Loving

  His cell phone rang and he reached for it on the table next to his bed. “Hello?”

  “Hey.” It was Andi. “One week and you’ll be here.”

  Her voice soothed his concerns and made his heart soar all at the same time. “I can’t wait.”

  She laughed and then went into a story about her day and how one of the sets collapsed and nearly trapped two of the actors. The whole time she talked, Cody couldn’t help but think how right this felt, this new connection with Andi. They had everything in common, after all. They understood what it meant to have a broken past, and to live with things about yesterday they would never be proud of. Andi wasn’t a distant ideal, she was a girl he could relate to no matter what they talked about. And despite everything about their pasts, they shared a faith stronger than rock.

  “Let me guess.” Andi’s story ended and she paused for a few beats. “You still haven’t told Bailey.”

  “Hmm.” He hated the thought. “I haven’t. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s awkward, that’s all. I mean, Cody, we’re just friends, you and me.” Her voice was patient and understanding. But her concern was clear. “Please … it’s getting weird not telling her. Like, I’ve talked to her twice since you and I started talking, and both times I couldn’t bring you up.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I really want to tell her.” Cody massaged his temple with his thumb and forefinger. “I texted her tonight.”

  “Oh.” Andi’s tone held a level of caution that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “What did you say?”

  “Nothing, really. Just told her I was praying for her, thinking about her.” Even as he said the words, he realized how they must’ve sounded to Andi. He was quick to clarify. “I mean, it was clearly a friend thing. Anyway, she didn’t text back.”

  “But you’re moving here in a week.”

  “Right.” Cody sat up and leaned over his knees. “I’ll take care of it. I’ll talk to her.”

  “What do you think … I mean, how do you think she’ll react?”

  “I don’t know. That’s why I haven’t made the call. I mean, she and I have both agreed we only want to be friends. But we’re not friends.”

  Andi let that truth hang between them for a few seconds. “Maybe that’s what we should pray for. Not just that she’ll understand about our new friendship. But that we can all be friends.”

  Cody was amazed at Andi. In light of their past and how Cody had clearly been in love with Bailey back when they were in college, Andi had every reason to be jealous. But she wasn’t. She was a new person in Christ, and she had full confidence in herself and the value her life held. The fact was hugely attractive to Cody. “You’re very special. Have I said that lately?”

  She giggled. “Every night, I think.”

  “That’s crazy, right? We’ve talked every night.”

  As the call wound down, Cody pictured her, the way she had looked sitting across from him at Starbucks that day. “I can’t wait till we can talk in person.”

  “Me too.”

  They talked a few more minutes and then said goodnight. Cody had to pack and clean his apartment and load everything in his truck, but if God was going to answer their prayers about a friendship being rekindled with Bailey, he had to do one more very important thing.’

  He had to tell her about Andi.

  Thirteen

  THE FIRST WEEKEND OF PETER PAN WAS BEHIND THEM, AND BAILEY was grateful for all the ways it had gone well. Captain Hook’s beard had only fallen off once — during the Saturday night show — but the audience loved it and thought it was part of the act. They howled with laughter as the boy playing the part held it to his face through the remainder of the dance number and then gave them a funny look as he sprinted off stage.

  Live theater would always be like that. The entire experience made Bailey realize that whether she was dancing on stage or directing, the thrill was the same. Being part of a musical made her feel alive, like she’d been created to be part of a theater troupe.

  They still had one more weekend of shows, but they were on track with no injuries or major illnesses, and Bailey could hardly wait for tomorrow: Memorial Day. She planned to hang out with her family and relax. Something she hadn’t done much of since she returned home.

  Bailey climbed into her sweats, cleaned up, and crawled into bed. For the sweetest moment she pictured Brandon, how much he would’ve liked the show and how happy he would’ve been that nothing had gone wrong. That there’d been no major disasters. He was still on set — finishing up his sixth week, if she’d counted right. So his tweets and Facebook status updates had been spotty at best. And once again they were cryptic, encouraging his fans to stay in the fight and hold tight to God and believe that He wasn’t finished writing their story.

