Loving

  Brandon felt sick to his stomach, the way he felt too often these days. What was he thinking? He could never wait five years to enjoy life with Bailey, to marry her and love her the way he longed to love her. Five years would be an eternity.

  His mind kept spinning, searching for answers, any way to refute her claim and find a way out of the mess they were in. Only there weren’t any answers. No way to bridge his world and hers. He pulled his phone from his pocket again and dialed her number. If he could hear her voice, if he could make a case for their love, then maybe she would come to her senses. She wouldn’t have broken up with him if he were on the other end of a phone call or if they’d been talking on Skype. And certainly she couldn’t have ended things if they’d been together in person.

  He waited while the line rang. Pick up, Bailey … please pick up. But on the fourth ring the call went to her voicemail. “This is Bailey. I can’t get to the phone right now. Leave me a message and —”

  Brandon hit the end button. He wouldn’t leave her a message. No way. He would wait until he could see her. Whether that was through Skype the next time he came into town or in person when he was finished up in Montana.

  He looked down, half expecting to see a knife sticking out of his heart. The hurt was that bad. He wouldn’t leave her a message, but he wouldn’t give up either. He would pursue Bailey with every ounce of his strength, with all of his heart and soul. Once more he took his phone out and went to his Twitter app. It had been a week since he’d updated his feed, and now he opened a blank window and began to type. I’m not letting go, not giving up, not taking no. The answers are out there … all we have to do is find them. Then he hit the tweet icon. There. Let his million Twitter followers ponder that. By now they all knew that he and Bailey were apart. As much as the tabloids loved splashing their pictures beneath sketchy headlines when they were together, they had also relished Bailey’s departure from LA, pronouncing Brandon’s depression and Bailey’s sudden sickness. The lies would always be there.

  But in the end only the truth mattered.

  And now the days ahead stretched out like so many possibilities. No matter what Bailey said, he would believe. After all, God had brought them together. He would see them through this — even where it looked like there was no possible way. Brandon would believe that with every fiber of his being. Until he could look into her beautiful blue eyes and see for himself whether there was any truth in her text. Or if, like he suspected, she still loved him as much as he loved her.

  The way he would always love her.

  Twelve

  BAILEY HADN’T HEARD FROM BRANDON, WHICH SURPRISED HER. She googled him and found that she’d been wrong about his time in Los Angeles. He was still filming in Montana and would probably be there through the first few weeks of June. She had planned to spend a few weeks on the set, but her work with CKT left her no time, and she didn’t see the point anyway. He hadn’t responded to her texts, which could only mean he agreed with her reasoning.

  There’d been nothing. Not even a voicemail. Only one missed call in the last four weeks. The reality caused her to feel right about her decision and heartbroken all at the same time. Maybe she shouldn’t have broken up with him over text. But what other way was there when their cell connection was so poor? A few days after she sent her messages she saw his update on Twitter. She was pretty sure his words were directed at her. But there’d been no sign of what he was thinking then.

  Bailey pushed away the sad thoughts and focused on the matter at hand as she parked her car in the CKT theater parking lot. Ten minutes before she needed to go inside. Enough time to update Facebook and Twitter. Even though it had been a while since Unlocked, Bailey still had tens of thousands of girls following her, asking for advice and trying to find what Bailey had in her relationship with God and her family. It was the reason she was thinking about writing a book. Most of them had figured out about the distance between her and Brandon, so Bailey was careful to keep her social media tone hopeful. After all, many of the girls following her were probably in the middle of a breakup too.

  She went into her Instagram folder and found a photo of the morning sunlight splashing across the acreage in front of her parents’ home. She edited the photo with a different filter, one that brought out the colors even more, then she added a caption. “When God says He has great plans for you, don’t doubt Him. He’s never been wrong yet … XOXO, Bailey.”

  She shut down her phone, gathered her things, and headed for the front doors of the theater. It was Monday of dress rehearsal week for Peter Pan, and Bailey’s CKT kids were ready to shine. She could feel the energy as she stepped inside. Chaos abounded in every corner of the building. In the lobby a group of kids sat around a few moms working on makeup, and Bailey stopped to watch. Wasn’t it just yesterday she’d been the one sitting in the group and her mom was the volunteer helping with makeup? She smiled and moved farther into the building. Again, everywhere she looked, the kids’ excitement was bursting.

  With the help of Ashley and the rest of the creative team, she managed to get them all seated, their attention on her. “This is dress rehearsal, and you all know what that means.” Her tone was kind as she laid out the instructions, the dos and don’ts for this very important week. Again she was struck by how much fun this was, working with the CKT kids, taking a group of boys and girls and bringing a show to life. The work came easily for her, and the kids liked her. They listened and worked hard to please her, and along the way she and the kids had laughed a lot and made more memories than Bailey had expected. Especially when through it all her heart was breaking.

  Still, the one certainty that would come from directing this play was that she could do this work forever, if that was God’s plan.

  As she dismissed the kids to get ready for the first scene, she and Ashley took seats together in the front row. “What do you think?” Bailey felt a little overwhelmed. She hadn’t done this before, and now they were opening the show on Friday.

