Shattering Zoella's Demons

  ‘Calm down, Julia. It’s just a misunderstanding,’ Gabriella said. ‘I’ll clear it. Zoe, come on you know you’re wrong about this. Someone else did this.’

  ‘I-I’m telling the truth,’ Zoe said clinging to Kenny’s hand tightly. Her heart squeezing painfully, she feared they wouldn’t listen. That they’d leave him out and he’d do it again. ‘Y-you have to believe me.’

  ‘She’s not crazy, Gabby,’ Kenny said quietly. ‘Her story is not changing, I believe her.’

  ‘You don’t know what you’re suggesting, Kenny,’ Gabriella said, shaking her head in denial. ‘Zoella this is not a game. Now be serious about this.’

  Opening her eyes, Zoe shook her head and stared at the black polished surface of the grand piano. Sitting up, she realized that she’d fallen asleep on the cover. Her eyes were gritty, but she didn’t dare lie down on a bed. The nightmares kept coming.

  Reaching for the wine bottle on top of the piano, she tipped its contents to her mouth and gulped a healthy swig. Oblivion was so much more inviting than reality. Remaining drunk was going to be the only way to deal with her life.

  Julia Harden’s accusations still plagued her. The woman had tried to make her feel as though she was responsible for destroying her life.

  Zoe scoffed realizing that the woman had not tried but succeeded in her quest. What hurt more was that for a while her own mother had sided with Julia. The only thing that had changed Gabriella’s mind was the undeniable evidence found by the police at the Harden house.

  What that monster had done to her—, she shook her head—, it had broken her. Broken her into little tiny pieces that refused to glue back together no matter what she did.

  How many times was she going to try and be normal? Each time, she failed more miserably than the last. The first time she’d tried it, she’d ended up in a hospital with slashed wrists. This time, she’d managed to destroy Robbie and their life together.

  “It’s never going to end,” she whispered into the large ball room.

  “Zoe,” Sarah called from the doorway.

  Zoe’s bleary eyes settled on her and the ferocious need to strike out rose fast.

  She had to swallow hard to keep the hard words that were on the tip of her tongue in. It wasn’t the girl’s fault who her father was she tried to reason. The child was innocent; still her presence here solidified truths that she would rather not deal with.

  “May I come in and listen?” Sarah asked.

  “No.” Zoe snapped, trying to save Sarah from a mad woman.

  “Oh,” Sarah said, feeling rebuffed. She’d hoped to at least spend a few minutes with Zoe, “perhaps another time.”

  Zoe just stared at her, and the expression on her face made Sarah turn away in a hurry. Alone again, Zoe took another swig from the wine bottle and cursed under her breath.

  *****

  By lunchtime, the atmosphere in the Villa bordered on explosive, there wasn’t a person who hadn’t ran into Zoe and her foul mood. The twins were on edge, their mother just as stressed.

  To help relieve the situation, Danny took the twins out on the yacht for a ride. Jessica and Gabriella decided the beach was safer, so they headed that way. Kenny had left early in the morning to deal with Davenly business in the city. Thaddeus was also at the office, which left Athena in the house with Zoe. It pained her that both men weren’t in because they were the only ones who could calm Zoe when she got this way.

  Well, Athena thought, there was also Robbie, but she doubted he wanted to see Zoe right now.

  A storm was brewing with every minute and it worried Athena that she would not be able to stop it. Her fears were realized around three in the afternoon. Everyone had just finished lunch in the kitchen. That is, Jessica, Gabriella, Julia, Zelda, Athena and the Twins. Alain was dedicatedly peeling carrots for dinner while Athena tried to coax Zan into eating a piece of papaya. The twins were regaling them with stories about their morning adventure on the Aegean with Danny.

  “It’s too bad he had to go with those ladies. I was having fun,” Sarah said.

  “A guy has to have game, having us there wasn’t helping,” Terry commented. “Danny is really cool, like a big brother cool.”

  Zoe walked in then, headed for the wine rack, an empty bottle in her hand. Ignoring everyone, she replaced the bottle she held.

  “You’re depleting supplies, little one,” Alain said, his eyes narrowed on her.

  “I’ll go shopping,” Zoe said negligently, reaching for a new bottle.

