Crushed

  I pretend to look at Darryl’s clipboard as he matches times together, but strain my ears to hear their conversation.

  “You’re mad at me?” Seth asks her. “Because I told you leggings weren’t pants?”

  I simper.

  “They are pants. Yoga pants. The word pants is in the name,” Olivia protests, slipping from his grasp. “I would wear them forever if I could.”

  She creates distance between them and then shoots forward, swinging her tiny left arm, her gloved fist shooting for his face.

  He ducks her blow. “I know you would, but do they have to come out of the house?”

  “You’re embarrassed by them?”

  Thump. She connects with his ribs and I lift my gaze as a small smile spreads along her lips.

  “No.” He grabs her again, holding her lower this time. “They make your ass and legs look so fucking good…I don’t want anyone else noticing.”

  I look at her butt and Darryl nudges me. “Don’t.”

  I pull a face at him. What? It’s not like I’m going to touch it, but I guess it doesn’t make a difference to Seth. He’d kick my ass if he ever caught me looking anywhere lower than Olivia’s eyes.

  “I don’t want anyone else to fantasize about ripping them open, like I did two weeks ago.”

  I suck air between my lips. Okay. Time to go.

  Darryl lowers his clipboard. “I’ll buy you lunch if you can get me out of here before his shorts come off. I’ve seen enough of his bare ass to last me a lifetime.”

  God knows I have too. “Done. We can get pizza tomorrow.”

  Seth!” I shout, scratching the back of my head. “I have a meeting. I gotta go.”

  He doesn’t take his stare off Olivia. “We’re still on for tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You look sexy in a pair of gloves,” Seth mutters to her. “Have I told you that?”

  “Every time I put a pair on.”

  Darryl and I turn away and head for the exit. Their conversation melts into whispers and Olivia giggles. I frown, peering over my shoulder as Seth lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his hips with a genuine laugh. I clench my teeth. To be honest, I hate being around them…

  …because I want what they have. Sure, they have their problems, but they’re normal problems, you know? She complains because he’s working too hard. He complains because they haven’t had sex in a while and Chloe is going through a phase where she refuses to sleep in her own room. Olivia hates that Seth leaves his shoes in the kitchen. Seth hates that Olivia litters the bathroom with her makeup. It’s never-ending, but it’s fucking normal, and I want it.

  Sadly, I don’t know if Selena and I will ever have that kind of relationship. Every time I feel like we’re getting somewhere I screw it up by distancing myself and I’m tired of it. How much longer is she going to put up with me? My aggression? My late nights? Lately she’s been keeping me at arm’s length. I don’t know why, but the deep tendrils of dread that burrow through my stomach give me a good idea. She’s going to leave me. I just know it. Why would she stay? Why should she?

  Darryl and I exit the gym. I wave him off before turning toward my truck. Inside, I blast the air-conditioning and the music as I leave the parking lot. I don’t have much planned for the rest of today. I’m supposed to meet a guy at the local coffee shop in twenty minutes. He has an illegal cage match set up downtown soon. I told him I’d fight for a good sum of money, but now I’m not so sure.

  I make it to the coffee shop in a daze and pull up outside. Still in my sweaty gym gear, I exit my car and saunter into the quiet little spot. I stroll up to the counter, order a caramel latte with two sugars, and give the girl my name with a glance over my shoulder. If Seth heard me order a caramel latte, he’d never let me live it down.

  I move to the side of the counter and pull my phone from my pocket. No missed calls from Selena. No text messages. No Facebook comments. In my contacts list, I scroll to her name and hit the green phone icon before lifting it to my ear. It rings and rings and rings.

  “Fancy running into you here, Jackson Quinn.”

  Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard, like teeth on griptape. I can’t believe it used to be a voice that incited goosebumps along my skin. I can’t believe it’s a voice I used to find comfort in.

  “Hell—”

  I hang up just as Selena answers her phone and turn around. Amelia. I size her up. She’s lost weight, her hips no longer giving her body that hourglass figure. She smiles, exposing a sliver of bright white teeth between her cherry red lips.

