Progressive Digression: A Book of Poetry

  Part 2

  Oh, God, I give up!

  Everytime I try to pour my cup,

  I spill it all over the place!

  I’m tired of this race!

  Ashley will never like me,

  I’m so confused, I’m on my knee.

  I’ve talked to everyone about Ashley,

  But no one can tell me if it’d be rashly,

  If I asked her out.

  Everytime I see or talk to her, she adjusts her route,

  To come say hi to me,

  But I must pay the fee,

  Of having her leave after a brief salutation.

  I remember back at our introduction,

  She looked me in the eyes!

  And I could tell she liked me, amidst my sighs.

  So why this confusion?

  OK, so, excuse this intrusion,

  But I’m at my wit’s end,

  This is all a blend,

  Of Ashley, the world, you,

  Melody…oh, what will ensue??

  Did I just say Melody?

  Well, Lord, I give it to nobody,

  Nobody but you, to plan out.

  My course: it becomes you; you’re the route.

  So if you guide my steps, I’ll get to you.

  And that’s all that matters, that’s true.

  I’ve seen that I shouldn’t make a girl my destination.

  Just please don’t make me make restitution,

  Restitution for all the waste,

  Time wasted focused on Ashley--I was in a haste!

  And Lord—who could be at the door?

  Why, it’s nearly four!!

  Why God, it’s my next door neighbor, Melody, wow!

  I must have a new perspective now,

  Through the tears I’ve been crying to you,

  Because whew!

  Melody looks amazing!

  Why have I been grazing,

  Looking for girls like Ashley,

  When this angel I have rashly,

  Rashly overlooked, when she lived just next door!?!

  Turns out Melody is not a bore,

  Because it’s going on 7 in the morning,

  And neither of us show signs of snoring,

  As we do nothing but talk,

  On my front porch swing, and I hear my mom turn the door lock,

  And peek her head out, “Hey kids!”

  She gives us a knowing look, and bids,

  Bids us good morning,

  Telling us that she had been pouring,

  Pouring pancakes,

  And fixing bacon, for goodness' sakes!

  So we take a break from the talk to eat.

  And, what a feat!

  That very night I had given God my course,

  And He, my source,

  Directed my steps and her steps,

  And they intersected, and I forget about the preps,

  And the girls at school,

  And realized what a fool,

  And idiot, that I had been,

  Passing up this amazing girl all these years!

  I’m not saying that, relieving your fears,

  Making God your course will get you a girl,

  But He knows the desires of your heart, and He’ll hurl,

  Hurl you onto His Path,

  And make His Will known to you; do the math:

  His Path leads up high,

  And everything else leads to the devil nigh.

  And He knows the desires of your soul,

  And determines your steps and makes you whole.

  God will answer all your cries.

  God will open up your eyes.

   

  morning 

  The evening is dark,

  There is a chill in the air;

  Sometimes I feel so alone,

  I can’t even hear my own steps.

  I hear one behind me,

  But noone dare show their face.

  Upon the air I detect a moan,

  But realize this is my own breath.

  I feel as if I am being torn in two,

  And my next breath rings forth,

  As I hit the ground,

  Loud and chilling even to mine ears.

  Caught in this limbo between life and death,

  A thousand thoughts race through my mind.

  What has my life been made of;

  What acts have I composed,

  And what worth have they,

  Since all I now have is this end.

  I am still lying on the ground,

  Cold and hard as my heart,

  And the ground gives way,

  Becoming as soft as the air.

  What I am lying on comes to be the air,

  As I rise higher and higher above the ground below;

  I see leaves and dirt and grass,

  Which quickly give way to the timberline,

  And I in turn pass through the clouds above.

  Before I know it, the oxygen runs thin,

  And I begin to see that the marble below me is the Earth.

  Floating in space,

  I think to myself,

  “How fitting is this end for me;

  Now I will spend eternity alone,

  My own private Purgatory—

  A punishment for a life spent alone.

  But where is God?

  What has come of all I have believed?”

  Everything around me dissolves,

  As water washes dirt away,

  And I find myself lying in a room of pure white light.

