Reluctant Knight, The

  Seifer's gaunt features actually paled.

  She nodded several times as she swallowed the tears back. "Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought. Easier to do it from miles away. Blast them to hell and all you've got to do is give the order." She staggered up to him and said "Don't sleep too heavy, babe. I'll gut you the first chance I get," before pushing roughly past him, gunblade tip still dragging on the ground.

  ~*~

  The lights flickered. Janine cringed as she forced her stiff and aching body to sit up. "Yeah."

  The door opened to reveal Selphie. "Hiya, Janine." Selphie came in the rest of the way, Sally on her heels. Both were dressed in jeans and sweatshirts. "Wow. You look like crap. What happened?" Sally gave Selphie a push and a meaningful look, to which Selphie said "What?"

  Janine would normally have found the situation amusing. "What do you girls need?"

  "I thought you said she asked you to go?" Selphie asked Sally.

  Janine cringed as her muscles began to twitch. "I asked who to go where?"

  Sally wrung her hands. "I thought we were going shopping this weekend."

  Janine would have slapped her forehead but for the pain. "Sorry, Sal gal. Forgot."

  "Now that we've reminded you . . . ." Selphie turned for one of the dressers in Janine's room and started searching through the drawers.

  "Selphie--" Sally hissed. "What are you doing?"

  "Getting her clothes," Selphie said, matter of fact.

  Sally looked about to protest again. "Sal." The girl looked over at Janine with a flushed face. "It's okay. Shopping might be just what I need."

  "Oh. Okay."

  Janine carefully pushed herself to her feet, grunting and cringing with the pain of the effort as Sally watched in concern. "I'm fine, Sal gal." Janine motioned to the left side drawer of her desk. "Can you get me the pain-killers in the red bottle? Thanks."

  Sally gathered the pills as Selphie turned with a pair of black jeans and a Balamb-blue t-shirt. "Here you go," she said, smiling.

  Janine changed, putting on her secondary pair of assists before accepting the pain-killers and the glass of water from Sally. Janine tossed a couple back, finished the water, and then said "All right, girls. Let's go." as she ushered them out of her room.

  They set out toward the parking lot, Selphie directing the conversation to possible places to visit in Deling in order to find the perfect dress for the birthday evening the following month. Janine noticed that Sally only listened half-heartedly while sending occasional glances her direction. Don't ask, Sal gal. You're liable to get an ear full. Especially since Janine couldn't understand why Seifer had been accepted back into Garden.

  He should have been court-martialed.

  He should have been executed.

  Selphie ushered the girls into the car, designating herself as the driver, and then set off toward Balamb and the train station. Sally kept watching Janine, even from the back seat. Selphie only continued to chatter about classes, final exams, and some of the funnier essays she'd had to correct that week.

  I found the killer of my best friend, Janine wanted to say. And I found it's the same person who blew our Garden to hell, Selphie. Only, he's your H.O.S. and you act like he hasn't done a damned thing! Janine clenched her jaw and fisted her hands as she glared out the window. Maybe they didn't know. Maybe she was the first one he told. Maybe it was a true secret.

  I'll make damn sure it's told. And I'll screw your life as much as you screwed mine.

  The trio arrived in Balamb. Selphie parked the car and they headed toward the train station, boarding after purchasing their tickets. The conductor/stationmaster urged them aboard and then shouted "All aboard" as they entered and used their tickets to gain entrance into the train car.

  A few minutes later, the train headed out of Balamb for its first stop: Timber.

  Selphie giggled. "It doesn't matter how many times I ride the train; I love it."

  Sally kept sending Janine sidelong glances. Janine leaned back in the seat and crossed her arms as she stared down at the carpet at her feet.

  "So." Selphie sat down beside her. "What's the matter?"

  Sally watched Janine in silence.

  Oh I don't know. Seifer Almasy is a mass-SeeD-murderer? "Leave it."

  Selphie and Sally exchanged glances. "Janine," Sally began hesitantly. Janine clenched her jaw. "Zell said you--"

  Janine turned on her, and immediately felt a pang of guilt. "Said I was mad as hell? Said I wanted to thump his ass? Said I looked like shit? What, Jennif--" Janine paled and looked away, covering her face with a hand. "Leave it," she hissed.

