Reluctant Knight, The

  The desired affect of a smile came, followed by a barely heard chuckle as he once more focused on her. "They're complaining, but I tell them to take it to Headmaster Cid. If you haven't heard from him, then don't change what you're doing."

  Janine saluted. "Yes, sir."

  Then Cmdr. Squall's smile faded again, back to the serious expression. This time he halted and fully faced her. "Janine."

  Halting, she crossed her arms, doing her best not to look a smart-ass. Here we go again. "Sir?"

  "I noticed it's been a year since your last visit with the psychologist."

  Janine nearly grimaced. "So?"

  "Make an appointment."

  Her temper rustled as she adjusted her crossed arms, still holding his still-serious blue-gray eyes. "Is that an order, sir?"

  "It's a suggestion. A strong one. If you won't without an order, then I'll make it an order." He paused, and the intensity on his face didn't lessen, giving Janine a slight glimpse into why he was Garden Network Commander. "Don't make me make it an order," he told her, voice as calm as before.

  Momentarily clenching her jaw, she curtly nodded and then motioned deeper inside the T.C. "Now I really need to beat shit up. Sir."

  The intensity in his expression lessened somewhat. "Give them a second," he told her as he faced forward, looking into the deeper greenery. "Sometimes they try and sneak up on me."

  The thought sounded so ludicrous that Janine couldn't help but laugh.

  ~*~

  Seifer continued to smirk as he sipped from his coffee mug on the way up to Squall's office. Damn. A week. An entire Hyne's holy-awesome week of sharing secrets and strokes and secret rendezvous at the 'Forbidden Area' in the Training Center, pushing the thrill to the very edge and then backing off. And each time was a rush because she always did something different--slow-dancing to music being his favorite--making Seifer begin to wonder if she had worked as a stripper before enrolling at Garden.

  His control and her patience both amazed the hell out of him.

  The thrill of confessions had fallen to the wayside, sacrificed to the one of keeping their fling a secret. Occasionally Janine would reminisce about candidate mishaps she'd had, but that was usually only to try and one-up him. Seifer's lips twitched higher. She always let him win.

  Most of the time now they argued about Garden politics, Seifer's newly acquired policy of 'tread cautiously but carry a big god-dammed gunblade' catching her totally by surprise. Janine, like everything else about her, leaned more toward the aggressive side. The discussions, heated debates, or very-vocal arguments--whatever the hell they really were--were damned fun, and the two usually found themselves laughing by the end because of some smart-ass quip the other launched right in the middle of the hottest part.

  Seifer chuckled and stepped off the main elevator to move to the secondary. It came down, Squall aboard.

  "Seifer," he greeted, "I was just coming down to security to talk to you."

  He took another sip of coffee as he crossed his arm under his other. "Regarding?"

  "Larabie. Did you ever get that sub-file on her from Trabia's chief of security?"

  "No, and it's annoying the hell out of me. Contacting him today. Can I threaten?"

  Squall's lips twitched slightly as he gave a one-shoulder shrug. "Whatever." Then his expression grew serious. "You okay now?"

  Seifer raised an eyebrow. "With what?"

  "I noticed a few mistakes last week," Squall explained. "Not like you, only I didn't get a report from Ahndra. Is it handled?"

  Seifer's smirk returned. "Completely."

  Squall nodded. "Good. I don't have anything else. Just let me know about Larabie's sub-file. What you've reported so far is fine, but I'd like to have a complete record."

  He curtly nodded. "I'll get on it."

  Squall turned and boarded the secondary elevator again as Seifer about-faced and returned to the main. He pressed the button for the basement level and again sipped his coffee with a slight smirk and a chuckle. If this is what Dincht and Marshal have every damn day . . . Seifer cursed himself for missing out this long.

  The elevator opened and he stepped out. Sally was just sitting down at her computer with a handful of reports. "Regal."

  She looked up as he approached her desk and timidly smiled. "Good morning, sir."

  He nodded a reply and then asked "Any response on that record request sent to Trabia? It's been nearly two weeks."

  Sally motioned over her shoulder, half-turning while pointing to his office. "It came while you were with the Commander, so I put it on your desk."

  Seifer headed for his office. He securely closed the door before picking up the file and scanning it. He paled and slowly leaned against his desk. ". . .fuck."

