Progressive Digression: A Book of Poetry

Faith in Me 

  Don’t believe in me

  Don’t put your trust in me

  When you look in my eyes, what do you see?

  I will only let you down

   

  Those who get close,

  Only get close enough to see

  That my heart is comatose

  And rejects all hope that is placed on it

   

  What good am i?

  Everyone hates me

  I look up to the sky

  And question why I’m still here

   

  All my plans come to rot

  Though this is my fault

  I can blame someone else not

  I demolish everything that I start

   

  When I talk to girls, they wish I wouldn’t

  Why can’t I leave you alone?

  You have only discovered that my heart couldn’t

  Love another

   

  As I live out each day,

  Each one more pointless than the one before it,

  Every voice in my head screams it’s not okay

  Why do I keep on trying?

   

  Yesterday leads to today leads to tomorrow,

  And all I accomplish is making folks mad

  They would never admit it, but they would have no sorrow

  If tomorrow led to my eternity

   

  Destroy the notions

  You have about me, if you think about me at all

  Close your eyes, drink up the potion,

  And when you wake, I’ll be gone

   

  Remember back to when you and I

  Were sitting upon your bed,

  And you said with a sigh,

  “no one understands me.

   

  “my life isn’t worth living.

  This world is as empty as my heart.”

  And I told you about forgiving,

  And about what can be gained in living.

   

  And about love, and the hope of love to come

  And about children, and laughter

  And rainstorms, to some,

  And rainbows, to others

   

  I asked you, “You just want to end it all?

  Do you not realize all the others’ lives

  You’d be ending in one small

  Swallow of a pill?

   

  “Do you not realize the love of gold

  that Jesus has for you, that brought Him to death?

  Do you not realize the love that sold

  You out of slavery to the same death?

   

  “Do you not realize the love….

  ….that—I have for you?”

  I look out my window, and see a dove

  I must turn quickly away

   

  As I turn, one teardrop hits my shirt

  The floodgates open, and a fountain is soon flowing from my eyes

  I examine the bird,

  And walk over to get a closer look

   

  When I get to the window,

  I see you on my front porch,

  Resembling a recent widow

  I zip downstairs and yank open the door

   

  “The doorbell is bro—“

  I start to say, but you stop my words short with a hug driven by pain

  “I didn’t know…”

  I am confused, but then I see a familiar note in your hand

   

  “It said how you were tired of this life,

  and not to have faith in you,

  that you were never going to find a wife,

  that you were going to end—“

   

  Your words are cut short

  By our tears, interrupted by the sight of the dove

  But this bird is not the same sort

  I had seen before

   

  This was a female dove

  I soon see this one find the first dove, a male

  These two easily could have been in love

  There is trouble, however

   

  The female dove finds the male

  In the middle of the road with a car fast approaching

  Without hesitation, she decides to sail

  Straight for the male dove

   

  But the male dove is too busy, taking a bath

  He never even saw her,

  Who uses simple math

  To estimate the speed of the car

   

  Flying faster, she swoops down

  And nails the male, knocking him out of the path of the car

  I look down at you in my arms wearing that frown,

  Still crying, I realize that you are my dove, my love, sent from God to save my life.

  Father

  I love you Father;

  You lead me wherever I go.

  You instill in me a purpose when I don’t want to bother,

  You are the sun upon my snow.

  You break through this heart of stone,

  Just to show me your loving face.

  Upon my soul, dry as a bone,

  You shower your grace.

  When I can’t go on, sick of this life,

  You show me why

  The answer is not found in a knife,

  But in the beauty of you and your Creation; I no longer want to die.

  As I wander in this land of desolation,

  You guide me and lead me to the Oasis.

  I begin to see the beauty of your creation,

  Instead of a land of empty spaces.

  Take me Lord,

  Hold me forever in your arms so strong,

  Guard me with your sword,

  And comfort me with your song.

  For Arwen

  I'm waiting for you,

  Do you wait for me?

  I'm looking for you,

  Please show me what I cannot see.

  Lady be true,

  Set me free,

  For this cage just won't do.

  I look to the Sea,

  But I see nothing new.

  I search far above the tree,

  I am not helped by the view.

  On the ground you I cannot see,

  For in a different place live you.

  Death is betrothed me,

  And life eternal has been granted you.

  In two separate worlds live we,

  Created for different destinies, true.

  But merging our paths we see,

  That besides loving life offers little to do.

