Deep Redemption

  “Bella,” Ky growled again. “Fuckin’ MOVE!”

  “NO!” I shouted back and pushed my arms out further, shielding Rider from them. “If you want him, you will have to go through me first.”

  “That can be fuckin’ arranged, darlin’.” A giant redheaded man was glaring at me. “Your boy here is fuckin’ payin’ the price for being a rat. The fucker has to pay. He made that deal with us when he put on that patch five years ago. He knows what needs to be done.”

  “No,” I said again. “You will not hurt him anymore.”

  The redheaded man laughed sardonically. “Yeah, we fuckin’ will. You weigh ‘bout hundred pounds soaking wet, sugar. You ain’t stopping us. Your man here is gonna die. That’s the price he’s willing to pay. Tonight he crosses to Hades.”

  The color drained from my face, but I held strong. I held strong as two of the men began advancing my way. Then a loud gasp sounded from the back of the room. I looked to the doorway to see Mae, Lilah and Maddie rush into the barn. My sisters’ mouths fell open as they took in the scene before them.

  Mae came forward first, pushing through the thick gathering of men. Her blue eyes looked up at Rider and filled with tears. “Bella,” she said in a pained voice. “My Lord, what have they done?”

  Styx took her by the wrist and yanked her to his side. Lilah’s and Maddie’s husbands followed suit, pulling their wives into their arms and away from me.

  “Bella,” Maddie whispered, shaking her head at the sight of Rider hanging from the unyielding chains.

  Ky broke through the silence. “Enough!” he shouted, then faced me. “Bella, I don’t give a fuck who you are, and Lilah”—he turned to face his wife, then Mae and Maddie—“you know not to fuck with club business.”

  Styx began to sign something and I watched as my sister read his hands. Her head dropped in worry. Ky crossed his arms over his broad muscled chest. “You need to leave.” He tipped his head at Rider. “He fucked with us. Now he pays with his fuckin’ life. Don’t expect you to understand, but that’s the fuckin’ way it is. Bitch or not, you ain’t got no fuckin’ say. Tonight he dies. And he dies real fuckin’ slow.”

  I shook my head in utter disbelief of their cruelty, and let my fury free. “NO!” I bellowed in his face. “It is you who does not understand!”

  Ky raised one eyebrow, but I did not care for his condescension. I would speak. I was tired of being silenced by men. I would speak, and they would listen!

  “Do you know what he has been through? Do you even care what his life has been like? Have you ever questioned why he has done what he has done? Have you ever wondered what it was like for him to be brought up the way he was? No! Not one of you have. If you had, you would not be doing this to him!”

  “We couldn’t give a fuck how he was raised,” one of the brothers—the man with the shaved head, Tank—said.

  I met the sorrowful eyes of my sisters, safe in their men’s arms. And I laughed, but the laugh held absolutely no trace of humor. I looked up at Rider, and my soul ached. They did not care. How could they not care?

  “How could you not care?” I found myself asking aloud. “How do you stand here and tell me you do not care about his life when your women have endured a similar fate?” I looked at Styx. “Mae was brought up in the same way. Conditioned from birth to act a certain way, believe certain things.” I looked at Ky. “Lilah was segregated from her family, and they never cared that she was ripped from their arms, because they believed she was created by the devil.” I pointed at Lilah’s face. “My sister scarred her own face because of what happened to her in the commune! Because of what we were ingrained to believe!”

  Ky shook with rage and pointed at Rider. “By his fuckin’ hand! He had her raped, bitch! Or have you lost your fuckin’ mind?”

  “He didn’t!” I snapped back. “His brother did. You can lay the blame at his feet for what he has done, but he did not condone those acts. He did not order those crimes. Even your wife believes that, though she is too terrified to tell you to your face!” Ky whipped his head to look at Lilah. She kept her head down.

  “And Maddie,” I said, in a gentler voice. “What was done to her was the worst of all.” Flame, her husband, bared his teeth in response and clutched her to his chest. “Judah, Rider’s brother, would have no doubt put children through the same abuse as she suffered. But he did not get the chance because of Rider. And Rider was thrown in prison because he killed a man for taking a child! He endured daily beatings because he fought for what was right. He saved the life of a woman he barely knew because he could not see yet another innocent be tormented under the guise of God. He brought me back to my sisters because all he wanted me to be was happy. And he willingly walked through your gates of hell, knowing he would die!”

