Private

  “I’m just trying to make friends here,” I said quietly.

  something like this, and that’s the last thing I need,” he said,

  “So be friends with me,” he said, moving closer. He kissed me

  standing. “You go inside. Go back to your precious ‘friends,’” he quickly on the lips and my whole body tingled. “Why do you need said, air-quoting with one hand.

  them when you’ve got me?”

  I laughed and shook my head. But inside I was starting to feel

  Because they have everything I have ever wanted. Because they uneasy. Could I date Thomas when the Billings Girls clearly dis-can teach me to be like them. Because if I’m with them I will have a approved of him? Could I hang out with the Billings Girls when

  future.

  Thomas clearly thought they were no good? Why did the two most

  “A girl needs girlfriends,” I said simply.

  important parts of my life here at Easton have to be at odds?

  He pulled back. “And you think they are your friends,” he said I looked up at Thomas. All I wanted to do was hug him and pro-incredulously.

  tect him and, of course, kiss him. A lot. Whenever humanly pos-

  I squirmed. “They’ve always been nice to me.”

  sible. There was no way I could give him up. Not now. Not when I He scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

  finally found someone who understood.

  “They have!” I lied. “The girls on my floor are much worse,

  But I also knew that I couldn’t endure another scene like today.

  trust me.”

  Another tense lunch. Another smackdown with a tree trunk. I

  “I can’t believe you’d choose them over me,” he joked, shaking

  would just have to try to keep them separated. A girl had to make his head. “You disappoint me, Reed Brennan.”

  certain sacrifices if she wanted to have it all.

  “Come on!” I said, shoving him with my leg. “I think I can han-

  “I’ll see you later?” I said.

  dle all of you.”

  “Most definitely,” he replied. Then he leaned down, kissed my

  “If you say so,” he said with a blithe shrug. Then he looked me forehead, and was gone.

  in the eye and grew serious. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  I was touched, and I smiled. What exactly did he think was going to happen to me? “Thanks. But I’ll be fine.”

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  119

  Mr. Barber sat down at his desk and jotted a few things in his

  notebook. “Good day,” he said, reaching for his coffee. And on cue the bell rang.

  I stood up, staring down at the page, doing the math quickly in C IS THE NEW F

  my head. Thirty-seven of fifty questions right. That was a 74. I had gotten a 74 and received an F. What kind of psycho school was this?

  How could the dean let Barber get away with this?

  Missy scoffed as she walked by me. “Guess we’re not in PS 31

  anymore, huh?”

  On Monday morning at the end of class, Mr. Barber handed back

  One day I was going to shove something up her nostril.

  our quizzes from the previous Friday. He walked up and down the Seriously.

  aisles, slapping the papers face down on each desk.

  “Oooh, sorry,” Constance said, wincing as she fell into step with

  “As you may or may not know, I work on what some people call

  me on the way out the door. “Want to study with me next time? I an unorthodox grading system,” he said as people grabbed up their have this whole flash card system that really works.”

  quizzes and either groaned or grinned. “In my class there is no C.

  I stared at Mr. Barber as she ushered me out of the room, won-

  There is no D. There is only A for excellent, B for satisfactory, and F.

  dering how sad and miserable a person you would have to be to tor-You all know what F means. This means that, while quite a few of ture innocent kids like this. He must have felt me watching him.

  you have passed this quiz, several of you have failed,” he added. He Had to feel the heat of my glare. But he never looked up from his paused by my desk and the pungent scent of stale coffee enveloped book. His refusal to acknowledge me just made me hate him more.

  me. With a flourish, he handed me my paper, face up toward the

  But by the end of the day, I started to wonder if Mr. Barber had room, for everyone around me to see. Red marks everywhere,

  been right to give me that F. Several of my teachers handed back topped by a big, fat F.

  grades from last week’s work and with each one my heart had sunk I took the paper from him, hot tears stinging my eyes. He looked lower. Clearly, here at Easton, I was no longer an A student. But at disgusted as he turned away. “Those of you who have failed might least the other teachers were kind enough to stick to the traditional want to consider spending a bit more time in the library this week.

  grading system.

  Friday’s quiz will feature double the questions.”

  Aside from the C on my art history oral, there was a C+ in

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  K A T E B R I A N

  French, a B- in Trig, and a C on an English paper I had written on Upton Sinclair. Apparently even a paper about one of my favorite authors, written for one of my favorite classes, wasn’t going to save me. My only A was on a biology lab that had been done in class with three partners, and I can’t say I contributed all that much, having CHANCE ENCOUNTER

  stayed up late the night before, whispering with Thomas on the hall phone. I was not at all surprised when, upon receiving my mail that afternoon, there was a note from Ms. Naylor to come see her.

  I had a feeling it was time to start packing my bags.

  On my way to see Ms. Naylor before dinner, I scurried by Gwendolyn Hall, the old class building that had been closed up ten years ago due to problems with its “structural integrity.” I was surprised when a trio of guys stepped out from behind the back wall and hurried off toward the quad, but I kept walking. Until I heard his voice.

  “Hey.”

