Damaged

  “You wanna talk about it?” He asks, his stare cast out over the lake.

  “About what? The spider?”

  His head snaps in my direction and his dark eyes bear down on me. Who am I kidding? I’m a fucking sheet of glass when it comes to him. It’s scary that someone, who is virtually a stranger, can see straight through me. I guess what’s more unnerving is the fact someone finally wants to.

  “Cut the bullshit, Emily. I’ve seen where you live so it’s obvious spiders aren’t a problem for you.”

  Ass.

  He takes a slight pause. “What’d you dream about?”

  Just like that, he sees through my charade and cracks me open like a coconut.

  “What makes you think it was a dream?”

  A friendly smile curves his lips. “Tell me it wasn’t and I’ll drop the subject.”

  I shiver. “It wasn’t.”

  Jai chuckles and the beautiful, throaty sound echoes around me. I fucking love the sound. It fills me with an insane urge to kiss him.

  “Okay. Now say it with absolute honesty.” His smile falls away and his face becomes serious.

  Strangely enough, the slightest, pleading curve softens his eyes.

  “Don’t lie to me, Kitten.”

  “Why is it so important to you? Why do you want to know what’s going on in my head? Most people run at the thought of a meaningful conversation, but not you.”

  “Because I care about you.” He responds without a single moment of hesitation. “Because you’re family.”

  My heart swells dramatically and presses against my lungs. In turn, they crush themselves against my ribcage and force excess saliva up my throat, creating a lump I can’t swallow. If that isn’t bad enough, my tear ducts begin to stir…which is fucking weird. I hate crying, especially in front of him. I’m staring and my mouth is agape with the slightest part.

  “Well," I say. "Maybe not. I mean, you don’t fuck your family.”

  I cringe. Instead of thanking him for including me in his family, like a normal person would, I’ve gone and said something stupid. Jai chokes on a laugh and it’s a genuine, beautiful sound.

  “Jesus Christ. You couldn’t just smile and say thank you?”

  “I’m sorry!” I laugh, my cheeks burning with heat to rival the sun. “Thank you. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

  He snorts. “I doubt that.”

  “Why?”

  “You might not have had any family growing up, but surely you had friends—boyfriends. I bet they’ve said some nice things.”

  Thinking back on my life, I can’t remember a single time someone has said something so kind to me. In high school I was bullied for being a homeless, parentless loser. At work, the other students were assholes and the doctors fucked the nurses with the pretty blonde hair and shiny lips while I had my lubed, gloved hand shoved up someone’s ass. The closest I’ve come to being told nice things before I met Jai was the nameless, passionless men I’d slept with…and I don’t think compliments on my tits, ass and pussy count.

  “No.” I utter as the sad realization hits me. “You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met…which is weird because you can be kind of a dick.”

  I notice the look on his face then — a look I’ve seen a million times.

  And I hate it.

  Scoffing, I look out over the lake. “Don’t give me that look. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. I did just fine without the fake niceness and awkward compliments.”

  “I don’t feel sorry for you.”

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

  His large, semi-warm fingers slide underneath my chin and guide my face back in his direction.

  “I don’t feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for them.”

  I swallow hard as he maintains his fierce eye contact. His breath is warm on the tip of my nose for a second before the cold air chills it.

  “No one has ever commented on the golden specks in your eyes? The light spattering of caramel freckles on your cheeks?”

  Ever so slightly, I shake my head.

  “Not your lips?”

  Again, I shake my head and that’s when I notice the nervousness in my chest and the tremble of anticipation in the tips of my fingers. I’ve never felt like this before…I’ve never felt like I need a moment to be perfect, but this…please, God, let this be a perfect moment. I want to commit it to memory forever because if I never have another moment like this, if all the encounters I have later in life crash and burn into a ball of disastrous flames, I’ll always have this moment to fall back on.

  One perfect moment to last a lifetime.

  “You’re lying.” He whispers, his voice almost carried away by the wind.

