Craving Absolution

  And that was that.

  We hadn’t really talked about where he would live or what would happen after we’d left the police station, but as we’d stood up to leave the club, he’d walked silently over to my side carrying a small duffel bag of clothes. I guess when I’d told him all those months ago that he was welcome at my house anytime, he’d taken that literally.

  Of course, calling him my son in front of four armed police officers probably sealed the deal.

  “I’m making breakfast whenever you wake up in the morning,” Gram informed me as we climbed out of the car to find Cody waiting next to his bike.

  “I’m making coffee!” Lily called out, blowing me a kiss as she headed toward Gram’s apartment.

  “Let’s go inside, Ladybug,” Cody whispered softly, kissing my lips before moving me out of the way so he could get Cecilia out of the car.

  My little family made our way over to my apartment door, and I paused outside it, searching for my keys before realizing I’d left them in the ignition in my car. I shuddered at the memory.

  “I’ve got it, baby,” Cody said, handing his keys to me so we could unlock the door.

  As I walked in the room, my eyes widened at the sight of flowers covering every available surface.

  “Holy hell!” Cameron gasped.

  “Watch your mouth,” I replied automatically, my gaze roaming the room.

  “Uh, I was apologizing this morning,” Cody grumbled as he set down Cecilia’s car seat on the kitchen table on top of what looked like daisies.

  “It’s gorgeous,” I called back. “I’m going to get Cam a blanket.”

  I hurried down the hallway to grab a blanket off the end of my bed, only to change my mind at the last minute and pull my quilt from the bed instead. Then I made my way back into the living room and sat next to Cameron on the couch.

  “I’m gonna lay Cecilia down,” Cody informed me, looking between me and Cameron. “’Night, Cam.”

  “’Night, Casper.”

  As soon as we were alone, I reached out and grabbed Cameron’s hand.

  “Sometimes shit happens that totally sucks,” I started, pausing when Cameron snorted. “Shut up. Sometimes things happen that totally fucking suck, and even though we think we’re fine with it, eventually we’re not so fine with it.”

  I met Cameron’s eyes, giving him a sad smile. “This is my quilt. You probably saw it when we were staying at the club.” I paused as he nodded. “I’m giving it to you.”

  I stood up and waited for him to lie back on the couch before flipping the quilt out so it floated over his body, covering him from neck to toes. Then I sat down again at his hip.

  “Bad shit happened to me too, you know? If you ever want to talk to me, you can. If you don’t, that’s cool too. But this quilt right here? This was made with love, and it was given to you with love, so if you ever find yourself not okay with the bad shit that happened and you don’t feel like talking to me or Cody about it, well, wrap yourself in this. Okay?”

  My throat clogged with tears as he sniffled once, and I stood from the couch. “We’re right down the hall. Yell if you need anything.”

  I made it to the entrance of the hallway before I heard his voice, sounding so young it was like a punch to my chest. “I love you, Farrah.”

  “Love you too, dude,” I choked out. “Get some rest.”

  I shuffled quietly down the hallway, tears falling down my face until I was caught up in strong arms and carried into the bathroom.

  “You okay, Ladybug?” Cody asked gently, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs.

  “Yeah, just—Cam. Oh my God.”

  “He’s gonna have a hard time,” he said with a nod. “But tonight he’s safe and loved, and he’s got Aunt Lily’s quilt wrapped around him, which we both know can heal a whole lot of shit.”

  “Noticed that, did you?”

  He wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “Ladybug, I haven’t taken my eyes off you all night,” he replied, leaning down to rest his forehead against mine. “Don’t know if I’ll ever let you and the kids outta my sight again.”

  “We’re okay.”

  “Thank Christ.”

  “Thank Cameron too.”

  “No shit,” he murmured, reaching down to grab the bottom of Cameron’s T-shirt that I was still wearing. “I don’t wanna have sex, Ladybug. But I need to check you out, okay?”

  “Okay,” I whispered back, raising my arms above my head so he could pull the shirt off.

