Fear To Live For
CHAPTER 2
He was surprised to hear my scream. I knew it because I saw him slip on those dangerous rocks as he looked around for me. I screamed again and I ran towards him. Mommy always told me to help others.
Kevin always said I was strong. I thought if I could stay still on the rocks long enough as his support for him to manage to climb back to safety, I could save him. At that time, the fall was a little far from me and I thought I could definitely do it.
I kept running until I reached the edge of the slippery rocks. The poor man was barely able to breathe and hold himself on the rock with his two hands at the same time. As I began to take my first step onto the rocks, the curious part of me wished me to look up.
My left leg froze in mid-air as I truly saw the scary sight of the falling water in front of me. It looked like it could crush me under just like I often crushed ants with my small shoes. I began to shake and I was scared, far more than I had ever been before. When I began to feel like I was going to lose my balance, I put my lifted leg back on the ground. My vision began to blur and I knew I was going to cry, if I wasn’t crying already.
I looked at the sinking man, no, my teacher Ms Andrews told me it is drowning not sinking, and let out a strange sound, as if I was screaming without being unable to breathe, when I saw that he was not able to keep his head out of water for long enough time and one of his hands was now in the water, moving around quickly, trying to find some support.
Knowing that I should try to help him before anything happened to him, I began to run to him. The cold water of the fall made me shake a lot and I knew Mom and Dad won’t like my wet clothes. I will also have a cold now and won’t be able to play with Kevin for three days, just like the last time I had a cold. The push of the water was also very hard to resist but being a strong kid, I resisted. A part of me kept screaming at me to just go and get someone else for help but I knew it would be too late.
Three times I almost fell but recovered somehow. By the time I reached him, I knew that he was just about to lose his other hand’s grip. Only two fingers had a strong hold on the rock and he clearly seemed to be finding it difficult to keep holding.
I slowly bent downwards while shivering and began to look for a way to help him. Just that instant, I saw his hand begin to slip completely into the water and I knew that he was going to go to sleep forever, just like my granny’s elder sister did a year ago. She had looked beautiful, almost like a doll my friend Claire liked to play with, but I had doubt if he would look so good.
I have no idea what made me do it but I immediately stopped trying to get down slowly and immediately held his hand with both of my hands to hold him. Several things happened at once then.
Firstly, I heard a huge sucking in of breath and I felt happy. Happy to know that this person was still awake. Happy that I was really so strong. It stayed like that for a moment and then the happiness turned to terror as I felt my feet leave the ground immediately as I got carried away with him because of the water and a scream escaped my lips. A terror, to be forever unmatchable, held me and I couldn’t even let go of him. In that moment, I wished I had made a choice. Third was the coldness that filled me as soon as I touched the water and clutched to only source of outer warmth I had, the hand I was still holding. I held the fingers as close to me as possible and thought of my family. I wished we were always going to live together, not apart so that I would not have to choose between dad and mom. I love mom a lot but I would rather be with dad here, at home.
After a few seconds, I couldn’t breathe and I began to move around, trying to get air. Instead, I only got more of the cold water. The need to breathe air was almost unbearable and painful and when my mind finally began to calm down, as if I was going to sleep, I began to relax.
Just before I fell asleep though, I felt something move a little near my chest and something touch my back.
I woke up again and began to cough.
“Turn to the side and let it all get out, kid.” A gruff but young voice said and I immediately followed, feeling better a lot instantly. I had immediately recognised that the voice was unfamiliar and as soon as I was able to take a few breaths properly, things returned to me with a rush. “You have been out for fifteen minutes, tops.” He informed me.
A few tears came down the cheeks as I asked in a scratchy voice, “What happened? Who are you? Why am-“My words were cut off by a sudden coughing spree. When it finally subsided, I looked at him and the water that still held on to him made me remember everything immediately. I looked around and saw that we were indeed near the bank of Witchbury Falls, the exact place from where I had seen him step into the water.
As soon as I remembered that fact, I looked at him and asked, “What were you doing? You walked into that cold and strong water on those slippery rocks! Have you lost your marbles, like Kevin says to his crazy-going grandmother?” I tried but barely managed to avoid yelling at him. Then I looked at him carefully, in order to memorize his appearance while he seemed to look at me, as if doing the same.
