Joseph Andrews, Vol. 2

  CHAPTER XIII.

  _The history, returning to the Lady Booby, gives some account of theterrible conflict in her breast between love and pride; with whathappened on the present discovery._

  The lady sat down with her company to dinner, but eat nothing. As soonas her cloth was removed she whispered Pamela that she was taken alittle ill, and desired her to entertain her husband and beau Didapper.She then went up into her chamber, sent for Slipslop, threw herself onthe bed in the agonies of love, rage, and despair; nor could she concealthese boiling passions longer without bursting. Slipslop now approachedher bed, and asked how her ladyship did; but, instead of revealing herdisorder, as she intended, she entered into a long encomium on thebeauty and virtues of Joseph Andrews; ending, at last, with expressingher concern that so much tenderness should be thrown away on sodespicable an object as Fanny. Slipslop, well knowing how to humour hermistress's frenzy, proceeded to repeat, with exaggeration, if possible,all her mistress had said, and concluded with a wish that Joseph hadbeen a gentleman, and that she could see her lady in the arms of such ahusband. The lady then started from the bed, and, taking a turn or twoacross the room, cryed out, with a deep sigh, "Sure he would make anywoman happy!"--"Your ladyship," says she, "would be the happiest womanin the world with him. A fig for custom and nonsense! What 'vails whatpeople say? Shall I be afraid of eating sweetmeats because people maysay I have a sweet tooth? If I had a mind to marry a man, all the worldshould not hinder me. Your ladyship hath no parents to tutelar yourinfections; besides, he is of your ladyship's family now, and as good agentleman as any in the country; and why should not a woman follow hermind as well as man? Why should not your ladyship marry the brother aswell as your nephew the sister. I am sure, if it was a fragrant crime, Iwould not persuade your ladyship to it."--"But, dear Slipslop," answeredthe lady, "if I could prevail on myself to commit such a weakness, thereis that cursed Fanny in the way, whom the idiot--O how I hate anddespise him!"--"She! a little ugly mynx," cries Slipslop; "leave her tome. I suppose your ladyship hath heard of Joseph's fitting with one ofMr Didapper's servants about her; and his master hath ordered them tocarry her away by force this evening. I'll take care they shall not wantassistance. I was talking with this gentleman, who was below, just whenyour ladyship sent for me."--"Go back," says the Lady Booby, "thisinstant, for I expect Mr Didapper will soon be going. Do all you can;for I am resolved this wench shall not be in our family: I willendeavour to return to the company; but let me know as soon as she iscarried off." Slipslop went away; and her mistress began to arraign herown conduct in the following manner:--

  "What am I doing? How do I suffer this passion to creep imperceptiblyupon me? How many days are past since I could have submitted to askmyself the question?--Marry a footman! Distraction! Can I afterwardsbear the eyes of my acquaintance? But I can retire from them; retirewith one in whom I propose more happiness than the world without himcan give me! Retire-to feed continually on beauties which my inflamedimagination sickens with eagerly gazing on; to satisfy every appetite,every desire, with their utmost wish. Ha! and do I doat thus on afootman? I despise, I detest my passion.--Yet why? Is he not generous,gentle, kind?--Kind! to whom? to the meanest wretch, a creature below myconsideration. Doth he not--yes, he doth prefer her. Curse his beauties,and the little low heart that possesses them; which can basely descendto this despicable wench, and be ungratefully deaf to all the honours Ido him. And can I then love this monster? No, I will tear his image frommy bosom, tread on him, spurn him. I will have those pitiful charms,which now I despise, mangled in my sight; for I will not suffer thelittle jade I hate to riot in the beauties I contemn. No; though Idespise him myself, though I would spurn him from my feet, was he tolanguish at them, no other should taste the happiness I scorn. Why do Isay happiness? To me it would be misery. To sacrifice my reputation, mycharacter, my rank in life, to the indulgence of a mean and a vileappetite! How I detest the thought! How much more exquisite is thepleasure resulting from the reflection of virtue and prudence than thefaint relish of what flows from vice and folly! Whither did I sufferthis improper, this mad passion to hurry me, only by neglecting tosummon the aids of reason to my assistance? Reason, which hath now setbefore me my desires in their proper colours, and immediately helped meto expel them. Yes, I thank Heaven and my pride, I have now perfectlyconquered this unworthy passion; and if there was no obstacle in itsway, my pride would disdain any pleasures which could be the consequenceof so base, so mean, so vulgar--" Slipslop returned at this instant in aviolent hurry, and with the utmost eagerness cryed out, "O madam! I havestrange news. Tom the footman is just come from the George; where, itseems, Joseph and the rest of them are a jinketting; and he says thereis a strange man who hath discovered that Fanny and Joseph are brotherand sister."--"How, Slipslop?" cries the lady, in a surprize.--"I hadnot time, madam," cries Slipslop, "to enquire about particles, but Tomsays it is most certainly true."