  She was about to turn off her light when her phone rattled on the nightstand. Cody had started texting her nearly every night. Usually he’d give her a Bible verse or some sort of encouragement. She kept her answers short, thanking him and telling him it was good to hear from him. She had no idea why he’d renewed his interest in her. But there was one truth she couldn’t hide from: seeing his name on her phone still made her smile. A quick look told her what she already knew. The text was from Cody again. She opened it and saw that it was longer than usual.

  Hey, Bailey … you’re probably wondering why I’ve been texting you this past week. I guess it’s because I hate that we’ve lost touch. I still care about you, about your family. You’ll always mean so much to me. And I’m sorry about you and Brandon. I know this can’t be an easy time for you.

  Anyway, here’s what I was thinking. Can I pick you up tomorrow morning around nine and take you out to Lake Monroe? I think we need to talk, and … well, you know. That’s where we go when we need to talk. What do you think?

  Bailey had to read the message twice to figure out how her heart felt about the text. Cody was asking her to take a walk with him at Lake Monroe? What exactly did that mean? She tapped out her response. Okay. I think you’re right. We should talk. It feels wrong to be strangers. I’ll see you at 9.

  A few seconds passed and another text came in. See you then.

  Bailey stared at it and then turned her phone off. Sleep came in spurts, because usually she had a sense of where God was leading, how He was making His ways clear, His plans evident. But with Brandon gone and Cody finding his way back into her life, even in small doses, she didn’t know His plans anymore. She only knew that she needed to take the walk with Cody.

  Her mom spotted her when she came down the stairs that Monday morning dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. “Good morning.” She smiled as she lowered her cup of coffee. “You’re ready early.”

  “Cody’s picking me up.”

  Surprise showed on her mom’s face. “Is something wrong?”

  “I don’t think so.” Bailey sighed and went to her mother. She looped one arm around her neck. “It’s confusing. I mean, I still love Brandon. I do. But that can never work. And now I’m here and Cody’s here and the other day I read the journal entry again, the one from that February. I don’t feel about him the way I used to, but … I don’t know. He wants to get together and talk, so I’m going.”

  “Aww, Bailey. I’m sorry.” Her mom stood and hugged her, rocking her gently like she’d done when Bailey was a young teenager and every heartache possible seemed to crash in around her. “This can’t be easy. You’ve hardly complained, but I know you.” She pulled back and studied Bailey’s face, her eyes. “God has a plan in this. You’ll see it one day.”

  “Somehow I don’t think today’s that day.” She blew at a wisp of hair that had fallen across her forehead.

  “I’m not sure.” The house was quiet, everyone else sleeping in on this holiday Monday. “But maybe it’s part of the puzzle. One more answer.”

  Bailey shrugged. “I don’t know.” She leaned her head against her mother’s. “I just wish Brandon would call. So I’d know what he’s thinking.”

 
Her mom was kind. She resisted what must’ve been the urge to remind Bailey that she had ended things with Brandon, not the other way around. Instead her mom stroked her hair. “I’ll pray for you, Bailey. The answers will come.”

  They heard the sound of a car outside. “I better go.” She kissed her mom’s cheek and then hurried for the door. As she did she remembered what her mom said. The answers might not come today, but maybe part of the puzzle would become clear.

  Please, God … let that be the case. Let me know where things stand with Cody. Where they will stand after today.

  I am with you, daughter … whatever happens, do not be discouraged.

  The answer seemed strange in light of the rustle of excitement stirring within her, but it was there nonetheless. Why would the Lord remind her not to be discouraged on a day when Cody only wanted to talk? She dismissed the thought and headed out front to Cody. Like every time he’d ever parked his truck on her circular driveway, Bailey felt the familiar thrill at seeing him. But this time as she reached his passenger door a thought occurred to her.

  Why hadn’t he gotten out and rung the doorbell? The way Brandon would have? Certainly a light knock wouldn’t have woken anyone up, if that’s what he was worried about.