He was quite tall, almost six feet, and his skin was a little dark but not like the wet mud near the banks. His hair was black and he was only wearing black jeans, which was also wet. He was barefoot and his stomach seemed to be going inside his body in a definite shape, as if he had placed something to make six small square blocks to come out of his stomach. So, I asked him, “Don’t you eat food? Your stomach is going inside, as if it is eating itself in certain places inside.”
Once I finished, I looked up at him to see him trying to stop smiling. Before I could say anything, like promise to never talk forever, he said, “Don’t worry about me kid. You will know about this soon enough. Now tell me, what were you doing here alone? And why did you come into the water? It could be far more dangerous if I hadn’t caught you in time.”
Before he could continue, I said in anger, “It was dangerous to you too, you know. You would have gone to sleep, just like my granny’s elder sister did a year ago.” After a small pause, I added, “And you still did not answer my question yet.”
He let out a breath in anger and then said, “Would you believe me if I told you that I wanted to watch the waterfall from the inside?”
“If you hadn’t sounded so... so much as a know-it-all and with a better voice, yes. It is a curious place, this fall. People just come to stare and leave but never try to look it from within. I am not allowed to come here alone and I am scared to try it alone so I haven’t done it yet.” I replied honestly. Then I added, “What’s your name?”
He gave me a weird look my parents gave me whenever I disturbed them too much and said, “Why do you want to know that?” “Because my parents ask me not to talk to strangers. If I know your name, you won’t be a stranger to me anymore. So, what’s your name?”
“You can call me Ed. It is not my real name but it is better if you don’t know my name. Now that you know that kid, leave.” He said, saying the word ‘leave’ with force to make it appear as a command. Too bad for him that I didn’t want to leave.
“Ok, Ed. So what were you doing in the falls? Don’t lie. Ms Andrews says it is bad to lie.”
“Is there any way I can make you forget this ever happened?” He asked as he leaned back and sat on the grass next to me and stretched his legs. “No.” I answered honestly.
“Will you promise to keep this a secret? You must not tell this to anyone, not even your best friend, alright? Do you promise?” He asked after a long time of silence.
I thought about it and I found no reason to say yes. “Why?” I asked. “Because what I am about to tell you is special, very special and I don’t want to share it with a lot of people. You can even tell that you went for a swim while clothed to explain your wet clothes.” He said, pointing to my wet clothes.
Now I just said lying is a bad thing but I believed in keeping secrets more, so I just nodded. He gave me a small smile and said, “All right kid. Listen carefully. I sincerely hope you would just forget all about this. Shh.” He ‘
shh’-ed me when I opened my mouth to ask what sincerely meant. I kept quiet and he continued.
“You see kid, adults often have to make choices, difficult choices. And there is always a fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of regretting about it. I had that fear too. Then, something happened, something dangerous. I was very sad about a choice I had to make but still hadn’t made. When I nearly went to ‘eternal sleep’ (he spoke of it in a voice full of some sort of amusement), I realized what I wanted. Surprisingly, I survived and I did as I wanted. Now I am happy and I had a way to deal with difficult choices. That is what I was doing, you get it now kid?” He was clearly expecting me to say no and ask some useless questions.
Instead, I asked, “What choice did you need to make now?” For a moment, his amused face cracked in surprise and I barely controlled my smile. Then he said, “You got it, didn’t you kid? I repeat, never tell this to anyone. It may be hard but don’t tell. Its results will not be good. I hope you never use this but still you must know, once you do it a couple of times, you will be addicted to it. It will dull your normal feelings and you will have an itch for more. So unless it is very important to you, do not use it. There are risks you must take and have faith, if it fails, do not blame someone else. By trying this, only you are responsible for its effects, got me kid?”
He didn’t continue until I verbally agreed. Then he got up and began to walk away from me and said, “I would pray to heavens that you forget this or at least, never get to experience this. Because fear disables you only to a limited extent. After that, fear gives you wings. Whether it is light or heavy is never something to be certain of.”
I turn away and begin to walk away home, thinking about what happened tonight and his last words. A prayer would be wasted tonight because I have already experienced it once.
And I want it again.