heard the “Amen”, Allen quickly thanked the Pastor, shook his hand, before darting back toward his seat.

  When he got back his mother was on her knees praying and his father had his head bowed as well, but in the case of the latter, he seemed to be sleeping. Tamiko was leaning on her mother’s shoulder, still crying. Allen sat down in his seat and pondered the scene in front of him. He realized that it wasn’t just one or two people like his mom who were “over-reacting”. As he looked around, he could see that the majority of people seemed to be responding to what they believed was a real and powerful connection with God. “Could there be something genuine going on here?” he asked himself. Allen even began to wonder if he was actually missing something.

  Twelve