  "Wow. You're right. Sally is like Jennifer," Selphie said after a moment's pause.

  "Who's Jennifer?"

  Selphie rested a hand on Janine's back, who cringed but didn't move away. "Jennifer was a friend of ours at Trabia. She was a sweetie. Kind of shy, too. Is that what's wrong, Janine? You're still blaming yourse--"

  "Hell no! I don't have to blame myself anymore! You want to know why? Because the bastard told me he did it!"

  Selphie's expression showed disbelief. "He . . . he told you?"

  Janine turned on Sally, recognizing the scared expression but not allowing a reaction. "You want to know who told me who blew our Garden to hell? Seifer! You want to know who did it? Seifer! He gave the god-damned order to blow my friend to hell!" Janine turned on Selphie, finger pointing hard in her chest. "And you knew! You knew and didn't tell me, you little bitch!"

  Janine made a move to punch Selphie in the face, but she blocked the hit and the one that directly followed.

  "Janine!" Sally cried. She leaned forward and quickly wrapped her arms around the woman, holding her arms at her sides. "Stop!"

  Janine swore, struggling against the arms around her and the hands holding her wrists. Her brown eyes flashed as she held Selphie's gaze. "Why haven't you done anything about it, Selphie! The bastard's sitting practically untouchable, and no one gives a damn that he murdered SeeDs with one order!" Janine pulled against Sally's hold, but the girl wouldn't budge. Janine's throat tightened, and she choked on a curse. "He murdered Jennifer, and Timothy, and Andrew... and Colby and Andrea... and Debra and Elle..."

  Janine stopped fighting against the hold as the sobs racked her body, tears burning down her cheeks. Sally slowly adjusted her hold, instead wrapping her arms around the woman in a tight embrace. Janine raised her hands to cover her face, still listing names of those SeeDs and friends that would never again see the Trabia snowfields.

  Selphie watched the woman with a sad expression. "I know, Janine. I watched the missiles go."

  Anger flashed and Janine lowered her hands. "Why in the hell didn't you do something?" She gestured roughly back toward Balamb. "He's sitting his ass there at Balamb and no one gives a shit that--"

  "You don't know the whole story, Janine," Selphie interrupted.

  "He gave the order! What the hell else do I need to know!"

  Selphie stretched her hands out toward her. "Janine, do you really think that Seifer Almasy is the kind of man to murder SeeDs? He's Garden through and through! You know--"

  "Then why the hell did he give the order? Huh? Why the hell did he launch those missiles at Trabia and Balamb if he's so damned loyal to Garden?"

  "He was controlled, Janine!" Selphie said passionately. "Remember? You know as well as I do he was under the control of a Sorceress! I know you know!"

  Janine felt as if she'd been kicked. "Oh my god."

  "During that whole thing he was being controlled and manipulated and forced to do things that Seifer wouldn't do." Selphie pointed in Janine's face. "That's why we don't talk about it. Because we know that he beats himself about it every day. Every time he looks in a SeeDs face he knows he might have killed them. He knows that one day he might find out that they lost a sister or a brother or a close friend to something that he ordered to happen."

  Janine covered her face with her hands, cursing herself for losing herself to the rage and lust f
or vengeance. "Damn it." Everyone knew Seifer and Matron were controlled during the second Sorceress War.

  "Do you know what that's like, Janine? To live with that every day? To remember giving the order that annihilated an entire Garden. To hear yourself giving the order to kill fellow SeeDs and not be able to do anything to stop it?" Selphie released a deep sigh. "I don't know why he told you. He doesn't talk about it, to anyone. Especially not if he knows they're from Trabia."

  Janine took in a ragged breath. It had been a secret Seifer hadn't needed to confess, and now she needed to find out why he had.

  ~*~

  Seifer glared at the deep and fresh indentation patterns in the rich soil and grass of the Training Center. Then he lifted the gunblade to begin the cycle again. His glare deepened. He didn't understand his confession. He didn't talk about that secret. It countermanded everything he ever stood for. Everything he ever believed in. Rumors already ran rampant about the depth of Seifer and Matron's control by the Sorceress, but that one fact Squall insisted he keep to himself.