  “You should eat something,” Athena advised. “Alain made mushroom soup, have some now.”

  “I’m not hungry,” Zoe said, about to turn away.

  “I’m not asking,” Athena said authoritatively. “Sit and eat now.”

  Glaring at her aunt, Zoe’s gaze moved to Zan’s curious face and she capitulated. It wouldn’t do to have Zan see her yell. Not relinquishing the wine bottle, she moved to sit beside Zan at the island table.

  “The sun is shining out,” Alain noted. “The twins say it’s beautiful out there. You should check it,” he said when he placed a bowl of soup before Zoe.

  Zoe didn’t comment and instead picked up the spoon in the bowl. Her stomach lurched at the thought of taking a bite and she stalled the action by playing with the soup.

  “You should try and sleep too,” Athena said with concern a few minutes later. Jessica was talking to Alain so Athena kept her tone low.

  “I can’t,” Zoe said shaking her head, “it’s not—

  “You’re going to fall on your face if you don’t sleep,” Athena said, her gaze on the dark circles under Zoe’s eyes. “You’re drunk and exhausted.”

  “Maybe it would be better,” Zoe said meeting her aunt’s gaze. “I’m tired. I’m sleepy but it’s not helping to sleep. I can’t function.”

  “Take your pills, my love,” Athena suggested. “Stop drinking, that’s probably what’s making this so difficult for you.”

  “I am taking my pills,” Zoe replied. “The drinking sends me to oblivion. I don’t want to wake up crying and screaming anymore.”

  “Zoe—

  “I’ll not have them pitying me also,” Zoe said in a bitter hushed voice.

  “Is everything okay?” Gabriella asked, worried about Athena’s urgent tone.

  Athena looked at her and would have spoken but Zoe beat her to it.

  “What do you think Mamma? Does everything seem okay?” Zoe snapped.

  “Zoe—,” Athena touched her right hand to stop her.

  “No!” Zoe cut her off. “I’ll not keep quiet, seems like I’m the only one disturbed by this situation. Why not get everyone else in the same boat.”

  “Terry, Sarah, please go to the beach,” Athena ordered, standing up, she helped Zan off his chair and urged Zelda to leave. Once the children were gone, Athena said, “I suppose you want to talk.”

  “Will talking help you?” Zoe asked, pushing the mushroom soup away. “Coz, I’m not seeing how it will help me. I’m drunk.”

  “You’re playing with your health drinking so excessively,” Gabriella said with a knowing look.

  “Oh quit the maternal comments,” Zoe said with a roll of her eyes.

  “I’m your mother, Zoella. Nothing in this world will ever change that. You have to know that I love you,” Gabriella said.

  “What does that mean to me? Should I believe it matters because you’re here? Because you know a few things about me, I should be happy and love you more?” Zoe asked. “You’re so very wrong.”

  “When did you get so bitter?” Gabriella asked. “I know you’re angry at me, but such bitterness, Zoella, you have to let it go.”

  “Let it go,” Zoe scoffed. “Do you think it’s that easy? Seeing that woman beside you in the same house with me after all that happened, do you think it’s easy for me? Or those children, knowing who their father is, I can’t stop the disgust inside me. You sit there and
ask me to let it go like it’s a simple issue, God!”

  “Zoe,” Julia said. “I’m here to make amends.”

  Zoe scoffed again. “You’re eight years too late. You shouldn’t be here.”

  “You know why am here.” Julia said, standing up to move to Zoe. She stopped when Zoe visibly cringed. “You never answered my letter.”

  “Why on earth do you care what I do?” Zoe demanded. “You should be happy you’re getting your husband back. Your precious family will be together again.”

  “It’s not like that anymore,” Julia protested in a quiet tone. She painfully remembered the accusations she’d flung at Zoe eight years ago. She’d been cruel then, hurt... “I’m sorry for what I said then.”

  “Good for you,” Zoe said getting off her stool. “I’m sorry you wasted a trip. I’m not going for that hearing.”

  “You have to,” Julia burst out, panic gripping her at the idea of Steve Harden free. “He can’t get out of prison.”

  “Your aunt is right,” Gabriella pointed out.