  All that I see is an empty, regal-looking chair a little ways away.

  Letting my head fall back,

  I look straight up,

  Into the kindest eyes I have ever seen.

  These eyes, it seem,

  Know everything about me,

  As they burn deep into my soul.

  There’s only one Being that this could be.

  I try to get up to bow down,

  But my strength has escaped me,

  And all I can do is think about the life this Man had given me,

  The men I have trampled on,

  The women I have hurt,

  And least of all,

  The money I have piled up.

  “None of that matters now,”

  I hear, as a whisper,

  But louder than anything I have ever heard,

  Sweeter than the voices of all the women I’ve encountered,

  And bolder than all the soldiers who have ever fought in Civilization’s wars.

  The only words I can find are,

  “I’m sorry.”

  I just see a smile appear on the face above me,

  As tears fill His eyes.

  “I love you, my son.

  I wish I could be with you now,

  But it is not yet your time.

  I still have plans for you;

  I will see you when morning finally breaks through.”

  Lying on the cold, hard ground,

  I assume this was all a dream.

  It is still dark out,

  And I begin again to ponder my life.

  I feel like lying here for ever.

  I begin to hear moans again,

  And very distantly,

  Screams, which remind me of the darkest parts of my life.

  Just as I begin to hear the steps again,

  I see over the horizon, one point of light begin to peek over the mountaintop.

  Before long, the whole forest is bathed in light.

  Everything dark and frightening is chased off,

  And in that instant,

  So are my own internal demons.

  Getting up, I remember His words,

  “I love you, my son.

  I wish I could be with you now,

  But it is not yet your time.

  I still have plans for you;

  I will see you when morning finally breaks through.”

   

   

  off my back  r />
  Get off my back,

  All you do is stack

  Up problems for me, pack

  Your bags, I don’t need your sack

  Of lies; no, I know you have a knack

  For putting your friends down, though you lack

  Introspection.  Why don’t you get off my track

  And stop trying to jack

  With my shack

  Of problems, turning your back

  To your own wack

  Mansion of indecision.  I won’t be back

  ‘Til you’re able to use tact

  When you speak to me, using words to lack

  A bit of resentment.  Dude, you’re on crack;

  Examine, please, your own stack

  Of unfinished ambitions and wack

  Immaturity.  Man, that’s a fact:

  You lack

  The brotherly love and maturity to rack

  Up points against me; I’m not willing to take flack

  For something I’m trying my hardest to take back.

  Please sir, get off my back,

  Give me some room to take a breath intact,

  And let me figure out some things on my own, ya big mack.

  ONLY ONE

  Closing my eyes

  Wrapping my arms around myself

  I rock back and forth

  As I try to think

  A smile comes across my face

  As I think about you

  And of our lives

  Lived apart

  That could be together

  My life has been spent

  In waiting for you,

  Though I have not known it.

  Something, or someone, has kept me

  From becoming serious with anyone

  Because I asked God for His best for me--

  I have always asked for His Guidance,

  And for His blessings upon my family and me.

  And that may finally be here

  Is it you, my friend?

  Are we meant for more?

  You can laugh at me

  You can run to me

  Or you can walk right out that door

  But I just have to tell you so you know

  You must know that there is no one like you

  No one else gets me like you do

  Can you hear me?

  I scream my lungs out

  Tryin’ to get to you

  I read the words you wrote me

  When I was dangling on the edge of life

  "I LOVE you, and I miss you"

  Believe me, the feeling was and is mutual

  So, what will you decide?

  If you need time, take it.

  If you are unsure,

  Believe that life would be dull

  If we walked only by what we are sure of

  Instead of by faith.