  “He didn’t hurt you?” he asked again for the twentieth time since he’d reached me.

  “No, handsome. He didn’t hurt me, I promise.”

  He nodded his head, then knelt down to pull off my shorts and underwear, pausing to run his fingers over the gauze on my knees. I hadn’t realized at the time, but I’d cut the hell out of them when I’d fallen out of the car and into the gravel.

  Cody leaned his head against my belly and took a deep breath, while I ran my fingers gently through his hair.

  “He touched your tits,” he spoke quietly, his voice barely noticeable over the sound of our heater blowing through the vents.

  “Barely,” I answered. “It was disgusting, but it’s over.”

  “He touched you.”

  “Look at me,” I ordered, pulling his head back so I could meet his eyes. “It’s over. The man is dead and I’m right here with you. Safe and whole. Cecilia and Cam are in the next room, safe and whole. We’ve got a lot to be thankful for, handsome. Don’t waste time worrying about shit that doesn’t matter.”

  “You gut me,” he whispered, reminding me of a time when he’d said those same words to me long ago.

  “Why? Because I pretend to forget what’s happened to me?” I asked quietly.

  “No, because you protected our children and then walked eight miles carrying a twelve-pound baby to get them to safety. You are by far the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and I am the luckiest man on the planet.”

  I gave him a small smile as tears rolled down my face, then nodded once and replied dryly, “You really are.”

  Epilogue

  Farrah

  Seventeen years later

  “You get on the back of that bike and I will beat that little fucker to death,” Cameron growled as he and Cecilia walked through the front door. “End of.”

  “You’re being stupid!” she screeched back. “We’ve known them forever!”

  “I don’t give a fuck. You know how many club whores that boy has hit already?” He shook his head as he walked into the kitchen, where I was standing at the stove. “Hey, Ma.”

  “You get the chips and beer I needed?” I asked as he came over and kissed my cheek.

  “Yeah, the store was a fuckin’ madhouse. Everybody and their bitch mother were shoppin’ today. Where’s Casper and Lily?”

  “Mom, tell Cam he’s being an idiot!” Cecilia whined, making my teeth grind.

  “He probably knows more than I do,” I grumbled back, making Cameron smile.

  “Errgh!”

  “Go make sure the barbeque is on, would you?” I asked her, trying to defuse the fight before turning back to Cam.

  “Cody took Lil for a ride. He better hurry up, people are going to start getting here soon.”

  “Don’t count on it. Daddy’s little girl is gonna keep him out there for hours,” he said with a smile, helping me put groceries away.

  “Not so little anymore, she’ll be twelve next week. You got her a present, right?”

  “Of course,” he said offhandedly, making me smile.

  “Can you go wake Gram up while I start this corn? She said she was laying down for a while before the craziness started.”

  I paused in my corn shucking to watch him go, pride infusing my body. He’d grown up to be such a good man, and I liked to think that Cody and I had a little to do with that. When Cecilia was almost a year old and Cameron had started calling us Ma and Dad in an attempt to teach Cecilia the words, my heart had ached. When he
’d continued calling us that long after she’d started talking, I’d felt complete. He was ours, no matter how we’d gotten him. Like I’d told the policemen seventeen years ago, Cameron was my son. He belonged to Cody and me.

  A few years after Cecilia was born, Cody had bought us a house out in the country for the five of us—Cody, Cameron, Cecilia, Gram, and me. We’d known that Gram wouldn’t be able to get around on her own for much longer, and we’d both agreed that we wanted her with us. The house wasn’t huge or anything, but when we’d looked around, it had been the only one we’d agreed on. It was built in the 1920s and had a huge wraparound porch that I’d immediately filled with a porch swing and rockers. Three acres surrounded it, that Cody was able to build a big shop on.

  Money had been tight for a few years, but we’d made it work and eventually grew comfortable on Cody’s income. I never got a job at a salon again. We wanted me to be able to stay at home with Cecilia, and by the time she’d been ready for kindergarten I’d been pregnant with little Lily, so the whole thing had started all over again.