  “I can’t.” Zoe shook her head. “I won’t go.”

  “Why not,” Julia asked. “Are you happy knowing that he will be walking free? Are you going to feel safe, Zoe? What if he does it to someone else, or even Sarah?”

  Zoe threw the bottle of wine to the floor. The action so fast and angry it surprised them all including Alain who groaned at the waste.

  “You have no right talking that way to me,” Zoe said in quiet anger. What did they know of feeling safe? Nightmares were eating her alive, how could they understand that she didn’t know what safe meant anymore. “Tia Julia, you blamed me for destroying your family. I caused you pain and grief, you said. You had no thought for my pain! My grief! How dare you stand there and ask me to do this to protect your daughter.”

  “Zoe,” Gabriella gasped, shocked by all the pain in Zoe’s words.

  Misunderstanding why Gabriella had said her name, Zoe turned to her.

  “What Mamma, are you backing her up? Stupid question,” she shook her head, “you always have, even when I was counting on you to get me through the worst. I was a fool, wasn’t I? Do you know what it’s like to wake up screaming at night because I’m back there? Helpless, alone, being violated and degraded over and over until I want to die? Do you?”

  Athena held back a sob while Jessica bit her fist hard to keep from talking.

  It was too much, Jess thought, wanting to hold on to her sister and offer whatever comfort she could. But Zoe would only reject it.

  “If it were up to me,’ Zoe continued. “I’d castrate that bastard, and then shoot him to death. But it isn’t up to me, is it? I can’t think about him without shaking. How do you think I’ll face him?”

  “Zoe,” Athena said, moving to hug her but Zoe shook her head and ran a hand through her hair.

  It was because she was drunk, she thought. Otherwise she’d never bother to explain anything to these people. Everything was so messed up.

  Pointing to the wine, she said, “I’m sorry, Alain.”

  When he nodded, she hurried out of the kitchen in quick strides.

  *****

  Tears slid down Jessica’s face after Zoe left. She’d never stopped to think what life would be like for Zoe. But seeing her now, it certainly didn’t seem easy.

  “It’s going to destroy her if that bastard walks,” Jess said out loud.

  Gabriella sighed and reached for tissues from a box on the table. Handing them to Jessica, she hugged her daughter and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

  “We won’t allow it, not this time,” Gabriella said.

  “She’s so angry,” Julia said sitting down, “especially with me. Maybe this showing up was a bad idea.”

  “I’m not going to say it, you already know my opinion,” Athena said bending down to pick up the broken pieces of the wine bottle. Alain came over to help her. “But, you’re here; we should deal with the situation.”

  “How, when she won’t sit through anything without lashing out,” Julia asked.

  “Can you blame her?” Jessica asked, with a shake of her head. “Let’s not act like things were great back then, Tia Julia.”

  “I am not saying we forget anything,” Julia said turning to look at her niece, needing her to understand. “I’m sorry it had to be the way it was. I was angry and bitter back then. Who wants to accept that she’s married to a psychopath? I dealt with it, but now, I need your help to fix this. Steve Harden can’t come out of jail.”

  Gabriella sighed.

  Athena dumped glass into a garbage can and turned to look at the three women seated at the island table. Ever since she’d learned about the parole hearing, she’d been torn between Zoe’s vulnerability and the reality.

  In her heart, she knew what had to be done, she knew it. But Zoe was hurting. The last few nights, she’d held Zoe in her arms after those awful nightmares and wanted to chase the entire family out for bringing them back. Yet the only way for Zoe to deal with those nightmares was for her to return back to the States and face that hearing.

  Walking to the sink, Athena washed her hands. Her thoughts returning to a conversation she’d had with Sylvia two weeks ago.

  “She has to face Steve Harden,” Sylvia said. “He has become a negative force in her head. She won’t commit to anything in her life, if she doesn’t put that demon to rest.”

  “But—,” Athena shook her head, her gaze on Sylvia. “I can’t make her do it. She’s not ready.”

  “I understand you,” Sylvia said. “I’ve been trying to help Zoe accept the possibility that she might need to go there, but it is slow progress. We back peddle a lot. I don’t want her to be afraid to come and talk to me.”

