Joseph Andrews, Vol. 2

  CHAPTER II.

  _A dialogue between Mr Abraham Adams and the Lady Booby._

  Mr Adams was not far off, for he was drinking her ladyship's healthbelow in a cup of her ale. He no sooner came before her than she beganin the following manner: "I wonder, sir, after the many greatobligations you have had to this family" (with all which the reader hathin the course of this history been minutely acquainted), "that you willungratefully show any respect to a fellow who hath been turned out of itfor his misdeeds. Nor doth it, I can tell you, sir, become a man of yourcharacter, to run about the country with an idle fellow and wench.Indeed, as for the girl, I know no harm of her. Slipslop tells me shewas formerly bred up in my house, and behaved as she ought, till shehankered after this fellow, and he spoiled her. Nay, she may still,perhaps, do very well, if he will let her alone. You are, therefore,doing a monstrous thing in endeavouring to procure a match between thesetwo people, which will be to the ruin of them both."--"Madam," saidAdams, "if your ladyship will but hear me speak, I protest I never heardany harm of Mr Joseph Andrews; if I had, I should have corrected him forit; for I never have, nor will, encourage the faults of those under mycare. As for the young woman, I assure your ladyship I have as good anopinion of her as your ladyship yourself or any other can have. She isthe sweetest-tempered, honestest, worthiest young creature; indeed, asto her beauty, I do not commend her on that account, though all menallow she is the handsomest woman, gentle or simple, that ever appearedin the parish."--"You are very impertinent," says she, "to talk suchfulsome stuff to me. It is mighty becoming truly in a clergyman totrouble himself about handsome women, and you are a delicate judge ofbeauty, no doubt. A man who hath lived all his life in such a parish asthis is a rare judge of beauty! Ridiculous! beauty indeed! a countrywench a beauty! I shall be sick whenever I hear beauty mentioned again.And so this wench is to stock the parish with beauties, I hope. But,sir, our poor is numerous enough already; I will have no more vagabondssettled here."--"Madam," says Adams, "your ladyship is offended with me,I protest, without any reason. This couple were desirous to consummatelong ago, and I dissuaded them from it; nay, I may venture to say, Ibelieve I was the sole cause of their delaying it."--"Well," says she,"and you did very wisely and honestly too, notwithstanding she is thegreatest beauty in the parish."--"And now, madam," continued he, "I onlyperform my office to Mr Joseph."--"Pray, don't mister such fellows tome," cries the lady. "He," said the parson, "with the consent of Fanny,before my face, put in the banns." "Yes," answered the lady, "I supposethe slut is forward enough; Slipslop tells me how her head runs uponfellows; that is one of her beauties, I suppose. But if they have put inthe banns, I desire you will publish them no more without myorders."--"Madam," cries Adams, "if any one puts in a sufficientcaution, and assigns a proper reason against them, I am willing tosurcease."--"I tell you a reason," says she: "he is a vagabond, and heshall not settle here, and bring a nest of beggars into the parish; itwill make us but little amends that they will be beauties."--"Madam,"answered Adams, "with the utmost submission to your ladyship, I have beeninformed by lawyer Scout that any person who serves a year gains asettlement in the parish where he serves."--"Lawyer Scout," replied thelady, "is an impudent coxcomb; I will have no lawyer Scout interferewith me. I repeat to you again, I will have no more incumbrances broughton us: so I desire you will proceed no farther."--"Madam," returnedAdams, "I would obey your ladyship in everything that is lawful; butsurely the parties being poor is no reason against their marrying. Godforbid there should be any such law! The poor have little share enoughof this world already; it would be barbarous indeed to deny them thecommon privileges and innocent enjoyments which nature indulges to theanimal creation."--"Since you understand yourself no better," cries thelady, "nor the respect due from such as you to a woman of mydistinction, than to affront my ears by such loose discourse, I shallmention but one short word; it is my orders to you that you publishthese banns no more; and if you dare, I will recommend it to yourmaster, the doctor, to discard you from his service. I will, sir,notwithstanding your poor family; and then you and the greatest beautyin the parish may go and beg together."--"Madam," answered Adams, "Iknow not what your ladyship means by the terms master and service. I amin the service of a Master who will never discard me for doing my duty;and if the doctor (for indeed I have never been able to pay for alicence) thinks proper to turn me from my cure, God will provide me, Ihope, another. At least, my family, as well as myself, have hands; andhe will prosper, I doubt not, our endeavours to get our bread honestlywith them. Whilst my conscience is pure, I shall never fear what man cando unto me."--"I condemn my humility," said the lady, "for demeaningmyself to converse with you so long. I shall take other measures; for Isee you are a confederate with them. But the sooner you leave me thebetter; and I shall give orders that my doors may no longer be open toyou. I will suffer no parsons who run about the country with beauties tobe entertained here."--"Madam," said Adams, "I shall enter into nopersons' doors against their will; but I am assured, when you haveenquired farther into this matter, you will applaud, not blame, myproceeding; and so I humbly take my leave:" which he did with many bows,or at least many attempts at a bow.