  Again, Bailey let the thought go. He wasn’t taking her on a date, after all. She hurried to the passenger door and slid inside.

  “Hi.” He smiled at her, and the walls and weeks between them faded in a single breath.

  “Hi.” She leaned over and hugged him. “It’s good to see you.”

  “You too.” He let his eyes linger on hers, and then he put the truck into gear, grabbed the wheel, and headed toward the lake. Along the way he mainly asked her questions about CKT and the play.

  “The kids are really talented.” She settled into her seat. “You should come see it. We have one more weekend.”

  “Yeah.” He kept his eyes straight ahead and made no promises.

  Funny, she told herself. He could at least agree that seeing the play was a good idea. She tried to keep her emotions even, steady. If they were finding their way back to friendship, she couldn’t ask too much of him. They reached the lake and took their same parking spot, the one they’d used so many other times when they’d come here to talk or walk or figure out their feelings. Bailey felt butterflies in her stomach, more because she didn’t know what was coming than because she was with Cody. The whole situation felt strangely unfamiliar. Bailey breathed in slowly.

  Give me Your peace, Father … I need You.

  The response wasn’t audible. It simply was.

  I am with you, daughter.

  Like a constant assurance Bailey carried with her, God remained. All things might change. Love could come and go and friendships could fade. But God stayed. It was the truth that kept her company on the loneliest nights.

  Not until they’d started down the path did Cody slow his pace and glance in her direction. That’s when Bailey noticed something she hadn’t before. He looked nervous. Whatever was going on, why ever he had wanted this time with her, the words weren’t going to come easy. Not from Cody.

  “Okay.” He drew a deep breath. “You’re probably wondering why the walk. Why now, right?”

  “Of course.” Bailey had no reason to be cold. The temperature was warm and getting warmer. But still she felt herself begin to shiver. “There has to be a reason.”

  “Yes.” Cody let his eyes find some place on the ground ahead of his feet. For a long time he looked there and let a slightly uncomfortable silence hang between them as they walked. When he looked up, fear wasn’t the only thing she saw. Sadness was there too. “There’s a reason.”

  Bailey didn’t feel like walking. Not if whatever Cody had to say was troubling him this much. There was a bench up ahead. “Let’s sit.”

  He nodded and a few minutes later they sat down. Cody seemed careful to allow as much space between them as possible. Bailey did the same, leaning against the metal armrest. She had to work to keep her teeth from chattering. At least here the sun splashed through the tree branches and warmed their faces. “So talk to me, Cody. What’s the reason?”

  Again he seemed desperate to avoid whatever was coming. He shifted, restless and uneasy and after a few long seconds he lifted his eyes to hers. “I’m leaving. Tomorrow … for California.”

  Bailey felt the slow release of adrenaline. Once, a long time ago, Cody had helped Bailey’s family spend an entire afternoon looking for the Flanigan’s dog, Brownie. Slowly, with each passing hour, Bailey had the feeling something wasn’t right. That the search wasn’t going to end well. When she spotted her mom headed toward her and Cody, tears on her face, Bailey had known. Brownie was gone. It wasn’t a sudden shock, but more of a slow fall. The way she felt now.

  She worked to find her voice. “California? Like … for a visit?”

  “No.” Now that he’d started to explain himself, Cody seemed in a hurry for her to understand. “I’m taking a new job. Football coach for Oaks Christian High.”

  Her mind began to spin, and she pressed her spine into the armrest again. Anything to steady herself. “What about the kids at Lyle?”

  “One of the dads is taking over. DeMetri and most of my team are graduating. I never planned to stay there more than a year.” He sounded weary. “I was finished there. God made that very clear.”

  “So …” Bailey still felt dizzy. “You’re moving where? To Los Angeles?” The irony was greater than any she had ever experienced. She couldn’t stand LA, and now both the guys she’d ever loved would be there.

