The Other Side of Envy

  He pulled me into his lap, my knees against the piano bench. It was awkward at first, because it made me higher than him.

  Victor’s hands remained on my hips, over the large T-shirt.

  My hands held his head.

  My heart was speeding up until I was shaking, too excited to stop. I kissed him. He kissed me back. That’s all there was. Lightness, like his song.

  His hands moved from my hips.

  Thinking was hard because of the kiss. All I knew was that suddenly there was music behind me. It almost felt natural, and it was soft, that I thought I was dreaming it in my head. A soundtrack between us.

  Then I realized he was playing something with his arms around me.

  My heart lifted. I tried to make myself small so he’d continue. I also smiled, which made kissing hard.

  He smiled, too, missed a note and played an wrong one. He grunted. “Saw this in a movie once,” he whispered between kisses. “Harder than it looks.”

  I giggled at that. Perfect Victor playing a wrong note.

  He chuckled, played, hit another wrong note and then stopped playing. He stood and grabbed at my waist.

  Suddenly my butt was against the keys. The sound was loud and off-key. I worried I was breaking his piano. Excitement shifted through me in waves, realizing he’d given up his song.

  He held onto my legs and bent down, kissing me again.

  Soon, the sound of the keys silenced, and we kissed more.

  I held on to his cheeks.

  His mouth opened up, dipping in to draw me out.

  His fingers drifted up, until he was holding my back, sliding across my rib cage. Each touch was soothing, like his sunshine song. Between his lips and his fingers, he was the musician, and I was the instrument. Music flowed through my brain: the song he’d played. I was molded into what he wanted me to feel or think...of sun and meadows and springtime flowers.

  Emotion welled up in me. This could be us. All of us. Gabriel, Dr. Green...could it be? Victor not only accepted that we could be like this, but encouraged it. He wanted this. Was this what it was like for Lily? How did she do it? How did it work?

  I wanted to know. Instead of being tired, I was energized. I was full of questions, of a desire to learn.

  Victor’s kiss encouraged me. Silently, he was telling me no matter what I chose, he’d be there. He wanted to be. A long as I let him, he’d be beside me. Whatever I wanted.

  I wanted to believe.

  A DOCTOR’S DELICATE HEART

  I was still on the piano when my phone rang in the bed.

  Victor groaned and slowly released me so I could stand.

  “I hope this is good news,” he said and quickly moved away to fish the phone out of the bed.

  I remained by the piano. My fingers moved to my lips, wiping at the moisture, and yet wanting the feeling to remain. Thoughts slowly invaded. Was there still a rule? Had I kissed first or had he? Technically, he just put his lips near mine and I’d started, didn’t I? I’d have to ask someone else.

  I didn’t have time for this rule. There were too many other things we needed to worry about.

  I needed to talk to Gabriel. And Silas. I needed to be honest with them all. I needed them to know.

  Suddenly, I realized Mr. Blackbourne had been telling me to do this. To find out where everyone stood. I had thought it was only to figure out who was on my side for joining the Academy. That was partially true, but I had a feeling he was also trying to figure out where the boys stood as far as how they felt about me.

  “This is Victor,” Victor said, answering my phone once he found it. He climbed off the bed with it, moving to where I stood. He scooped up my hand, holding it while he listened. I could hear Kota talking, but not what he was saying. “Damn,” Victor said. “Seriously? Okay, okay. I’ll go.” He punched the button and put down the phone, sighing. He passed it to me while still holding my other hand. “He’s still out there.”

  My heart dropped. “You have to go?”

  He nodded. “They’ve always got perfect timing, don’t they?” he asked, his lips picking up into a smile

  I sighed. The situation was serious, but I selfishly wanted Victor to stay. We’d just kissed and now he was being rushed off. What was the harm if Mr. McCoy was watching? He couldn’t enter. Not with Victor’s security team out there watching. We were safe.

  Kota was right, though. We needed to find out what he was up to, to figure out why he was following us around. If we solved these issues—the problems at the school—then we could work more on us. The boys wouldn’t have to stay in school. They could move on.