  His face is an inch away from mine. His breath warming my lips now instead of my nose. I’m not cold anymore. I’m on fire…a metaphoric fire of the highest intensity and it’s burning me from the inside out.

  “I promise you, I’m not lying.”

  A deafening silence falls. The only thing I hear I the wind blowing past my ears. A million and one emotions fly between us and neither of us has a handle on them. Oh, how much destruction they could cause if we don’t reign them in right now.

  “Idiots.” He spits out…and then I can’t breathe.

  His mouth claims mine in a way that is so sinfully intimate. My heart pounds in my chest, my skin prickles with a million and one bumps and, oh fucking hell, he tastes good. My body aches all over from the running, but he turns the pain into a dull ache.

  Then the pain returns and I barely have time to register the sudden absence of his lips before the cold air rushes in and sticks to my skin, sobering me up completely. The blanket falls from my body, allowing the icy breeze to drape over me. With an aggressive ‘fuck’ Jai is on his feet.

  “Jeez, I’m not that bad a kisser.”

  He begins to pace — back and forth — while raking his fingers through his dark, unruly hair.

  “It’s not you—fuck!” He crouches low, covering his mouth with his hand. “How could I be so damn stupid?”

  I grab the blanket and pull it up over my shoulders, holding it tightly against my chest. “You’re not very convincing.”

  He exhales with a heavy blow. “It’s Jessica. She’s in the city staying with a family friend.” He stands up. “I gotta go.”

  Jessica? His sister? Panic rises like fire in the pit of my stomach, but for the wrong reasons.

  “Go? Go where?”

  I should be concerned for his sister, but I’m more worried about being left alone. The wooden planks vibrate under my ass as Jai storms up the dock.

  "Jai?" I scramble to my feet. “Where are you going?”

  “To make a phone call.”

  “So use a phone here." I call out. "I saw two when we arrived.”

  “Can’t.” He shouts over his shoulder. “I cut the cables.”

  I stop and slump in defeat. Of course he cut the cables.

  Family First

  Jai

  I slip into a tight pair of runners, ignoring the look of panic on Kitten’s face as she leans against the wall opposite me. I don’t want to leave her here alone, but I don’t have a choice. She’s safer here. I’ve stupidly risked my sister’s life without a second thought. I won’t risk Emily’s too.

  The plan is to find a payphone in the next town and call Jessica from there. Even if it’s traced, and I highly doubt it will be, they won’t have our exact location. It’s unlikely Skull would go out of his way to track us via telephone, but I wouldn’t put it past him. He’s a crazy motherfucker with too many contacts.

  Before I dropped Jessica off with Talia, my mother’s cousin, I gave her a credit card to use in case of an emergency. I think Skull hunting me down like a dog counts as an emergency. It’s only a matter of time before he gets tired of chasing me and decides to use someone I love to bring me to him. Jess and Talia need to get on the next plane out of the country and fast.

  I still can??
?t believe I forgot about my little sister. There’s a dense feeling in my chest…it mimics the panic you might feel when you leave your house and realize an hour later you might have left the iron on. Only it’s so. Much. Worse.

  If I had food in my stomach, I’d probably throw it up.

  “There’s a car in the garage. I’ll take that and be back here by morning.”

  I don’t make eye contact as I step past her and reach for the plain set of keys hanging on the wall beside her head.

  “Morning?” She mutters. “That long?”

  Closing my fist with the keys inside, I finally make eye contact. The rims of her eyes are red. Her body wants to cry, but she won’t let it.

  “You’ll be fine, Kitten. I’ll be back in no time and I’ll bring food.”

  Tucking her hair behind her ear, she swallows hard. I wish there was something I could say to comfort her, but there isn’t and I don’t have the capacity to put someone else first at the moment. All I care about at this point in time is getting my little sister to safety. The rest I can deal with later.

  “Here.” I state, reaching under my shirt for the gun.

  I snatch Emily’s wrist and press the handle of it into the palm of her hand.