  My lips trembled, and I faced my sisters. Each one of them. “If I had known my return would have meant sacrificing his tormented soul to your unforgiving men, I never would have allowed it.” Mae’s eyes widened. “We wanted freedom and kindness. All I have seen since I came here is cruelty and vengeful bloodlust.”

  I stepped forward, my legs threatening to buckle. I forced them to stay strong. They would not see me fall. Sighing, I addressed Styx. “Not one of you blamed my sisters for being so conditioned to The Order’s ways. You pitied them. Gave them safety and guidance in the outside world. But because Rider is a man you show him no mercy.” Hot tears fell from my eyes and I coughed back an angry sob. “He was taken from his parents, raised in isolation. He was alone his entire life, with only his evil, manipulative twin by his side. He never had anyone to care . . . to love him in the way he deserved to be loved.” I breathed deeply. “We Cursed Sisters at least had each other. He had only his brother . . . the brother he just killed to save us . . . to save all of you!”

  I walked back to Rider, almost breaking when I saw a tear fall from the only eye he could force open. I lifted my hand and laid it on his waist. “I love you,” I whispered, then turned around, all my strength gone.

  “He killed the only person he had in his life because he knew the world would be a better place without him.” I stared at Ky. “Could you kill Styx with your bare hands? If you felt you must?” I shook my head. “You could not, just like I could never kill Mae, Lilah or Maddie. But Rider did. And I now realize that he did so knowing he would give himself up to you . . . to torture, to punish and to kill.”

  I wiped away my tears. “But if you take him from me, then you will take away my heart.” I met my sisters’ eyes. “You will take away my reason for living. Against the odds, we found one another in hell. I will not let you take him from me when we have finally completed the treacherous journey to heaven’s gates. And if you do . . . then you can kill me too.”

  My head dropped and I sagged in defeat. But I meant what I had said. I had not come this far to live without him. “He deserves to live,” I whispered. “A man who would risk everything to atone for his sins to such a degree . . . a man who would sacrifice himself so others could live deserves to be saved. How”—my breath hitched—“How can you not see that? How can you be so cold?”

  I stepped back until I was at Rider’s legs. I stood my ground. I would not move unless they either freed him . . . or killed me first.

  The brothers all stared at me, then looked to one another. Ky eventually inched forward, an unforgiving harshness in his stare. And my stomach plummeted. I could see his answer.

  Rider would die.

  Then I would die too.

  “Bella,” Ky said sternly. “Move the fuck—”

  Ky’s words cut off when Lilah moved from his protection, walked forward and joined me at my side. I stared at my sister in astonishment. Lilah cast me a watery smile and threaded her hand through mine.

  Lilah looked directly at her husband, who was staring at her, open-mouthed. “Li!” He moved toward her, but she held out her hand and shook her head.

  “After what that prick let happen to you?” Ky asked. “After all the shit we
’ve been through since you came back from that hell?”

  “He tried to save Phebe. She trusted him. Believed in him. And he saved Grace so that our lives could be blessed with a child of our own.”

  Ky gripped onto his hair and shouted, “And he let you get gang fuckin’ raped! Burned, lashed and raped!” I flinched as he shouted those words. But Lilah stayed calm.

  “It happened to me,” she said softly, and my chest bloomed with pride. Lilah met her husband’s tortured gaze. “It all happened to me. And I choose to forgive him. I choose to see his life spared. I will not see any more blood spilled in my honor.” Lilah sniffed lightly. “The commune is gone because of him. He killed so that we would have life. He saved Grace from Judah so we could have her as our own.”

  Ky turned his head away. I caught a flicker of movement from my left. I braced myself, expecting someone to try to get to Rider amid the distraction. Instead I saw Maddie push out of her husband’s arms. Flame dove forward to pull his wife back. Maddie turned and, with a strength I’d never heard from her before, shouted, “No!” Flame staggered back in shock as he watched Maddie come toward me. She nodded her head at me and took hold of Lilah’s hand.