  Seifer cursed. And he didn't revisit that past. That command. The weakness that allowed his anger and rage to be manipulated and used--the gunblade lowered, pressed into the earth as Seifer rested both hands on the pommel and pressed his forehead against them. Her friend's death. Her scars. Her deafness. When he saw her file, he knew what he had to do.

  Janine deserved the release from the hate.

  Seifer rose to his feet, pulling Hyperion from the ground to stare down at the blade. The final battle was coming for them. A battle she needed to fight. A battle he couldn't win. Janine deserved her revenge, and what else could a man like him give her? He had taken everything else.

  He heard the crisp ringing of blade leaving scabbard and tensed, his grip momentarily tightening on Hyperion's haft. Then he slowly turned. Janine in black jeans and another white tank-tee. Gunblade drawn. Expression guarded as dark brown eyes examined the etched design on her weapon.

  She opened the cylinder and checked the rounds within before clicking it back into place, motions deliberate. Then Janine's gaze zeroed in on his. "This's been a long time comin'," she said in a low tone. She began forward, steps slow.

  Seifer kept his weapon lowered, even though his instincts raged against it. A battle he had to wage; one he couldn't win. Janine deserved her release from the hate--Janine halted, fist on hip as gunblade whipped up to touch the skin of his throat. Seifer didn't move, and her expression didn't change.

  "So you gave the order." Janine began stepping around him, gunblade still lightly touching his skin, and then scratching across the back of his head and around--She halted in front of him yet again, tip still barely touching. "I've waited for this day a long time. Waited for you."

  Seifer adjusted his grip on the haft as he clenched his jaw. He continued to hold Janine's gaze, knowing that nothing he said would be enough. Vengeance was never found in words.

  Janine slowly withdrew her gunblade from his throat, but kept it aimed toward him. "Let's dance."

  Janine attempted a single, quick strike. Seifer blocked, but the strength wasn't there and the blade bit into his upper arm. Janine frowned and struck out again. He blocked, just, and again felt the bite of metal.

  She cursed and lowered her blade to stride toward him, toe-to-toe, angry breath tickling the skin of his face. "You know I can take your ass," she snarled. Then Janine pushed him roughly back a step. "That's why you told me, isn't it?" She stepped up and pushed him again. "So I could beat your ass and finally get my revenge?" She jabbed a finger hard into his chest. "Don't you do me any favors," she hissed. "You put up a fight."

  Seifer only stared down into her sparkling brown eyes. Remembering the thrills that would never come again. The damned awesome nights and mornings. The promised rush of skin against skin working together--Seifer clenched his jaw.

  Janine held his gaze for a long moment more before taking a few steps back and again presenting her gunblade. "You want to give me a taste of vengeance, soldier? Then you bring it!"

  And she came forward again; as in the corridor within Garden but different. Tenacious. Angry. Slashing and beating at his defenses with that recognizable rage he himself used against Squall so many times before--while under the manipulation and control of a Sorceress that played on his weakness. But Seifer didn't attack. He wouldn't. He fought against his instinct and only defended and blocked, parried and stepped aside. He let her vent the rage with every stroke against his blade. Let her slash against him to satiate her thirst for revenge.

  It was what he could do. The only thing she would ever accept from him now.

  Janine slammed him against a tree and pressed the cold metal of their crossed blades against his throat. "Fight back, you bastard," she huffed in his face; cheeks flushed, perspiration glistening, and brown eyes sparkling. "If you want to give me my revenge, then you fight!"

  She pushed back and slashed again. Seifer ducked and heard the splintering of the blade submerging deep into the tree as he stepped aside. Janine shot off a round, blasting the blade free of the trunk and immediately turning on him. He met her blade for blade, but continued to take and absorb each agony-filled stroke. She yelled at him and cursed, raging at him to fight back, but he continued to defend and block. Even as his instincts demanded retaliation. Even as his arms began to ache and groan with each powerful blow.

  He wouldn't. He murdered her friend. He had taken everything away from her--

  Janine struck a hard blow, submerging Hyperion into the ground and then kicking him hard in the chest. He fell backward, momentarily dazed by a strike to the back of his head. When his vision cleared, Janine stood over him with Hyperion aimed at his throat and her brown gaze guarded. Seifer didn't blink or swallow, he only held her gaze as he waited for the battle against the voices to finally end.