  Life is too short for that

  Take my hand and take the leap with me.

  orbit

  you can't keep me down

  i won't let you

  although my world may revolve around you,

  i need not a Sun to orbit.

  there are more stars out there;

  just because i happened upon you while aimlessly hurtling through space,

  attracted to you by gravity,

  nurtured by your warmth,

  that does not mean i can't leave your pull

  and find another star.

  in fact,

  one of these days i'll find a satellite to orbit me.

  it will be a welcome converse to the relationship between you and me,

  for finally someone will have a use for me

  the tables will turn

  and i will be the one being adored.

  true, i may have to leave your solar system

  to find another star

  and a satellite of my own,

  but there are other advantages to this:

  perhaps i will find other planets in orbit of the star i target,

  planets which are in similar circumstances as the ones i am in.

  and perhaps one day i will find an end to all the emptiness

  found out here in space.

  is there really no end to all this blackness and nothingness?

  oh, sure, there are times when a traveler would find a star

  shining forth its splendor,

  or its satellites,

  merely reflecting the star's majesty,

  but when compared with the bleakness of space,

  this light is like a speck of gold dust hidden in a raging river.

  one is lucky to stumble upon this,

  and, once found,

  the light and speck would easily be lost.

  no, i will not let you get me down.

  for i realize that your light is but temporary and fleeting.

  one day your light and warmth,

  just like that of billions of other stars,

  will cease.

  but before this even happens,

  you will be all alone,

  for all your satellites will leave you,

  for they will realize the advantages of leaving your orbit.

  alone in the vastness of space,

  you will be cold and alone,

  and the coldness will combat your warmth and light,

  and you will shine no longer.

  and i will be joyful and content in whatever solar system i have moved to,

  and thankful that i was led to a new star.

  there i will have the companionship of others orbiting the same star,

  but this time it will be different.

  this star will be much bigger and brighter,

  and show no foresigns of dying.

  we will all orbit this star in awe and worship,

  and this star will provide much more than mere warmth and light.

  for it seems that this star will have been in existence for a very long time.

  it has much wisdom to be gathered by those who will listen.

  in this solar system,

  i will also have my own satellite.

  this satellite,

  besides providing company and a confidence boost,

  due to its orbit in my own meager but sufficient pull,

  will grace me with light during the cold, lonely nights.

  for, you see,

  this satellite will reflect the glory of the Ancient Star.

  pondering this, i not only bid you and your solar system adieu,

  but i look forward to finding a new star and solar system.

  perhaps after leaving you,

  i will someday find an end to the bleakness i have already been a part of--

  i didn't realize,

  but i wasn't a part of your gravitational pull after all.

  all the while,

  i was merely drifting in space,

  slowly moving nearer and nearer,

  then further and further from you.

  i never even got close enough to be a part of your gravity;

  time seemed to slow to a crawl when i was near you,

  and i envisioned myself encircling you for all of time.

  but in reality,

  i was still a part of the emptiness.

  one day i will drift into a new solar system;

  now that i know i am not trapped in your gravity,

  it will be much easier leaving you.

  for i am already leaving you,

  by or not by choice.

  all i must do is hold on to hope and the bit of warmth i have stored up,

  until i drift into the gravitational pull of another star;

  not just any star,

  but the Ancient Star.

  but in order to begin revolving around this new Star,

  i must get close to it,

  and get very far away from you.

  and when i find my own satellite,

  i must get close to it, too.

  but the most exciting part is,
>
  we will both be revolving around the Ancient Star,

  as we enjoy our symbiotic relationship.

  goodbye, bright star.

  enjoy your loneliness.

  i can already see your light beginning to fade,

  and like a hole on a backlit canopy,

  i can see a miniscule light ahead of me.

  will this work out?

  i can't tell yet,

  but it has to be better than the pseudo-orbit i had with you.

  Paradise Reclaimed

  Looking out on planet Earth,

  The small speck of dust that He made,

  He wonders what it's worth,

  The people that on that dust He laid,

  Who decided against His counsel

  To remain with Him in Paradise.

  Those, He still would counsel,

  And avoid not a high price,

  To have them choose Him,

  And to re-enter Paradise.

  Although to Him this Earth now seems very grim,

  The inhabitants full of every Sin and Vice,

  Still He holds on,

  For the precious few who know of His Love,

  And love Him now or will anon.

