With My Last Breath

  ‚The future is not uncertain,' Guinevere stated firmly. ‚We will save the future.

  We have no choice. For now, all you can do is use caution and protect the child that you carry. All will work out, daughter.'

  She smiled Aphrodite’s smile at me and I couldn’t help but return it. I was pregnant. It was a miracle. I was filled with such a feeling of wonder that I could hardly contain it. My mother beamed at me once more as she stood.

  ‚I’ll leave you to rest,' she said as she walked toward the door. ‚And I’ll send Lucan in. I’m sure he’s beside himself right now. Do not tell him,' she cautioned.

  ‚I won’t,' I answered as I nestled into the softness of my pillows. Lucan was beside me in one minute flat, sliding up next to me, wrapping me inside his strong arms.

  ‚The queen said that you are fine?' he inquired, nuzzling the back of my neck.

  ‚That you just got too warm. Is that correct?'

  No, I’m carrying your child, I wanted to say. But of course, I did not.

  ‚Yes, my sweet. It is just as I thought. These skirts do get warm in the heat. I feel so much better now,' I assured him. Ecstatic, exuberant and joyful, to be exact.

  ‚Do not scare me like that again,' he instructed, pulling me closer into the warmth of his hard chest and I inhaled his masculine scent. He smelled like the outdoors.

  ‚I won’t,' I promised as my heavy eyelids closed. I was so weary. It felt as though every cell in my body was tired and I knew a nap would do me good.

  But even still, sleep wouldn’t come to me. All I could think of was how much I wanted to share my miraculous news with Cadmus. He was going to be a father and he didn’t even know.

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  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  As I snuggled deeper into Lucan’s arms the strangeness of my current situation hit me. I was here with my husband, but he was in another body and didn’t know who and what we were. I was pregnant with his baby, but I couldn’t tell him because he had impregnated me from his god form, not his mortal form. And I couldn’t tell him in his true form because he was trapped by the Fates in some godforsaken wastelands. If I hadn’t known it before, I would certainly know it now. The Fates were cruel, cruel beings.

  At long last, my eyes grew too heavy and I felt myself drift into slumber. And almost immediately, I found myself standing face to face with my husband amid swirling white wind.

  ‚You’re pregnant?' he asked incredulously.

  Unfortunately, although amazement and joy was inflected in his tone, I knew he didn’t feel it in his heart. He wanted to, but he couldn’t muster it up in this horrible place.

  I nodded. ‚How did you know?'

  He shook his weary head. Lines were etched on his face now, lines that hadn’t been there before. The wastelands were hard on him and I ached to take him from here. I had never felt so helpless.

  ‚I do not know. Every once in awhile, something just occurs to me. I don’t know how. It is just dropped into my mind.'

  I thought on that for a moment as the wind whipped my skirts around me. Was it possible that he was inadvertently gleaning information through his life as Lucan?

  He paused and ran his gaze up and down my length. ‚By the gods,' he breathed.

  ‚You’ve traveled time again, haven’t you?'

  I nodded. ‚Yes,' I answered. ‚It was necessary. I think Zeus’ sword is in Camelot.

  We’ve returned there to find it so that I can save you.'

  He examined my clothing once again, his eyes widening.

  ‚You’re in Camelot?' he asked in shock. ‚Do you remember how dangerous it is there for you? I have no wish for you to be there. You must return to the Spiritlands.

  We’ll find some other way to get to the sword.'

  ‚There is no other way, my love,' I shook my head. ‚We’ll find it, I’ll return, then I’ll save you.'

  ‚And then you’ll spend all of eternity reminding me of that?' he raised his eyebrow humorlessly. Again, it was something that he would normally say in jest, but it was apparent that all laughter was gone from his heart.

  ‚I’m going to be a father,' he marveled as his jaw clenched. ‚I can’t believe it, Harmonia. What a blessing!'

  ‚Yes,' I whispered. ‚And I cannot wait to get you back home so that we can truly celebrate it in the happiness that it deserves.'

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  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  ‚I’m sorry, wife,' he murmured, pulling me to him. ‚I will be happy. I promise it.

  This place sucks every emotion out of me, I cannot help it. But I do love you. And I will love our child. It will be the most loved child in the history of the world.'

  Tears streamed down my cheeks, soaking the front of his tunic, as sadness for what I was now missing overwhelmed me.

  ‚I know, Cadmus. Ours will be the luckiest child in the world.'

  He glanced down at me. ‚So, you’ve managed a way to be with me, even though I am trapped here. You’ve always been wily, wife.'

  I smiled against his chest. ‚It wasn’t my purpose, but I will admit that being with you as you are Lucan is a comfort to me right now. I miss you so much, Cadmus. But I am trying my best to save you. We will beat them, I promise you that.'

  He nodded silently, his large hand stroking my back.