  My heart caught. It was Thomas. He leaned back against the

  stone wall with one knee crooked, his foot pressed into the rock behind him. He held out his hand to me.

  “C’mere.”

  A rush of warmth overcame me. I glanced over my shoulder at

  Hale Hall, which the students called “Hell Hall” since that was where the advisors and teachers kept their offices. If I hesitated for very long, I would be late. But not even my fear of Naylor could tear me from the mischievous longing in Thomas’s eyes.

  I took his hand.

  “Where’re we going?” I asked.

  He said nothing. He pulled me around the corner and up a set of

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  K A T E B R I A N

  crumbling stairs, through an open stone doorway. On the other side was an outdoor room that was almost like a cave, the walls wet with dew. Somewhere nearby drops dripped a constant beat. Thomas sat down on a bench built into one of the side walls, pulling me onto his lap. Before I could catch my breath, he slipped his hand under my THE FEAR

  hair and pulled me into him, smothering me with his kiss.

  “Thomas,” I gasped, pulling away. “I have to—“

  He shook his head quickly and pulled me in again. My heart

  pounded. My fingers touched his face, his neck, grasped his shoulders. His hands ran down my back, over my stomach, grazed my

  “Miss Brennan, when we first met and I told you I would be keep-breasts, and then returned to my face. I was overcome with heat and ing a close eye on you, did it sound like I was making a joke?”

  longing. I pressed myself closer and closer to him, knowing all the I tried to stop smiling. I really did. But after that encounter with while that we could be caught at any moment, that I was making r />
  Thomas, it was impossible.

  myself later and later for my meeting, that this was very, very wrong.

  “No.”

  “This is all I think about,” Thomas said breathlessly, breaking

  “Well then, I assume you were unaware that I receive weekly

  away for the slightest second.

  reports from every one of your teachers,” she said, the jowls shak-

  “Me too,” I said. I struggled to catch my breath. “But I have to go.”

  ing. They grazed the high collar of her silk purple shirt, leaving a

  “When I saw you come around the corner I thought I was seeing

  nasty stain of makeup residue behind.

  things,” he said, searching my eyes. “But you were really there.”

  “Yes.” I blinked and shifted in my seat, pressing my lips together.

  I giggled. “Yeah. I really was,” I said. “But I do have to go.”

  Serious. This was serious. “I mean, I didn’t know that. No.”

  Thomas kissed me again and I could feel his desperation to keep Ms. Naylor narrowed her eyes at me. She clucked her tongue as

  me there. Still, somehow, I slid away, groping for my bag on the she lifted a sheet of paper from her desk toward the dim light.

  damp stone floor.

  “Unsatisfactory,” she read. She picked up another sheet, holding it

  “We have to do this again,” Thomas said, gazing up at me, his

  the same way. “Minimal effort shown.” Another. “Little to no

  chest heaving up and down.

  preparation for class and quizzes.”

  “Yeah,” I replied. “We most definitely do.”

  I grew warmer with each comment she read and finally the

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  P R I V A T E

  125

  giddiness was tempered. I tried to discern which teacher had said Disturbing. Very disturbing.

  what, and therefore whom I now hated the most. Unfortunately,

  “If you are no longer a student at Easton, then you won’t have

  when I thought about it, I realized that any one of them could have your new friends or that Thomas Pearson to spend time with any-said any of these things. They were all right. I had turned out to be more, will you?”

  an abysmal student.

  Oh, God. Had she seen us? Why was she looking at me that way?

  “One more round of grades like this and you will be put on aca-

  “Now, are you going to start taking your schooling more

  demic probation. Your scholarship will be reassessed and the Board seriously?” she asked, her eyes gleaming in triumph.

  of Directors might begin to wonder if it made a mistake in admit-

  “I . . . I will,” I said, trying to figure out where the school had ting you,” she said, lifting her chin imperiously. “Believe me when hidden the secret surveillance cameras. Other than at morning

  I tell you that the Board of Directors does not appreciate being services, I had never seen Ms. Naylor outside her cave. How did she shown that it has made a mistake.”

  know whom I was hanging out with?

  It was weird the way she referred to the board as an “it” instead

  “Very well, then. You’re excused.”

  of a “they.” Grammatically correct, maybe, but it made me think of I scrambled out of my seat and her office, feeling her eyes on the a supercomputer behind a green curtain handing down verdicts

  back of my neck. Once outside, I took a deep breath and considered from on high. It was effective, though. I officially had the fear.

  everything she had said. She may have been creepy and potentially

  “Now, what are we going to do about this, Miss Brennan?”

  voyeuristic, but the woman had a point. If I didn’t pull my grades up Naylor asked, laying the papers down and lacing her bulbous finI was going to be booted, and then I wouldn’t have the Billings Girls gers together on top of them.

  or Thomas to distract me anymore. I would be on a Greyhound back I swallowed hard. “Study harder?” I suggested.

  to Croton before you could say “big fat failure.”

  She stared as if waiting for me to tell her this was a joke.