  “I’ll knock four times. FOUR, Emily. Any more or any less I want you to shoot, okay?”

  Her chocolate eyes widen. “No—but—I can’t…I’ve never—”

  “There’s nothing to it. Just aim and squeeze. That’s all.”

  She tries to pull away, but I tighten my grip on her tiny, fragile wrist.

  “Jai —”

  “Listen to me.” I snap.

  “No —”

  “Emily! Listen. To. Me.”

  She stops trying to pull herself from my grip and though her limbs slow, her chest doesn’t. It rises and falls at a rapid pace. Like a frightened little rabbit.

  “If you want to survive — if you want to avoid living and dying at the mercy of Skull — you will do exactly as I say.”

  Emily glances at the gun, seemingly thinking long and hard, before finally curling her slender fingers around the handle. I release it, allowing her to feel its full weight.

  “I’ll be back by morning.” I repeat. “I will knock — ”

  “Four times.” She cuts in. “Any more or any less I shoot. Got it.”

  She avoids my eyes and I hate it. The look of nervousness on her face makes me feel queasy—more so than I already do.

  “Don’t shoot yourself.” I tell her, an attempt at humor. “I don’t want to come back and find I have to take you to the E.R because you’ve shot yourself in the foot.”

  A pale shade of green floods her face and the grip she has on the gun noticeably lightens. Stepping away from me, she walks over to the kitchen bench and places the gun on the wooden countertop.

  “Good thinking.”

  She smiles only to catch it under her top row of teeth a second later. She rakes them over her lip. No more smile. An anxious tapping fills the air as she drums the tips of her fingers on the countertop.

  “You promise you’ll come back?”

  I glance at the keys in my hands and promise myself that no matter what I hear — no matter what I don’t find or do find when I call my sister, I will come back for Kitten…but if I hear anything less than Jessica’s sarcastic, teenage voice through the receiver I will go straight back out and I will storm the little castle Skull has made for himself and slaughter the lot of them. A death for every sibling he has taken from me and a death for every bout of hopelessness and sorrow he has made me feel. I won’t rest until Skull is thrust from this world and the next. Even Hell is too good for scum like him.

  I look up at Emily and the cute lip she anxiously chews on.

  “I promise.” I say.

  She blows out a subtle exhale, relieved. Does she seriously think I’d leave her behind?

  “I can’t do this without my sidekick.” I tell her and a single laugh falls from her mouth as I turn and walk toward the front door.

  Beside the flimsy wooden entrance is a door that gives access to the garage. I’m not going to lie, I’m a little disappointed when I open it and see a black Toyota Corolla. I guess it’s a little farfetched to expect a large SUV with black-out bullet proof windows. I hit a button on the key and the car flashes to life. I waste no time getting into the car and turning it on. Thankfully, the gas indicator rises to over half way. I don’t know how far the next town is, but surely I have enough gas to get me there and back. I adjust my seat, pushing it back to allow more room for my legs. When I’m comfortable, a tapping at the window draws my attention. I hit a button and lower the glass.

  “Can you pick up some ice-cream?” Emily asks, bending low to peer into the car.

  I laugh. “You want ice-cream? Tonight? In this weather?”

  Emily nods, smiling brightly. “Ice-cream is my favorite food.”

  I reach for my seatbelt and pull it around me. “Impossible.”

  It clicks in with ease.

  “How so?”

  “Ice-cream isn’t food.”

  I look back to her. Am I seriously having this conversation right now? With an adult?

  “It goes in my mouth so it’s food.”

  Oh the responses I have for that. At least three of them slip to the front of my mind and linger on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t dare let them seep through my lips.

  “Fine.” I say, trying hard not to let my mind wander. “I’ll get some ice-cream.”

  “Oh, really?” Emily simpers, one of her eyebrows cocked in amusement. “Tell me, do you have any money?”

  I open my mouth to respond…then I realize I left all my stuff in the tunnels. Thousands of dollars…gone. I didn’t even think of money when I offered to bring back food. I’ve never not had money.