  This unexpected account entirely obliterated all those admirablereflections which the supreme power of reason had so wisely made justbefore. In short, when despair, which had more share in producing theresolutions of hatred we have seen taken, began to retreat, the ladyhesitated a moment, and then, forgetting all the purport of hersoliloquy, dismissed her woman again, with orders to bid Tom attend herin the parlour, whither she now hastened to acquaint Pamela with thenews. Pamela said she could not believe it; for she had never heard thather mother had lost any child, or that she had ever had any more thanJoseph and herself. The lady flew into a violent rage with her, andtalked of upstarts and disowning relations who had so lately been on alevel with her. Pamela made no answer; but her husband, taking up hercause, severely reprimanded his aunt for her behaviour to his wife: hetold her, if it had been earlier in the evening she should not havestaid a moment longer in her house; that he was convinced, if this youngwoman could be proved her sister, she would readily embrace her as such,and he himself would do the same. He then desired the fellow might besent for, and the young woman with him, which Lady Booby immediatelyordered; and, thinking proper to make some apology to Pamela for whatshe had said, it was readily accepted, and all things reconciled.

  The pedlar now attended, as did Fanny and Joseph, who would not quither; the parson likewise was induced, not only by curiosity, of which hehad no small portion, but his duty, as he apprehended it, to followthem; for he continued all the way to exhort them, who were now breakingtheir hearts, to offer up thanksgivings, and be joyful for so miraculousan escape.

  When they arrived at Booby-Hall they were presently called into theparlour, where the pedlar repeated the same story he had told before,and insisted on the truth of every circumstance; so that all who heardhim were extremely well satisfied of the truth, except Pamela, whoimagined, as she had never heard either of her parents mention such anaccident, that it must be certainly false; and except the Lady Booby,who suspected the falsehood of the story from her ardent desire that itshould be true; and Joseph, who feared its truth, from his earnestwishes that it might prove false.

  Mr Booby now desired them all to suspend their curiosity and absolutebelief or disbelief till the next morning, when he expected old MrAndrews and his wife to fetch himself and Pamela home in his coach, andthen they might be certain of certainly knowing the truth or falsehoodof this relation; in which, he said, as there were many strongcircumstances to induce their credit, so he could not perceive anyinterest the pedlar could have in inventing it, or in endeavouring toimpose such a falsehood on them.

  The Lady Booby, who was very little used to such company, entertainedthem all--_viz_. her nephew, his wife, her brother and sister, the beau,and the parson, with great good humour at her own table. As to thepedlar, she ordered him to be made as welcome as possible by herservants. All the company in the parlour, except the disappointedlovers, who sat sullen and silent, were full of mirth; for Mr Booby hadprevailed on Joseph to ask Mr Didapper's pardon, with which he wasperfectly satisfied. Many jokes passed between the beau and the parson,chiefly
on each other's dress; these afforded much diversion to thecompany. Pamela chid her brother Joseph for the concern which he exprestat discovering a new sister. She said, if he loved Fanny as he ought,with a pure affection, he had no reason to lament being related toher.--Upon which Adams began to discourse on Platonic love; whence hemade a quick transition to the joys in the next world, and concludedwith strongly asserting that there was no such thing as pleasure inthis. At which Pamela and her husband smiled on one another.

  This happy pair proposing to retire (for no other person gave the leastsymptom of desiring rest), they all repaired to several beds providedfor them in the same house; nor was Adams himself suffered to go home,it being a stormy night. Fanny indeed often begged she might go homewith the parson; but her stay was so strongly insisted on, that she atlast, by Joseph's advice, consented.