  “I can’t do it.” Athena cringed at the thought of pushing Zoe to face that monster. “You haven’t heard her scream in fear, Sylvia. It’s extremely unnerving. I protect her from the world and how cruel it’s been.”

  “Protection is also harmful,” Sylvia said gently. “She doesn’t realize it but the love she has with Robbie has healed a lot of her wounds. What is hurting her now is fear. Fear of a life without Robbie, her music career, her happiness and it’s a really ugly fear. If we corset her she won’t fight that fear.”

  Athena turned off the water and reached for a hand towel. She faced the three women and said,

  “When Zoe first came to Greece, she was a shell. There was no life in her and she seemed like she would never react to anything for the rest of her life. You can imagine how shocking it was to see it.”

  Placing the dish cloth on the counter, Athena moved to sit on a stool across them.

  “She was sixteen but she seemed a hundred years old. The only thing that calmed her constant turmoil was music. Kenny used to make sure it was playing around her at all times. We literally forced her to follow the daily motions, like eating, bathing, taking a walk, and sitting out in the sun. We couldn’t get tired.”

  “One afternoon, after months of silence, we found her at the beach playing a violin she’d found in the music room at Aledeus. She was playing this complex melody called the devil’s trill, not many can master it. Just hearing her play was brilliant,” Athena said in awe at the memory of that day.

  “Zoe looked so alive. I’d never seen her look so beautiful. Thaddeus asked me to move in that day, so I could help her with her music. I didn’t hesitate,” Athena smiled, “by then I think I was already half in love with him. How could I let him down?”

  Jessica reached out and took Athena’s hand in comfort.

  Athena sighed. “The first night I slept at Aledeus was the night I heard it.”

  “Heard what?” Gabriella asked with a frown.

  “A scream so filled with fear it made my blood run cold. I dashed out of bed, thinking that we were being attacked.” She shook her head. “It surprised me to find that Zoe was the one screaming huddled in a corner of her bedroom, tears runnin
g down her face. When I finally calmed her down, she wouldn’t let me leave her alone.”

  “It should have been me with her,” Gabriella said quietly. It pained her that she hadn’t been there when her daughter needed her the most. What had she been doing those days?

  “It should have been,” Athena said. “But, I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, Gabby. I love your daughter like she’s mine. As the years passed by, the screams never disappeared, but they decreased. She put her trust in me and together we fought through it. Sylvia, her psychiatrist, did a lot, even prescribed her meds to help her sleep at night, but memories have ways of coming out when they are suppressed. She’d get panic attacks during the day from a shadow in the corner or a man walking toward her. It has been a combined effort to get her through the day. Zoe learned to deal with her problems and that’s why Tony is always with her.”

  “I can’t imagine what that is like,” Julia sighed. “I’ve heard it got pretty bad.”

  “Yeah,” Athena sighed, patting Jessica’s hand. “Peace came eventually. Robbie McClaire has a way with Zoe that the rest of us don’t, even Kenny.”

  “That bastard,” Gabriella said in surprise. “He is into drugs, booze and womanizing, what would he know?”

  Athena gave Gabriella a sharp look.

  “Robbie is a good man, with a great heart and a steady head on his shoulders. He loves Zoe. I would do anything for him because that man took away Zoe’s nightmares. He keeps her calm her on a level I’ll never be able to.”

  “Are you sure you’re talking about the same Robbie McClaire?” Jessica blinked; it was hard to reconcile the picture Athena was painting with the one she knew.

  “Believe me, you just have to get passed the public image,” Athena said on a smile. “If Thaddeus approves, I don’t see how you guys can’t. Anyway, my point here is that two nights ago, I heard that scream again and I wanted Steve Harden dead for destroying my careful work. Now all Zoe’s doing is getting drunk and sleeping when her body can’t take anymore. Damn bastard!”

  “What can we do?” Jessica asked. “There has to be a solution.”

  “It’s not as simple as saying stop,” Gabriella said. “Zoe’s afraid.”

  “That’s exactly what Sylvia said to me,” Athena said, meeting Gabriella’s gaze. “She also says that the only way to help Zoe is to get her to the trial. I wasn’t seeing how I could convince her to do it.”