  So come to me,

  Although I have little with which you to woo,

  And for the age of this man happy we shall be.

  What awaits you after my life is due,

  I cannot see.

  But when all the mist has been walked through,

  The truth shall be plain to see,

  That I was the Man destined you,

  And that it was willed to be,

  That my call to you

  Be stronger than that Call beyond the Sea.

  Found at Sea

  Tomorrow will come,

  Regardless of what you hope for me.

  I begin to feel numb,

  As I sail further and further out to sea.

  Out here, I am free

  From your cities and world of confusion.

  I feel the breeze,

  And I see the approaching horizon.

  Now where is your control?

  It seems to be miles away,

  But I find floating in the sea a bottle--

  In it are pictures of you that my iron will betray.

  I now know that I can never really escape you.

  We could be a world apart,

  But what can I do?

  Neither my chart

  Nor my crew

  Can show me how to get away from your tart

&n
bsp; Taste, bittersweet, true.

  As detestable as you may be to my senses, I have missed you from the start.

  the game 

  And we still don’t get it,

  Just what it is you are trying to prove,

  What you are trying to get.

  What are you doing to me?

   

  Why did you ever pretend to be my friend?

  By being in love with the game,

  You mistake the means for the end,

  And I have become numb.

   

  When I consider this latest development,

  I am expressionless, emotionless,

  Devoid of temperament.

  Do you surprise me?

   

  You should, but instead,

  I let go of my grip on reality,

  Imagining this is a dream in my head,

  Aware of nothing but the unfailing God.

   

  I don’t even care anymore.

  But that is a lie.

  If I walk out this door,

  My knees grow weak,

   

  As I fall to the floor.

  Looking then up at the sky,

  I gaze at the eagle soar,

  Who has not these cares.

   

  Oh, to be likened to this king of the sky,

  To have the ability to roam the world without bound,

  And above even the mighty oceans fly,

  And then to return to nest with his gentle companion.

   

  Oh, what freedom that would be!

  Picking myself back up, I venture to take a walk.

  On my path and in my mind, I am free.

  Engaged in this freedom, I pick up my pace.

   

  Legs pounding now,

  Breath quickening,

  I begin to see how,

  How the eagle does.

   

  In my mind I am taken up,

  Wherein I do fly.

  I now pass of your sick game the cup,

  To which unlucky suitor I do not care to know.

   

  My door, now shut,

  Has remained closed to you now for two and ten years.

  And where you are now, only you and God know but,

  Had I with you a scene to share,

   

  I would show you a scene of my new wife and me,

  Happy as can be in our new home.

  She is now a mother-to-be,

  You know.

   

  This life is what could have been with you,

  Do you realize?

  Ah, but I cannot hide from you what’s true,

  No, no, no!

   

  The horror, the agony, of having YOU in my heart.

  You must realize that what you have done

  Is not only to reject my heart, but to tear it apart,

  Making it useless to anyone else who should come along.

   

  After these twelve years,

  I am still alone,

  And to add to your fears,

  I am coming back to claim what should be mine:

  You, my rightful bride of all these years;

  How’s that for a game?

  hand to hand

  i'm feeling,

  just a little perturbed

  how are you feeling?

  i'm a little disturbed

  the wind comes at once

  rustles the pond

  upsets the lunch

  laid on the lawn

  from hand to hand i fall

  at once in this world

  from world to world i call

  from you i was hurled

  what does it take

  to get to you

  sleeping awake

  what will wake you

  what will make you

  see me that way

  the way he saw you

  can it be okay

  if i call you friend

  would it be okay

  if i call you, friend?

  I Suck

  I suck,

  And I feel stuck,

  Wandering around this chasm,

  Waiting for the phantasm

  Of you and I.

  Would you mind

  If I said I missed you?

  Do you have a clue

  Of how I feel right now,

  How far I am from proud,

  Or of what torture I’ve been through,

  Thinking of you every new

  Day, wondering why I had been so passive,

  In dealing with this massive

  Problem that I now face?

  Why, oh why, must I feel like I’m alone in space,

  In orbit of the Earth,

  Flying around and around its girth,

  Able to see you from afar,

  So far away that you see me, but think I’m a star.

  No, dear, in reality I am so near,

  But you are caught up in your fear

  That I will hurt you again.

  How long will you be preoccupied with my sin?

  I am sorry, fair maiden,

  That I was so heavy-laden

  With thoughts of myself

  That I did not see the beauty you keep on your inner shelf.