  I might be going with them.

  That gave me new hope, a new energy to solve the issues that surrounded us. What would life be like once we got rid of these problems? We could focus on us.

  I squeezed Victor’s hand. “The sooner we figure it all out...” I said, meaning to finish but struggling for the right words.

  Victor smiled, the fire glowing warmly in his eyes. He squeezed my hand back. “Then I can take you to France.”

  It was a surprise he said it. Was he thinking of running off...

  Before I could finish the thought, he laughed and shook his head. “Not to keep you there.” He held my hand firmly and then leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Just to visit. We don’t need to keep all of us in a bubble. If we consider all this carefully, we can go and do whatever we’d like. Together. We can bring whoever wants to go.”

  I smiled. It sounded like a nice idea.

  He released me and headed toward the closet. “We should get dressed,” he said. “I’ll drive off. Dr. Green will be here soon. Even if McCoy follows me, you’ll still need a ride to school and someone to watch out for you.”

  I nodded, realizing it was back to work for us. It was still super early to be getting ready, but I wasn’t going to be able to sleep now. I wanted to plan, to work out how we’d figure out Mr. Hendricks and his plans, who his third team member was. Maybe I could give Mr. Blackbourne the answers he needed and we could be done with it all. I wanted to talk to Lily more, too, and to have answers for everyone.

  Later, Victor had his book bag and was heading off. I’d washed quickly in the sink and went to the closet to find some clothes. There were a few things, but mostly shorts and lighter clothes. I did find some jeans and borrowed one of Gabriel’s hoodies to wear, mostly black but with red plaid patches worked in. I ended up in sandals, the only pair of shoes that fit me that were available. After I dressed, I watched from Victor’s bedroom window as he left in a different car, a green one he’d pulled out of the garage. Victor Morgan had cars to spare. It was an odd thought, considering most teenagers had one car or not even that.

  And that’s when it hit me. What to get for Gabriel for his birthday. I hadn’t realized it, though I don’t know why it struck me just then. What day was it?

  Could we by him a car? Was there enough time?

  I picked up my phone. I didn’t know who to talk to first. Mr. Blackbourne? Was he asleep?

  Suddenly, I flipped through my messages and paused at North’s. Victor could buy things. Mr. Blackbourne was in charge. Kota made decisions about the family.

  North worked on the cars, though. He was also reasonable. He’d tell me if it’d be too much to ask. He’d know who to talk to about it. I didn’t know why. My heart raced. This felt like something I could do.

  So I sent North a text. I shouldn’t have. He needed to sleep. But I couldn’t help it.

  Sang: Can we get Gabriel a car for his birthday?

  I waited after I sent the text, hoping he’d answer quickly. I hoped, too, that North had slept some and I wasn’t making a mistake making him grumpy.

  While I waited, I suddenly had doubts. Was it silly? Buying a car wasn’t like getting someone a birthday card. It wasn’t like a new pair of earrings or a water gun.

  It seemed like an answer, though. He’d be able to go when he wanted. He wouldn’t have to rely on Victor or the others. I didn?
??t know why, but it felt like a very Gabriel thing: to have his own car so he could blaze his own trail. Could we afford a car? Maybe if we pooled our money. I had a jar of cash at home. I wasn’t sure how much was in it.

  Suddenly, the phone lit up. North was calling.

  I answered.

  “I offered to get him a car months ago,” North said. His voice was deep, clear. He’d been awake. “He told me he didn’t want one.”

  “I just thought he’d like one.”

  North chuckled. “Maybe he does. Gabriel’s picky about his shit. He’s probably got one in his head somewhere. Something bright orange.”

  “...The car you offered...was it black?”

  “Maybe.”

  I smiled into the phone. “Well, that’s it. Maybe it wasn’t the car. Maybe it was the color. He’s just picky about the color?”

  “I don’t think he liked the model.”

  This was going to be trickier than I thought. “We’ll have to find out what kind of car he wants.”

  “He’s been saving his money,” North said. “I think he’s got one in mind. He’ll usually spend his money on video games and new clothes. I haven’t seen him with anything new in a while.”