  Callie and Grease had ended up buying the house they’d rented when we first moved to Oregon, and then they’d filled it up with kids. Two more boys, Thomas and Michael, had followed Will, and then a few years after that they’d had a little girl they named Rose. I think Callie would have kept on popping them out, but Grease put his foot down after they’d finally gotten the little girl they were hoping for. She never had an easy pregnancy after Will, and I knew Grease hated it when she was sick. Frankly, I’d been surprised that he’d gotten her pregnant again after Michael, though maybe I shouldn’t have been. Grease had always given Callie anything she’d wanted.

  I sat down at the kitchen table and lifted my feet to the seat across from me. I was tired as hell. We were having a barbeque for Gram’s birthday, and the preparation for feeding so many people was insane. I knew Vera, Brenna, and Callie would be bringing food with them, which helped, but I still had a ton of shit to get done, and just the thought of it made me want a nap.

  I was seriously debating lying down on the couch for a power nap when Cody and our twelve-year-old daughter came into the house laughing, their cheeks ruddy.

  “Go on up and get changed,” Cody said to Lily, meeting my eyes as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

  “Hi, Ma! Bye, Ma!” Lily called as she raced up the stairs, making me giggle.

  “You guys have fun?” I asked as Cody strode toward me.

  “Always have fun with our kids, Ladybug,” he answered with a smile. “Unless one of them is being a pain in the ass.”

  “Speaking of, I think you need to talk to Cecilia or Cameron, or both, about Leo.”

  “What’d the little fucker do now?” he asked, lifting me from the chair.

  “Well, nothing—yet.” I sighed and leaned my head against his shoulder as he carried me up the stairs.

  The way he took care of me and always wanted me with him, that never got old. And even though I was quite a bit bigger than when we’d first gotten together, he continued to carry me all over the place as if I still weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet. There were a million things I needed to get done in the kitchen, but I didn’t say a word as he carried me into the bedroom with him. I’d learned along the way to never take for granted the time I spent with Cody or the kids. The food could wait.

  “I think he wants Cecilia,” I informed him, bracing for the blowup.

  He didn’t disappoint. “Oh, hell no.”

  “Yeah, that’s what Cam said too,” I said as he set me on my feet and started to undress me. “They were fighting about it when they got home from the store.”

  “He actually took her with him to the store?” he grumbled. “Brave man.”

  “Be nice.”

  “I got nothing but love for all of my brothers’ offspring. You know that. But Leo isn’t getting within spitting distance of either of my daughters.”

  “Maybe talk to Dragon about it?”

  “Fuck that. Leo’s a man. I’ll talk to him.”

  “Cody,” I said with a frown. “He’s only eighteen.”

  “Don’t remind me.” He shuddered, then reached behind his neck to pull his T-shirt off. He looked stiff, and I made a mental note to give him a massage later. His old bullet wound had begun causing some muscle issues a few years before.

  “Is there a reason I’m standing here naked?” I asked as he moved toward the dresser and started emptying his pockets.

  “Yeah, I’m gonna fuck you and then we’re taking a shower.”

  I made a fist and brought it toward my face before jerking my entire arm down sharply. “Yes!”

  He looked at me oddly for a moment, and then started laughing hysterically at my move. “You remember when Cam did that for a whole year? God, I thought he’d never stop with that shit and he’d be a virgin forever.”

  “Are you kidding me? I encouraged it for the same reason,” I said dryly as he started laughing again.

  “Come here, Ladybug,” he called gently, sitting on the edge of the bed. As I moved between his spread knees, all laughter between us stopped. “You got something you want to tell me?”

  “How the fuck did you know?”

  “Baby, I’ve been staring at your body for almost twenty years. Not a whole lot I don’t notice.” He reached up to pull the ponytail out of my hair, smoothing it to cover my sensitive breasts.

  “I can’t believe it happened again.”

  “Doctors told us it could.”