  ~*~

  "Oh you're kidding."

  Janine shook her head. It amazed her some of the answers the candidates gave to explain basic Battle Theory. Some of them were quite ingenious. Others were downright strange.

  Chuckling, Janine wrote out the explanation as to why the answer was wrong. "Try again, dear. And this time read the assigned chapter."

  Her computer in the second-story classroom chirped, waking from stand-by to show 'Accept Message?' for a secure webcam window. Janine noted the I.D. and smiled. She hit return and Seifer's face appeared.

  Janine lowered her pen. "Hey, babe," she greeted in her favorite 'come-hither' tone. "How's my favorite Head of Security?" The smirk and smart-ass quip didn't come. Janine's smile wavered, and when he didn't look up, she turned toward her computer. "Seifer? What's wrong?"

  "Report to my office," he said in a guarded tone. "Immediately."

  He didn't sound pissed. In fact, he didn't sound anything at all. "Sure, big guy," she acknowledged slowly. "I'll be there in five."

  Seifer absently nodded, and his gaze still didn't meet hers. Then he terminated the connection and the monitor returned to the operating system screen. Janine tapped a rhythm on the table with her fingernails. She hadn't seen Seifer like this since day one. Janine slowly stood and headed out of the classroom and into the corridor to the main elevator. The week with Seifer had been incredible; nothing but a collection of arguments, thrills, sarcasm, and damned awesome nights of passion taken to the brink and then cut off. Janine had been around the bend quite a few times before, but Seifer was the first man she didn't mind waiting for.

  Stepping aboard the elevator, Janine pressed the button for the basement level and then crossed her arms. There wasn't anything wrong with their relationship. The thrill burned just as bright. The chase had just taken on a different focus. One that Janine didn't know how to explain. But it was a rush.

  The elevator stopped and opened. Janine stepped off and headed down the hall past Ahndra's office and toward Sally, who was positioned on the corner of the entry hall and the path leading to Seifer's office. Sally gave a shrug in answer to Janine's silent 'What's wrong?' Janine gave a slight nod and continued on. She tapped on the door and then opened it.

  Seifer briefly looked up from a report before gesturing her inside. "Shut the door."

  "Sure." Janine clicked the door shut and then stepped forward.

  "Have a seat."

  Janine lowered herself into the chair across from his desk while examining his face. He continued to focus on a folder on his desk. His expression looked . . . shaken. It almost frightened her. "So, what's going on?"

  Seifer slowly closed the folder before lifting his eyes to meet her gaze. He leaned back in his chair. "It's been a wild week, Janine. We haven't given over deeper secrets."

  And his expression wouldn't let Janine believe this was foreplay. "I didn't mind all that much," she said carefully, still watching his expression.

  A single finger on Seifer's right hand began to tap a solid rhythm on the arm of his chair. "Give me a secret, Janine."

  Janine crossed her legs as she leaned back a little in her chair. "Sure. How juicy you want it?"

  He lowered his gaze to the folder on his de
sk. "Whatever," he said, and his voice was uncharacteristically tender.

  "Sure." Janine cleared her throat and crossed her arms. "Um, let's see--I'm afraid of the water."

  Seifer's lips twitched and he lifted his gaze to meet hers. "You? Afraid of something?"

  Janine smirked, but his teasing still didn't ring right. "Yeah, well, don't expect me to admit to being afraid of anything else."

  "Why water?"

  Janine adjusted her crossed arms. "I nearly drowned a couple times when I was a kid. It was only in a couple inches, but it was enough to scare me shitless. Now I can barely stand the sight of water. I have to be drunk off my ass before I'll set foot in it."

  Seifer's lips twitched upward again as his gaze lowered back to the folder. "It seems we're all talk."

  Janine scoffed. "Hell. Everybody's afraid of something. It's just whether or not they let it control their life." He expression went blank. That made Janine lean forward. "Babe, what's wrong?"

  "What would you say if I gave you the opportunity to speak to the one responsible for the Galbadian missile attack on Trabia?"

  Janine leaned sharply back. "Wha--"

  He lifted his gaze again.

  Janine shook her head. "That isn't funny, Seifer."

  "I'm not joking."