  I hate that she’s still here in Portland. Granted, I haven’t heard from her in months, which is so unlike her, but unfortunately, I know her better than I know myself. She’s up to something.

  I glance around the café. “All right. Who summoned Satan for coffee?”

  I get awkward glances, but no one confesses to sacrificing a virgin. Typical.

  “Ouch.” Her lips twitch at the corners. “I’ll have you know this is where I always get my coffee.”

  “Sure it is.”

  She flicks her red hair and sidesteps me. “Can I get an espresso, please? No milk.”

  The cashier pretty cashier with the bunched pigtails repeats her order. “And that was no milk, correct?”

  “Correct.”

  I lean toward the counter, unable to help myself. “She likes her coffee as black as her heart.”

  Amelia kisses her teeth before cutting her eyes at me. “Stop flirting with me, Jackie. Your girlfriend won’t like it.”

  I squeeze my phone in my hand, ignoring it as it vibrates. “I’m not flirting with you.”

  “You sure?” She smooths her palms over her flat tummy, pushing subtle wrinkles out of her tight, black dress. “Because I distinctly remember our foreplay starting off this exact same way, back in the day.”

  I clench my jaw. “You’re despicable.”

  “I always have been,” she points out. “That’s why you fell in love with me in the first place.”

  “Jackson?” The cashier saves me just in time.

  I could destroy her with a single sentence, but I won’t give her the satisfaction. I take my latte and glare at Amelia, who regards me with an amused little pout. Thank God this conversation is over.

  “Amelia. A fucking nightmare, as always.”

  I turn my back and pick a table in the corner so I don’t have to look at her. I sip my coffee and text Selena from my phone.

  Sorry for hanging up. Are you busy later?

  She replies immediately.

  I am busy tonight. Will text you tomorrow.

  I frown. I guess I shouldn’t be too down about her being busy tonight. Selena has been a little “off” these past few weeks. She’s moody and quiet. She doesn’t leave the house unless Olivia forces her out, and it’s almost like she gets physically ill in my presence. I keep reflecting. I keep trying to figure out what I’ve done wrong. I’ll be the first to admit there’s a pretty extensive list, but it’s nothing drastic. Or at least I’m pretty sure it’s nothing drastic.

  “Oh, I know that frown.” Nails on chalkboard. “Who hurt your feelings?”

  I flick my stare from my phone to her face. Her dark eyes sparkle with delight as she lowers herself into the chair in front of me, making herself comfortable.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, my teeth clenching as she flicks her red hair over her shoulder and lowers her handbag to the floor.

  “I’m here to talk business.”

  “I have no business to discuss with you.”

  “Oh, I think you do.” She rests on her elbows and taps her fingers against the screen of her phone.

  When she’s done, she lowers it to the table and quirks an eyebrow at me. Less than a second later, my phone vibrates and I glance down at it.

  From AA: We made plans to discuss business. So…let’s discuss.

  I can’t believe it. I stare at the text for minutes, trying to understand how the hell this
happened. The man who gave me this number was Cedric Barnes, a reputable casino owner in Las Vegas who dabbles in underground fighting from time to time. He told me this number belonged to someone who knew exactly how to make me the kind of money I’m after.

  “You’re…”

  “Hosting the next big fight night.”

  I swipe my hand over my forehead. I’m so fucking confused. “How did you—”

  “I’ve been a very busy woman since we ended, Jackson.” Her eyes flare. “You’d be surprised what I know now.”

  I hear the tone in her voice, the implying kick at the end of her sentence. If she’s the person who can get me the kind of money I’m after, I’d rather be poor.

  “I want nothing to do with you,” I say, grabbing my latte.

  I push out of my chair and stand up.

  “I’ll triple what I originally offered you.” She glances at her black nails, seemingly bored.

  “No.”

  “Two extra zeros.”

  I step around the table and storm forward. I don’t want to be here with her. I can’t. Looking at her face sends me spiraling back to the nights I spent with her. How good she made me feel…and how absolutely fucking terrible she made me feel.