  A wall. We had created a protective wall around my husband.

  Maddie straightened her shoulders.

  “Maddie,” Flame whispered in a sad, guttural voice.

  Maddie met her husband’s eyes. “I love you, Flame, but I will not lose my sister. I will not let Rider be killed. I am sick and tired of all the hurt and pain.”

  “He hurt you. He took you from me,” Flame snarled.

  Maddie shook her head. “No. He let me go. His brother took me from you. His brother, whom he killed to save us.” She placed her hand over her chest. “Flame. By hurting Rider, you will hurt me. Deep in my heart.”

  Flame’s black eyes flared. “No,” he said. “I don’t want you to be fuckin’ hurt. It’s not gonna fuckin’ happen.”

  “I know you don’t,” she said and smiled, nothing but love in her eyes.

  Flame looked around at his brothers, then threw his blades to the ground. He turned to the redheaded man beside him and took the bar from his hand. The dark-haired man on his other side shook his head, but threw his bloodied blade down too. Flame faced the men and screamed, “Throw down your fuckin’ weapons or I’ll kill you all where you stand! None of you will touch Maddie. Not a single one!”

  A flicker of hope built within me as the brothers began looking at one another uncertainly. Then my heart almost burst as Mae stepped out from behind Styx’s shadow. Styx didn’t move as he watched his fiancée walk toward me. “Mae,” I said softly.

  Mae stopped in front of me, and looked up at Rider hanging from the chains. “A man who sacrifices everything for the woman he loves deserves to be saved. I wholeheartedly agree. But more than that”—Mae smiled at me and kissed my cheek—“he deserves someone brave to fight for him, to show him he is good when he believes he is not. He deserves you . . . just as much as you deserve him.” Turning to Styx, she said, “To get to Rider, you must go through Bella.” She inhaled, then said firmly, “And to get to Bella, you will have to go through all of us.”

  Mae took hold of my hand. As one linked unit, we faced the so-called devil’s men. The Cursed Sisters of Eve, protecting the fallen false prophet of The Order . . . and I had never felt so free.

  “Prez?” Someone finally spoke. “Are you just gonna stand here and let this fuckin’ happen? These bitches ain’t got no place here. They got no fuckin’ say.” But Styx did not answer. He stayed fixed on Mae, his arms crossed over his chest and his jaw as rigid as his tense body.

  Rider let out a low groan, and I spun my head around. “Help me,” I said to my sisters urgently. I rushed to Rider and tried to reach his chains. Mae moved to the wall and I saw her pull down on a lever. The chains groaned loudly as they began lowering him down. I reached out and caught his broken body in my arms.

  “The keys,” Lilah said to Mae. Mae retrieved them from a hook on the wall and brought them to Rider’s wrists. My sisters undid the cuffs as I leaned over his swelling, injured face. His one open eye tracked me deliriously. He groaned when one of his arms fell free from the chain. I rubbed the muscles with my hand, trying to get the blood to flow back to his limbs. “Bella,” Rider said huskily. “You should . . . have let me . . . die . . . ”

  I shook my head. “Never, baby . . . never.”

  A tear seeped from his eye. I wiped it away with my thumb. “Help me move him,” I said to Maddie. She moved to Rider’s other side, and we tried to lift him off the floor. Rider hissed in pain. “He is too heavy,” Maddie said sadly. Lilah and Mae looked on hopelessly. But one was injured and the other pregnant. I would not let them harm themselves.

  “It is okay,” I said. I stroked back Rider’s long hair from sticking to the wound on his chest. “I will stay here with him. Bring me water and bandages.” I took hold of his hand. “I will stay here with him until he can walk again . . . until he can walk away from this hell of a place.”

  “Bella,” Mae said and I could hear the sadness in her voice. I loved my sisters, but she knew I was not going to live here without Rider. I would not live in a place of hate.

  Never again.

  I looked up, about to plead my sisters to do as I asked, when someone began pushing through from the back of the crowd of men. Low murmurs came from the brothers. A long-haired man stepped toward us. I crouched over Rider, to shield him from whatever this man was about to do. The man held up his hands.