  I fear that it is too late

  For me to say “I’m sorry,” and avoid my fate.

  For indeed, I do suck.

  And all I can do is chuck

  These memories into the ocean separating you and me.

  I stand here and wait for you to see

  Me, curious about what lies in store for us.

  life less empty

  He goes through his whole life,

  In search of a wife,

  In search of an expensive home,

  Of a car made of chrome.

  He built himself up to be someone who mattered,

  To be above those with clothes tattered.

  He laughs at those he disagrees with,

  And he assumes they laugh with him--a myth.

  These people tire of him,

  And he turns to a girl named Kim.

  Kim must be different from the others,

  They would marry, and become lovers.

  But Kim sees nothing good when she looks at him,

  Instead of white snow, she sees crim-

  son. For the eighth night in row, he sits alone.

  He waits by the phone.

  Why doesn’t anyone call?

  He waits around til midnight, and the clock hands crawl.

  He begins to cry,

  And he doesn’t even know why.

  There must be more to life than this,

  And all his guesses as to what life is

  Just lead him around in circles.

  He spies the lent candles,

  Covered by dust, in a corner of the room.

  Opening a heavy book, he sees a picture of a tomb.

  Browsing through the book, he is reminded of Christ’s humility.

  A servant, a brother in time of need, Jesus had the ability

  To see past Himself into others, and see their needs.

  The part where Christ feeds

  The five-thousand, His birth in a stable,

  And finally His death on the cross as if a common criminal--this not a fable.

  “maybe He had something here.

  “maybe the fear

  “of God would bring me back where I belong.”

  So with God’s help he became weak, and became strong.

  Needless to say, everyone loved him more.

  And although no one called for another week or more,

  He was content with this,

  Because he was spending his

  Nights with his new best friend, Jesus Christ.  

  Lucid Dreams

  And I still would love you

  Even if you turned and walked away

  There’s nothing to do br />
  So I waste the day

  Caught in your stare

  Blinded by your gaze

  Hand through your hair

  Struck by your face

  If I could spend a day with you

  I could write for you a song

  If Romeo had a love so true

  Show you the right in all this wrong

  If morning light cast on the dew

  Would not chase away this sight

  Then maybe you would see your friend

  Walking with you by your side,

  Praying that this dream won’t end.

  Man's Course, God's Steps

  Proverbs 16:9, "In his heart a man plans

  his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

  OK Lord, so my course is Ashley Cleaver,

  I am the garment, you are the weaver.

  I pray that you would guide my steps,

  As I plot my way through all these preps,

  To get through to Ashley,

  Then I would be carefree.

  Ashley is so beautiful,

  So wouldn’t you be merciful?

  And if you let her just this once be mine,

  My life would be thine.

  Well time to go to school, Lord.

  Oh, there’s Melody; with her I’m bored.

  Oh, sure, she’s a good friend,

  But OH, with Ashley, no girl could contend.

  Well, here comes Melody;

  Of Melody’s life, Ashley’s is a parody.

  Ashley just seems to do everything better, God.

  I mean, come on, just look at her bod!

  And I mean—Ha ha ha ha ha!

  Oh man, Melody just told this joke about Ma;

  She ALWAYS makes me smile.

  When we talk on the phone, her guile,

  Wit, and personality keep me on the phone for hours.

  Oh what? No, I’m not going to buy her flowers!

  No, see, it just doesn’t FEEL right,

  You know, when I look at Melody, I’m not her knight.

  See Lord, I’m supposed to rescue ASHLEY,

  Not Melody, from the dragons, ‘cause I’m crafty,

  And we’re going to marry.

  No, I suppose I’ve never really talked to Ashley,

  Or tried to see if we match up,

  Or thought about her cup,

  Which, true, you may be passing to another.

  But my course! Ashley’s going to be a mother,

  The mother of my kids,

  At least I hope and pray that she rids,

  Rids herself of the one she calls Jake.

  Man, he’s so fake.

  He just wants her to sleep with.

  But I’m so much better that that; his love’s a myth.

  See, I want to get married to her first!

  Sometimes I wonder if my plans are cursed…

  Yeah, I could never be to Melody a boyfriend,

  That just wouldn’t be the trend!

  You don’t date your friends!

  And that’s all she’ll ever be to me; well, that depends.

  If I ever feel it again, I can always run back to her.

  Hold on! Who’s that guy Melody’s with? Grrr…