  That made me consider what Gabriel had said before. Did he not want the others to buy his car for him? “You think he wants to do it on his own?”

  “Probably. He does that rite of passage shit. You have to do it the right way. Buy your own first car. Get drunk on your twenty-first birthday. He wants to buy cigarettes when he’s eighteen. I told him it was stupid.”

  “Can we help him somehow?”

  “I can offer him more shifts at the diner, but it won’t be enough to get him what he wants by his birthday.”

  I thought of the jar I had at home full of money I never spent that I had earned at the diner. “What if we added to it?”

  “I don’t know if it’d be the same. I don’t even know how much would be enough, because he’s never told me what he’d want. Probably something old that doesn’t have seatbelts.”

  Gabriel liked old cars? Or was it he thought that’s what he could afford. I sighed. “I guess I’ll have to ask him.”

  “Sort of ruins the surprise.”

  “Then I’ll have to be careful.”

  North chuckled again. “You’re acting more Academy these days.”

  I had to smile at that.

  There was a soft knock on Victor’s bedroom door. Dr. Green poked his head in, caught that I was on the phone, and entered quietly.

  “I have to go,” I told North. “Dr. Green is here.”

  “What? Why?”

  He hadn’t caught up yet with what was going on. “It’s... Kota...” I was stumbling to tell him.

  “What’s wrong with Kota?” he roared into the phone. “What do you mean, Kota? Where is he?”

  I’d said the completely wrong thing in the wrong way. “He’s fine. Sorry. I didn’t mean to...”

  “Pumpkin,” Dr. Green said quietly as he approached me. He curled his fingers, looking at the phone. “Let me.”

  “Who is that?” North asked.

  It was the last I heard as Dr. Green took the phone. He quietly told North what was going on, the plan, and what we were doing. North barked a few questions at first but then calmed down.

  I blew out a long breath, grateful Dr. Green found it easier to explain to him.

  Dr. Green paced across the carpet as he talked, wearing khaki pants, a pale yellow button up shirt, and a blue tie. His wavy hair was combed back, still damp. The cologne he wore had been freshly applied, the citrus and ginger scent replacing Victor’s in my nose.

  I stood by quietly and waited. I didn’t have my bag, it was still at Gabriel’s house. Kota would probably make sure my books were brought along, but I’d have to carry them in my hands. Still, I didn’t feel like I was ready for school or anything else. I had so much else to do. Finally, I was feeling the frustration the other boys probably felt every day. With so much to be done, I didn’t have time for homework and tests. Learning was important, but it was hard to learn anything being so busy.

  Dr. Green soon finished his conversation with North and put the phone down. He smiled at me. “Ohiyo,” he said, his accent turning from slight southern to full Japanese. He bowed his head a little.

  I nodded to him. “Ohiyo,” I said, saying good morning in Japanese and then added, “Sensei.”

  “Bah, don’t call me that.” He opened up his arms, his face brightening. “How’s my Pookie?”

  I padded over to him. He wrapped me in his arms before I had a chance to stretch my own out. My wrists got stuck tucked in between us, pressed into his chest.

  He didn’t seem to care. He hugged me tightly. “You’re the worst future Mrs. Green ever. We only get together when you’re in trouble.”

  “I...” My heart was in my throat, thumping loud, as I floated from his words. The future Mrs. Green. He teased, but I wondered. I squeezed into him, giggling. “I’ll try not to...”

  “No, silly,” he said and then released me and winked. “You should get into trouble more. Then we can be together all the time. Maybe you’ll get grounded again and you can spend the night.”

  “...Okay,” I figured it wouldn’t be too much of a problem. I seemed to be in trouble a lot.

  “Seems like Mr. McCoy wasn’t here for Victor,” he said, his smile catching and tilting down, but he caught it and brightened again. “That means we get to go on a little drive.”

  “Where to?” I asked.

  “All over,” Dr. Green said. “Let’s see if we can’t empty out his gas tank before school starts.”

  “Empty his gas tank?” I started moving to the door.