  And so He is at work from His Kingdom above,

  At work in their history,

  And in their today and tomorrow,

  For it is a thing of mystery;

  That thing on the Rock of Earth of great sorrow,

  Called Time,

  Which exists in their dimension only.

  It is this Crime,

  Called Time, on this planet so lonely,

  Which binds them over to die,

  But which also affords them,

  By His Grace, though they fly

  From birth away from Him,

  To have thousands of chances to turn back to Him,

  And to know His Love.

  Thus He does for them,

  What He didn't do for the ones fallen from above,

  The fallen angels in Hell.

  He has been active in every Earthling's soul,

  Trying to lead them back to that Well,

  Which springs up to the Eternal Goal,

  Eternal citizenship in the Undiscovered Country,

  Governed by none other than this Creator Himself.

  passive

  the earth groans

  the children cry

  the air filled with moans

  we ask God why

  the bombs drop

  the guns shoot

  the rich rob

  the tree of fruit

  we let the beggars lie

  tell them to work

  still ask why,

  as we dine on pork,

  why God doesn't help

  The Phone Call

  Chorus

  Sit down

  Breathe in

  Breathe out

  Calm down

  Slow the heart

  Loosen the tongue

  Contemplate

  Hypothesize

  Plan

  Hope

  Commit

  Pick it up

  Lose breath

  Put it back

  Breathe in

  Breathe out

  Calm down

  1, 2, 3,

  Commit

  Pick it back up

  Dial.

  …

   

  Verse 1

  "Not here.

  Sorry."

  Lose breath

  Heart races

  Tongue ties

  Lose plan

  Lose hope

  Lose composure

  And words

  "C-could you tell her I called?"

  Doesn't call back

  Lose mind

  Repeat Chorus

  Verse 2

  No answer

  No affirmation

  No confirmation

  No machine

  No caller ID?

  No choice-

  Call again…

  Repeat 5X

  Repeat Chorus

  Verse 3

  She answers

  This time

  No time

  No interest

  No plans this weekend

  No thanks anyway

  No

  Goodbye

  Shoot

  Repeat Chorus

  Verse 4

  Hey how are you?

  Good and you?

  Good all around

  Talk for half an hour

  She says

  "Call me tomorrow,

  when you get off"

  Jubilation

  Anticipation,

  All night,

  No sleep;

  All day,

  Anxiety

  Repeat Chorus

  Go to Verse 2

  Bridge

  Can't sleep

  Can't breathe

  Minute seems a day

  Lost in thoughts

  Found on phone,

  Shouldn't call again

  Afraid of you

  Afraid that you're afraid of me

  Don't know what I'm doing

  Don't know why I'm crying

  Without tears

  Looking forward to Friday

  Will I see you

  Doubt it

  Tomorrow's a new day

  But I'm not gonna wait til then to

  Call you again.

   

  Shower

  i sit alone in misery.

  you, a world apart,

  coast along in your villainy.

  my mind and heart

  return to thoughts of you.

  where are you, stunning flower,

  and why do you refuse to bloom?

  the winter is over; welcome the spring shower.

  i, like an anxious groom,

  await your appearance.

  come, and upset my world once again.

  all i ask is for one final dance.

  i see the tears drip down to your chin.

  i offer you this suggestion:

  "come, maiden, let us leave this world behind."

  but you have taught me this lesson:

  beautiful flowers must remain with their own kind.

  unquenchable

  if anyone could ever reach me,

  it'd be you.

  if anyone could ever tempt me,

  it'd be you.

  if ever i find someone,

  it'd be someone like you.

  if years from now you pass someone,

  who strikes you as someone you know,

  you think this person is me,

  keep on your way,

  it's better that way.

  the pathway is beaten,

  the pages are worn.

  the story is old now,

  but someday you'll turn,

  and you'll think of me.

  but the days are long gone,

  pushed off in years forlorn,

  when once you could reach me,

  once you could tempt me,

  once i could find you,

  and now i retire,

  to business my own,

  and try to forget

  the one piece of my soul

  still unreachable

  untemptable

  unfindable

  unquenchable