Twin Shorts

My Most Proudest Moment by Priscilla M. Sumner

  Mrs. Talendy's 7th grade English class

  My most proudest moment actually starts with one of my most embarrassing moments. But I'm so proud of this moment that I'm willing to suffer a little embarrassment.

  Okay, it all started one night last summer when I couldn't sleep. I went into the living room and started watching the Home Shopping Network. I thought most of the items were pretty stupid. I mean I think my life was pretty complete before the invention of the SlapChop. But then something came on that I knew I needed. It was another life changing moment. Something that I knew would take me from 6th grade nobody to the most wanted girl in Polk Middle School.

  It was breast enhancement cream. From the advertisement, it looked pretty easy to use. Just rub it on every night before bed and let it work while you sleep. They said I would start to see results after the first use. I ordered it immediately and then I stalked our mailbox for a month.

  So let's fast forward to when I got the cream because this is still the embarrassing part and I want to get to the good part. The only results I saw after the first use was the insane amount of burning and a nasty rash.

  The next day my family and I were supposed to go to the town splash park. It was my job to get the boys ready, but I was still cranky over my crazy breast cream rash so I told them to go slap the sunblock on themselves. Then I handed them a tube of sunblock and went to the bathroom.

  "Prissy, it burns," Chester said ten minutes later while I checked my still nonexistent boobs to make sure you couldn't see the rash through my bathing suit.

  "What burns?" I asked, twisting around in front of the bathroom mirror.

  "The sunblock. It burns," Charlie said.

  I looked at them for a sec. They weren't lying. Whenever they lied they got this annoying little twinkle in their eye. There was no twinkle, just pain. The sun block really was burning them.

  I knelt down and took a whiff of their arms. That was no sunblock.

  "Were you little brats in my room?"

  "No," they said quickly. Too quickly.

  I stood up and crossed my arms. "Well, then I'm sure you didn't just slather yourself with breast cream then."

  Charlie and Chester looked at each other, screamed, then ran out of the bathroom.

  "Prissy put breast cream on us!" Charlie yelled.

  "We're gonna grow breasts. We're gonna grow gross girly breasts!" Chester added.

  "What's going on here?" my dad asked as he came into the living room already in his swim trunks.

  Charlie and Chester gave their version of events and I gave mine. My dad laughed for so long we ended up missing the Splash Park hours. Finally he got himself together and he helped the boys wash off the cream.

  "Are you sure we're not gonna grow breasts?" Chester asked that night at dinner.

  My older brother Josh rolled his eyes. "Look at Priss. It hasn't helped her any in that department has it?"

  My dad started laughing again.

  "I hate you all!" I said, standing from the table and storming off.

  "Now, Priscilla, calm down," my dad said grabbing my hand before I left the dining room. "I think the boys realize they shouldn't have been in your room. I think they have something to say to you." He nodded toward the twins indicating that it was their turn to speak."

  "We're sorry, Priss," Chester said.

  "Yeah, we're sorry you're so flat chested," Charlie added.

  My mouth flew open. How did he even know what flat chested meant. I glared at Josh. "Did you teach him to say that?" I asked him.

  Josh was laughing so hard he couldn't respond. He clutched his stomach and fell out of the chair. He was literally ROTFL. I had never actually seen someone do that.

  I gave Josh an evil look. Then I mouthed the words "you're dead" to the twins and continued to storm off to my room.

  Now this is where my story gets good. While I was fuming in my room, I thought up the perfect revenge for my little brothers. They needed to learn once and for all that they can't just go into my room anytime they want and touch my stuff.

  I waited until everyone went to sleep and then I got out the Play-Doh and the super glue. It took three hours of prep work in my room, then I had to go in for the kill.

  Fortunately for me, my twin little brothers sleep like the dead. They didn't even budge during the two hours I was in their room taking my revenge. Is it sad that I sacrificed an entire night's sleep just to get back at two little children? Probably, but their reaction in the morning made it all worthwhile.

  I actually sat in the hallway outside their room and waited for my plan to take effect.

  A satisfied grin spread across my face when the screams of terror began at seven the next morning.

  "We've got boobs! We've got boobs!"

  "The boobs are everywhere!" They yelled as they ran out of their room staring at the mounds of Play-Doh super glued to every inch of their tiny yet evil bodies.

  Yes, that's right, I gave them boobs in the middle of the night. Disgusting looking flesh colored Play-Doh boobs that wouldn't come off for two days. It is my most proudest moment. It was the greatest prank ever. And it finally taught those monsters a lesson and kept them out of my room...for the rest of the summer anyway.

  ~~~