  Janine submerged her blade deep into the ground, her gaze never drifting from his. "Do you have any idea how long I've hated the man responsible?"

  As long as I have.

  She nicked the skin of his throat under his chin, but he didn't lift it away. "Do you have any idea how long I've waited to kill him with my bare hands?"

  Janine moved Hyperion away from his throat, submerging it into the soil next to her own gunblade. Then she lowered herself to sit on his abdomen, knees bent and on either side of him as she leaned in and circled her hands around his throat. Her breath lightly fanning his face. Her warmth. . . her musk. Her.

  Seifer held her gaze. "Do it," he whispered gruffly.

  "'Do it'?" she queried as her hands ever-so-slightly tightened around his throat. Janine lowered her face toward his. "Kill that man? Kill the bastard who took everything?"

  He lifted his head enough to press tighter against her thumbs. Air pinched off. "Yes," he hissed. He never wanted to be that man.

  Janine pushed his head back against the ground and covered his mouth with hers as hands moved from neck to hair, coaxing a reaction as her warmth and softness adjusted itself against him. Seifer groaned her name against her lips, surrounding her with his arms as he rolled her to her back.

  "Shut up and die" Janine pressed her mouth hard against his and then pulled slightly back. "Die soldier." And again. "Give me my Seifer."

  Janine pushed him onto his back, mouth still moving with his as hands reminded him of her and her of him--Then Janine pulled her mouth slowly away, breath quick and heavy against his face as her warmth burned him with memories and regrets and damned awesome thrills.

  Seifer opened his eyes at the gentle caress of a single finger down his scar. Her brown eyes glimmered and laughed at the same time, darkened to black with something he hadn't ever seen for him. Agony.

  "Seifer, damn you," she said in a tight voice. "Why in the hell did you do this? Telling me one twisted fact instead of the whole secret?" Her voice choked and she covered her eyes with one hand, elbow resting against him as he just stared up at her. Her chest began to do the recognizable quick shudder of restrained tears, and
guilt grabbed him by the balls.

  Janine lowered her hand, and her eyes flashed. "How in the hell were you going to give me revenge? By letting me kill the only man who's given a damn?" She grabbed him by the shirt front and gave him a shake. "Letting me kill you wouldn't have solved anything!" Janine choked back another sob. "Garden needs her knight, Seifer," she struggled out. "Hell! I need my knight!"

  Shock punched him in the face hard, and he was left silent as he stared up at her.

  Then Janine pulled him tight against her, body quivering with the tears she wouldn't let completely out as her lips teased his skin and his senses. Seifer could only stare up at the sky as he held her, his dazed mind only able to vocalize ...the hell?

  "You didn't need to give me that secret," she choked in his ear. "It was too much. Too much." She kissed his neck and his throat. "Damn it, Seifer. Now I owe you a secret." She choked back a sob, her fingers caressing his face and then holding it so tight, pushing slightly away to caress her lips down his scar. "I love you."

  His brain exploded and his mouth met hers, drinking in those words that he hadn't ever had. The secret no one ever wanted to confess.

  Chapter Thirteen:

  The Next Thrill

  flicker-knock-knock

  An eyebrow arched as Janine looked up from tying the laces of her workout shoes. Of all the knocks she recognized--luckily she'd put her assists on already--that was Seifer's. She smirked and straightened, taking up her gunblade as she made her way to the door and opened it. Sure enough, Seifer stood there looking damned sexy in black, holding his mug and a deep red one that said 'I put the 'sex' in 'sexy'' in white letters.

  Her lips twitched, and then she lowered her focus to the duty of hooking her gunblade onto the scabbard at her hips. "Sorry, babe. Can't fool around. Promised Sal gal I'd spar with her and Dincht this morning."

  Seifer waited for her to finish with the gunblade before stepping close and presenting her the mug. He always smells so damn good, she thought, hand encircling the warm mug as her half-closed and sultry eyes met his.

  Seifer's smirk tilted upward on one side. "You have one hour, Larabie. Then you're to report to the dorm-supervisor's office for a little one-on-one."

  Nodding, Janine leaned in close as she held his emerald gaze. "Yes, sir."