  Amelia snatches my wrist in her tiny hand and I stop, clenching my cardboard cup in my fist.

  “Four extra zeros.”

  I snap my head to look at her face. Her eyes are wide, almost pleading. I’ve never seen such a sincere expression on her face before. So much money…there’s no way she has that kind of money. I tug my arm out of her grip.

  “You’re full of shit.”

  “And if I’m not?” She taps her fingers against the wooden surface, her nails clicking annoyingly. “If I can guarantee you’ll never have to fight or work again?”

  I survey her face. I can never tell if she’s lying or telling the truth. With Selena it’s easy. When she’s lying, she purses her lips and averts her gaze. When she’s telling the truth, her eyes become glossy and her perfect lips part as she lets out a subtle exhale.

  I bend down, lowering my face as close to Amelia’s as I can without throwing up. Her irises dance with excitement and she straightens her spine as she presses her thighs together.

  “I’d rather break my back working every single day for the rest of my life than take a handout from you.”

  “Ooh.” She shivers, grinning. “So stubborn. You know that gets me hot.”

  She touches my cheek and I snap away from her with a curse. I have to get out of here before I burn the place down with her still inside. I storm from the coffee shop, dumping my latte in a bin outside as I make it to my truck. Inside, my phone vibrates and I check it.

  From AA: When you’re done throwing your tantrum…the offer still stands. Millions, Jackson. Don’t be an idiot.

  I delete her texts. Why won’t this woman stay out of my life?

  Chapter Three

  Selena

  Jackson tried getting a hold of me all night last night and I ignored him. He even showed up at my doorstep and sat there for a few hours. I watched him from the window as he sat on the step and rested his head against his knees. I wanted to let him in. I wanted to bring him to my bed and hold him while he vented about his day, but I loathe having him around now that I’m withholding a secret as big as this.

  I’m terrified of telling him. I’m terrified of what he’ll do…

  …because I haven’t been one hundred percent honest with him.

  I rest against the porcelain of my low set bath and stare at my little silver foil packet of pills. I haven’t taken one in months. Once I stopped taking them, I convinced Jackson to stop wearing protection and to put faith in me. I promised him I was taking the pill. I said he could trust me and then I betrayed his trust by being selfish. She got into my head. Amelia Petrovic. I ran into her while I was shopping and the things she said…it made me feel like she and Jackson had this bond that we didn’t. Their history is epic and long and I can’t help but feel like I’m this temporary fixture in his life until he realizes he belongs with her because, let’s be honest, they’re just as messed up as each other. They have unfinished business and they—well, I guess they belong together.

  Out of fear, I’ve done something stupid. I’m going to bring an innocent child into this clusterfuck of a relationship and, by the end of it, I might be a single mother. I can’t handle that kind of pressure, which is ridiculous because I have nobody to blame but myself and—oh, God. I’m doing it again. Rambling. I toss the pill packet into the bin and hug the toilet.

  I feel like hell. I haven’t had coffee in weeks. I pee a lot, have turned off meat, and I’m asleep more than I’m awake. It’s bullshit. Where’s the glow? Where’s the good stuff that Olivia says comes with this pregnancy thing?

  Olivia…now there’s a girl in a solid relationship who doesn’t have to fear falling pregnant.

  “Selena? Are you home?”

  Speak of the devil. “I’m up here.”

  I wish I never gave her a key to my place. I push away from the toilet and force myself to my feet. It’s ten in the morning and I’m still in my pug pajamas. Stepping toward the sink, I splash water onto my face and force my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head, desperate to make myself look presentable. I hear Olivia tell Chloe to hold onto the stair railing and I use the extra minutes to brush an ivory shade from my makeup palette under my eyes. I look less like a Walking Dead extra then.

  I exit the bathroom just as Chloe bursts through my door shouting “Weena.” I snort. Both Seth and Jackson get a kick out of that one. Her chubby little legs carry her over to me and I drop to my knees for a cuddle. She wraps her arms around my neck before pulling away to look at my shirt.