  “Outside LA. The school’s in Thousand Oaks.” He angled his head, and for the first time that morning he looked at her. Really looked at her. “Near where Andi lives.”

  If Bailey had felt her world turning before, now she could barely catch her breath. “How … how did you know that?” She and Andi talked once a week or more. God had restored every bit of their friendship. But Cody? He hadn’t mentioned Andi since their days in college.

  “It’s kind of a crazy story.” Again Cody looked nervous, and once more he stared at the ground before finding the words. “We met up for coffee a month ago, the day I flew out for my interview.”

  “How’d that happen?” Bailey had no right to feel jealous or angry or sick to her stomach. But somehow every one of those feelings crowded the space in her heart.

  “We talked on Facebook before I flew out.” Cody explained that they had decided to meet for coffee. “We talked and remembered and … well, it was nice.”

  The confusion cleared a little. “Oaks Christian. Her dad was filming a movie not far from there.”

  “Exactly.” Cody rubbed the back of his neck and again a strange silence squeezed in between them. “Anyway, we exchanged numbers and started talking.”

  Bailey closed her eyes for a long breath and when she opened them, she tried desperately not to feel hurt. “On the phone? Like the two of you have been talking?”

  A long pause followed. “Every night.” Cody looked guilty and if she knew anything about him, he felt as sick as she did. “I wanted to tell you all this, but I couldn’t say it over text. Can you see that, Bailey? I had to tell you in person.”

  A hundred screaming thoughts battled for her attention, but Bailey could only deal with the one that got in her face the fastest. “So … are you two dating?”

  Cody looked at her again, straight to her soul. As if whatever he was about to say was as honest as he could be. “Not yet. But … when I get there, to Thousand Oaks, I want to ask her out. See if what I’m feeling for her is real. Does that make sense?”

  No, she wanted to scream. Of course it didn’t make sense. Cody had been in love with her, not Andi. Back in college Andi had always liked Cody. The times when Bailey felt the furthest from her friend were the times when Andi would text Cody or call him or flirt with him. Like she had no shame.

  “Bailey?”

  She held up her hand. “Give me a minute.” She stood and walked to the
edge of the hillside, out where she had a better view of the lake. Cody was taking a job in Thousand Oaks. Where Andi Ellison lived. Anger and hurt and the pain of rejection — all of them assaulted her. But only for a minute.

  God … help me. My feelings, they’re wrong. I can’t act like this. Please, help me.

  His answer came again like earlier that morning, only this time it made sense.

  I am with you, daughter … don’t be afraid. Don’t be discouraged.

  The Lord didn’t want her to be discouraged, although right now Bailey couldn’t understand how she was supposed to feel any other way. Either way, she couldn’t stand here much longer, letting Cody know how upset she was.

  She straightened and turned to face him, holding her position a few yards away. “I’m sorry.” She forced a laugh, but nothing was funny. “I didn’t see this coming.”

  “I know.” He stood, but he didn’t make an attempt to come to her. “Andi wanted me to tell you a long time ago. Back when we met for coffee.” He shrugged, but he didn’t look away. And in his eyes she saw the familiar heart, the one she’d fallen so fully for back when she was a school girl. “But I couldn’t, Bailey. I didn’t want to hurt you. Not any more than I already have. Than I always have.”

  She didn’t want to cry, but she was still breathing. And as long as there was breath in her lungs, the news he was sharing was bound to hurt. She couldn’t stop that part. Tears clouded her view and she blinked so she could see him. “It’s okay. I’m happy for you, Cody. Maybe …” Her voice cracked and she brought her hand to her throat, easing the tension of the muscles there. “Maybe she’s the girl you’ve been waiting for.”

  “Back in college, things were … they were so different.” His soul shone in his eyes, and he crossed his arms, struggling the same way she was. “Andi’s … she’s not the same girl she was.”

  But I am, Bailey wanted to shout. Instead she dabbed her fingertips beneath her eyes and nodded. “I know. She’s wonderful. God’s changed her.” She fought the well of tears trying to find their way out. “Completely.”