  ‚I know,' he answered. ‚I have faith in you, Harmonia. But leave here now. You don’t belong here.'

  And I was awake.

  Lucan was stroking my back in the same way as Cadmus had been a moment ago, his long fingers splayed across my hip identically. And although it was comforting, it wasn’t quite the same. Somehow, even though I had loved Lucan with every ounce of my heart, Cadmus was who owned it.

  A large part of Cadmus existed in every mortal life that he had lived, but he wasn’t truly himself except for when he was Cadmus. It was more pressing than ever that I get him back - not only for me, but for our child. I curled my hand against our unborn child protectively and closed my eyes once more.

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  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  Chapter Ten

  The castle herald woke me from my nap with a bugle and his grating shout.

  ‚Hear ye, hear ye! The royal tournament will continue as planned for this eve. A feast will ensue after.' I could tell that he passed beneath my window and then continued onward, because his annoying voice grew more distant. ‚Hear ye, hear ye!...'

  I rolled to my side and found Lucan’s eyes open. His arm was under my shoulders.

  ‚King Arthur is still having the joust' I asked. ‚Even after the massacre of the peasants?'

  Lucan shrugged. ‚I believe he probably wants life to continue as normal, as much as possible. Why should we allow the Saxons to change what we do?'

  ‚Or the Romans?' I added. ‚It could be either, from what I heard.'

  ‚True,' he acknowledged. ‚Although, my lady, this is something that you do not need to concern yourself with. That is my job as your man. I won’t allow harm to come to you.'

  At times like this, I did truly miss Cadmus. Cadmus, in his true form, knew very well that I was perfectly equal to him in every way. In our earlier mortal lives, not so much. I swallowed my annoyance and smiled cockily.

  ‚Yes, Lucan. You are correct. I should sit by the fire and embroider something.'

  He grinned. ‚You’re such a cheeky one, Heleyne. Anyway, it is too hot to sit by a fire. You’ll have to sit outdoors in the shade or in the queen’s bower.' I swung around and punched him on the arm and he laughed.

  ‚You’re not meek enough by half,' he observed. ‚But I love you to distraction.'

  ‚As I love you,' I answered softly, stroking his bulging muscle where I had just punched him. ‚But do not become distracted this day, Lucan. Not at the joust.'

  He rolled his eyes as he stood.

  ‚Must you think so little of me?' he looked toward the ceiling in mock despair.

  ‚D
o you think me so unskilled? I will win tonight, my lady. For you. Shall I carry your favors?'

  ‚Of course,' I replied lightly, rising from the bed to choose a red scarf from my armoire. ‚We’ll tie this around your arm.'

  He took it and bowed low. ‚I will have my squire see to it,' he said obediently with a grin. ‚And I will win the tournament for you.'

  ‚Only for me?' I asked doubtfully. ‚Not for the fame and glory?'

  He shook his head. ‚Only for you. I will hand your scarf back to you as a champion.'

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  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  I shook my head with a smile as he dipped to kiss me and walked from my rooms.

  I took one moment to straighten my disheveled hair and set out to find my mother.

  It wasn’t hard. She was overseeing the servants who were setting up the seats for the joust. I crossed the field to the side of the castle, treading across the wildflowers and grass that led to the jousting arena.

  One side of the arena backed up to the cliffs that the castle itself was situated on. I stood on the edge for a moment, looking down. The ocean crashed below me, magnificent and strong, with sandy beaches unfurling for miles on each side. Amid the call of the seagulls and the smell of sea salt, I closed my eyes with the sun on my face.

  The baby was rapidly stealing my energy and I would swear that I could fall asleep in this standing position if I stayed still too long. Shaking the weariness from my eyes, I turned to meet my mother.

  On either side of the arena, wooden tiered benches were arranged for the crowds.

  On the far end, a box filled with seats sat, with a bright green canopy snapping in the wind. Arthur’s green crest hung in front, just below the seat that he would sit in, if he didn’t participate. However, there was seldom a joust in which he did not participate.

  His seat, like normal, would sit empty today.

  Next to him, was Guinevere’s seat and my own, as well as several other chairs for visiting dignitaries and any noblemen of the kingdom who were in attendance. From this vantage point, we had a perfect view of the tournament. Any time a knight crashed into the dust, his lance splintered, we would see it perfectly. And to be honest, right now I just didn’t have the stomach for it. Men from this era so loved blood and sport.

  ‚I wish that Arthur would cancel this today,' Guinevere muttered as she straightened the chairs that we would sit in. Turning, she took a vase of flowers from a servant girl and placed them on a pedestal in the corner of the gallery box.

  I didn’t know why she bothered. The smell of the roses would not come close to overpowering the strong scents of horses, manure, dust and blood that would fill this stadium in a little while.

  ‚We do not have time for this,' she grumbled to me. She looked at the servant girl who was patiently waiting for further orders.