  “Puppy,” she says, pointing with her chubby little index finger.

  Olivia, wearing a lovely pink summer dress, sits on the edge of my bed and crosses her slender legs at the ankles.

  “Yeah,” I say, smiling widely. “Puppy.”

  Chloe steps back and tugs on her pink onesie. “Cat.”

  I glance at the fluffy kitten wrapped in streamers on the front and chuckle. “Yes. Cat.”

  Chloe rushes off to the left, distracted by my shoe cupboard on the other side of the room. I watch her as she plucks shoe after shoe off the shelves and tosses them to the floor. She’s so cute. Will I have a girl?

  “You look like shit,” Olivia points out, and I turn my attention to her.

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “Weena!” Chloe rushes over with my favorite pink pump in her hand. “Pink. Pink Hews.”

  “Pink shoes,” I agree, and she turns around. I sit on my butt and cross my legs as she shuffles backward and drops into my lap.

  I touch her lovely, dark brown hair. “She’s getting so big.”

  “She is…Seth wants to try for another.”

  Excitement dances in Olivia’s eyes. She wants another baby. She wants as many as Seth is willing to give her. In a few short years, Seth will have to trade in that sexy new sports car of his for a minivan.

  I smile, but something in my throat swells. “She’d make a wonderful big sister.”

  Tears well in my eyes, blurring my vision. Oh, no. Now is not the time for a spontaneous cry. I blink and toy with Chloe’s soft curls, desperate not to let my tears fall.

  But they do. I swipe at my cheek as one rolls down my face.

  Frowning, Olivia leans forward. “Are you crying?”

  “No. I’m not.” I sniffle and Chloe whips around to face me.

  Her dark eyes scan my face before she leaps out of my lap. She points at me, her eyes wide, and her lower lip pouty. “Oh, no. Cwying. Mommy, yook. Cwying.”

  I swipe at my face again and Chloe wraps her arms around my head with a hum.

  “Thank you, sweetheart,” I say, and she pulls back.

  I thank her again and she plants a tiny, sloppy kiss on my lips before returning to the other side of the room to play with my shoes. I feel Olivia’s g
aze on my face as I wipe my mouth and watch Chloe destroy my whole shoe setup.

  “Selena?”

  I swallow hard as my stomach plummets.

  “Are you keeping something from me?”

  There’s the question I was hoping to avoid. I drag my stare to Olivia, who’s as still as a statue. Do I say no? Do I say yes? Does she already know the answer?

  I shuffle forward. “You absolutely cannot tell Jackson.”

  “Oh, my God!” She bounces excitedly on my bed, resting her elbows on her knees. “When did you find out? How far along are you?”

  “Not long ago.” I scratch my head. “I’ve only taken a home pregnancy test.”

  She nods, pushing her long hair out of her face. “Well, you’re going to need a blood test and a dating scan done to make sure everything is okay.”

  “I can’t. I’m not ready for it to be real.”

  “You throwing up and sleeping all day?”

  I grimace. “Yeah, and I feel heavy.”

  “Then I’d say it’s already real.”

  I lower my head. Damn.

  “When are you going to tell him?”

  Never? “I don’t know. He’s not like Seth. He won’t take it well.”

  Olivia snorts with a dramatic roll of her eyes. “If it makes you feel any better, Seth took my pregnancy news really badly.”

  I tilt my head with a scowl. “Bullshit.”

  “He did. I don’t want to repeat the stuff he said because it was such a long time ago and he was in a really stressful place, but he made me feel terrible about it.”

  I gulp. If Seth took Olivia’s pregnancy news badly, how the hell is Jackson going to take it? Will he flip out? Will he leave? Will he want me to get rid of it? What if he hates it?

  “Of course, he apologized profusely when he came to his senses, but these things, these surprises, they’re terrifying in the beginning, but shortly after, you can’t imagine your life being any different.” She smiles. “I can’t see Jackson taking it any worse than Seth did. He adores Chloe and he loves you. If he blows up, then that’s his problem. You’re pregnant with his child and he’ll need to step up.”