Joseph Andrews, Vol. 2

  CHAPTER III.

  _What passed between the lady and lawyer Scout._

  In the afternoon the lady sent for Mr Scout, whom she attacked mostviolently for intermeddling with her servants, which he denied, andindeed with truth, for he had only asserted accidentally, and perhapsrightly, that a year's service gained a settlement; and so far he ownedhe might have formerly informed the parson and believed it was law. "Iam resolved," said the lady, "to have no discarded servants of minesettled here; and so, if this be your law, I shall send to anotherlawyer." Scout said, "If she sent to a hundred lawyers, not one or allof them could alter the law. The utmost that was in the power of alawyer was to prevent the law's taking effect; and that he himself coulddo for her ladyship as well as any other; and I believe," says he,"madam, your ladyship, not being conversant in these matters, hathmistaken a difference; for I asserted only that a man who served a yearwas settled. Now there is a material difference between being settled inlaw and settled in fact; and as I affirmed generally he was settled, andlaw is preferable to fact, my settlement must be understood in law andnot in fact. And suppose, madam, we admit he was settled in law, whatuse will they make of it? how doth that relate to fact? He is notsettled in fact; and if he be not settled in fact, he is not aninhabitant; and if he is not an inhabitant, he is not of this parish;and then undoubtedly he ought not to be published here; for Mr Adamshath told me your ladyship's pleasure, and the reason, which is a verygood one, to prevent burdening us with the poor; we have too manyalready, and I think we ought to have an act to hang or transport halfof them. If we can prove in evidence that he is not settled in fact, itis another matter. What I said to Mr Adams was on a supposition that hewas settled in fact; and indeed, if that was the case, I shoulddoubt."--"Don't tell me your facts and your ifs," said the lady; "Idon't understand your gibberish; you take too much upon you, and arevery impertinent, in pretending to direct in this parish; and you shallbe taught better, I assure you, you shall. But as to the wench, I amresolved she shall not settle here; I will not suffer such beauties asthese to produce children for us to keep."--"Beauties, indeed! yourladyship is pleased to be merry," answered Scout.--"Mr Adams describedher so to me," said the lady. "Pray, what sort of dowdy is it, MrScout?"--"The ugliest creature almost I ever beheld; a poor dirty drab,your ladyship never saw such a wretch."--"Well, but, dear Mr Scout, lether be what she will, these ugly women will bring children, you know; sothat we must prevent the marriage."--"True, madam," replied Scout, "forthe subsequent marriage co-operating with the law will carry law intofact. When a man is married he is settled in fact, and then he is notremovable. I will see Mr Adams, and I make no doubt of prevailing withhim. His only objection is, doubtless, that he shall lose his fee; butthat being once made easy, as it shall be, I am confident no fartherobjection will remain. No, no, it is impossible; but your ladyship can'tdiscommend his unwillingness to depart from his fee. Every man ought tohave a proper value for his fee. As to the matter in question, if yourladyship pleases to employ me in it, I will venture to promise yousuccess. The laws of this land are not so vulgar to permit a mean fellowto contend with one of your ladyship's fortune. We have one sure card,which is, to carry him before Justice Frolick, who, upon hearing yourladyship's name, will commit him without any farther questions. As forthe dirty slut, we shall have nothing to do with her; for, if we get ridof the fellow, the ugly jade will--"--"Take what measures you please,good Mr Scout," answered the lady: "but I wish you could rid the parishof both; for Slipslop tells me such stories of this wench, that I abhorthe thoughts of her; and, though you say she is such an ugly slut, yetyou know, dear Mr Scout, these forward creatures, who run after men,will always find some as forward as themselves; so that, to prevent theincrease of beggars, we must get rid of her."--"Your ladyship is verymuch in the right," answered Scout; "but I am afraid the law is a littledeficient in giving us any such power of prevention; however, thejustice will stretch it as far as he is able, to oblige your ladyship.To say truth, it is a great blessing to the country that he is in thecommission, for he hath taken several poor off our hands that the lawwould never lay hold on. I know some justices who think as much ofcommitting a man to Bridewell as his lordship at 'size would of hanginghim; but it would do a man good to see his worship, our justice, commita fellow to Bridewell, he takes so much pleasure in it; and when once weha'um there, we seldom hear any more o'um. He's either starved or eat upby vermin in a month's time."--Here the arrival of a visitor put an endto the conversation, and Mr Scout, having undertaken the cause andpromised it success, departed.

  This Scout was one of those fellows who, without any knowledge of thelaw, or being bred to it, take upon them, in defiance of an act ofParliament, to act as lawyers in the country, and are called so. Theyare the pests of society, and a scandal to a profession, to which indeedthey do not belong, and which owes to such kind of rascallions theill-will which weak persons bear towards it. With this fellow, to whom alittle before she would not have condescended to have spoken, did acertain passion for Joseph, and the jealousy and the disdain of poorinnocent Fanny, betray the Lady Booby into a familiar discourse, inwhich she inadvertently confirmed many hints with which Slipslop, whosegallant he was, had pre-acquainted him; and whence he had taken anopportunity to assert those severe falsehoods of little Fanny whichpossibly the reader might not have been well able to account for if wehad not thought proper to give him this information.