  “Yeah, but then it didn’t for so long,” I said with a shrug, searching his face for any trace of emotion. “I guess I just thought we were done.”

  His hands moved to my belly, still unlined and relatively smooth after my two pregnancies so long ago. “You feeling okay?”

  “Yeah, just tired mostly.” I ran my hands through his hair, loving the way he’d let it grow long enough to pull back into a short ponytail at the base of his neck. “You want a boy this time?”

  “Already have a boy.”

  “I know, I just meant—”

  “Already have a boy, Ladybug.”

  I sighed. “Yeah.”

  “You’re more beautiful today than the day I met you,” he told me seriously. “And I’m lucky as fuck that you put up with my shit.”

  “You really are,” I answered with a nod, making him smile.

  “We’re almost forty years old, baby. This is the last one, all right? I’m happy as hell that you’re giving me another. I love our kids—best thing we’ve ever done—but I don’t want you putting that strain on your body anymore.”

  “Okay, handsome.”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you too.” I leaned forward and kissed him, running my tongue over his lips before pulling back. “But if you don’t fuck me in the next few minutes, we’re not gonna have time before people start showing up.”

  “Fuck ’em,” he growled, wrapping his hands into my hair.

  He stood up, pushing me with him, and kissed me hard. His beard was rough against my skin and I reveled in the feeling, knowing that within a few days it would be long enough to feel soft again and the sensation would change.

  Over the years, I’d felt his face against my skin a million different ways. Long beard, short beard, five o’clock shadow, or clean shaven, I’d never had a favorite. His aunt Lily had told me something before she died, and I’d never forgotten it. She’d said, “Handsome comes and goes, but if a man’s face is dear to you no matter how wrinkled he gets? Well, that’s worth keeping.” And Cody’s face was dear to me.

  “Elbows on the bed, Ladybug,” Cody murmured into my mouth before spinning me away from him. I loved the way his hand pressed at the center of my back as I bent over the bed, and though we’d done this dance thousands of times before, it still surprised me when he dropped to his knees behind me.

  “Love the way you taste when you’re pregnant.” He groaned into my skin, running his tongue from front to back. “You’re al
ways fucking ready for me.”

  I was moaning quietly into the bed when I heard a knock on the door and my head snapped up in panic.

  “Shhh.” Cody climbed to his feet behind me with one hand to my back so I couldn’t move. My heart started racing as the door handle jiggled, and less than a second later Cody was slamming into me.

  “Dad’s takin’ a shower, Lilybug, leave ’em alone,” Cameron called down the hallway.

  “Where’s Mom? People are starting to show up!”

  “She’s probably helping him—”

  “Gross!”

  Their voices faded away as they left the hallway, and I dropped my head in a huff. “I almost had a heart attack.”

  “I locked the door, Ladybug,” Cody said in exasperation. “I always lock the fucking door, ’cause you always forget to lock the fucking door.”

  He began to slide in and out slowly, and I turned my head to look at him. “One time!”

  “Cameron’s probably scarred for life.”

  “Shut up.” My breath caught as he pulled out and slammed back in, the sound of our bodies moving together filling the room.

  Casper

  My house was filled with people, and I knew Farrah loved it, but fuck if I didn’t want them all to leave.

  She was tired as hell and trying to hide it, but the mask she’d worn all those years ago was pretty much nonexistent anymore. The confidence she’d faked for so long had somehow become real years ago, and I think our kids had a lot to do with it. When you were going to parent-teacher conferences at twenty-one years old and trying to keep your adopted son out of juvie, you tended to grow a thick skin.

  I glanced over to where Cameron was following Dragon’s daughter Trix into the house, and grinned. That was what the fucker got for trying to stop me from talking to his boy earlier about my daughter. Asshole.

  “Trix, you don’t stop walking away from me. I’m gonna paddle your ass!”

  “Fuck off, Cam!”

  Ah, to be young and fucking clueless again. I had a feeling those two were going to fuck things up pretty bad before they got their shit together. I probably needed to talk to Cam before Dragon killed him.