  “Smiler?” Mae said. My head snapped up. Smiler. Rider’s old best friend.

  He inched forward. “Can I?” he asked.

  Lilah smiled at me and nodded her head. I trusted her completely.

  Still holding Rider’s hand, I leaned back and let Smiler in. He crouched down and wrapped his arms around Rider’s back. He pulled him up; I helped hold up Rider’s other side. I looked across at Smiler, and my heart ached. His clothes were clean. He had no weapon. He had no bloodstains on his chest.

  He had not taken part in the punishment.

  “We need to get him to my room,” Smiler said, taking the brunt of Rider’s weight as we carried him forward. I felt my sisters walking strong behind me, and the feeling that washed over me almost brought me to my knees. As lost as I had felt in this outside world, as distant as I felt from the women they were now, this blew all those worries away.

  We left the barn, and Smiler flicked his head at a vehicle close by. “Get him in the truck, I’ll drive him up to the clubhouse.”

  Rider’s feet dragged on the muddy ground as we struggled to support his weight. But we got him into the truck, his head cradled in my lap. As Smiler pulled away, I stared down at Rider and stroked his wet hair. His one open eye was once more fixed on me. The white of that eye was red raw. Even in his fractured stare, I could see his love for me shining through . . . but to my sadness, I could also see regret.

  He had wanted to die.

  Still wanted to die.

  I bent down and kissed his forehead. “I will not let that happen,” I whispered, for his ears only. “I will not let you be alone ever again.”

  Rider’s eye closed, and he slipped into a deep sleep. We got him into Smiler’s room in the clubhouse. He slept on the bed as Smiler—apparently a novice medic—stitched his wounds.

  My sisters and I, in silence, cleaned my husband’s wounds. As his blood washed away on the white rags, I prayed that the cleansing water would bring with it a rebirth.

  I was not sure how much pain Rider felt he needed to endure to finally be redeemed. But I knew—we all knew—he had suffered enough. I just needed him to believe it too.

  Because I loved him.

  And I would gladly be his redemption, if he would finally forgive himself first.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Styx

  “What. The. Fuck?” Viking spat as we heard Smiler’s truck speed away from the barn.

  I hadn’t moved.
I hadn’t fucking moved one step. My chest muscles were about to rip from the tension.

  Ky ran his hand down his face. “What the fuck now? The bastard hasn’t paid for turnin’ coat.”

  I stared at the blood pooled on the floor beneath the chains. But my vision blurred ‘til all I was seeing was Mae, holding Bella’s hand, her eyes fixed on mine. I ain’t ever seen her so fucking determined about anything as she was in that moment. As pissed as I was, my fucking black heart swelled with pride too.

  She’d had Bella’s back. All fucking four of them stood protecting that piece of shit’s life. Like fucking beautiful warriors.

  I turned to face the brothers, who were all watching me. Tank flicked his chin. “We can’t let him live, Prez.”

  My jaw clenched.

  Mae. Fucking Mae. I hadn’t known she would ever rise up against me. But then I hadn’t known what she would do for her sisters. Now I fucking did.

  AK ran his hand over the nape of his neck. “Smiler, the little fuck. What the hell was he doin’? The fucker just met all our eyes with zero fuckin’ shame as he carted the rat out of here.” I remembered. But more than that, I remembered how Mae had walked behind them, clutching Lilah and Maddie’s hands . . . never once looking my way.

  “Helpin’ his brother,” Cowboy replied from where he rested against the barn’s wall. The laidback Cajun had his arms crossed over his muscled chest and his foot resting against the wood. He looked fucking bored, unlike the rest of the brothers. Cowboy pointed at Hush beside him. “Would never see me cuttin’ this guy up in revenge.” He shook his head. “Don’t fuckin’ care if he shot up a whole fuckin’ town, I wouldn’t fuckin’ do it.” He flicked his chin in the direction of the door. “Smiler never took one strike at Rider. Thinkin’ he still sees him as his family. Thinkin’ he forgives him too.”

  Viking laughed. “Think it’s ‘bout time you go change your tampon, Cowboy. You bein’ on the rag this heavy is makin’ you real fuckin’ emotional.”