  ‚You may go,' she nodded kindly to the girl. The girl turned and walked down the steps leading to the gallery and Guinevere looked back to me.

  ‚Well? What say you? We do not have time for this.'

  ‚What would you like me to say, mother?' I stared at her in exasperation.

  Aphrodite had such a tendency to work herself up into a frenzy and expected that her agitation would spill to everyone around her. And sometimes it did. But not today.

  ‚Yes, we have more important things to do. But we cannot help that right this moment. Our absence from this joust would be missed. We will resume our search for Courtney Cole 59

  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  the sword tonight after this tournament. I wish to search this castle from top to bottom before we hunt away from here. It makes no sense otherwise.'

  Guinevere finished tying a bow on the banister in front of me and stopped, pausing to survey the area in front of us. The arena was empty and quiet, the bleachers free of people. She sighed.

  ‚I know you are right,' she murmured. ‚I’m sorry for adding to your stress. I know you must be anxious already. You are correct. We will thoroughly search the palace grounds before we search elsewhere.'

  As we descended the wooden steps from the gallery tower, I tossed my hair out of my face and as I did, I caught sight of Morgan sitting in the far seats of the arena, back in a darkened corner. Hunched with her, his head to hers, was Mordred. My blood turned cold as I stopped moving. My mother ran into my back, and I felt her follow my gaze, then heard her sharp intake of breath.

  They were talking animatedly; Morgan was throwing her hands around wildly and finally Mordred stood, glaring down at her in agitation before barking something at her. He stood still for a moment and then stalked down the wooden walkway and across the field back to the palace.

  Morgan watched him go and then she turned her head, meeting my gaze. Her eyes were dark and stormy and froze into mine. I felt as though I would ignite from the heat emanating from her glare. Finally, she turned her head and leaped to her feet, flouncing away in the opposite direction. Her dark cloak swirled around her and I watched her disappear in the tunnels under the arena.

  ‚What was the about?' my mother whispered in my ear.

  ‚That is a good question,' I answered. ‚The two of them together is a worrisome combination.' She nodded in agreement, but we didn’t have time left to continue the conversation. People from nearby villages were beginning to arrive for the evening’s joust.

  I sighed as I settled into my chair, watching the stands fill up with peasants, farmers and noblemen. To our right, Reagan and his stable boys led out the knights’ horses. All of them were decorated festively, with masks and ribbons while banners draped from their backs. Pageantry was a large part of jousting. Every action was steeped in tradition, going back hundreds of years. It was a celebration of honor and chivalry and Arthur thought that it was a good reminder to the people of what he stood for.

  Arthur himself was laughing with Sir Tristan a few yards from us. They were both already wearing their armor, each of them holding their helmets in their hands as they talked. Tristan’s sandy blonde hair curled around his shoulders, his brown eyes warm as they twinkled with jest. He was typically a quiet man, very thoughtful in everything that he did. But he was very loyal to the king and just as deadly as anyone else seated on the roundtable.

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  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  Arthur slapped Tristan on the back, his hand clanging against the metal, before he turned and walked quickly for Guinevere. Bounding easily up the steps, mindless of the heavy armor, he knelt in front of his queen.

  ‚My lady, may I wear your favors?'

  His cornflower blue eyes beseeched her and I saw just a glimmer of insecurity in them. He was afraid to trust that she had truly forgiven him. It spoke to a soft place in my heart and I smiled at him.

  Guinevere laughed, a soft tinkling sound. ‚Of course, husband.' From her skirts, she withdrew a satin kerchief, tucking it into the front plate of his armor. ‚Wear it here, by your heart,' she instructed. ‚My love will protect you, your highness.'

  My heart swelled with pride for my mother. She did so carry out the part that she was meant to play here. And even though her true heart belonged to my father, she treated Arthur with the love and respect that he deserved.

  He grinned in response, bending to kiss her hand.

  ‚I shall win for you,' he told her solemnly. I couldn’t help but pipe up.

  ‚Then you shall have to best Lucan, my king. He has sworn to win for me, as well.'

  We all laughed, Arthur hardest of all, before he rose to his feet and bowed slightly at his waist. ‚Well, Lucan is certainly a worthy adversary. I will do my best.'

  He straightened and grinned at us both.

  ‚Ladies,' he said. ‚I will return in a few moments.' He turned and began walking noisily down the walkway. ‚As a victor, Heleyne!' he called over his shoulder.

  I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched him join the rest of his knights. They were all congregating around their horses a
s their squires finished final preparations.

  This joust would only be between themselves. They did host tournaments when they invited other challengers from throughout the land. Those competitions could turn deadly. But with the current state of the country, Arthur couldn’t risk losing any of his highly trained knights to a simple jousting loss. He needed them on the battlefield.

  These tournaments now were for fun and sport. A simple exhibition only, one meant to restore the morale of the people and to provide sheer entertainment.