  “Are you serious?” Ashley gave her a bewildered look, one that showed she was amazed at how far they’d come. “You have an average cast, no real standouts, and somehow you’ve brought them together. Truthfully?” Ashley grinned. “I think we’re further ahead than usual for first night of dress rehearsal.”

  “I’m not Katy Hart Matthews.” Bailey knew her limitations. She had a lot to learn, even if she loved the work.

  “But you’re good. And in time you can be amazing at this, Bailey.” Ashley turned in her seat so she could see Bailey better. “Is this what you want to do?”

  Ashley’s compliment warmed her heart. Bailey was grateful that despite the mess of her personal life, Ashley rarely touched on it. Almost as if she knew Bailey would rather focus on CKT while she was here. Bailey thought for a quiet moment. “Sometimes I think that. How rewarding it would be to direct one play after another. Getting to know the kids and the families involved. Bringing stories to life.”

  “But …” Ashley must’ve heard the hesitation in Bailey’s voice.

  “I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’ll write a book. A way to help all the girls out there who read my tweets and hang out on my Facebook page. Like a best friend’s view on living life for God in today’s culture.”

  “Hmmm. Sounds good.” Ashley drew one foot up onto the wooden theater seat and hugged her knee. “I’d buy one. Us moms with daughters need all the help we can get. I wasn’t close to my mom until the end. After I’d already rebelled against everyone who loved me.”

  Bailey listened, thoughtful. She knew about Ashley’s past, but not the details. “It’s hard. No one’s perfect.”

  “No. But people watch you, Bailey. You and your mom … the way you carried yourself when you and Brandon were dating. Even the faith that has gotten you through your separation. They watch, and they want what you have.”

  “It’s not that complicated.” She smiled. “But yeah, sometimes I think it would make a good book. You should see the things girls a
re dealing with today. If I could help, I’d like to.”

  “Well, that settles it.” Ashley checked her watch. “You’ll write the book. How can you not?”

  Bailey laughed. “First we better get this rehearsal under way.”

  “Let’s do it.”

  The run-through that night didn’t go as well as Bailey hoped. Peter Pan’s cables broke before he could even climb into them, and Captain Hook’s beard fell off every time he made any sudden movements on stage. The falling beard set off a sequence of giggles and halfway through rehearsal Bailey had to call a break so everyone could collect themselves.

  She and Ashley stayed until almost midnight working on sets because a few parents had forgotten to paint the pirate ship. By the time she set off for home, she felt drained in every possible way. The house was dark again, her parents and brothers asleep — even Connor. Bailey dragged herself up the stairs and wondered like she did every night at this time what Brandon was doing, whether he ever thought about her.

  The way she constantly thought about him.

  She dropped to the edge of her bed, and her eyes fell on the old journal on the open bottom shelf of her nightstand. How long had it been since she’d opened it? She was in the process of starting a blog — the first step to writing her book. Even then, she wasn’t sure if she had much to offer the hurting girls who looked up to her. She didn’t have anything figured out, that was for sure.

  A few seconds passed while she stared at the journal, but finally — even in her weary frame of mind — she decided she had to read it, had to walk through the pages one more time and remember who she had been back then. How far she had come — in good and bad ways. She flipped through the pages, running her fingers over the worn areas and knowing from memory the sections where her tears had blurred the ink.

  Cody Coleman. Every entry was about him. This was the journal she’d kept when he joined the Army, when he was fighting in Iraq and she had no way to reach him. Back then she’d believed one day Cody would come home and they’d find their way together and someday … some wonderful day he would sit beside her and read this journal.

  Instead Cody was out of her life completely. She still missed his friendship. Missed the way he was like a brother to her. She turned the pages slowly, looking for one specific entry. The one that haunted her and stayed with her and troubled her — even today.

  She flipped through November and December and January, and finally … there on February 6, 2007, was the entry she was looking for. The one where she had felt compelled to pray for her future husband. The entry was intense, an emotional cry from her heart to the heart of God, begging Him to protect this guy, the guy she maybe didn’t even know yet. Rereading the entry now reminded her of the sense of urgency she’d felt that day. She found the part that always got her.

  I feel like he’s in trouble, God … like You’re telling me something’s wrong and I have to pray for him as if my own life depended on it. So I’m praying, Father. Please … be with him, my future husband. Save him from whatever he’s going through and breathe new life into him — however that looks. And as for Cody, Lord, You know I miss him and I’m worried about him. Rescue him from dangers all around him, and bring him home from the war soon. Thank You, God. I love You always. Bailey.

  Not until last year had Bailey put the dates together and figured out the miracle of the entry. For it was February 6, 2007, that Cody had been caught in a firestorm as he escaped captivity in an Iraqi prison. That very day he had helped save the lives of a number of men and had suffered the injury that caused him to lose his lower left leg. But he had lived. Bailey had prayed for her future husband to be protected at a time when she sensed he was in danger. And at that very time, Cody Coleman had been spared death.