  Dr. Green followed, nodding. “If we somehow lose him, or he has to go get gas, we can get away. Then we’ll see if he finds you again. Kota did some estimations: he might be down to half a tank right now. I’ve got a near full one and my car gets better gas mileage.”

  I breathed in slowly, letting it out in a puff. They were already working out plans to figure out what McCoy was up to. “Time to work.”

  He laughed. “Always.”

  Outside, Dr. Green had his car parked in the drive. I wondered if security recognized each of their cars and knew when to let them in. Even without Victor being here, they didn’t seem to have a problem with him.

  Once I was in the passenger seat and Dr. Green pulled the car out, I settled in. I gazed out into the night, wanting it to be morning. I had a lot of people to talk to. I had so much to do, but I was stuck in a car. I liked spending time with Dr. Green and I wanted to spend more time with him, but I felt too restless to spend hours driving around town. I wanted to get all the work done so we could start working on the family.

  I adjusted myself in the seat; putting my feet up, putting them down, crossing my arms, sitting back, sitting forward to check the side mirror for signs of Mr. McCoy following us. Wherever he went, others were following him, so I wasn’t worried. Instinct still told me to keep an eye out for him.

  “Did you have coffee already?” he asked. “Feeling jittery?”

  I needed to tell someone else what was on my mind. Later, I’d have to face Mr. Blackbourne about Lily and what I knew. I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t had a chance to process.

  I wasn’t going to survive the day without talking. I glanced at Dr. Green. He wore a pleasant smile. He was a close friend to Mr. Blackbourne’s. Did he know? “Do you know about the Academy team with only one girl?”

  “I know of that team. I’ve never met them.” He turned his head slightly to look at me and then refocused on the road. “How do you know about her? Did she reach out to you?”

  “I found her. Luke and Gabriel and I went to talk to her.”

  His eyebrows shifted up. “Oh,” he said. “How did you find her? Or find out about her?”

  “Through Luke,” I said. “He overheard North on the phone.”

  He smiled slightly. “That Luke. He’s getting mor
e mischievous by the day. I thought it was a teenage phase he’d grow out of. Maybe I encourage it too much.”

  He was getting distracted or did not want to talk about it. I tried again. “So you knew?”

  He sighed. “Mr. Blackbourne shares everything with me. He told me about his visit.” He glanced over at me. He weaved the car through still dark downtown Charleston neighborhoods. It was early, and since it was late November, sunrises were late. It made it hard to keep an eye on Mr. McCoy behind us, but our only job was to keep moving until McCoy went away, so I supposed it didn’t matter. “So what happened?”

  I spilled all of it to him, including everything I’d told Lily while sitting in her library. It was like my own way of reviewing the information. I hadn’t told Gabriel and Victor all of it. But once I started talking, I couldn’t shut up.

  Dr. Green listened quietly until I told him about when we had left, and how oddly the boys had been in the car on the way home. He shook his head. “I wish they would come to us before they run off and talk to other Academy teams. They wouldn’t have known if it was okay.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  He smiled and looked at me. “It's not like that team is dangerous. They are Academy after all. I mean, what if the team would have wanted you on their team? You didn’t know a thing about them before you went over. They could have been eager to try to talk you into joining their team, or inform the Academy about what we are up to.”

  I hadn’t thought of that. “It’s my choice, isn’t it? I want on your team. Our team.”

  He smiled more and nodded. “Where you should be. That doesn’t mean other teams won’t try to appeal to you. Not every member of the Academy automatically joins the first team they meet. And sometimes views change, and you could start talking to another team and feel more connected to them. It happens.”

  Could that happen with us? Luke had mentioned it before. He feared it. Luke hadn’t said much about it after. Was he more worried about it now than before?

  Dr. Green reached out, taking my hand as he drove. He kept it on his leg, the back of my hand resting on his thigh as his palm covered mine. He slowed during traffic so he had a better chance of hitting red lights. “I don’t think it’ll happen to us. We are pre-destined lost babies. That’s like fate. You don’t mess with fate.”