  "What would I say?" she repeated, frowning. "What would I say? I'd storm down to weapon lock-up and see if we had a missile I could ram up their ass. I'd burn the hell out of their friends and see how well they deal with it! I'd blow the shit out of their ears and leave them begging for mercy! But what would I say?"

  Janine glared at Seifer with clenched jaw and sparking eyes--and then noticed the dark look in his eyes and the pale color of his cheeks. Her anger dwindled, but only because of the dread once he looked back to the folder.

  "Oh shit, no . . . ." Janine clutched the chair. "No."

  "I gave the order."

  And Janine felt as if she'd been stabbed, and her stomach twisted so violently she vomited. Seifer moved to her side, making a motion as if to comfort or console her--rage launched her to her feet, where she staggered.

  Seifer held her gaze, eyes a dark emerald. "Jani--"

  She grabbed his shirt and slammed him against the nearest wall. "You fucking bastard," she hissed. "You took away my chance to ever hear again." She slammed him again. "You killed my friends." And again. "You killed Jennifer!" Then she punched him so hard in the face that she felt and heard her knuckles cave. He didn't even raise a hand to block.

  "You feel like a big man now? Jerking around the one you stole everything from? Huh? I'm talking to you, soldier!"

  Seifer didn't answer. He only stared at her with dark eyes, blood oozing from his mouth.

  Janine pushed away and spat in his face. "You don't deserve to wear the uniform." He held her gaze, still silent. Janine reached behind her ears and detached the assists to throw them in his face. "Go to hell," she hissed, and she slammed out of the office.

  Seifer lowered his emerald gaze to the small black pieces of technology at his feet... He slowly bent to pick one up, fisting it in his hands moments before he turned to slam his fist into the wall. "Fuck!"

  Chapter Twelve

  Twisted Dreams of Romance

  Janine reloaded her gunblade, pausing the action long enough to wipe the sweat and blood from her face with her arm. Her white tank-tee and Balamb-blue sweats were wet with the same. Her arms and legs showed cuts, welts, and bruises. She clicked the cylinder back in place and rotated her shoulder, wiping still more sweat from her face before striding farther into the Training Center. 'I gave the order.' Janine clenched her jaw, absently noticed a rustle of leaves to her right, and slashed the grat before it realized it had offended.

  Janine kicked the limp carcass aside and again moved forward. Rage flared and boiled. She didn't understand why he told her. From his expression he knew what her reaction would be. Knew she would be mad as hell. 'Mad' didn't cut it. 'Pissed' didn't cover it.

  Janine felt the reverberation of the crash and halted, readying her stance and adjusting her hold on the haft of her gunblade. The ground shook and the vibration of the snapping trees warned of its coming--the culmination of her rage. The embodiment of her desire for revenge.

  T-Rexaur broke through the line of trees as Janine glared up at him. Fighting back the hate for a man she had come to desire more deeply than anything. Choking on the need to forgive--Janine pushed it away, her glare deepening as the T-Rexaur lowered its head and bared its teeth with a ground trembling roar.

  She curtly lifted her chin. "Bring it."

  ~*~

  Janine felt the doctor's examination of her profile as she tightened the bandage around her ribcage. But Janine didn't move her glare from the opposite wall.

  "Why are you trying to kill yourself, Janine? One-on-one, unjunctioned, with a T-Rexaur?" Dr. Kadowaki shook her head and fastened the bandage firmly in place. "Not smart. And I know you're not like that."

  Janine took up her stained white tank-tee and slipped it on over her head, adjusting it over the bandage. "Forget it." She slipped off the examination bed, taking up her gunblade as she moved toward the exit to shove through the doors.

  She strode down the sidehall and made her way down the main corridor toward the Training Center. 'What would you say if I gave you the opportunity to speak to the one responsible for the Galbadian missile attack on Trabia?' Janine clenched her jaw as she adjusted her hold on her gunblade. Her burn itched with the memory of his touch, trying to soothe a pain he caused. Fuck you.

  Janine turned sharply down the side-hall of the Training Center, stalking past the exiting candidates just released from class and slamming past the metal doors to the greenery beyond.

  "Yo, Janine! 'Sup?" She didn't respond. "Janine! Hold up!"