  A tear slid down Bailey’s face onto the page. Even now, with her heart still missing Brandon, she wasn’t sure what to do with that truth. For so very long she had believed Cody was the guy God had brought into her life, the one who held her future. And if that wasn’t true, then how could she explain the prayer? The proof was right there in front of her. The journal entry dated the exact same as the date of Cody’s harrowing escape.

  She closed the journal and heard her phone vibrate on the bed. Probably Ashley, reminding her about something for tomorrow. But when she picked up the phone she saw she was wrong.

  The text was from Cody Coleman.

  Bailey stared at his name for several seconds. He hadn’t texted her since she’d returned from Los Angeles, even though it would’ve been just about impossible for him not to know. If he spent any time in a grocery store he’d seen the fact that she and Brandon had broken up. He also had to know she was back in Bloomington, because he kept in touch with her dad. Yet until now there’d been no word from him.

  She tapped her phone a few times and his text came into view.

  Hey, Bailey … thinking about you. God had you on my heart, so I prayed for you tonight. Hope you’re well. Let’s hang out sometime, okay?

  A chill ran down Bailey’s arms. She looked at her journal and back at the text. A coincidence? If not, what was God doing here? She and Cody had already agreed that they saw each other more as siblings. Bailey deleted the text and turned her phone off. Cody was the older brother she’d always wanted. She knew that was true, because as she fell asleep that night — like every night for the past two months — the face in her heart and mind wasn’t Cody’s.

  It was Brandon Paul’s.

  CODY WASN’T SURE WHY HE’D TEXTED BAILEY, except that he hated the silence between them. Especially now when sometimes he felt himself falling for someone new … maybe like never before. When he and Andi Ellison had started a friendship that all but consumed him. So far they hadn’t crossed lines from friendship to something more. But Cody could feel it coming. He was becoming captivated by Andi, no question.

  And Bailey still had no idea.

  Cody lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. His apartment felt lonely. DeMetri had moved in with one of the other Lyle football players so he’d be closer to the school. He wanted to train as much as possible before moving to Lynchburg and starting school at Liberty. In the meantime it was the third week of May and Lyle was on summer break.

  Finally, Cody had made up his mind about what he was going to do next year. Andi made the answer easy. He was moving to Thousand Oaks in a week.

  The hardest part had been telling his Lyle players goodbye at the sports banquet before school let out for the summer. By then Cody knew he wasn’t coming back, and he’d told the guys as much that night. The players seemed to understand, though a couple of them had tears in their eyes when he hugged them goodbye.

  Especially DeMetri.

  “You won’t forget me, right, Coach?” DeMetri tried to grin, tried to keep things light, but the hurt in his eyes was clear.

  “Come here, you crazy kid.” Cody grabbed him by the neck and hugged him again. “You’re family. I’ll find my way to Liberty at least once a season.”

  DeMetri tried to talk, but instead he only nodded and patted Cody a few times on his shoulder. After a few seconds he managed a quiet, “Bye, Coach. I love you.”

  “Love you, too, Smitty.”

  Cody would never forget walking out to his truck when the banquet was over. DeMetri and a few of the guys gathered at the school door and watched him go. When he was halfway across the parking lot, they yelled out to him, “Hey, Coach … whose way?”

  Cody turned and smiled one last smile in their direction. Then, through teary eyes, he finished the chant that would stay with him forever: “His way!”

  That wasn’t the only tough goodbye.

  Already he’d visited his mom in prison and told her. She’d been given good news as well: She was going to be released early. Sometime before Christmas, most likely. Cody assured her that when it was okay with her parole officer he would move her to California too. That way she could be near him and find a fresh start. Which was maybe what they both needed.

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sp; Tara knew too, and she had heard all Cody’s thoughts and feelings. On every front the older woman was thrilled for him. “Thousand Oaks. Mmmm. Beautiful place.”

  “How do you know?” The conversation had happened yesterday over their last Sunday dinner.

  “Google Earth, of course.” She looked at him like he’d just asked her to spell her name. “I love Google Earth. Got to zoom in on the place and walk around with the little Google Man. Took myself a tour of the high school too.” She waved her fork in the air. “I like flying. I ever tell you that, Cody?”

  “You never did.” Cody struggled to keep a straight face. “So you’re saying you’ll visit?”

  “Visit? More like an extended stay!” She dug her fork back in the green beans. “You ain’t getting rid of me that easy, Cody. No, sir.”

  Yes, all the loose ends in Indiana were tied up and ready for him to leave. He’d even talked to Jim Flanigan and explained the reasons he was taking the job over the one at Clear Creek. Jim understood. Oaks Christian was the greater challenge. If he could build a winning program there, he could possibly coach at the college level.

  “Maybe one day you’ll be back.” Jim had met him for coffee, and as they left he hugged Cody. “Coaching the Indianapolis Colts with me.”

  “That would be a dream.” Tears burned at Cody’s eyes as he said goodbye. The truth was he didn’t know if he’d be back.

  “Have you told Bailey?” It was the last thing Jim said. “I don’t think she knows you interviewed in California.”

  Cody was glad Jim didn’t share everything with his daughter. But at the same time the news presented the dilemma he was wrestling with now. The fact that Bailey didn’t know he was leaving. And she didn’t know about him and Andi.