  “Shit!” I swear, slapping the wheel.

  I drop my forehead against it.

  Money. You think I’d remember something as critical as that. Emily’s warm hand brush along my bicep, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Relax.” She says, a hint of laughter in her voice. “I have money.”

  Frowning, I lift my head. Sure enough, she extends a small roll of cash pinched between her thumb and index finger.

  “It’s not much, but it should cover food.”

  I hesitate before taking it from her and slipping it into my pocket. “Where’d you get it?”

  “I have a small jar at home where I keep money in. Every now and then I have a spare dollar. That’s where it goes.”

  So damn cute. I smile at her, unable to help myself. “What are you saving up for?”

  She shrugs. “Nothing in particular...maybe an ice cream on a hot summer’s day or a new pair of shoes if mine wear out.”

  It’s amazing how simplicity works—how they vary from person to person. I’ve never had to save a day in my life. I’ve always had money on hand, but Emily is the complete opposite. Every dollar she’s spent has been planned and saved.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?” She asks and I hear the anxiety in her tone — the defensiveness. Her brows furrow and her jaw tightens.

  Because I think you’re just about the sweetest human being on the planet.

  She hates when anyone feels sorry for her and the life she’s lived so far. I don’t blame her. Kitten has fought hard to get where she is. Her strength and her accomplishments are nothing short of amazing. Fuck anyone for feeling sorry for her and fuck me for thinking she’s some stray that needs to be saved. The girl is strong. She’s a woman who doesn’t need a hero. She’s a woman who can take care of herself.

  I shake my head. “No reason... what flavor ice cream do you like?”

  Just like that, her defensive exterior melts away and a smile curves her pretty lips. “Vanilla — no chocolate — wait. Maybe Strawberry. Oh, but I do love chocolate.”

  I blink. Well that has to be the most confusing thing I’ve ever heard. I frown.

  “Okay...so chocolate?” br />
  Emily tightly folds her arms over her chest and rakes her teeth across her bottom lip. “Sure, chocolate is good.”

  “Are you sure? ‘Cause I kind of get the feeling it’ll be the end of the world if I get the wrong flavor.”

  She grins and it’s contagious. “You know what? Why don’t you pick the flavor? That’ll take all the pressure off of me.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask again.

  She steps away from the car. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ll see you when you get back.”

  I nod and smile. “Okay. I’ll see you then.”

  I glance down at the gear shift for a moment before I feel her fingers lightly press against my forearm. I whip my head back in her direction and pleading brown eyes are all I see.

  “Don’t be too long, okay?”

  There’s a certain beauty in vulnerability you can’t witness anywhere else. Her vulnerability speaks volumes to me. It makes my chest do strange things like turn blood vessels into fluttering butterflies.

  “Okay.”

  Her fingers linger for a short while longer and I let them. I even contemplate covering her hand with my own, but I don’t.

  A split second later she pulls away and I pull the gear shift into drive. I fumble with the keys in the ignition before finding the button that opens the garage. With loud creaks and the sound of a whirring motor, it opens and I drive out. I peer in the rear view mirror as I drive down the rocky driveway and see Kitten standing there, nervously chewing her fingers. I watch her for all of about three seconds before I press the garage button again and the door slowly drops shut. I hate leaving her alone, but I can’t risk being out and about with her. I close my window and grip the wheel tightly in my hands. I’ll need to be extra careful...if I’m caught they’ll trace the car right back to the lake house and catch Kitten. In any other situation I would never risk it like this, but I’d die before I let anything happen to my little sister.

  She is the only thing I have left of my family. And I will take on all of New York to keep her safe.

  ****

  There’s a tremble in my fingertips that I can’t stop. It causes me to hit the wrong buttons on the damn payphone and I have to start over again. Eventually, I get it right. The first time, it rings out. Words can’t explain the dread in my chest or the way anxiety restricts my lungs from fully expanding. Since I’m stubborn, I try again. Each number I press is a confirmed bullet in Skull’s face.