  Janine halted, turning on Zell with flashing eyes as he approached. He stopped and leaned away from her, hands raised. "What do you want?" she hissed.

  "Nothing," he assured quickly.

  "Then leave me alone."

  "Sure. Sure," Zell said, backing off.

  She stalked deeper into the Training Center. 'I gave the order.' Janine choked back the tightness in her throat. Why did you tell me? Why didn't you tell me? It was a secret he shouldn't have told. A secret he had to tell. A secret that shouldn't have existed. A secret that made him who he was.

  "Damn it," she choked out.

  ~*~

  tap-tap-tap "Hey Seifer? Gotta sec?" Zell peeked his head around the office door.

  Seifer raised his unseeing gaze from the reports on his desk, one hand still clutching a small bit of technology. "What."

  He closed the door after him and lowered himself into the chair across from Seifer's desk. "What's up with you and Janine?"

  Seifer's hand tightened around the assist. "What do you mean?"

  Zell leaned forward, expression unusually serious. "You can play dumb all you want, but I know what I saw, and it wasn't no simple H.O.S. new-Instructor beat-down. You and Janine were tight; like Fujin only different." He pointed at Seifer. "So if you want to be an asshole and deny anything's been screwed to hell, go ahead. I still want to know what happened so I can keep Janine from bashing her brains in at the T.C."

  Seifer's mind focused. "What?"

  "Yeah. She's in the T.C. wailing on as many T-Rexaurs and whatever hell other things have been put in there as she can, by herself."

  Seifer strode around the desk, but Zell blocked his exit. Seifer's gaze hardened. "Step off."

  "I'll step off and go with you as soon as you tell me what's going on."

  Seifer shoved Zell away. "None of your business."

  "I'm making it my business," Zell once again stepped between Seifer and the door. "You're an ass and Janine can be a bitch, but you're still SeeD. When SeeDs are having shit thrown at them, others go help. So that's what I'm doing."

  Murder flashed in Seifer's gaze, but Zell didn't back off. "You want to help, Dincht? You want to help?" He grabbed Zell up by
the shirt. "Give me a way to take back an order," he hissed. "Tell me how the hell to make her forget that I killed her best friend!"

  "What?"

  "Janine was at Trabia, and now she knows what I did. She knows that I gave the order!" Seifer pushed Zell back. "I don't need your help, Dincht! Now back off!"

  Zell did, eyes slightly wide as he lifted his hands in the air. "Okay. Sure."

  Seifer slammed from the office, hand still clutching the assists.

  ~*~

  Janine leaned against a tree, right arm so exhausted she could barely lift the gunblade. She wiped the sweat and blood from her face with her arm before adjusting the leather gloves on her hands. Her muscles ached. Her vision was blurred. Dizziness made it difficult to walk. But still she pushed herself from the tree and staggered forward, wiping more sweat and blood and tears from her face. 'I gave the order.' And she saw Jennifer's broken and bloody body. 'I gave the order.' And she saw the dozens of graves of fellow SeeDs. 'I gave the order.'

  Janine choked on a sob, again wondering why the bastard held the position of H.O.S. when he murdered so many. Again wondering why Selphie hadn't already beat his ass to shreds. Again wondering why Sally said 'He's not a bad guy. He just has a hard job.' He murdered SeeD. He turned against Garden. Surely they knew!

  Janine stumbled and fell to her knees. "Damn it." She submerged the blade-tip of her gunblade into the ground and used it to push herself to her feet. "That all you got?" She glared at the greenery around her. "Bring it! I'll take you all!"

  A firm grip turned her around. She glared into the emerald gaze of the one man she didn't--she wrenched her arm free and staggered backward. "What was it like, soldier? Giving the order to murder SeeDs. Give you power? Give you a rush?" She forced her aching and exhausted muscles to raise her gunblade. "I'll give you a rush you won't soon forget."

  Seifer just stood there, arms at his sides.

  Janine sneered. "All talk and no action." She spat and then lowered the gunblade until its tip touched the ground. She clenched her jaw to keep from leaning her weight against it. "How do you sleep at night, asshole? Huh? How do you sleep with their voices screaming in your mind? Screaming for revenge. Screaming in pain as their half-burned bodies still smolder--"