  “I suggest you stop spending so much time socializing with the women of Billings House and get yourself to the library,” she said finally. My jaw dropped. Her lips twitched and I could tell she was pleased with herself for shocking me. She tapped her fingertip to her temple near the corner of her heavily made-up eye. “I told you I would be watching. You should start taking both me and your

  education more seriously.”

  P R I V A T E

  127

  “No, you’re not. You just came from Ms. Naylor’s office,” Ariana said, never taking her eyes off her book. How did she know that?

  She turned the page lazily and continued reading.

  Kiran slid her designer sunglasses down and looked at me over

  RESIDENT GENIUS

  the top. “Oh, yeah. She’s got that look.”

  “What look?” I asked.

  “That ‘I just got my first grades at Easton and now I’m suicidal’

  look,” Noelle said, casually crossing her legs at the ankles.

  Taylor sucked air through her teeth. “That bad, huh?”

  Outside it was a warm, sunny day, and on my way to lunch I saw

  Sometimes I forgot how much these girls knew about this place.

  Noelle, Ariana, Taylor, and Kiran all kicked out on the grass in the How integrated they were into the inner workings of Easton. A few quad, soaking up the rays. Kiran’s shirt was pulled up to expose her years here and they knew everything that was going on. I wondered stomach and her face was tipped toward the sky. Noelle was propped if I would ever have that kind of Easton wisdom. I wondered if I up on her elbows, debating something with Taylor, who picked at the would even be here long enough to find out what next week’s Friday grass. Ariana lay with her back on the ground and her feet up on a dinner special would be.

  bench, her book lifted in front of her face. She had moved on from

  “I can handle it,” I said.

  Anna Karenina and was now reading The Brothers Karamazov.

  “Bullshit,” Noelle replied. “You look like the stick you just peed The other students trailed by the Billings Girls on their way to on turned blue. Get Taylor to help you.”

  the cafeteria, casting sidelong glances in their direction. During Taylor’s eyes brightened and she sat up. “I’ll totally help you.”

  the school day, we weren’t supposed to lounge anywhere unless we

  “Really?” I asked. I couldn’t believe the Billings Girls were

  were sick, and then it was to the infirmary with us. I heaved a sigh actually offering their aid. They hadn’t forced me to run any overly as I walked by them.

  heinous errands for them in days, either. Was it possible that the

  “Problem, glass-licker?” Noelle asked.

  torture was over? Maybe they were finally accepting me.

  I paused, uncertain, and hovered a few feet away, clasping the

  “She helps all of us,” Noelle said, closing her eyes as she tilted strap on my bag with both hands. It had been a long time since any her face toward the sun. “Why do you think we hang out with her?”

  one of these girls had acknowledged me outside the cafeteria. “No.

  Taylor’s face dropped. Clearly this comment hit a little too close I’m fine,” I said.

  to home.

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  P R I V A T E

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  “Noelle,” Ariana said in a scolding way.

  “She may look and act like a dumb blonde, but she’s almost freak-Noelle’s eyes widened and she sat up again. “What? She knows

  ishly smart.”

  I’m kidding,” she said. “Taylor, you do
know I’m kidding?”

  Taylor turned pink, but said nothing. She smiled at me encour-

  Taylor managed to nod, but I could tell she was totally thrown.

  agingly, hugging her books to her chest.

  “Don’t you have a ton of your own work to do?” I asked her.

  “Okay,” I said finally. “If you really don’t mind.”

  Before Taylor could answer, Noelle scoffed. “Please. She’s

  “Cool! When do you want to meet?”

  already done all her coursework for the semester. Plus mine,” she She seemed inordinately psyched about helping me study, but it

  added under her breath.

  made me feel ten times better. And even better, the Billings Girls Kiran snickered and I wondered if this was actually true. For

  were extending a hand of friendship, and that hand could very well some reason, it wouldn’t have surprised me. Maybe this really was help me get my grades up and keep me here at Easton. This day was why Noelle kept Taylor around. It would explain why a girl of such turning right around.

  amorphous attitude tolerated someone so steadfastly sweet.

  “Really. It’s no problem,” Taylor told me.

  “You’re so lazy, Lange,” Kiran said to Noelle, yawning. She

  turned over onto her stomach, readjusting her shirt for maximum back exposure. There was a black tattoo on the small of her back; it looked like an Egyptian sphinx. I wanted to ask her about it, but Noelle cut me off.

  “Look who’s talking. I think your ass has grown exponentially

  since we got here,” Noelle said.

  “I’m impressed you know the word ‘exponentially,’ ” Kiran shot

  back with a smirk.

  “Girls,” Ariana said, shaking her head.

  Noelle sighed and picked up her bag, pushing herself from the

  ground. “You should let her help you, glass-licker,” she said as everyone else scrambled to their feet, following her lead as always.

  P R I V A T E

  131

  more exhilarating, made me that much more desperate to go further each time. Before we were caught. Before we were exposed.

  One afternoon, I rushed from lunch to meet up with Thomas at

  Gwendolyn as planned, and was confused when I saw him walking

  INTENSE

  toward me on the quad. His face was wan and his expression distracted, his eyes darting from face to face. I figured he was looking for me and lifted my hand to get his attention, but he blew right by me.